I have to thank all of the contributors to this thread. I am in a gay relationship for the past twenty years. We are now married with children, and I thought that my mother-in-law was just an extreme example of homophobia (even though, of course, she knows gay people). But now I realize two things: mothers-in-law can be equally ferocious to their daughters-in-law and I am REALLY fortunate not to have her in my life.
Even after twenty years, my mother-in-law has never recognized my relationship with my husband, her formerly golden child. She cried and screamed when we got together, of course didn't come to our wedding, and pretends that our children are her son's alone. Although very wealthy, she cut her son off without a cent, obviously not paying a penny of the surrogacy process that left us nearly penniless. She has never seen her only grandchildren, because she would have to see me as well.
Of course, the sad thing is that my husband has been incapable, really, of standing up to her, because he has been brought up to need her approval and love.
That said, I have finally learned not to expect her to change (took me a long time!) nor to expect my husband to change (took me a long time!) to be happy she wasn't physically in our lives (that I understood quickly!) and finally to realize that -- if she had a daughter-in-law -- she would have tried to destroy her, in a different way (thanks to this forum!).