Why do I find being a mom so hard?? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
kdescalzi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a 3yr ds and a 9mo dd and everyday is so hard for me. DD is always in arms and nursing day and night and ds is just so active and trying. I try so hard to be patient and loving but I fail everyday. I wake in the morning with a mantra Patience/Peace/Presence....I have great intentions on being patient with the ongoing whining from both of them and the constant "Mommy mommy mommy" but by 8am I am already gritting my teeth and getting angry. I want to be that zen mom but I can't and everynight I go to bed feeling like such a failure. How can I be so bad at mothering when I love them with all my soul??? I don't know how to be more patient and peaceful...what can I do??
kdescalzi is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 04:27 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I only have one DS (13mo), but I can say that being a mom is so so so hard! It's the best job in the world, but its still hard.

Can you find some time to yourself each day? Once a week? That might help!
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#3 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 04:38 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A 3 year old is definitely a toddler, and a 9 month old is a baby limpet trying to learn how to be a toddler. And toddlers will make you pull your hair out and running screaming into the street.

The question is not so much why you're in a position where you feel like you're a bad parent (which you aren't) but what brand of chocolate is good enough to have kept you from needing to vent about this before?

What is your support system like? Could your 3 year old go to "camp grandma" or "camp auntie" a few hours a week? Do you have a dp who could step up the amount of direct parenting s/he's doing? Any chance of doing a baby-sitting trade off with another mama?

Could you afford a "mother's helper" from time to time?

I don't know, something so that when your 9 month old actually naps you can have a kid-free break at least sometimes.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#4 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 05:18 PM
 
scottishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in a little apartment
Posts: 1,077
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I personally am not a "Zen" mama. I can't just be calm and collected. I only have one 14 month old , so I can't relate to having two, but I can tell you what helps me with one. Whenever she's wild I just get wild with her. I chase her around the house, act silly and rough house. I don't mind a little chaos. It's when I try to be a calm mommy that I get frustrated. If my dd is driving me up the wall I get really silly and say"You're driving me up the wall!" then I tickle her or something. My house is not going to be peaceful, but it can be fun!

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
scottishmommy is offline  
#5 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
kdescalzi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sapphire Chan...the thing is is that I do get breaks. I go to bootcamp twice a week for an hour and on the weekends I usually do a 2-3 hour grocery/mall shop while dh takes the kids. I feel great while I am out and miss them terribly but as soon as I walk in the door the whining and crying starts and the calmness disappears. They are both just so hard right now and no matter how many breaks or glasses of wine I get, the minute all hell breaks loose I loose my cool. I feel so drained and sad right now. I don't want this time to go away, and I want to enjoy it but everyday passes so quickly with so much anger and stress
kdescalzi is offline  
#6 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 09:36 PM
 
Unconventional1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Colorado!!!
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdescalzi View Post
Sapphire Chan...the thing is is that I do get breaks. I go to bootcamp twice a week for an hour and on the weekends I usually do a 2-3 hour grocery/mall shop while dh takes the kids. I feel great while I am out and miss them terribly but as soon as I walk in the door the whining and crying starts and the calmness disappears. They are both just so hard right now and no matter how many breaks or glasses of wine I get, the minute all hell breaks loose I loose my cool. I feel so drained and sad right now. I don't want this time to go away, and I want to enjoy it but everyday passes so quickly with so much anger and stress
I am right here with you on this. My 3 yo is crazy smart and he is driving me insane! My DD is 12 months now- at 9 mo she was very, very clingy all day- turns out she was hitting a milestone and teething, and it did get better- but it took a while! I am also expecting number 3 and I have NO idea how I am going to cope- I hope he loves the wrap and to be carried all the time- cause I don't think we will make it other wise. I am looking into a local socialization/group activity program at the rec center for 3 yo DS, so that some of his intensity is directed at other people than just us all the time.

