Do you have trouble making friends? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 89 Old 04-25-2010, 05:15 PM
 
wife&mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
I don't hate you! I know what you mean though, Its hard to let others love us, when we feel like we are unlovable.

Awww thanks!

Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH

wife&mommy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#62 of 89 Old 04-25-2010, 05:35 PM
 
dex_millie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 1,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristyMarie View Post
Me too. I've been told that people think I'm stuck up or whatever when they first meet me. I'm not, I'm just shy and afraid of not fitting in.

I always feel like I won't fit in and like people don't really like me. It takes me a very long time to warm up to someone - which makes making friends really really hard.
THIS IS MEEEE... Infact when I first meet some of DH family they asked him why I was mad I was like huh..did I seem mad? I was just really quite and shy. NOW they proberly wish that I shut up sometimes (no I am not that bad). And it did take me a long time to warm up..

Quote:
Originally Posted by wife&mommy View Post
Gosh I am this way too! I always think everyone hates me IRL well and even online!
Once again this is me.. Especially when I do a few postings and NO ONE replies..I start checking my profile to see if I was banned or if there is a 'silent treatment' in order for me.
dex_millie is offline  
#63 of 89 Old 04-25-2010, 08:48 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,129
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
I think sometimes I'm the only person on earth without a friend.
You're not

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
#64 of 89 Old 04-25-2010, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
Purple*Lotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Fluffyville
Posts: 5,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am about to read through the thread and respond, but before I do, I wanted to announce that I think I have made a friend

A coworker and I have gone to dinner every wednesday night for a few weeks now Sometimes another coworker tags along. But I really like her. I am sad that she is leaving for another job and I hope we can keep our Wednesday tradition. We have a blast together and we can talk for 3 hours and not realize it!

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
Purple*Lotus is offline  
#65 of 89 Old 04-26-2010, 12:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
Purple*Lotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Fluffyville
Posts: 5,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kosheng View Post
i don't make friends easily, but i have lots of acquaintances. wish you were closer, bf! we could exercise together~ but i'm kinda lame right now. i think my pelvis is wrecked. i would most definitely slow you down!
I doubt it, I am moving pretty slow lately

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magelet View Post
I know part of it is because I'm very insecure, and so feel like I need constant reassurance that yes, they do want to be my friend.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! I am the same way!

Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

How about joining a local book club or taking a class at a community college or something? That would put you in a setting where you were having discussions with people with similar interests (kind of like MDC! )
I will soon be back in school to keep my teaching license active, so hopefully I can embrace that opportunity to make friends!

A lot of the problem for me with making school friends is that I am considered to have a disability, because I can't sit in the desks designed for 10 year olds So every time I take a class I am always off to the side in a regular table area and I feel so distant from my classmates. And I feel like everyone must be staring

Quote:
Originally Posted by Happiestever View Post

Me though I have nothing but time. Oh well. In school it was much easier to find a close friend, now.. not so much. I wish I lived close to some MDC mamas again. I tend to talk about a lot of unusual stuff - so I think I come off as weird. I don't know I kinda wish someone would tell me what I do wrong so I could try to fix it.
Yep a lot of the time when I talk to people they are like "Huh?" because I am interested in things that are not always in the mainstream line of thinking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by St. Margaret View Post
Hey, are you in the SD area by any chance? Nerds unite!

I've been working on being better on making friends for years, and it's certainly gotten easier with a kid, b/c AP mom's groups = friend-making opportunities. But I still find it hard to go from hanging at playgroup to just doing things together. I think part if it is b/c I suck at chatting on the phone. I have great business phone skills, but I have NEVER been the type of girl to just chat on the phone... I get that same thing, where I figure I'm bugging the other person. And being back at work for one year isn't helping (I feel like I'm biding my time to get back to my circle of moms). I know I talk too much and I'll tell myself over and over to be a good listener and beat myself up about it, go over conversations in my head afterward... but I REALLY want to get to that point where you can hang out and just talk and share, so I keep working on it.
I also hate talking on the phone. Can. Not. Stand. It. Text me, great! Email me, fabulous! Call me, I probably wont answer

Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
I push people away if they get too close. I pushed dh away several times. He just kept coming back.
Same here! Well, in my case I finally pushed my STBX out of my life for good But when we were dating, I tried to push him away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wemoon View Post
I have difficulty with friendships as well, but I come from a place where I am not easily impressed by people. I know that sounds pretty stuck-up, but honestly, I get annoyed by people so easily. I should clarify that in my career, working with people, it is a way different role and find that I get along with my clients just fine... but when it comes to personal friendships, I just don't have the time or energy to put into people that I really don't click with.
I also tend to get annoyed with some people. Sometimes I just get exhausted by some people. My STBXMIL was like that. She just sucked the life out of me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I don't. Why do you think I have 20,000+ (or 25,000+, or whatever it's up to) posts on MDC?


