Anyone truly hate their mother in law? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 192 Old 01-03-2011, 01:00 AM
 
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I think I've said enough about my MIL so I'll keep it short.. but the icings on the cake have been

-Knocking on the window at 3am- often.

-Insisting that my DD call her MOM (I put a stop to this awhile ago but it still happens now and then)

-Telling my stepmother that I took away her son's innocence while they were IN the waiting room after I birthed my DD1.

-Telling me that I'm not qualified to homeschool my kids (numerous times, constantly actually) and in great detail that I won't discuss here

-Being her typical manipulative self, not only to myself but to others 

-Fighting with her husband and using my daughter to manipulate him

 

She lives upstairs, and I'm moving soon. 


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#62 of 192 Old 01-04-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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Count me in.

 

My MIL makes my skin crawl.

 

She is honestly the most vindictive, controlling, nastiest person I've ever met. She's a diagnosed bi-polar but refuses treatment. She has done so many hurtful and mean things to DH and I I don't even know where to start. Our son has severe autism and until recently blamed it on lack of discipline and 'bad parenting'. She's proud to tell people that she's a b*tch and finds it hilarious. She's seriously just twisted. 

 

::shudder:: 

 


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#63 of 192 Old 01-04-2011, 11:29 AM
 
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Minerva...

 

don't let them do this to you! Get your husband to tell them to visit some other time. When the baby is older, and youve adjust some. Have them come next summer for 6 weeks like they usually do.  The pp period is so important and living with my mil made it so much worse for me. My delivery was a disaster, and I ended up staying with my mom for a week; I coudln't face my MIL.

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I hate both my MIL and FIL, and can't understand how they managed to create the sweetest guy on earth. For the most part I'm totally happy with my marriage but every year smack in the middle of summer one or the other comes to visit from India. I would be completely ok with their visits if they came for 2 weeks but they come for 6 weeks, and its 6 weeks of hell, I feel my nerves stretched thin to the point of snapping. My MIL runs her mouth non-stop, petty gossipy things. After a long day at work hearing her whine and complain in her high-pitched voice makes me want to turn my fantasy of clobbering her with a frying pan into reality. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment so as you can imagine its impossible to shut her out. My FIL is egoistical and a racist, I've to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything when he starts his tirades about religion and politics and the "West". Also I am unable to let go of nastiness from 4 years ago during our wedding. He said some horrible thing about my parents and I just cannot see past it. 

 

I'm 7 months pregnant and they have insisted on visiting us for 4 months. Thinking about the 4 painful long months has started to supersede the excitement of having a baby girl in my arms. My mom can only come to visit me and help me out for 3 weeks before they descend upon me. I feel so trapped and helpless.




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#64 of 192 Old 01-04-2011, 02:44 PM
 
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I believe I have found my tribe as well. I can't stand any of my inlaws. DH's whole entire family are self centered, manipulative, totally redneck and just plain weird. Some of the reason I particularly can't stand my MIL:

 

-when they found out we were expecting she announced that she was going to be the first one to hold my baby in the delivery room. 

-her and FIL gave us a list of BOY's names that they approved of. We didn't find out what we were having but they wanted a 'grandson'. How convenient for them that 'they' got one.

-MIL so graciously threw me a baby shower because I didn't know anyone here at the time and she invited all her cranky old bag friends to celebrate 'her' grandbaby. The whole thing was centered around her and they made fun of me and played games guessing how big I was etc. One of the games involved a word scramble and I found one humorous and commented that I thought it said 'boobies' and they all looked at me and MIL said "well that would be inappropriate now wouldn't it?". Yeah cause BOOBIES are totally inappropriate around babies. Right lady.

-she has basically commented in her own way that I am a vessel for her grandbabies. DH didn't hear it though and I can't prove it.

-she's said things to me when DH is out of earshot that are downright condescending and mean.

-she's commented to DH that "it must be nice to be that thin after having a baby"

-we didn't invite them over to see DS until the day after he was born and she said in a condescending tone when they came over "It's nice that we finally get to see our grandson!" and then proceeded to take him right out of my arms. I started crying because I was so emotional and someone had taken my baby from me. She just glared at me.

