Does it sound like I'm in an abusive relationship? UPDATED Post 162 - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-05-2010, 10:31 PM
 
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You are so blind because of where he has put you, do you understand? WAKE UP! If you made it sound bad it's because it is bad!!!!!



I'm outta here OP. Good luck. I'm thinking you won't leave even when May comes, you seem to find a justification for everything he does, I hope I'm wrong. I hope your son doesn't end up a wife beater too. And I hope he doesn't one day look at you with resentment and hatred because you kept him in a place that was scary and unsafe when you had a golden opportunity to make a SAFER and NON-ABUSIVE life for him.
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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I think that people are getting frustrated because we are all genuinely concerned about you and your son. You seem pretty deep in denial -- your DH is VERY abusive and it is not a healthy relationship at all. We can't make you leave. You have to go when you are ready. On that note though I really hope you do some soul searching. Is this really the best environment for your son to grow up in? Do you want him to think it is okay to hit women and to treat them like $#%^? I just feel really sad for you. It is no way to live, trapped in isolation by a controlling and abusive man. I have been there and was there for way too long. It started to really affect my kids and I feel guilty that it took me so long to leave. Please don't make that same mistake. Get out while you can, if you wait you might never leave. I know the fear of leaving, it is so hard and stressful and scary. You and your Son deserve better though. If you can't do it for you than leave for your Son.

Please...


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Old 03-06-2010, 01:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
Thank you for your concern but really, I'm not in danger. I made it sound worse than it is, he has hit me a few times and pushed me, etc but it's very predictable. I am just dealing with the wall of seperation between us and the nawing, "Is this the right thing to do?". I mean, I am usually a happy woman, what is wrong all of a sudden that I need to leave. Maybe he is abusive, but still... I don't know what to say besides sometimes, I don't care because sometimes he's perfect.
wow.

Pretend for one second, just one..that your daughter/sister/bestfriend just wrote:
" he has hit me a few times and pushed me, etc but it's very predictable. I am just dealing with the wall of seperation between us and the nawing, "Is this the right thing to do?". I mean, I am usually a happy woman, what is wrong all of a sudden that I need to leave. Maybe he is abusive, but still... I don't know what to say besides sometimes, I don't care because sometimes he's perfect"

is it still okay? would you be able to sleep well at night knowing that your daughter and grandchild were with this man?

Love yourself enough to get out, please. Get out now without bruises. Seriously, are you just waiting for him to get abusive yet again?

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Old 03-06-2010, 02:16 AM
 
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OP - You are not alone in this. Are you ever scared for your physical safety in this relationship? Ever at all, honestly? I can't imagine that you wouldn't be.

You are displaying classic symptoms that so many women here have displayed. You are being abused. Plain and simple.

BeautifulLife said it well. You will leave when you are ready. That is how it works. When does your son need you to leave though?

I got called out by other posters for saying this before, but I'm going to say it again. The reason why is because I believe it. I saw it in my own life. To stay in an abusive relationship with children is to love your abuser more than your child. It is a selfish kind of love and that is not healthy for anyone. I would have been incredibly selfish to stay in a relationship with DD's father knowing that our relationship was abusive and probably always would be. Everyone who has ever stayed in an abusive relationship had some element of being selfish in making the choice to stay. We stay because we love them. We stay because we hope it will get better. We stay because we are scared. We stay because being a single parent is hard. ALL of those reasons are selfish, they are self-serving of our own personal needs/desires over those of our children.

OP - You are raising a son. Abuse is a cycle in more ways than one. Abused children (or those who witness abuse) grow up to be either abusers, or the abused. That is a part of the cycle as well. You are keeping your son in the cycle of abuse and taking a huge risk that he will continue this in his adult life. Love your son more than your abuser. Your son doesn't have a choice, but you do. Your responsibility to your son as a parent trumps your relationship, your wishes for your relationship with your abuser.

I also agree with Kaileysmom - Imagine that what you wrote was instead written by your sister, or future daughter in law.

Feel free to go back and read every post you've written about your relationship with your abuser. It can be life-changing.

Read this post. It's in the single parenting forum. I think it is great and I hope the wisdom shared in it will be helpful to you.