I haven't made any in a long time. When I made them, I was really, really good at keeping them. The one good friend I still have dates back to when I was 11 (1979). I just don't have any clue how to take things from being acquaintances to being friends. Maybe I'll figure it out one day.
We would totally be friends IRL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautiful~Life View Post
Oh my I am the worst at making friends. I am painfully socially awkward, shy, and introverted. Most people seem to think I am some sort of mute freak. I can't count how many times people have asked me why I am so shy or quiet. I think it has given me a huge complex and now I just try to avoid people because I always think they will think I am a complete weirdo. The strange thing is, I am relatively intelligent, I have a good sense of humor, I am fun and I am quite talkative with those I am comfortable with but with people I don't know or if I am in big groups I clam up and feel so tongue tied. It is horrible. I thought that by 27 I would have this conquered but I am far from it.
And we would also be BFFs if we lived closer!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by APBTlover View Post
Hey, I found my people!

I am so, so dismally bad at friend-making. I am always either too quiet or I talk way too much... either totally passive and shy or else I speak up and everyone thinks I'm bossy... I just can't get it right. I'm always at one extreme or the other. If I DO manage to hit the right note, it still usually fails because, well, I'm just not like other people here. If I am honest about myself, no one likes me (no I don't like drinking, yes we raise our own meat, no I don't really watch TV), or else I am able to moderate myself and make a nice impression... but then afterwards I just feel exhausted from playing a part.

It helps so much to know I'm not alone in this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Right of Passage View Post
I'd be happy to be firends with everyone on this thread (I must say I have a soft spot for Bunnyflakes & Storm Bride ) I keep up better with people when using facebook, so if you wanna be my facebook friend PM me
PMing you

Quote:
Originally Posted by wife&mommy View Post
Gosh I am this way too! I always think everyone hates me IRL well and even online!
No one hates you

***********************************


Someone once told me that we tend to assume that people think about us a lot more than they really do.

I think that is a lot of my problem. Like up earlier in my post about having to have a special seat at school. Perhaps no one really gives a crap, I mean, they are probably too worried about their own stuff than to think about me. But I just assume that everyone is obsessed with the fat girl who can't fit in the desks

I take on that roll a lot. The inferior fat girl roll. I do get made fun of a lot, though, so I don't think I am irrational about it. I can't walk down the street without someone yelling things at me from their car It is hard to overcome that kind of daily self esteem blow, you know?

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
Purple*Lotus is offline  
#66 of 89 Old 04-26-2010, 01:41 AM
 
Logan's mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In a pineapple under the sea.
Posts: 1,325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
I take on that roll a lot. The inferior fat girl roll. I do get made fun of a lot, though, so I don't think I am irrational about it. I can't walk down the street without someone yelling things at me from their car It is hard to overcome that kind of daily self esteem blow, you know?
Most people are super lame.

I got made fun of a lot in high school because I was one of the "goth, freaky kids" and so now I have an extremely small group of people I'm comfortable with (like 4-5) and I don't want to venture far outside my comfort zone to make new friends.

Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)

Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011

Logan's mommy is offline  
#67 of 89 Old 04-26-2010, 05:28 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,129
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dex_millie View Post
THIS IS MEEEE... Infact when I first meet some of DH family they asked him why I was mad I was like huh..did I seem mad? I was just really quite and shy.
That sounds like me. I am super quiet and don't smile a whole lot. It drives the crap out of people who don't know me. I think it makes them nervous to be around someone who is so quiet.

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
#68 of 89 Old 04-26-2010, 06:56 PM
 
kittywitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 13,061
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NettleTea View Post
You're not
I don't know whether that should make me happy or sad.

It just makes me even more lonely whenever I talk to anyone because they always talk about their best friend(s) and it's like...I don't even have *a* friend. What a loser I am! I wish I had someone close and trustworthy to talk to and share things with.