-she calls and leaves messages that we are keeping her grandbaby from her.

-she got very upset at me for 'wearing' my son and that she couldn't hold him.

-deliberately making food she knows I can't eat when we go over there then comments "no wonder your so skinny, you don't ever eat anything."

-for my birthday she got me the ugliest sweater you have ever seen in your life that was made for a person easily 3 times my size, so we went to exchange it (even DH said it was hideous and 'even I couldn't make it look good' lol) thinking we could find a shirt or something, anything! Well she paid $3.99 for it lol. DH ended up buying me a nice sweater lol.

-she/they hardly acknowledge my existence, it infuriates me. 

-she is insanely jealous of my relationship with my parents and tries to insinuate that DS gets to see them way more. My parents live 500 miles away and the IL's live 10 miles away. Go figure.

 

There's so much more I could write a book. Like a PP said, a lot of it is the energy that she gives off too. She hates me, actually DH's entire family hates me. I'm starting to think they are just jealous. I have no idea how my sweet DH came from that either, and as hard as this is to say....if I knew what I was getting into then I probably wouldn't have married him. I love him dearly but it's extremely hard on an emotional level to be around such negativity. I honestly hope they die sooner rather than later. I know I'm going to hell for saying it but I've come to terms with that, and frankly, most of my friends will be there anyway so whatever. Yeah I can't stand my IL's.


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#65 of 192 Old 01-04-2011, 03:41 PM
 
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I'm glad I see such refreshing honesty on these forums.  I think you gals are so courageous

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#66 of 192 Old 01-05-2011, 12:18 AM
 
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Ugh. I’ve worked very hard at getting to a point where I don’t “hate” my mother in law, to being rather apathetic. It’s too toxic for me to feel that way about someone, and I feel like that just gives her waaaaay too much power, and she likes it like that! So yeah, I don’t “hate” her anymore, not like I used to anyway... but I can still participate here winky.gif  

 

 

I could write a book on how evil, cold and manipulative this woman is, but here are some of the “biggies” on why I can’t stand the woman.

 

When we (DH) and I told her we were getting married, he response was “ARE YOU F-ING CRAZY?!) Way to ruin our moment, lady! 

 

When we lost our daughter at 17 weeks into my pregnancy, just a couple of weeks before Christmas, she put on this 2 second act with “Oh, I’m so sorry” and immediately after said “anyway, here are the plans for Christmas… yada yada. Be here at such and such time” bigeyes.gif Are you kidding me?!? And no, we DID NOT show up for Christmas, which she was pissed about, even after finding out that 2 weeks after my loss I had to go into the hospital for a D&C because I bled out from retained placenta! I was very unwell and not up for anything, mentally or physically! But soooo sorry to put a damper on your holiday plans, MIL!

 

BTW, it's not that she's just like this with everyone... she was very sad for my 17 year old BIL when his GF miscarried right after finding out she was pregnant. It was just our daughter who was not worth mourning, I guess...

 

Let's see... about 2 months after my loss I had a bit of a meltdown over the OTHER SIL being pregnant, also 17 at that time, when I made it clear I could not handle having it rubbed in my face so soon after my loss, which was happening in a big way (such as sending us a shower invite with specific gift requests AFTER we asked nicely to NOT be sent an invite)... The response was "well, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you guys wanted but life goes on!" Well, sorry... not for our daughter it didn't, and we were just a little sad about that! Silly us! eyesroll.gif

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, and I don't even want to go into how she ruined my mine and my husband's  relationship with his son from his first marriage because she couldn't handle taking a back seat a new woman in their life! She proved to be the most callous, cold and manipulative women I have ever encountered in that whole situation! Ugh!

 

Needless to say, neither hubby nor I have ANYTHING to do with her anymore!

 

Whew! Thanks for this thread! It's nice to get some of that out to women who might understand!!!