We want to help you, and support you during this time. But we can only do so much. We are words meant to encourage you, you are the one who has to take action.
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
Today is when I really in my heart realized something: this man doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't love me.
No, he does not love you. Someone that loves you would not hit you, call you names and control you.
I am completely shocked that you wrote that you were feeling sexually frustrated and seduced him and had sex with him this morning. I can not believe how immature and naive you are. This man has treated you horribly and you want to have sex with him because you are sexually frustrated? Go buy a vibrator, pack up your son and move home to your mother before you completely screw up your child's life. I also read some of your other posts and you stated that you want to have another baby this year. ARE YOU CRAZY? It is bad enough that you have one child witnessing his dad beat up his mother, but you want to bring another one into the world to witness it? I have tried to help you, I have tried to be sympathetic but this is ridiculous. I am out of here too. I can not stand the fact that you obviously love this man (who is not even your husband) and want to protect his "feelings" more than you love your own child. Sick, sick, sick.

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Old 03-06-2010, 02:48 AM
 
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Theia, great post.

OP -- Like Theia said, staying with your abuser knowing that it is a horrible environment for your child to grow up in is loving your abuser more than your child. That is one thing I realized about myself and the reason that no matter what I will not go back to my abuser. This is the 5th time I have left him. All the other times I went back because I was scared, I missed him, I felt like I couldn't live without him. All the while my kids were the real losers...being drug back and forth, being scared and confused, not ever knowing if I was going to leave Daddy for good or go back to him...I realized how selfish I really was being. I was choosing my selfish needs and fears over my LOs safety and well being. I will not make that same mistake again.

That is why I said if you cannot leave for yourself please leave for your Son. My kids are 3 and 5 and trust me they have been very affected by everything and I think it is going to take a lot of counseling for them to be okay and even then I don't think my 5 year old will forget a lot of the bad memories that were caused by me staying.

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Old 03-06-2010, 04:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Georgetown HB Mom View Post
No, he does not love you. Someone that loves you would not hit you, call you names and control you.
I am completely shocked that you wrote that you were feeling sexually frustrated and seduced him and had sex with him this morning. I can not believe how immature and naive you are. This man has treated you horribly and you want to have sex with him because you are sexually frustrated? Go buy a vibrator, pack up your son and move home to your mother before you completely screw up your child's life. I also read some of your other posts and you stated that you want to have another baby this year. ARE YOU CRAZY? It is bad enough that you have one child witnessing his dad beat up his mother, but you want to bring another one into the world to witness it? I have tried to help you, I have tried to be sympathetic but this is ridiculous. I am out of here too. I can not stand the fact that you obviously love this man (who is not even your husband) and want to protect his "feelings" more than you love your own child. Sick, sick, sick.

Lisa
I disagree. Abusers do love and that is part of what is so hard about the cycle of abuse. The remorse they feel is real. The intimacy they share is real. They really do want to hang onto their partners. BUT, they don't have any vision of relationships without hitting and insults. That is why being involved with them is so hopeless. This guy isn't going to treat someone else better because he loves her more.
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Old 03-06-2010, 04:35 AM
 
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Pink, personal question: feel free to ignore. What kind of relationship did your parents have?
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Old 03-06-2010, 11:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To all the posters putting me down and saying they are going to leave, GOOD! GO! GOOD RIDDANCE, NICE KNOWING YOU!

Whatever, I don't really care if you think I'm pathetic or whatever, good for you.

Anyway, to the previous poster... my bio father was very, very abusive-in all ways-to both my Mother and I. He left my brother alone but I really think he hated woman. He once tried to kill my Mom or atleast scare her by holding a knife to her neck and was arrested, a few days later he was back with us, in our home. So, I totaly get this is a cycle of abuse.

You really don't realize how much you are helping me, I know it seems like I am a phony or an idiot, whatever the hell you want to call it but please understand, I am doing the best I can. Every day I read all of these new posts it gives me strength to make another move or see my situation in a new light.

So do you think I should really move in with my Mom or a DV shelter? My partner will think I'm crazy and over reacting if I go to a shelter, my friends will be shocked. It's either do that or wait until May. It's easy when it isn't you in my situation but please tell me the honest truth, maybe that's what I should do since people here criticize me so damn much for staying two extra months.