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

kittywitty is offline  
#69 of 89 Old 04-26-2010, 07:26 PM
 
Right of Passage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The abyss of grief
Posts: 2,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Feeling lonely today after getting ditched, my husband leaving to a funeral, and my last visit with my wonderful midwife. to all my no-friend mamas/friends.

bf.jpg Sami brokenheart.gif, wife to jammin.gif, mama to reading.gif Tate 10/14/05, moon.gifKaleb 12/17/07, angel.gifcandleflicker2.gif Bram 3/13/10-11/17/12, mischievous.gif Alden 2/1/12, pos.gif October 2014
 homeschool.gifvbac.gifuc.jpg 

Right of Passage is offline  
#70 of 89 Old 04-27-2010, 02:09 PM
 
wemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 6,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post

Now I wish some of you mamas lived close to me, Anyone in MN? lol I would hang around you ladies all the time If I could IRL.
I'm in MN... south central area.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NettleTea View Post
How come all the people who've replied in this thread can't (at the very least) be online friends?
I have a really hard time with online friends. I used to have a ton of online friends, but have experienced some bad situations. I have become a much more private person online due to it. I have one small group of women that I met online almost 10 years ago that I am Facebook friends with, but I do not have any other online people as Facebook friends.

coffee-drinking caffix.gifsocial worker in HIV/AIDS ribbonred.giflady-loving ribbonrainbow.gifbike-riding bikenew.gifmom of two twins.gif
wemoon is offline  
#71 of 89 Old 04-27-2010, 03:51 PM
 
Kidzaplenty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Writing my Happily Ever After
Posts: 15,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
I also hate talking on the phone. Can. Not. Stand. It. Text me, great! Email me, fabulous! Call me, I probably wont answer
This is totally me.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
Kidzaplenty is offline  
#72 of 89 Old 04-27-2010, 06:18 PM
 
Laurski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Down the rabbit hole...
Posts: 749
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by becoming View Post
The really sad/weird/strange/upsetting part is that I'm 27, and when I was 17, just 10 years ago, I was homecoming queen, prom queen, head cheerleader (seriously). So why can't I make friends now? I can't figure it out. Did I peak at 17?

Wow...change a few details about high school (I was student body president, captain of three varsity sports, and valedictorian...now I feel like a major dork including those! ) and throw in six more years, and we could be the same person!

I also had a great group of friends in h.s., but over the years have lost touch with all but one of them (either intentionally or unintentionally). I was really hurt and betrayed by a few of them, and I think that as dorky as it sounds, some of those early friendship scars have led me to be much more wary around potential new friends than I would otherwise have been.

I also have a handful of friends from college and grad school that I am in occasional contact with, but almost all of them live somewhere else (as in many hours away)...so I don't really have any nearby friends at all. My job tends to consume a lot of my time, so I think I tend to use work as a way of distracting myself from just how isolated I actually am.

I'm hoping that once the baby arrives in Sept. I'll make some friends through some sort of mom-group, but I fear that I might be a bit too crunchy for the pretty consumerist money-driven area in which I live...Plus, I'm always afraid that a person being nice to me doesn't "really" want to be my friend.

Oy. Who knew that making friends as an adult would be so hard? I miss just being able to offer someone half of a granola bar as the start of a life-long (or at lease recess-long) friendship.

Anyway, glad to know that I'm not alone in thinking that making friends as an adult is hard.

Would anyone like half of a granola bar?

I before E, except after C.  Weird.
DD: 8/2010.
Laurski is offline  
#73 of 89 Old 04-27-2010, 09:49 PM
 
Right of Passage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The abyss of grief
Posts: 2,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Went to a gathering today. I failed. Made horrific first impressions, walked out of a conversation, couldn't continue a conversation. I'll never have friends.

bf.jpg Sami brokenheart.gif, wife to jammin.gif, mama to reading.gif Tate 10/14/05, moon.gifKaleb 12/17/07, angel.gifcandleflicker2.gif Bram 3/13/10-11/17/12, mischievous.gif Alden 2/1/12, pos.gif October 2014
 homeschool.gifvbac.gifuc.jpg 

Right of Passage is offline  
#74 of 89 Old 04-27-2010, 09:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
Purple*Lotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Fluffyville
Posts: 5,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Right of Passage View Post
Went to a gathering today. I failed. Made horrific first impressions, walked out of a conversation, couldn't continue a conversation. I'll never have friends.
Don't feel bad, I had just started a friendship with a coworker and she told me off today... twice