 

 


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#67 of 192 Old 01-05-2011, 03:42 AM
 
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I don't *hate* MIL... but I really can't stand to be around her for very long. She did a horrible job of raising dh and voluntarily put him in foster care when he was a teenager, but she tries to justify this. She is totally self-absorbed, a control freak, extremely manipulative and fake. Dh barely speaks to her and I didn't talk to her for over a year -- however that changed when she told me that she had talked to a lawyer about getting visitation rights with the children (she has no rights, but still, not what I wanted to hear or deal with). She doesn't want visitation because she loves the children, she wants it because it gives her some form of control. Luckily for us, she lives a few hours away so our visits are not that often.

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#68 of 192 Old 01-05-2011, 09:44 PM
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I love coming back to this thread.  It makes me feel so normal (but scared to ever be a MIL someday!!)  I could write a book about my MIL.  What's truly fantastic is, dh is finally tired of her crap.  So that makes my life a lot easier.

 

We did a lot for MIL for Christmas.........had her over for breakfast AND dinner, gave her a nice book and some lotion, and bought her $30 worth of groceries that she wanted.  And on Christmas Eve, dh fixed a plumbing problem she was having that would have cost her quite a bit to get fixed otherwise (and besides, where are you going to find a plumber on Christmas Eve.)  Plus, we took her out to a nice restaurant a few days after Christmas and paid for her dinner.

 

So what is she livid about?  We didn't send her a Christmas card.  (We didn't send anyone cards, just for the record.)


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#69 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 02:01 AM
 
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Thank you so much for your support, I feel like I'm I've found group therapy without cleaning out the bank account!

 

How do we even compete against the inlaws for DH support? They never fail to mention how much they sacrificed for their son and all that lifelong love and attention they showered on him. He is torn between duty and living his own life. I know its so difficult for DH to say no to them, he is torn between making me happy and them happy.

 

I was never good enough for their son, too 'modern' and outspoken. They had an album full of fresh-faced, demure, submissive girls ready and are quite bitter that I snagged him and foiled their plans of clawing their way up the social strata.

 

rush2ady: good luck with the baby making, hope you're having tons of fun trying ;) methinks you're MIL is in unfamiliar territory with you and can't wrap her mind around not having 100% brown grandkids. As for the gas leaks us gals have to outthink these meanies and have our own creative ways of defeating them...LOL

 

Vermillion: *hugs* I'm very sorry for your loss.

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#70 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by luv_my_babes View Post

Dh barely speaks to her and I didn't talk to her for over a year -- however that changed when she told me that she had talked to a lawyer about getting visitation rights with the children (she has no rights, but still, not what I wanted to hear or deal with). She doesn't want visitation because she loves the children, she wants it because it gives her some form of control. Luckily for us, she lives a few hours away so our visits are not that often.



 My MIL is ... a disappointment, as well.  But, I am focusing on the positives as my baby's birth approaches.  Still, if my MIL EVER said anything remotely close to this for me, that would be the end.  No more visits, cut-off, buh-bye.

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#71 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 07:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by minerva052 View Post

 

How do we even compete against the inlaws for DH support? They never fail to mention how much they sacrificed for their son and all that lifelong love and attention they showered on him. He is torn between duty and living his own life. I know its so difficult for DH to say no to them, he is torn between making me happy and them happy.

 

Well, anything my inlaws did for DH, or me, or the kids, has been tied to what *they* wanted, not out of consideration for anyone else.  Any competing I do consists merely of pointing out the things she says and does, and the strings she attaches to her "generosity" become glaringly apparent.

 

DS1 turned down her "offer" to finance his college education.  DS2 doesn't even want contact with her regarding his.


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#72 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MariaMadly View Post

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by minerva052 View Post

 

How do we even compete against the inlaws for DH support? They never fail to mention how much they sacrificed for their son and all that lifelong love and attention they showered on him. He is torn between duty and living his own life. I know its so difficult for DH to say no to them, he is torn between making me happy and them happy.

 

Well, anything my inlaws did for DH, or me, or the kids, has been tied to what *they* wanted, not out of consideration for anyone else.  Any competing I do consists merely of pointing out the things she says and does, and the strings she attaches to her "generosity" become glaringly apparent.

 

DS1 turned down her "offer" to finance his college education.  DS2 doesn't even want contact with her regarding his.



