When Life Pushes You Too Hard - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 12-02-2001, 04:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What do you do?

I've always believed that never is one given more burden than s/he can handle, but there are times when I feel less sure of that. Right now, for instance. I'm going through some really rough times in almost all aspects of my life right now. During less hard times, I've been able to write/journal, exercise, vent to others, focus on prayer and meditation, etc. etc., but this is one of those times that is harder than hard. You know what I mean? So what do you do?

What do you do when you are beyond "these are rough times" and into "I don't know how I'll survive even this next moment"? I guess the answer will probably be "just sit and see if you can make it through the next moment, and then see if you can make it through the moment after that." I guess maybe I just needed to write the question and feel that there are people listening.

Love, Sierra

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#2 of 14 Old 12-02-2001, 05:10 AM
 
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I say take a vacation. I would say take a vacation to Minneapolis but tickets have skyrocketed so unless you have developed the ability to fly while you are waiting for the world to catch up to your life, my guess is that isn't an option.

I really do take vacations though. If you can, take a day to catch a ferry to Victoria and just hang out on the island, smell the flowers, drink some tea, call willow collect from a payphone. Make sure you stand in the front of the ferry, close your eyes, and let the ocean spray ping off your face. Feel it? Smells salty and sweet at the same time, huh? The ocean's amazing, it's this huge force that carves earth into cliffs and boulders into tiny grains of sand, it can kill people and give life to millions of creatures we never see. It's one of the most powerful, and certainly most awe-inspiring forces our world has....and yet it is bound to the laws of the moon. Every day and every night. In and out. This great mass of water submits to the pull of the moon, has no say in the matter.

The way my head works, i have to either close my eyes and drift, letting the ocean carry me along, or try to swim and think and concentrate on surviving and probably drown. To stay sane and get to the state of "ladida i'm floating i don't care that i've been eating plain pasta for three weeks straight" i HAVE to get away. I have to do something that makes me happy. Forget making me money, that ain't working at the moment anyway, so i'm going to get my spirit back in the right place. I always end up taking a crappy job that ends up making me little money and no happiness, when i should have volunteered somewhere meaningful to my life. Do something that makes you fulfilled, or at least that makes you feel like you are contributing in some way. I know a job tends to be more about money than anything else after a while, but when you're looking for that position that lets you contribute to making the world a better place....well just think about getting those wings to work and come crash my all-nighter
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#3 of 14 Old 12-02-2001, 06:12 AM
 
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Oh Cat, that was a wonderful reply. Right now I am definetly being pushed to just about beyond my limits by ds. I am going to visualize the spray of the water and allow the waves to carry me away when ever I need that instant retreat. Thank you!!!!
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#4 of 14 Old 12-02-2001, 11:56 PM
 
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Oh Sierra.........it can be such a struggle! I remember people telling me "Oh, just look to the future, it will get better". I had such a difficult time believing that. Time couldn't go fast enough.

Two to Three years ago, it was a very dark time for me. My dh died and my life was in turmoil. But, the one thing that kept me going was my ds. One thing that helped me was reading, writing and exercising. Sometimes I had NO energy to do any of those things, but it helped get my emotions and frustrations out and I felt better afterwards. I also went to counseling and that helped enormously. A change in routine, doing something for yourself (a massage, getting a new haircut, etc.) or even a weekend get-a-way can also do wonders.

I'm just south of you so let me know if I can do anything for you. I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Warmly~

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#5 of 14 Old 12-03-2001, 12:57 AM
 
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{{{{{{{{{{Sierra}}}}}}}}}}}}

My heart goes out to you!!!!!

What I do when things are really rough is try to think about all the good things in my life!!!! I know you have some of those!
And I think about other families that "really" have it bad, like the families that have loved ones over in the war or poverty strickened families etc. Then I look around my life and take a deep breath and believe that things are going to get better!

It's hard I know but try not to let it effect your health, relationships, self-esteem etc.

Look Up! I'm thinking about you!
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#6 of 14 Old 12-03-2001, 05:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your kind words and your supportive suggestions. It helps so much that I have all of you in my life.