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
Purple*Lotus is offline  
#75 of 89 Old 04-28-2010, 10:58 AM
 
Right of Passage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The abyss of grief
Posts: 2,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
Don't feel bad, I had just started a friendship with a coworker and she told me off today... twice
What the heck?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Lehman View Post
Hello Guys,

Should we have any criteria to make a friends?I need suggestion.
Thanks in Advanced.
Mark.
I wish I could give criteria. Mostly I'm the problem.

bf.jpg Sami brokenheart.gif, wife to jammin.gif, mama to reading.gif Tate 10/14/05, moon.gifKaleb 12/17/07, angel.gifcandleflicker2.gif Bram 3/13/10-11/17/12, mischievous.gif Alden 2/1/12, pos.gif October 2014
 homeschool.gifvbac.gifuc.jpg 

Right of Passage is offline  
#76 of 89 Old 04-28-2010, 05:04 PM
 
dex_millie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 1,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Lehman View Post
Hello Guys,

Should we have any criteria to make a friends?I need suggestion.
Thanks in Advanced.
Mark.
So far the criteria I think of is 'just faking it'. The problem with that, at least for me, is that I am inconsistant with it. One minute I try the perky thing 'Hi how r you' and the other minute I just feel like I wouldn't be good company so I just do a shy hi and pretend like I am in a rush.
dex_millie is offline  
#77 of 89 Old 04-28-2010, 11:42 PM
 
NettleTea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,129
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Lehman View Post
Hello Guys,

Should we have any criteria to make a friends?I need suggestion.
Thanks in Advanced.
Mark.
Yeah, here's one for you. Don't feed the spambots.

uc.jpg  lotbirth.gif   waterbirth.jpg 
NettleTea is offline  
#78 of 89 Old 04-29-2010, 11:34 PM
 
2cutiekitties's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Georgia baby
Posts: 1,150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
Don't feel bad, I had just started a friendship with a coworker and she told me off today... twice
Oh no the WED dinner friend?

I am also in the same boat as friends. Usually meeting people who are such the opposite of me and quite frankly, I don't want to waste my time with someone like that. And that leaves me with no one as I live in an area where I am obviously the freak.

BUT, I tried. Two Wed's ago, DS3 hooked up with a little girl (3) at the park. They ran around holding hands for an hour! I talked to her mom and she said we should meet again next wed (yesterday). My VERY FIRST PLAYDATE/MOMDATE. So yesterday we talked at the park for two hours and it is very obvious I have no clue how to communicate. She is the polar opposite of me and my belief system and I am finding it straining to police myself and therefore it leaves me with nothing to offer. I said we will be there next week, no way is she going to show! And I am fine with that. I am thinking when we move (soon) it has GOT to be in a more crunchy area. Anyhoo, all I could think of on the drive home was this thread and how I should post my failure.
2cutiekitties is offline  
#79 of 89 Old 02-18-2011, 07:33 PM
 
zuzunel09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Can I reply to an old thread?  I have had the most horrible time trying to make friends with other young moms.  We moved when ds was 4 mos. old, and my old friends who live an hour away rarely return calls or want to hang out anymore.  So for the past 14 mos. I've been going to library story time, hanging out with ds at the baby pool, etc.  Except for a little polite conversation it seems like these other moms either have their own mom clique and they aren't interested in anyone else joining, or else they just don't respond to or initiate conversation.  So I was thrilled when a woman my age, with a son my age, and similar parenting attitudes started working at the same place.  At first we had trouble breaking out of conversations to do our work, then we would alternate play dates at our houses since we live so close to each other.  Our sons played well with each other, we had lots to talk about.  But then, she just stopped suggesting we get together.  I suggest something maybe every other week, which she turns down.  I feel so hurt, like once again I'm just not good enough to have a girlfriend.

