First off, I want to say that I'm not sure whether I'm writing this to vent or for advice, or what. I think I'm really just trying to sort out my feelings, and this seems as good a place as any. Plus, the more opinions/perspectives I can get, the better. KWIM?
Now on to my novel, lol. I'll start with some background about myself. I'm happily married to my high school sweetheart, and we have two children, a girl (8) and a boy (5). They're both homeschooled, so right now I'm a SAHM, but my husband just opened his own accounting practice, so I'm helping him out some there. I think I'm going to actually work towards helping him out full-time, possibly even getting a certification of some sort. This would be when the kids are older.
Anyway, on to my "issue." My whole life, I've wanted to have a baby. When I was a little girl, I had several doll babies and fantasized about having one of my own. Whenever someone I knew had a baby, I'd beg my mother to go visit them so I could hold a baby. I was actually pretty obsessed, and this obsession lasted through my teen years and into my early 20's. I'd read parenting books, think up baby names etc. To give you an idea of how obsessive I've been, it might help to know that I suspect I have Asperger's, and "babies" were my obsession. I pretty much ignored anything that didn't have to do with me becoming a mom some day. I went to university, but never really settled on a career path because all I really cared about was having a baby.
So as soon as my husband said he was ready, I JUMPED at the chance to get pregnant. We got pregnant first try, and I had my first baby at 23. Then I had my second at 26. For awhile I thought we might have a third, but I'm really not sure anymore. I don't think dh wants another, and I'm not really sure I do either, I just don't want to say definitively NO, yet.
Anyway, I just recently completely weaned my ds (I was still nursing him to sleep at night.) So now it's really hitting home that my children are no longer babies. I can't believe how quickly it's all going by. After spending my entire life preparing for and dreaming of this, it's now over, and I'm left feeling like "now what?" "Who am I?" I know I'm still a mom, but most of my fantasizing, research, obsessing has been about the early years. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom, and love it just a little more each day. My children are FASCINATING. It's just that my identity for my WHOLE life has been wrapped up in having a baby, and now it seems like that part of my life is over. I'm not sad, though. It's actually nice to NOT be so obsessed about something anymore. I'm discovering all kinds of things about myself that I didn't realize before. I'm just unsure of how to identify myself.
Can anyone relate? I feel kind of like I have to form a whole new identity. Does that seem weird? Has anyone BTDT? How did you handle it? Again, I'm not sad. I really love the direction my life is going, I just feel like I have no identity at the moment. I've always been the "baby person" and now I'm not. I don't really know who I am at them moment, and it's weird. Not even bad, just weird. Is this something others have gone through? Did the feeling just pass eventually? Is there something you did to help yourself move forward? Thanks for reading my post, and any thoughts anyone has would be much appreciated.