This is the situation with my DH and his parents too.  They think and verbalize that they are responsible for EVERY good thing that has happened in his life.  His two advanced degrees?  Well, thank god they were around (... or 100 miles away).  His very existence in the US?  All due to my MIL's sacrifice in leaving her home country and her friends and her job and moving to this country.  Nothing is ever good enough to repay the debts.

 

What helped my DH was to read Toxic Parents.  It really highlighted that particular manipulation tactic ("You owe me because ...") and helped him come to a place where he could be grateful for their help without being indebted to them.

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#73 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 10:09 AM
 
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Me too! Me too! DH and I have been together for 7 years and I can't stand my mother in law. She was a horrible excuse for a mother spending most of dh's life in rehab or 3 1/2 yrs in jail or just dumping him on other family members because she couldn't/didn't want to take care of him. The things she did to him were just awful and hateful like wrapping up a chicken butt (yes a chicken butt left over from dinner) as a joke Christmas present one year. Can you guess when Dh stopped believing in Santa? She's an alcoholic and did a lot of other stupid stuff like drunk driving with him in the vehicle and all.
 

She hates me too though. She didn't even bother coming to our wedding. In fact none of dh's family did. I tried for a couple of years inviting them to events, buying them gifts, giving them pictures of the kids etc. They never even hung a picture, never bought the kids a gift, never came to events. They didn't care and I eventually stopped trying. We had a big blowup a year ago and I went off on her and we stopped letting them see the kids or talking to/seeing them. It was the best year of our marriage. Now dh wants to let them try to see the kids again and I'm NOT happy about it. I can't stand them and I don't want them around my kids. I would rather pretend they just don't exist. How long can an alcoholic live? She's in her late 50s so it has be soon right? Ugh. And who is going to pay for that funeral? irked.gif


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#74 of 192 Old 01-06-2011, 10:24 AM
 
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I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

 

Seriously... why cant they just leave our reproductive stories (in either direction) out of the discussion if they are not going to be supportive???grouphug.gif


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#75 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 04:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv_my_babes View Post

Dh barely speaks to her and I didn't talk to her for over a year -- however that changed when she told me that she had talked to a lawyer about getting visitation rights with the children (she has no rights, but still, not what I wanted to hear or deal with). She doesn't want visitation because she loves the children, she wants it because it gives her some form of control. Luckily for us, she lives a few hours away so our visits are not that often.



 My MIL is ... a disappointment, as well.  But, I am focusing on the positives as my baby's birth approaches.  Still, if my MIL EVER said anything remotely close to this for me, that would be the end.  No more visits, cut-off, buh-bye.


I am seriously considering it, but its hard... she is so manipulative and vindictive that she would try something - like calling CPS. She is twisted and uses all the gov't agencies to her advantage. I know that nothing could really come of it, but I don't want that stress, especially now as I have a lot of other stress in my life at the moment. I'm between a rock and hard place with my MIL. ugh.

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#76 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 06:34 AM
 
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Minverva,

 

I hear you! I'm SA myself, but first gen american. I try to remember that they had an expectation that they would get a big say in choosing DH's wife-- certainly that's how they got married ect. I think they are not to pleased about having an 'american' DIL. Sometimes I wish was a different ethinicty because I think that the expectations would be radically different. But who knows!

 

One thing about my MIL is that she pretty much treats everyone badly as far as I can see. My mom, dh, even her family. I guess they are used to it, but our family culture is radically different. My mom has two SIL's that haven't spoken in 20 years-- hate each other. They still come to family functions and don't argue or make a scene. So some of the things MIL has done are like a slap in the face to me.
 

Rush2addy,

 

I to have 'done the math' so to speak on lifespans etc. DH is an only child and MIL's parents are still alive, so it feels like she'll be around until I'm 60. It's such a horrible feeling--I used to lay awake at night wondering how I could get out of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by minerva052 View Post

Thank you so much for your support, I feel like I'm I've found group therapy without cleaning out the bank account!

 

How do we even compete against the inlaws for DH support? They never fail to mention how much they sacrificed for their son and all that lifelong love and attention they showered on him. He is torn between duty and living his own life. I know its so difficult for DH to say no to them, he is torn between making me happy and them happy.

