Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: BC Canada
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Ugh, I'm sick of my brother and his manipulative personality.
My brother is 24 years old, got divorced a couple years ago (married for about 9 months), quite possibly an alcoholic, and very manipulative. He's been a compulsive over-spender for as long as I can remember. He bought a brand new car about four years ago. My mom and dad paid most of his payments. He got a DUI about a year ago and the car has been impounded ever since. He has actually got about 4 DUI's, lost his licence twice because of those tickets plus dangerous driving offences. He owes my parents around $10,000 which I know they'll never see. My parents always vent about the things he does, the money he owes, but they don't do anyhing about it...which I know is their choice. He has verbal diarrhea. Will say anything and doesn't care if it hurts anyones feelings. When my oldest son was born he had cross eyes and he told me that my son belonged in a halfway house. We had a contractor during the summer come in and do a reno on our house. They royally screwed up and bailed and cost us $29,000.00 worth of repairs on our hose. He had the nerve to call the guy who screwed up and bailed and tell him that he was sorry that his sister (me) caused him to lose his job. He swears around my kids and just acts like he's a 12 year old.
So my birthday was back in September. I made my own birthday dinner, made a little birthday cake with the kids for myself. Had a couple phone calls saying happy birthday, no cards, no visits. Whatever....now that I have kids I'd rather people make a big deal out of them rather than me anyways!
So today is my brothers birthday. We sleep till about 7:00 or shortly after. 7:05 the phone rings, we are still in bed. I got up but missed the call, notice it's my brothers number. I get the kids up and call my brother back, he doesn't answer so i left a message saying happy birthday. My sister calls me shortly after and tells me that brother is mad because he wanted everyone to go out for breakfast (in a town 30 mins away) for his birthday but nobody wants to go. I log onto facebook and his status says "Fuck you all, I'm going for breakfast to McDonalds".
Last week my sister suggested we go bowling for brothers birthday. Sister asks brother and he says "hmm...I don't know". Last night my brother calls my mom and tells her "I want you to make me lasagna and buy me a ice cream cake from dairy queen". My mom works full time. I told my sister I won't attend a birthday party for my brother. Part of me is pissed off that they make a big deal out of my brothers birthday because they are afraid of his little temper tantrums. The other part of me just doesn't want to go because I end up mentally exhausted. So I won't go. Sister calls me a few minutes ago and tells me that they've quickly organized a birthday party for my brother at a restraunt. Brother wants a birthday party for him...so they are doing it. i'm not going. Sister is mad...my brother will be mad....and I'm sure my parents will be disappointed for not keeping the peace.
How do you get someone to grow up!!! All of this drives me bonkers.
You can't get anyone to grow up. Either he will or he won't. If he ever does it will have to be by his own choice. It sounds like your family is enabling him to continue his behavior. He says "jump" and they do. I agree with the previous posters. Maybe you can also talk to the rest of the family about how they are enabling his behavior.
Andrea , wife to K , mother to
(Just noticing: this is so much easier to tell people you don't really know than to apply it in your own life...)