 

I have the world's bravest and most wonderful husband, and he is my best friend.  But he can only tolerate so much babywearing/butt ruffles/breastfeeding talk before he has to zone out.  I know she's probably just busier than me, or something's going on with her, but, can anyone commiserate?  Young moms seem to be a tough crowd for me.  Even though I am one.  :( 


Still-learning wife to long-suffering and wonderful DH and manoula to DS #1 (8/09), an angel baby (7/10), and DD #1 due May 29!
zuzunel09 is offline  
#80 of 89 Old 02-21-2011, 04:44 PM
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

I wanted to respond to this thread but I didn't quite know how- until I read a previous posters post in which she said she makes aquiaintences easily, friends are harder. This is me.I am pretty comfortable with myself, and talk to people easily. I know lots of people and dh and I get invited to and sometimes go to parties and stuff, and before having ds we used to have parties and people would come- and I have known some of these people for over a decade. But on a day to day basis I am really missing even one close woman friend. I don't know why it is so hard for me. When I do get the courage to invite someone over, when they are over I usually feel nervous and awkward. I have been like this for years. I can talk to people easil if I am out, but I can't seem to get beyond aquaintences and to friendships of any deep siginificance. I guess I am rather picky maybe in who I want to spen time with. I do enjoy alone time, and somehow I managed to find a husband who I get along with super well so we hang out a lot! But I would love to have even one close woman friend, and right now and most of my adult life, I can't seem to make that happen. I wonder if it is just chemistry? Like I have to just find the right person?

Snapdragon is offline  
#81 of 89 Old 02-22-2011, 08:04 AM
 
zuzunel09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, I guess part of it is chemistry.  I don't know anymore, though.  I'm just trying to stay active and participate in things with my son, even if I only make acquaintances or don't meet anyone at all.  I also interact easily with people, it's just getting to that close friend stage that is hard for me.  Both my husband and a trusted older woman told me I need to let go of this acquaintance/friend at work, since I have done my part in reaching out, and since she has rejected my offers, no more good will come of my efforts.  :(


Still-learning wife to long-suffering and wonderful DH and manoula to DS #1 (8/09), an angel baby (7/10), and DD #1 due May 29!
zuzunel09 is offline  
#82 of 89 Old 02-22-2011, 04:11 PM
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by zuzunel09 View Post

Yeah, I guess part of it is chemistry.  I don't know anymore, though.  I'm just trying to stay active and participate in things with my son, even if I only make acquaintances or don't meet anyone at all.  I also interact easily with people, it's just getting to that close friend stage that is hard for me.  Both my husband and a trusted older woman told me I need to let go of this acquaintance/friend at work, since I have done my part in reaching out, and since she has rejected my offers, no more good will come of my efforts.  :(



 

 That is hard to have someone not responding to your efforts- I wonder what her deal is! It is so easy to blame ourselves but often times it is the other person's issues that have nothing to do with us.

 

Inspired by this thread, and just wanting to in general, I am going to make an effort to deepen some aquaintences that I have into truer friendships. One person I know just had a baby and another will in a few weeks- so I will make efforts to connect and help them out if I can. I ghuess we just have to keep on trying! I think I can get lazy about itsometimes, but now, having a child, it feels even more important to me to deepen connections.

Snapdragon is offline  
#83 of 89 Old 02-23-2011, 09:36 AM
 
dbsam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Add me to the ‘no friends group’.  When I was younger I was painfully shy and rarely spoke – some people thought I was stuck-up.  In my thirties I started talking but I seem to lack boundaries or a filter from my brain to my mouth. I get nervous… ramble, interrupt, and say way too much.   I wish I could go back to my mute self…I was friendless but now I am friendless and obnoxious. 

 

When I worked I had many work acquaintances, was respected in my workplace, and spent so much time at work my lack of friends did not bother me much.   I’ve stayed home for seven years and am really feeling sad about having no friends.  Add to it excessive weight gain, hermit tendencies and overall feeling bad about myself and I can see why someone wouldn’t want to be friends with me.  I know…it sounds pitiful – ugh!

 

I was actually coming to this forum to ask if anyone has ever tried to move and recreate themselves and I saw this thread.

dbsam is offline  
#84 of 89 Old 02-23-2011, 09:56 AM
 
Hedgehog Mtn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 351
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenifer76 View Post

I have way more acquaintances than friends. I can come across as very outgoing and talkative -- but inside I am thinking "They don't like me. I talked to much. Why did I say that?" and so on. Then it gets all akward. We have moved a lot (five times in 10 years) which makes it hard too.