 

I was never good enough for their son, too 'modern' and outspoken. They had an album full of fresh-faced, demure, submissive girls ready and are quite bitter that I snagged him and foiled their plans of clawing their way up the social strata.

 

rush2ady: good luck with the baby making, hope you're having tons of fun trying ;) methinks you're MIL is in unfamiliar territory with you and can't wrap her mind around not having 100% brown grandkids. As for the gas leaks us gals have to outthink these meanies and have our own creative ways of defeating them...LOL

 

Vermillion: *hugs* I'm very sorry for your loss.




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#77 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 03:40 PM
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just checking in to calm myself down today about my MIL.  Whew.  Now she's taking her "they didn't send me a Christmas card" angst to other family members.  (and we did a lot of other things for her for Christmas.)  There is a CHANCE she may move out of state this year.  Let's hope so!! 

 


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#78 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 06:59 PM
 
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I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

Sorry, but that made me laugh, it's so outlandish!  It's astounding they would seriously be angry over that! 

 

 

These past few days I have been very meditative in my approach... clearing my head of her.  very zen.  It's been effective and I've been in a far more peaceful place, til she tried to talk to me today, and she was so completely ignoring my response and kept repeating the same thing to me that I finally snapped at her!  Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. 

 

 

 

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My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.

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#80 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 07:44 PM
 
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By the way, for you Indian heritage gals thinking it will be different if you were white american, there is probably some truth to that.  Sometimes, I admit, I find it helpful.  I can often pretend not to understand MIL or her "culture" and she just assumes I'm a dumb american piece of fluff who doesn't know better.  I get away with things that would be outrageously disrespectful coming from an Indian girl!!

She gossips about and torments my Indian SIL far more than she does me.  With me, she seems to still be very unsure of her footing... which suits me fine.

 

 

 

 


I definitely didn't mean to sound all 'you have it better than me' whiny, but living with MIL really jacked with my self identity has an 'indian'. Plus my all my extended family-- it just created a very weird dynamic. 


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#81 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 07:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SashaBreeze View Post

I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

Sorry, but that made me laugh, it's so outlandish!  It's astounding they would seriously be angry over that! 

 

 

These past few days I have been very meditative in my approach... clearing my head of her.  very zen.  It's been effective and I've been in a far more peaceful place, til she tried to talk to me today, and she was so completely ignoring my response and kept repeating the same thing to me that I finally snapped at her!  Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. 

And I'm adopting a couple parakeets this weekend...  Which makes me doubly happy, not only to have darling parakeets, but when I mentioned to DH I want another bird, MIL was screeching "NAAAAAAAAY!!!" before he could even respond.  mischievous.gif

 

By the way, for you Indian heritage gals thinking it will be different if you were white american, there is probably some truth to that.  Sometimes, I admit, I find it helpful.  I can often pretend not to understand MIL or her "culture" and she just assumes I'm a dumb american piece of fluff who doesn't know better.  I get away with things that would be outrageously disrespectful coming from an Indian girl!!

She gossips about and torments my Indian SIL far more than she does me.  With me, she seems to still be very unsure of her footing... which suits me fine. 

 

 

A&A did she send you one??  she seems like a beam in the eye type person...

 

 

 

 

 



yes, we did get a card from her.  But we didn't send cards to anyone. 


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#82 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 09:00 PM
 
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My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.



Whoa! I thought my MIL was bad (and my MIL is pretty evil). She killed your cat?! Tried to set your DH up with other women....and he went along? 

 

Can you get an order of protection? Move far, far away? 

 

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#83 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 09:47 PM
 
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Signing in. Perhaps I'll get over it but I am really despising my MIL at the moment.

She used to love me and I had no trouble tolerating her but since the birth of my son she's been a disappointment at best and a nasty piece of work at worst.

Despite seeing my DP almost every day of the week, I can count the number of times she's seen DS (2) on one hand and each time, we have taken him to her except this Christmas, where she announced that we would be hosting their family Christmas. We were already hosting my small family and not keen to add another 20 ppl to the equation but didn't have the strength to argue so decided to combine the 2 families.