ETA:

The main reason I am really considering, seriously, staying in a DV shelter is because of my two year old son. I realized yesterday, he hits or throws his Elmo doll and then immediately picks Elmo up and gives him a hug and a kiss. It's like.. maybe he is mimicking how me and his Dad are? I don't know.
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Old 03-06-2010, 11:32 AM
 
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um, YEA!!!! Go stay with your mom!!!!

Do you have alot of pride or something, that you would consider a DV shelter over your mom? Like you can take care of yourself and shouldnt ask family or friends for help? Cus honestly, I dont get it. It sounds as though you have a goof reltionship with your mom, but perhaps carry some resentment for her (because she kept letting your father back) Im just trying to understand your thinking.

I have a great relationship with my mom. I also am very independent and carry a ton of pride. But if My baby and I were living in your situation, I wouldnt think twice about moving in with her for the time being. But thats just me, i guess.
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Old 03-06-2010, 03:17 PM
 
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First of all I just wanted to give you a big hug.

I have had people (usually that haven't experienced abuse) judge me, put me down and say I am a selfish person and horrible Mom. I don't think that is for anyone else to determine what I am, you know? Being in an abusive relationship you go through enough and the more people push the more you want to push away.

Like I said before you can only leave when you feel ready. I would suggest going to a DV shelter. My STBX was livid and went as far as to say I made it all up to get back at him and that if anyone was abusive it was me. He made me doubt myself and question whether it even was abusive or not. I know better now though...and what you are going through IS abusive.

Just remember that you deserve better. I will stay here in this thread no matter what because I have experienced the emotions of leaving and it is so much harder than people think. I know what it feels like to have people give up on you and it hurts.



Just take things one day at a time. Start formulating a solid plan and stick to it. Leave when you are ready but remember there is never a perfect time to leave and if you leave during a relatively quiet time that is way better than waiting until an explosive and dangerous time. I am here anytime if you need me.

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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
To all the posters putting me down and saying they are going to leave, GOOD! GO! GOOD RIDDANCE, NICE KNOWING YOU!

Whatever, I don't really care if you think I'm pathetic or whatever, good for you.

Anyway, to the previous poster... my bio father was very, very abusive-in all ways-to both my Mother and I. He left my brother alone but I really think he hated woman. He once tried to kill my Mom or atleast scare her by holding a knife to her neck and was arrested, a few days later he was back with us, in our home. So, I totaly get this is a cycle of abuse.

You really don't realize how much you are helping me, I know it seems like I am a phony or an idiot, whatever the hell you want to call it but please understand, I am doing the best I can. Every day I read all of these new posts it gives me strength to make another move or see my situation in a new light.

So do you think I should really move in with my Mom or a DV shelter? My partner will think I'm crazy and over reacting if I go to a shelter, my friends will be shocked. It's either do that or wait until May. It's easy when it isn't you in my situation but please tell me the honest truth, maybe that's what I should do since people here criticize me so damn much for staying two extra months.

ETA:

The main reason I am really considering, seriously, staying in a DV shelter is because of my two year old son. I realized yesterday, he hits or throws his Elmo doll and then immediately picks Elmo up and gives him a hug and a kiss. It's like.. maybe he is mimicking how me and his Dad are? I don't know.

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Old 03-06-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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BTW just a word on DV shelters. I was so scared to go to one. I thought it would be filled with creepy people but you know what, it was the nicest group of women I have never met. Talking to them was like therapy and you grow sooo close to all the women and their children. Also at my shelter they provide food if you need it, a big private room, a community playroom, a playground and 24/7 security. It feels very safe and cozy. Beyond that they provide awesome counseling and group meetings and they help you sign up for whatever you need to get on your feet. They will even give you some money if you need it and give you clothes, a cell phone, toys for your kids, diapers etc. It is a wonderful program and I can't say enough good things about it. I know every shelter is different but I think if you truly want to leave and not go back going to a DV shelter is a great way to go. They also help you with legal stuff (like getting a protective order and will be with you at the courthouse so you never have to talk to STBX if you don't want to etc).