Momma to G 12/06 A 2/09, AND ANNOUNCING... Welcome big boy! A 5/10/10 9 lbs 10 oz! We and had our 3rd UP/UC!
Unconventional1 is offline  
#7 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 10:11 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,298
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Because it is hard. It can be a long, thankless slog a lot of the time. Hang in there.
zinemama is offline  
#8 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 10:28 PM
 
newbymom05's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,589
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Because it is hard. It can be a long, thankless slog a lot of the time. Hang in there.
Yes, that's it right there. Constant patience and presence (forget the peace) for two under 5 IMO requires an enormous amount of emotional and mental energy. Even good days can leave me feeling like a wrung-out sponge.
newbymom05 is offline  
#9 of 53 Old 02-26-2010, 10:30 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdescalzi View Post
Sapphire Chan...the thing is is that I do get breaks. I go to bootcamp twice a week for an hour and on the weekends I usually do a 2-3 hour grocery/mall shop while dh takes the kids. I feel great while I am out and miss them terribly but as soon as I walk in the door the whining and crying starts
that can't possibly be helping you relax while you're out.

Whining is one of the worst sounds. I have no idea how we survived as a species with our young producing that noise. (Or why so many singers whine and mumble through their songs, I'm looking at YOU Kings of Leon (but I digress...))

What you might find helpful for your returns home anyway, is to take a bit of time before you walk in the door to try to center and accept the moment to come. Sort of "when I walk in the door I will be needed, I love my children and I will be there for them". 5 more minutes away won't make them any more clingy, but might make you better able to handle it.

And laying with your face in a pillow and screaming is also remarkably soothing.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#10 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 03:39 AM
 
nina_yyc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 2,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.

I don't know the answer. I am not a very zen person. I am not patient and loving all the time and if I expected myself to be I would be insane and crazy. I am making a conscious effort to be honest with myself and with DD about what my boundaries are. When I am angry I express my anger, but I do make an effort to communicate in a constructive and respectful way. I'm trying to teach DD to do so as well; she is a smart and loving girl and fully capable of being co-operative member of the family.

Parenting is a marathon not a sprint....it's supposed to be a tough job, if rewarding. Don't beat yourself up for not being Mary Poppins 24/7.
nina_yyc is offline  
#11 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 03:48 AM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 3,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hope this comes out sounding right...kinda hard through internet speak....but I read a sad story when I get into that mode. I was just reading a blog about a little girl who is dying of cancer.

http://laylagrace.org/

"Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep a...gain. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon?"

I was having a bad day that day, when someone emailed me Layla's story. I had a good bawl and then curled up w/ DD and hugged her tight.

Saying "this too shall pass" a thousand times a day sometimes helps, too.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
#12 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 03:52 AM
 
Flower of Bliss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,577
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Whining is one of the worst sounds. I have no idea how we survived as a species with our young producing that noise.
I think I want to frame that and put it on my wall. So true.

OP, mine are 3.5 and 6 months. It's HARD. I'm not zen either. I've recently started taking fish oil, and I think it has me lossing my temper less. Of course, it hasn't stopped the whining.

SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

Flower of Bliss is offline  
#13 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 03:53 AM
 
christy005's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 544
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdescalzi View Post
Sapphire Chan...the thing is is that I do get breaks. I go to bootcamp twice a week for an hour and on the weekends I usually do a 2-3 hour grocery/mall shop while dh takes the kids. I feel great while I am out and miss them terribly but as soon as I walk in the door the whining and crying starts and the calmness disappears. They are both just so hard right now and no matter how many breaks or glasses of wine I get, the minute all hell breaks loose I loose my cool. I feel so drained and sad right now. I don't want this time to go away, and I want to enjoy it but everyday passes so quickly with so much anger and stress
It is the same way here! You are not alone!!!! My sons are 3 and 10 months and its so hard some days...Dont really have any advice, just want you to know someone else feels like you do.
christy005 is offline  
#14 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 08:42 AM
 
Asparagus78's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 178
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nina_yyc View Post


If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.

Parenting is a marathon not a sprint....it's supposed to be a tough job, if rewarding. Don't beat yourself up for not being Mary Poppins 24/7.
So well said! You are not alone, and somehow, things do get better. I have no advice, other than to not be too hard on yourself.