On Christmas day, she didn't once acknowledge my family. She didn't speak to me and I'm pretty certain she didn't even look at DS. Instead, she and her sisters spent the day plying gifts on my pregnant SIL and never shutting up about her grandchild. She gave our DS a $2.50 book from the specials table at the post office. When we sat down to eat, she encouraged her entire family to sit with her (we had 2 tables set up - it was the only way to accommodate 26 adults) at the smaller of the two tables and when I said that I'd hoped we wouldn't end up with 2 separated families (at one table each) she looked up, saw all the spare chairs around the table my family were at and came and took them all to her table. We were asked several times on the day about our son's expulsion from childcare????? This was news to us and apparently is an embelished story about him hitting a child (once) at playgroup. Apparently she tells all kinds of stories about how naughty DS is. (Which he truly isn't and I hope that people could see how delightful he is on xmas day. His behaviour certainly wasn't that of an out-of-control terror) I could go on and on about Christmas day but I won't. Although I will say that she hasn't yet thanked us for the effort and expense we went to for her family!

I've been fuming about this and been begging DP to talk to her about it - particularly the treatment of our son and finally had a complete screaming meltdown the other morning. DP finally understood where I was coming from and agreed to talk to her mum. And then, my SIL (DP's sister) went and a 4pound baby, early. The baby is fine and so is SIL but now all the attention is rightly on them and it's going to be months before it's appropriate to bring all this stuff up without seeming petty and jealous. And meanwhile, MIL is besotted with her granddaughter (she wanted a girl) and can't even see how hurtful or unequal she is being.

Grrrr. Thanks for letting me get all of this out.

Oh, and for the record - I get that it's different and special when your own daughter gives birth to a baby but you do not treat the grandchildren differently.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#84 of 192 Old 01-07-2011, 10:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.


Shocking!! Just... just... shocking!!

 

You win.  (not that anyone is making this a competition... just saying)

 

I am so sorry for the pain she has caused you, especially in regards to the loss of your son.  Truly evil.

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#85 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 03:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SashaBreeze View Post

I had a huge fight with MIL (FIL as well) recently because DH and I stated that we were not going to be having any more biological children.  They positively flipped out saying "you promised us 10 grandchildren!"censored.gif

Sorry, but that made me laugh, it's so outlandish!  It's astounding they would seriously be angry over that! 

 

  

 

 



Oh my MIL is all about the outlandish, trust me. : (

I think it makes it even harder when religion/culture becomes an issue with our in laws.  I am of a different religious background than DH so when I first started dating him her favorite thing to say was that I was a demon sent by satan to take her son away.irked.gif  She is a strange and complex (not in a good way) woman.  But still I would take her over my FIL any day.  He is her times a thousand and tries to physically intimidate me and then gets all whiny when dh and I call him out on acting like a thug... its complicated and I dont think we are going to allow it around for very much longer.  It has that "feeling" like everything with them is going to blow up soon its got that boiling point feeling to it.  I just hope and pray that when it goes down it will be in a situation were the kids are nowhere near. 


Loved wife to JT and grateful mother to M (dd age 13) L (dd age 10) T (ds age 6) A (ds age 4) E (dd age 2) and C & S (twin boys born 10/13/10)
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#86 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 08:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.

 

These are not even the worst things she has done, but some of it is just so horrible that I do not feel comfortable posting about it. 

 

She is evil. I hate her.


Shocking!! Just... just... shocking!!

 

You win.  (not that anyone is making this a competition... just saying)

 

I am so sorry for the pain she has caused you, especially in regards to the loss of your son.  Truly evil.


I'm sorry for your loss, too, and the pain she has caused you.  Can you move FAR away?