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Old 03-06-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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The main reason I am really considering, seriously, staying in a DV shelter is because of my two year old son. I realized yesterday, he hits or throws his Elmo doll and then immediately picks Elmo up and gives him a hug and a kiss. It's like.. maybe he is mimicking how me and his Dad are? I don't know.
How sad. It sounds like it's already starting. Follow your mothering instinct that tells you to get your DS away and just do it. Be a mama bear and protect your baby boy at all costs. Who cares if your friends don't understand. They don't have to live with the abuse- you do.

I know it'll really suck at first. Starting over. Doing it all by yourself. But you can do it! Yes, some have chosen to exit this thread based on frustration, but many of us are still cheering you on. It breaks my heart to think of you and your baby with him. Don't stay. Don't have another baby with him. Pack a bag and leave- now!
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Old 03-06-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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One more thing! If you haven't done so already you should get on the waiting list at your shelter (if there is one. there is many months of waiting where I am) and then maybe you could at least live with your Mom until you get into the shelter? Or stay at the shelter first for the protection and counseling and then after a few months stay with your mom?

Trust me I know how hard it is to go and live with your parents. That is what I am doing and I have a pretty up and down relationship with my Mom. The things my parents provide for my girls though is financial security, a nice house with lots of toys, good food, and most importantly they love the girls so much and are so involved and good with them. Even though I have a hard time with my Mom I know this is the best place for the girls right now.

Like a PP said, don't feel like you can't reach out or that you have to do it on your own. Chances are your family will do whatever they can to support and help you and just want to see you and their grandson happy.



Remember also that nothing is permanent! I am going to school full time and once I get a part time job and get my financial aid money again I might try to get my own place. The important thing is doing the best I can for my girls and making my decisions based on what is most important for their wellbeing.

Being in such a volatile and hostile environment became normal for them and since leaving that they are starting to realize it isn't normal and they are feeling so much safer and happier. That is how I KNOW I am making the right decisions and when I feel weak I just look at my girls and know I have to be strong for them and make the right choice for them.

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Old 03-06-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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Sorry one more thing!

I did have another baby with my abuser thinking it would make me happy and/or improve our marriage. It not only made things much worse but it made me stay much much longer than I would have, had we only had one child.

Plus being a single Mom is that many times harder the more children you have. Of course I wouldn't trade my girls for anything and I am so happy I did have them both but it def. has made things harder in a lot of ways.

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Old 03-06-2010, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. I am at my weekend job and phoned a DV Shelter this morning. I am on the list in case I need a place to go. I also phoned my partner. I asked him to look for a place. He said he would but is very, very suspicious I am cheating on him at work. He asked me why I was so dressed up this morning (I was just wearing a nice shirt) and now with me telling him that... I think he assumes it's because I'm having an affair.

I told him the truth, it is because you are abusive but he said I am abusive as well. Doesn't he get it, if we are abusive to eachother, why should we keep trying to live together... why not take a break? I've wanted to for religious reasons as well so maybe it's what I'm meant to do.

It's all too easy to put someone down for their decisions when you aren't in the situation, walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Do a better job at my life then I have done. Maybe you've read that I grew up with an abusive father, it repeats itself without you even realizing it! It just seems normal to me.

I'm scared to be a single Mom but I hope everything goes okay, I just want what is best for my angel...
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Old 03-06-2010, 04:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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um, YEA!!!! Go stay with your mom!!!!

Do you have alot of pride or something, that you would consider a DV shelter over your mom? Like you can take care of yourself and shouldnt ask family or friends for help? Cus honestly, I dont get it. It sounds as though you have a goof reltionship with your mom, but perhaps carry some resentment for her (because she kept letting your father back) Im just trying to understand your thinking.

I have a great relationship with my mom. I also am very independent and carry a ton of pride. But if My baby and I were living in your situation, I wouldnt think twice about moving in with her for the time being. But thats just me, i guess.
I don't know, I guess part of it is my pride. I love my Mom but hate living with her. She is remarried and just, the way she went about things, it pissed me off. He is a nice person but he puts her down and he's a bit of an ass to her, he's also alcoholic. Like, he can be great but... I just wouldn't want to be in close proximity to them, it would suffocate me, I have been living away from home since I was 17.
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Old 03-06-2010, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
To all the posters putting me down and saying they are going to leave, GOOD! GO! GOOD RIDDANCE, NICE KNOWING YOU!