Mommy to The Boy (August 2006) and Another Boy (November 2009)
Asparagus78 is offline  
#15 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 12:29 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,517
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdescalzi View Post
I have a 3yr ds and a 9mo dd and everyday is so hard for me. DD is always in arms and nursing day and night and ds is just so active and trying. I try so hard to be patient and loving but I fail everyday. I wake in the morning with a mantra Patience/Peace/Presence....I have great intentions on being patient with the ongoing whining from both of them and the constant "Mommy mommy mommy" but by 8am I am already gritting my teeth and getting angry. I want to be that zen mom but I can't and everynight I go to bed feeling like such a failure. How can I be so bad at mothering when I love them with all my soul??? I don't know how to be more patient and peaceful...what can I do??
I read your question and then the bolded part and there's your answer. 3 is /hard/. 9 months is /hard/. Together must be very hard (no experience here).

Keep trying, but be kind to yourself. It will get better. Also, do you get breaks?

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#16 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 08:58 PM
 
spicyrock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 222
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only "zen" parents I know are either really rich or live near a lot of extended family. And even then, I bet they act more zen than they feel.

Don't worry, you aren't alone. As far as advice goes, I have none. Except be nice to yourself. It is okay to be frustrated, to not always like being a mom, and to dread walking in the door because you know whining and clinging is coming. And it doesn't mean you love your children any less.

mummy to one sweet, beautiful, strong, clever, perfect
spicyrock is offline  
#17 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 09:35 PM
 
alicia622's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: 44° 48' N 68° 50' W
Posts: 4,568
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I only have one so I don't know what it's like caring for two. Not that I would describe myself as zen, but I do really want to be present for DS- I want to go along for the ride with him. So, while I certainly have to do stuff, get stuff done, I try to not get worked up about the things that don't matter, get silly with him and when we are playing something (no matter how boring it might seem!) I 'try' to be as involved as I can. Sometimes watching him play out stuff can be very enlightening.

When I find myself getting irritated/annoyed, I 'try' to remember to take a deep breath, remind myself that this is DS's childhood- he is figuring out the world and also there is always a reason for behavior. If I can remeber to stop and think for a few secs, I can usually get back to how I want to be. But, sometimes, I don't take the time to think and get upset/overreact...and end up feeling terrible about my choice.

Alicia DH Mike DS Gage Lola & Zeus Fishy Dishy, Charkey and Shark
RIP Sidney 1994-2010 RIP Charlie Brown 2008-2010
alicia622 is offline  
#18 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 09:45 PM
 
trekkingirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my DD was three when my DS was born. At first I felt like you but after watching my cousin with five kids I learned a few things. Also life experience showed me too that all planing does is set you up for failure and dissapointment. All that worrying about petty things does is make you crazy. Let your kids be kids. If that means doing things that make you cringe look the other way if it's safe and the only negative outcome is a mess to clean up. At the end of the day when the kids are sleeping and can't make a mess behind me that's when I undo the chaos of the day. You will learn how to tune out the whining. If your kids get no reaction they will eventually give up. I just let my kids know that I don't speak whining language and have no translator available. Teach them to entertain themselves. Right know your kids are a bit young and it's hard. That won't last long though. Pretty soon they will be relying on eachother for entertainment not you. Don't sweat the small stuff. In order to do this you have to muster up all the faith you can and know that everything is what it is and thats just fine.

living with alopecia universalis (google it), learning alongside my children DD 2003blahblah.gif DS 2007fencing.gifDD 2011jog.gif

trekkingirl is offline  
#19 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 11:13 PM
 
bodhitree's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: where the mountains meet the plains
Posts: 904
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It made me laugh to see all the references to whether or not we're able to be "Zen" parents. I actually practice Zen pretty seriously (with daily meditation, going to occasional retreats, etc) and my 10mo is still driving me up the wall lately. I guess having a personal meditation practice does help, at least for me, but motherhood is still HARD!

Living the good life and walking a path of peace with DH and DD (4/09)
bodhitree is offline  
#20 of 53 Old 02-27-2010, 11:38 PM
 
justmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: beginning anew
Posts: 5,730
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 21 Post(s)
I'm just going to throw this out there. Maybe it's stupid, maybe you've tried it, maybe this doesn't fit at all. But it''ll be out there in the universe and it may help someone. Leave your expectations and schedule at the door. Easy right? Harder than you think. I have 3 little girls 9, 5, and 2 and I am single. Sound hard? It is. But I get breaks and their dad is really understanding and appreciative of the hard work I put in with them surprisingly enough. But the thing is, I am a type A personality and it's not compatible with AP parenting. I try to schedule my kids and keep everyone on track and micromanage them. And it's not right. I find that our easiest days are the ones when we eat when hungry, sleep when tired, play, lounge around all day, and have nothing to do. When I am not thinking about when I have to do this or that or toss in a diaper laundry or get to the grocery store or squeeze in some exercise between snack and nap, etc. Those are the good days. When I am literally in the moment all.day.long. And it's harder than you think. But when you are focused on nothing but the kids and their needs, they are better behaved, you are more relaxed, and when they do get a nap or dad comes home and takes them to the bathtub, you will enjoy it more. You won't get that whining screaming moment when they come back to you that makes you freak out. I think it's just all about leaving the expectations of the day behind and letting everything flow. I will never be that "zen" mama that you want(and I want) but I have learned to control my temper at least 80% of the time and sigh and let go when I see the grocery shopping trip go out the window even when we are basically scrounging for food.

It's not easy. This is the hardest job in the world with the WORST bosses in the world and it doesn't get easier for many many years. But it's oh so worth it!

treehugger.gifjog.gifgreenthumb.gifknit.gifnamaste.gif

justmama is online now  
#21 of 53 Old 02-28-2010, 01:46 AM
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,517
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Because it is hard. It can be a long, thankless slog a lot of the time. Hang in there.
I think slog is going to be my new favorite word!

I just have one (newly 4) and she is driving me crazy at the moment--clingy and constantly combative and contrary. I just aim for survival for both of us, and try to find some minutes each day to find joy in. And when all else fails, I put her in the bath or let her ice skate in the tub on shaving cream.

Allison:  a little bit Waldorf, a little bit Medievalish, and always"MOMMMMYYYY!" to sweet Cecily since 12.22.05
LuxPerpetua is offline  
#22 of 53 Old 03-01-2010, 03:58 AM
 
Tjej's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: a beautiful place
Posts: 1,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Being a mom is really hard work. We don't have the same support networks that women used to have, and we have different societal and relational expectations. We can't do and be everything, even though that seems to be our role sometimes.

Go easy on yourself. Have very few actual goals for the day, and expect everything to take 10x longer than you think it will.

Do a little checklist to make yourself feel better about your parenting whenever you get frustrated:

Are they alive? YES
Are they safe? YES

If you can pass those two things you're doing good - the rest is icing on the cake of life! We're all a work in progress.

Tjej
Tjej is offline  
#23 of 53 Old 03-02-2010, 02:33 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,604
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
I have one 21 month old and I'm pregnant. I'm not where you are right now, but I will be. I fully expect to want to put my head through the wall. This too shall pass. I can get through anything one day at a time. I think that women put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. Every so often I hear people saying things like, "But women 100 years ago did this and this and this and they did fine..." Uhm. This AP stuff is flippin hard in the modern world. We expect to be able to perform the work of four people by ourselves. No duh we are tired and frustrated.

You can get through it! I have faith in you.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is offline  
#24 of 53 Old 03-03-2010, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
kdescalzi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you so much for all your replies. Your commiseration is so helpful...it touches my heart. I feel better knowing that I am not alone and it helps to just get validation for how hard this job is. My dh can listen to my woes but he doesn't truly "get" it. He does not know how sleep deprivation really feels. The last couple days ds has been sick and dh is struggling with lack of sleep from helping ds.....he has no freaking idea what it feels like to be tired for 9mo straight. You mamas know how I feel
kdescalzi is offline  
#25 of 53 Old 03-04-2010, 12:29 AM
 
NicaG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 1,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No advice....I just wanted to say that I find two children very difficult most days. I love being with my dd all morning while ds is at preschool. And I enjoy spending time with my ds while dd is napping. But when they are both awake and in the house, it's very hard, especially in the winter, when we can't go out and play. It is a challenge for me not to become annoyed every time my ds says, "MOM" and wants something from me--more food, more water, wipe his face off, answer a million "why" questions, etc. And then toddler dd starts throwing a tantrum. And when the two kids start fighting and grabbing things away from each other, I just feel awful. Every day I resolve to have a better, calmer day, but it is very difficult. We're thinking about a third child, but I'm just afraid I'm not a good enough mother to handle another. Hang in there, you're not alone.

lady.gif mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11

NicaG is offline  
#26 of 53 Old 03-04-2010, 02:52 PM
 
rainyday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,620
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
More empathy here. It's hard. Really, really hard sometimes, especially with kids the ages of yours!.