This!!!!! Except I haven't moved except within my town.
Hedgehog Mtn is offline  
#85 of 89 Old 02-23-2011, 06:56 PM
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

but honestly, you guys- I don't thin khaving friends has to do with being imperfect or perfect. I mean- when I finally met my husband at age 32, I was still as imperfect- still as good and bad- as all those years when I just couldn't meet the right guy- but we just had the right chemistry and he just loved me as I was. I think it is the same with friendships- I think we don't have to get to a certain level of perfectness or rightness to be worthy! Plenty of people like eachother with all their imperfections! Good luck everyone- I hope everyone finds what they need. I guess we all have different levels of this- I don't find myself being too self critical in wanting close women friends- I do get along with people well. For me it is just about deepening connections- that is what I seek.

Snapdragon is offline  
#86 of 89 Old 02-23-2011, 11:47 PM
 
ElliesMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,173
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

you should read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.


ElliesMomma is offline  
#87 of 89 Old 02-26-2011, 07:36 PM
 
Susie1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 76
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Purple Lotus? Are you still here? Did you expect to get a lot of responses from people feeling exactly as you? I am surprised you haven't come back into the conversation.

 

I do not have a whole lot of friends, and I am okay with it, because friends take up a lot of time. At first, I thought I was lonely, worried about why I had few friends -- but I was actually making a choice. I don't know how I came to this realization, but I think the problem begins when we believe we have to be certain ways and have trouble accepting ourselves. I actually like spending a lot of time alone. When I realized that I love sleeping in (and stopped badgering myself about how lazy and unproductive I was -- like where did that meme come from?) I started enjoying it on my days off work guilt free -- what a revelation! (Couldn't do this, of course, until the kids were older) When I realized that Friday nights were a fantastic time to clean house to my favorite tunes (discovered when my kids were on sleepovers/grandmas/dads house -- they had to get a bit older before this happened) -- I felt like I was missing nothing-- bring on the wine and candles!

 

Is any part of your feeling of loneliness related to limited choices? Are your children taking a lot out of you? Is your time limited? Hard to make friends when this is going on.

 

Friends are important. But, how and with whom do you really want to spend your precious time? Are you sure your not just feeling guilt about your current choices because they don't fit someone else's/society's expectations?

Susie1 is offline  
#88 of 89 Old 02-26-2011, 08:46 PM
 
hjdmom24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have always had trouble making friends. I am bad at small talk and for some reason when in a group it's like I am invisible. I can say something and no one responds but then someone else will say the same thing 30 seconds later and everyone responds...this has happened my whole life and I don't get it. It also seems like people who annoy me are the ones who gravitate to me and I can't get rid of but the people who interest me have no interest in me. For example I belong to the local holistic moms chapter and while they are all friendly toward me I can't seem to make strides in getting close with any of them because they (the core group) all seem to be close with each other. I see on Facebook that they hang out with each other pretty regular but I am only invited to whole group things. I have tried to host 2 play dates at my house but even though everyone acted interested no one showed up. The one play date that they did show up it was 3 of them on one side of the room and me on the other..I was totally interested in their convo but didn't get a chance to contribute..and the one time I did say something I felt like an eavesdropper budding in..which is how I usually feel.

I have been told people think I'm stuck up because I'm quiet, been harassed my whole life about being too quiet, that I look mad/mean...I guess that's just my face :( anyways I read this whole thread and could relate to so much of what everyone said..so I guess I'm not alone in being alone. I would love to have one close friend that I enjoy hanging out with and could lean on and she could lean on me. The other day I posted on facebook that this was a time I hated being a single parent because I needed to be in two places at once and one of my kids had to be disappointed because I couldn't take him to a school event. Someone said couldn't you have a friend take him? She is part of that aforementioned group and to her that was a nobrainer but for me not even an option. Sometimes I think I don't have friends because when I do talk it is about me too much..so I will shut up now..lol.


Holly intactlact.giffambedsingle2.giffly-by-nursing1.gifsingle mom to 4.5...hoping for a homebirth.jpg this time.
hjdmom24 is offline  
#89 of 89 Old 02-28-2011, 07:20 AM
 
dbsam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

 



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjdmom24 View Post

for some reason when in a group it's like I am invisible. I can say something and no one responds but then someone else will say the same thing 30 seconds later and everyone responds...this has happened my whole life and I don't get it.

 

I’ve experienced this too.  Each time, I feel like I am in the twilight zone!

 

I never experienced this at work and I wonder if it is because I had proven myself and spoke with more confidence.  (My work personality is different than my social personality.)

 

I have experienced it in volunteer situations – maybe I am not speaking confidently or clearly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dbsam is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off