Love, Sierra

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#7 of 14 Old 12-03-2001, 01:33 PM
 
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Sierra, I know you don't know me, but I am thinking of you. Please keep fighting. No advise, just love.
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#8 of 14 Old 12-03-2001, 02:52 PM
 
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Sierra,
I'm very sorry you are going through such a difficult time. You have gotten some excellent advice and replies from many people. I have been there, too. My advice would be to
1. take care of yourself (yoga, meditate, eat right, etc)
2. think of your blessings (I keep a gratitude journal)
3. look at others around you and realize that no one lives a charmed life...everyone experiences loss and pain, it's just a matter of when & to what degree
And this is the key to me...
4. be a blessing to those around you. Serve others whether it be at a homeless shelter, something you do at church, something you do for a family member, whatever. It has always improved my outlook on life when I feel like I can do something for others.
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#9 of 14 Old 12-03-2001, 04:16 PM
 
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Sierra -

First of all - hugs! I'm sending good vibes your way. I agree with your idea to sit and take the moments as they come. Breathe. Don't rush into decisions, if possible. I love the expression - "Don't DO anything - just sit there!" During times of crisis I need to remind myself that I'm safe and that I don't need to rush to make things feel better. Being in a bad place sucks, but it's usually temporary (I HOPE so, at least!)

The other thing I do is to examine my automatic reaction. Is that the best ACTION? For me, not always :

Blessings.
Kathleen
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#10 of 14 Old 12-04-2001, 07:34 PM
 
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When the going gets tough I take the baby & go to the beach & sit on one of the swings & watch the ocean. I struggle with my spiritual beliefs as a result of being brought up an aetheist so I find no comfort in any religion. I find what helps me most is:

1) Look after myself nutritionally. Apparently essential fatty acids are really important for seratonin production. Vitamin Bs are important for your nerves & so on. The whole mid & body interlinked thing is so important. take a nerve tonic like withuania, valerian root, passion flower, wild oats etc.

2) Sometimes I find it difficult to be thankful for what I do have, but there are always others who are worse off than me. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but for evey major disaster I have had, it could always have been worse. I try to have faith that things that happen to me are for a reason, however obscure & bizarre that it may seem at the time.

3) The going to the beach thing. Not sure if you have any beaches where you are. I find things of nature that have been there for millenium & are just well there are so awesome to look at & meditate on. I sort of zen out looking at the sea or something like an ancient prehistoric looking cicada on the totara tree in my garden, or I go smell the flowers on the mangroves down the road in the mud flat. I used to see butterflies on the middle of winter when I was pregnant with Saffron when I used to be feeling worried about her. I love hanging washing out in the sun. Just little things that are part of the rich & diverse fabric of our world make me feel more grounded & whole.

4) Have some reiki. It changed my life.
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#11 of 14 Old 12-04-2001, 07:37 PM
 
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Sierra,

Just like Donna mentioned, I find that when I am really in a bad way the thing that helps most is when I help someone else.

I go to my local woman's shelter and help serve meals and help play with the kids. When I hear their stories I feel utterly grateful that I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, and my health. A lot of these women have no home and their children are on the street with them and they come to the shelter and get 6 diapers which is supposed to cover them for 3 days. It breaks my heart.

anyway, help where you can and you will feel better.
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#12 of 14 Old 12-06-2001, 10:19 PM
 
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{{{Sierra}}}

Hugs to you, my dear. Which email account are you using these days? Email me at madisonlinfield@hotmail.com and I'll call & cheer you up!

K.
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#13 of 14 Old 12-07-2001, 01:02 AM
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Thought I'd share this.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously
for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided
the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just
wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come
over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into
the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads
later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he
saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's
neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles
is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!


~Cynthia

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#14 of 14 Old 12-18-2001, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all again. My computer was down for a while, so I hadn't read your kind words until today. This has been a rough month. I'm going to attempt to just shake it off, as Cynthia said, and I'm also following the advice of Cattrane and taking a mental vacation as well as seeking ways to contribute to my new community in Seattle through volunteer work, as many of you suggested. As yogamama said, this mental vacation ought to include taking a break from decisions and all that. So here I am. Breathe in. Breathe out. One foot in front of the other. Going to get out of the house and take a walk (and even take a Ferry to BC) if I need it! Getting my spirit in the right place.

I'll try to eat well and get exercise, although I am exhausted. I need a meal service...too bad the money has run out LOL.

Madison, I emailed you. Thanks for offering to cheer me up.

Also, TripkeHughes, thanks for just being here for me. That means more to me than words express.

Anyway, I'm very lucky to have every single one of you in my life, and please know that your words have been a great comfort.

Love, Sierra

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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