A couple things:
1. This too shall pass. A friend used to tell me this when I was having a hard time, and I realized it is true. Whatever is driving you crazy right now will fade and something new will drive you nuts instead. They won't be these ages forever, and in a year or two, it will be hard to remember the details of this age.

2. It does get way easier in many ways as they get older. There are still all sorts of worries, but the minute-by-minute caretaking drops a lot. The constant neediness will fade away, and someday you'll miss it!

3. How much sleep are you getting? Everything is way harder when you haven't had enough sleep. I know that your little one may still be waking at night, but I hope you're able to find a way to get some good, long chunks of sleep. I find that for me, not enough sleep means I'm way less patient and much less able to roll with the punches with grace.

4. This too shall pass. Can't be said too many times!

Edited to add that I just saw your post about not getting enough sleep. I wonder if that isn't the biggest contributor to feeling so overwhelmed by the kids right now. I know that when my ds started sleeping through the night, everything shifted for me parenting-wise. I was suddenly able to enjoy parenting most of the time and have fun with it. Is there a way you can make sleep a main priority for yourself for a while? Obviously I don't know how sleep works at your house, but for example maybe not stay up for time with your dh but instead go to bed as soon as your dd is in bed? I know how hard it is to give up that tiny bit of adult time in the evening, but if it would work in your situation, maybe it would be worth it for a while?
rainyday is offline  
#27 of 53 Old 03-05-2010, 04:43 PM
 
Paeta16's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am the mother of an almost 3 y.o. and I find her to be very trying and very loving all at the same time. I struggle daily with patience and even though she was practically a perfect baby it took until now for DH and I to decide to TTC again!

As for the whining I simply repeat "I don't understand the language of whining. You need to speak in your regular voice." until she stops whining at me It usually takes her a few tries but she does put in some effort to try to get back to her regular voice now!

Mom to Nora - 04/07 and Brendan - born still at 23 weeks - 07/10
Paeta16 is offline  
#28 of 53 Old 03-05-2010, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
kdescalzi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Rainyday....I agree with you that most of my problem lies in the fact that I am so very tired. I have to go to bed when dd is ready because she will only sleep on my boob. I get maybe a 2 hour chunk of sleep and have been for over 9 months now!!! She will not stay asleep unless she is latched on so not only is it hard for me to get comfortable, but she wakes everytime she realizes the boob is missing and I have to re-latch her. She falls right back to sleep (I'm sure she isn't really waking) but I still come out of a deep sleep every few hours all night long. I really do not know how to solve that problem but I am sure if I got more sleep I would be much more patient and feel so much better...sigh this is so hard. Dh thinks if I just night-weaned my problems would be solved....not only is she only 9mo but he thinks it is as easy as just making the decision to nightwean and then magically it is done...he is so out to lunch sometimes!! Thanks for the replies. I keep freaking out on my poor ds and I feel so awful, I usually cry myself to sleep.
kdescalzi is offline  
#29 of 53 Old 03-05-2010, 10:23 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Poor thing! She only stays asleep if she's latched on? Can you try some of the techniuques in "The No Cry Sleep Solution"? I've heard good things, even though I've never tried.

Does your DH do any nighttime parenting? Even though your dd is only 9mo
(too young for nightweaning IMO) I don't think she is too young to be taught to sleep without the boob. Can your DH try to put her to sleep some nights?

Thats tough, I hope you find some solutions for better sleep soon!!
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#30 of 53 Old 03-06-2010, 03:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
kdescalzi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 471
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thyra...my dh will try to put dd to sleep at bedtime in the carrier. It works but sometimes she will only stay asleep for 20min, maybe an hour. After that, once she wakes there is nothing calming her down unless she gets the boob. I have that time to put ds to sleep and maybe wash my face and brush my teeth. I am always on edge waiting for her to wake to "start" my night. I tried only halfheartedly to do the pantley pull off but dd got so very angry and more awake that I gave up. In the middle of the night and when you are dead tired, it is easier to latch her back on and go back to sleep rather than deal with an angry baby. Maybe it is my fault for not giving myself over to change her night time sleep but right now I am in survival mode.
kdescalzi is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off