dealing with a partner who hasn't come around - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 05:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by crystalface View Post
Thanks for all the love, everyone. It has been a very hard decision to reach, but I decided to choose termination. I realized that I would like to have my life in a much more stable position (like being able to stand on my own two feet financially, etc.) before having a baby. I know that things might completely turn around tomorrow, but right now, my life is very shambled. It was also very difficult for me to get dp to stand behind me, especially after the fight with my family.
I believe it would certainly be better if I was more financially independent and had a decent job, and I had solid emotional support from my entire family+dp.

I feel alot better now though, and I feel I am making the best decision for myself and for the baby.

dp said that he would really like us to be married and even own a house, and this whole experience makes him realize he does want to have children, but in a few short years.

i hope i will be back soon *hugs*
I am sorry you feel pushed to this. I would say that I would think long and hard about keeping this dp for the future family you intend to have. He seems not at all a solid foundation to build upon.
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#32 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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I don't know what has happened since you posted your decision to terminate, but you did mention previously that your dp would call social services on you if you didn't terminate - I am not well-informed about social services, BUT in my ignorance I am wondering if could THAT be your support system? Does social services provide assistance/shelter for young women to have the baby and help you with welfare and food stamps or something until you can have an income of some sort?
In any case
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#33 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 05:37 PM
 
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Another PM for you. And more hugs.
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#34 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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Abortion might be your best option right now but I urge you to really think about staying with your boyfriend. The situation has given you the opportunity to see huge glaring red flags about him and his behavior and I would really pay attention. It has also given you some important information about your family and I would work very hard to be independent financially and emotionally from them as well. Good luck.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#35 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by onlyboys View Post

If you do choose to terminate, I think you really must reevaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. Is this the person you WANT to be partnered to?


He was threatening to call social services if you left him. And he was unsupportive to you at a time of great emotional turmoil.

I'm not saying you should break up immediately - but you have had the chance to see how he reacts in life when things get tough -- not very admirably. Remember that
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#36 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 08:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LavenderMae View Post
Abortion might be your best option right now but I urge you to really think about staying with your boyfriend. The situation has given you the opportunity to see huge glaring red flags about him and his behavior and I would really pay attention. It has also given you some important information about your family and I would work very hard to be independent financially and emotionally from them as well. Good luck.
OP - I just wanted to add that I was in your situation a few years ago. My now xp said I had to choose between the baby and him. I tried to have both. Now I don't have him, but I do have our baby. We weren't ready in any way, but I knew that keeping the child was right for me (and I am very pro-choice). So I just wanted to second what the other pp's are saying about your boyfriend. I wish I had left DD's father sooner and not put up with all the crap and pressure that was put upon me, it was no way to go through pregnancy and a harsh intro to motherhood. A man that will insist upon termination or threatening his pregnant partner is not the kind of man that sounds like he would be a supportive partner later on down the road.

Whatever you choose, I wish you peace with your decision.
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#37 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 10:42 PM
 
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What a terribly difficult position you're in.

Do all you can to take time and breathing room before making any decisions.

Find a social worker. Check out PP. Talk with an adoption agency. Talking doesn't hurt anything, and may make some things more possible for you than you could have imagined if you hadn't explored it.

Hugs. You should be loved and supported by those around you, not threatened and belittled.

You are a valuable person - worthy of respect and honour and support.

Tjej
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#38 of 41 Old 12-27-2009, 11:40 PM
 
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OP - I just wanted to add that I was in your situation a few years ago. My now xp said I had to choose between the baby and him. I tried to have both. Now I don't have him, but I do have our baby. We weren't ready in any way, but I knew that keeping the child was right for me (and I am very pro-choice). So I just wanted to second what the other pp's are saying about your boyfriend. I wish I had left DD's father sooner and not put up with all the crap and pressure that was put upon me, it was no way to go through pregnancy and a harsh intro to motherhood. A man that will insist upon termination or threatening his pregnant partner is not the kind of man that sounds like he would be a supportive partner later on down the road.

Whatever you choose, I wish you peace with your decision.

Please take a moment to breathe and think with clarity. You wanted this child before things got tough. Don't let other people decide what's best for you.
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#39 of 41 Old 12-28-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.

I'm very concerned because you indicated originally that you definitely did NOT want to terminate the pregnancy. It sounds like you DP and family have pressured you into this termination, and now you are going with it. (?)

Please please please take a little time and get informed before you make that final decision. Don't let others strong-arm you into ending your pregnancy. You and your child can have a future together, if that is what you desire.

Sure, you can talk to planned parenthood... but please talk to some folks that can tell you about adoption options, and social services that would be available to you and your child if you keep your baby. Here is an adoption center in San Fran: http://www.adoptionconnection.org There are others, and many of these agencies offer tremendous support to pregnant mothers. (Counseling, financial/social services connections, support networks, etc.) Here's a number at Adoption Connection that they say you can call "anytime day or night" 1-800-972-9225.

This is YOUR choice. Please don't feel pressured by non-supportive people (perhaps with their own agendas) into a decision you might regret the rest of your life. You are the mother of this child, and this is ultimately YOUR decision and YOUR decision alone.

I ditto those that suggested checking out the "find your tribe" section here. There are good people out there that will help you and support you - no matter what you decide!!!

Sending you love and strength!

Mama and co-parent to our beautiful DS (08/08) and our mighty strong DD (04/10) . Life is good.
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#40 of 41 Old 12-28-2009, 02:56 AM
 
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Sending you peace and love

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
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#41 of 41 Old 12-30-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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hugs (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((crystalface)))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))
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