Whatever, I don't really care if you think I'm pathetic or whatever, good for you.

<snip>

You really don't realize how much you are helping me, I know it seems like I am a phony or an idiot, whatever the hell you want to call it but please understand, I am doing the best I can. Every day I read all of these new posts it gives me strength to make another move or see my situation in a new light.
I don't think anyone thinks you're pathetic, phony or an idiot. We're worried for you, and some of your posts really sound like you're not taking this as seriously as you should be.

Quote:
So do you think I should really move in with my Mom or a DV shelter? My partner will think I'm crazy and over reacting if I go to a shelter, my friends will be shocked. It's either do that or wait until May. It's easy when it isn't you in my situation but please tell me the honest truth, maybe that's what I should do since people here criticize me so damn much for staying two extra months.
People are criticizing, because they/we don't want you to end up dead. You say you're not scared and he won't kill you. How many women who have been killed by their "partners" do you think actually believed that their lives were in danger? Yes - you should go now. That's my honest opinion.

Quote:
The main reason I am really considering, seriously, staying in a DV shelter is because of my two year old son. I realized yesterday, he hits or throws his Elmo doll and then immediately picks Elmo up and gives him a hug and a kiss. It's like.. maybe he is mimicking how me and his Dad are? I don't know.
With a two year old, it's hard to say for sure, but that's what it sounds like. I know that ds1 processed a lot of what was going on in his life with his dolls...nothing that raw, but an occasional moment of "OMG - is this how he sees life??".

Quote:
Anyway, to the previous poster... my bio father was very, very abusive-in all ways-to both my Mother and I. He left my brother alone but I really think he hated woman. He once tried to kill my Mom or atleast scare her by holding a knife to her neck and was arrested, a few days later he was back with us, in our home. So, I totaly get this is a cycle of abuse.
I've had a few friends with backgrounds like this. Most of them have ended up with blatantly abusive partners/spouses. In every case, the abuse was scary, dangerous and very physical. In every case, it wasn't quite as bad as what they grew up with, and they just didn't see it as a big deal. I'm sure when you grow up with something like you've described, it can be easy to get into an "at least he's not hitting me in the face" view of things, but to people who haven't grown up with this kind of abuse, that makes no sense. Honestly...one of the reasons he isn't hitting you in the face is quite possibly because he wants to preserve the facade of being a "good guy"...and people start asking questions when women have broken noses and black eyes. Your partner hasn't crossed the line your bio-dad did, but that doesn't mean he's not out of control, and it doesn't mean he won't cross that line.

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Old 03-06-2010, 05:55 PM
 
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I disagree. Abusers do love and that is part of what is so hard about the cycle of abuse. The remorse they feel is real. The intimacy they share is real. They really do want to hang onto their partners. BUT, they don't have any vision of relationships without hitting and insults. That is why being involved with them is so hopeless. This guy isn't going to treat someone else better because he loves her more.
I, in turn, disagree. I get what you're saying, but calling it "love" is twisted, imo. If someone can't have a relationship without hitting and insults, then they can't love someone. Love is a feeling. It's also an action. It's not just remorse, intimacy, and wanting to hang onto someone.

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Old 03-06-2010, 05:58 PM
 
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And, I'd just like to put these together for you to think about:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ View Post
I hope your son doesn't end up a wife beater too. And I hope he doesn't one day look at you with resentment and hatred because you kept him in a place that was scary and unsafe when you had a golden opportunity to make a SAFER and NON-ABUSIVE life for him.
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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
I don't know, I guess part of it is my pride. I love my Mom but hate living with her. She is remarried and just, the way she went about things, it pissed me off. He is a nice person but he puts her down and he's a bit of an ass to her, he's also alcoholic. Like, he can be great but... I just wouldn't want to be in close proximity to them, it would suffocate me, I have been living away from home since I was 17.
How would it feel to have your son say these things about you?