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#87 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 09:19 AM
 
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Lisa, I have to agree with everyone move away if at all possible and get your dh on board with you asap.  She sounds dangerous.  So sorry about your poor kitty, that was an evil act.hug.gif


Loved wife to JT and grateful mother to M (dd age 13) L (dd age 10) T (ds age 6) A (ds age 4) E (dd age 2) and C & S (twin boys born 10/13/10)
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#88 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 10:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My MIL is an evil disgusting piece of trash. She has done everything from try to set my dh up with other women (she had dh over and warned him that she told them he was not married so he better pretend he is not or it will embarrass her, and he went along with it). She tried to kidnap my children, she did kidnap niece and the police had to go in and get niece back for SIL. She ordered things on the credit card and tried to have them delivered to me and then called the police claiming I had stolen her credit card. She tried to pay DH to leave me. She called child abuse on me. She invited me over and then called the police and claimed that I told her I was coming over to attack her. She killed my cat while I was in the hospital from having a baby. She came to my son's funeral and told us that I deserved it because I stole her son from her when I married him. It goes on and on.


oh dear. hug2.gif

I do hope you are keeping records of these incidents, like the false theft charges, not to be unforgiving and hateful in keeping track, but for your own safety.  I would get a restraining order on her if you feel threatened.  The tendency of many people is to let things slide because of the relation... and give far more leeway than you would ever give if it was a stranger doing this to you. 

 

Texmati, I understand, well at least so far as possible :)  I can see how it would almost force you into a certain role. 

 

 

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#89 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 12:18 PM
 
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Tell me about it! I stopped cooking for MIL the minute she started insulting my cooking at the table. I nearly took that bowl straight out of her hands. After that point I haven't eat anything she makes and I won't stand around and beg her to eat my food either. I can't stand the whole DIL knows her place attitude. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I really wish that I had booted her out before we had my son. She literally ruined my entire 'just a couple' life with DH when we were supposed to be getting to know each other and set up house. I'll never forgive her for that.


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#90 of 192 Old 01-08-2011, 09:19 PM
 
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This is the situation with my DH and his parents too.  They think and verbalize that they are responsible for EVERY good thing that has happened in his life.  His two advanced degrees?  Well, thank god they were around (... or 100 miles away).  His very existence in the US?  All due to my MIL's sacrifice in leaving her home country and her friends and her job and moving to this country.  Nothing is ever good enough to repay the debts.

 

What helped my DH was to read Toxic Parents.  It really highlighted that particular manipulation tactic ("You owe me because ...") and helped him come to a place where he could be grateful for their help without being indebted to them.



Mil is like this too.  Dh worked something like 80 hours a week during the summers and off semesters to save $ to put himself through school in his early 20's.  At that time he was still living @ home and mil charged him more than she paid in rent for her apt - for his rent/food.  Still she likes to tell everyone who will listen that she was so happy to be able to make the sacrifices of 80 hour work weeks herself to make sure that dh didn't have to work while he went to school.  She neglects to mention that he paid for everything from his savings.  She will also tell everyone she put him through medic school - during the first few years of our marriage. BUT I distinctly remember working MY butt off, eating lots of ramen noodles, driving dh all over for his school/vehiculars because we only had one vehicle @ the time and doing laundry every Friday after work at my mom's to save $.  If anything, my mom would slip me $20 to help pay for gas or let me 'shop' at her house for groceries once in a while.  But it was allllll mil, right? 

 

Mil likes to rub it in my face that we don't have any living kiddos.  She decided that dh couldn't father any kids until he turned 25, because she was too young to be a grandma until then.  But as soon as he turned 25, right around the 1 year anniversary of our first mc - she started buying toys and books and even a new car 'for my grandbabies' - talk about a slap in a grieving mother's face.  Ten years later, she still doesn't have any and she is a jerk about it.  For the most part I have learned to walk away when she's on a tirade or talking about how she's such a great influence on the latest toddler in her apartment complex.  She did invite us to her house this weekend to spend time w/ dh's cousin and his new wife/baby whom we haven't met yet and we'd love to see them, but the pressure/heart ache/annoyance of having to put up with mil's attitude and squeeze up to 6 adults into her tiny 2 bedroom apartment (not to mention that I tend to get staph infections after visiting her apartment since she's colonized) was just more than dh and I could bare today.  So, we opted to stay home and I baked bread instead.  Much better use of time.  Grateful for a dh who after nearly 10 years of marriage 'gets' it alot of the time. 

 


~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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