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Old 03-06-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PinkNFluffy View Post
Thank you. I am at my weekend job and phoned a DV Shelter this morning. I am on the list in case I need a place to go. I also phoned my partner. I asked him to look for a place. He said he would but is very, very suspicious I am cheating on him at work. He asked me why I was so dressed up this morning (I was just wearing a nice shirt) and now with me telling him that... I think he assumes it's because I'm having an affair.
It is so amazingly common for abusers to decide that their partners are cheating. It's never, ever about the way the "partner" is treating the woman. It's always about "some other guy". Deep down, he knows you're not cheating, but there has to be "some other guy" to justify it when he hits you again, and to make it not his fault.

Quote:
I told him the truth, it is because you are abusive but he said I am abusive as well. Doesn't he get it, if we are abusive to eachother, why should we keep trying to live together...
Good point. It sounds like a bad situation all around (but his life isn't at risk in the way yours is).


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Old 03-06-2010, 07:14 PM
 
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I, in turn, disagree. I get what you're saying, but calling it "love" is twisted, imo. If someone can't have a relationship without hitting and insults, then they can't love someone. Love is a feeling. It's also an action. It's not just remorse, intimacy, and wanting to hang onto someone.
I don't think you and I really disagree, but when I think of being in the abusive relationship I lived through, our love really was authentic. The relationship was terrible, but the love was real. If someone told me then that an abuser couldn't love, I might have decided he wasn't an abuser. I do hope that PinknFluffy can one day experience love with someone who would never think of hitting her, trying to control her, or calling her names.

Pink, you are taking some huge steps to get yourself to a better place. Keep at it! It sounds like a DV shelter could be a good solution for you so that you can take advantage of the counseling and legal resources as well as entering into a support system of people who really get it.
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Old 03-06-2010, 09:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You are all amazing women...

I am taking steps to get this process going, the DV shelter says I can phone if I am in danger or something happens. I also have been e-mailing a friend from Mom's group about this.

My partner will be looking for a place. He has ignored me and I just found out he got the password to my mothering.com account. I have changed my e-mail account but he has probably read this entire thread by now. He dropped me off at my Mom's and then I am using her car to go to church by myself.

Thank you so much, I mean it, all you "strangers" are helping me and I just hope I'm not a fool for listening to all of you because you're the only ones who've told me this stuff! Anyway, I will stay in touch.
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Old 03-06-2010, 10:33 PM
 
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Please be super careful now. Change all your passwords to something complicated that he wouldn't be able to figure out.
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Old 03-06-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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I am so proud of you. You can do this!

BTW yes please be careful about passwords and what you are talking about on e-mails etc. My STBX locked me out of all my e-mails and was sending rude messages to my friends and he also broke into my forum accounts and read everything I had written and then wrote posts in my name saying how I am such a horrible mother and person etc. It made it really scary for me and it isolated me even more because I could not use e-mail or forums for support anymore. Make sure to change all your e-mails and also to constantly delete your history.

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Old 03-06-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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BTW you are def. not a fool for listening. You are doing the very best thing for you and your child! Trust me I felt the same way the first time I left my STBX and had to be repeatedly told by the DV shelter that what I was going through was abuse. I am sure if you talk to them and tell them your story they will also confirm that your DH is abusive.

be safe and careful and keep us posted!

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Old 03-06-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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be strong mama

Heather-- I'm a <>< SAHM of two fabulous boys 8/05 and 2/07
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Old 03-07-2010, 03:02 AM
 
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OP: please be safe, I've got a yucky feeling and am quite worried!!!!!! and if this is the boyfriend reading this....don't you even think about touching her you need to log out now!

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Old 03-07-2010, 11:06 AM
 
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Pink,

If your partner hacked into your mothering.com account, then that is ONE MORE REASON to drop him like a bad habbit and get the heck outta there! Seriously? What normal, non-abusive person DOES THAT?!?!?!

Am I right in what I read that you are currently at your moms while he looks for a place?

Keep up the momentum mama, this is the RIGHT DECISION!
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Old 03-07-2010, 06:55 PM
 
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Hope you are doing okay today. Just wanted to give you a hug and some support. Having recently left my abusive relationship just a couple of weeks ago I am still going through a lot and know how stressful and scary it is. Just think though one day we will look back on this time and be so proud of ourselves and our kids will thank us for protecting them and giving them a better life.


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