kind of dissed a mama in swim class - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
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#2 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 07:16 PM
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ok read the forum guidelines so I'm going to go ahead and take my post down before a mod does....sorry!

student/sahm to three awesome girls who are always on the go!
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#3 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 07:48 PM
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I tend to think that for the most part, most moms are doing the best they can. Someone like my son, would have had to get right back in the pool and I would have made him too. He would have been fine after a bit, but he would have needed the shove. My dd would freak if I pushed her to do something she didn't want, I'd never do it with her, she will try again, on her own, in her own time.

If you would have criticized my parenting to my face during a stressful situation where I was trying to do what I felt was the best thing for my child, I probably would have told you off.

Well meaning strangers are rarely helpful when they are offering advice.
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#4 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 07:52 PM
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I agree with mamalisa. My ds was the same as that little girl-terrified of water. But we've had a lot of family drownings and near-drownings and getting over that fear and continuing lessons is important to me. He was fine after a couple minutes and still loves swimming and swim lessons. It depends on your kid and an outsider would have no idea what's going on there.

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#5 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 08:09 PM
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I say this as gently as possible - but your post comes across as an ego trip. Model what you believe is the appropriate behavior and do not pass judgment. Change doesn't come with judgment.
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#6 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 08:11 PM
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Well I dunno about the whole dissing part but as a former lifeguard/swimming instructor I can tell you, a child going under for 2 seconds is nothing to worry about. They are mostly just scared, if they weren't expecting it. And if you react all happy and suprised like "wow! Look what you did! Did you see fishies?!" or something, they'll often be totally fine.
There's a shpincter that prevents them from aspirating water so no worries there. Just thought I'd mention this.

Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#7 of 10 Old 05-12-2010, 09:35 PM
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I just went through something similar on Mother's Day only my MIL was you and I was the other lady. We took my 2 year old DS to the zoo and introduced him to the splash pad. At first he was out there with his cousin and when the fountains started and kids started screaming he freaked out. My MIL thought we should respect him and his fears and leave. Instead I picked him up and held him while we explored the fountains and got a little wet and etc. So I definitely pushed him way farther than she was comfortable with. She really got into it with DH and he had to really shut her down. In our case, my husband was raised without being pushed and for him and his brother it resulted in lack of confidence to deal with anything stressful and a sense that all stress/anxiety was very bad and it is his single biggest issue with his mom/parents. He and I are both sensitive and cautious (as is our son) and I had to be pushed way out of my comfort zone constantly (with screaming and tears and hysterics involved) and he was never pushed out of his comfort zone and I am glad to have been pushed and he is very upset at not having been pushed. So that informs our parenting. Now I totally agree with respecting kids and their dignity, but there are many ways to look at the issue. I am still smarting and anxious about how my MIL treated the situation, and for the most part she supports my parenting.

I guess that was a long-winded way of saying: we are very loving, gentle parents who think about and consider carefully how we are going to raise our child to be a happy and successful adult and I was very upset and put out by the implication (by my MIL) that we might be doing something unkind or disrespectful to our child. I don't think it is necessary, kind or gentle to make people aware that we don't think they are being good parents. Your heart was in the right place (sympathy and tenderness toward the little girl) but it probably hurt/upset the mom a lot. Being gentle with myself and other mamas is something I am really working on.
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#8 of 10 Old 05-13-2010, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
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azgirl thanks for that. The other posts made me feel even worse about what I did, and as I said..I already felt bad about it.
The "personal growth" part of this story is that I do believe in taking up for children, and I felt like I reacted out of character...because the little girl was upset and the mom kind of just dumped back in the situation and I had a very physical reaction to that.
I wasn't being mean, I was just shocked and somewhat apalled. But I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings ever, or outright judge someone. But I don't necessarily agree that we should all just shut up when it comes to someone elses parenting. I deleted my original post because I didn't want any more criticism and I think I really did learn something from the responses even though some were kind of hurtful.
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#9 of 10 Old 05-15-2010, 07:11 PM
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I didn't get to read the OP before it was deleted, but if the mods are okay with it I hope you'll repost. After reading the replies I kind of have a sense of what happened, but I'd love to have the whole picture b/c something similar happened today with my son and I'm starting to doubt how I handled it, based on the responses here....

At any rate, I don't think you should feel bad for whatever you did. If your intentions were purely to defend a child and your gut reaction was that s/he needed protection or at least some advocacy, I'd say no harm done, other than maybe that mom might not have happy feelings for you b/c you stuck your nose in where she felt it didn't belong. If you think now that you overreacted, just apologize and maybe explain a little where you were coming from. If she's a decent person, she'll understand. After all, she has kids, too. If you don't think you overreacted, then there's nothing to feel bad about.
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#10 of 10 Old 05-15-2010, 07:21 PM
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I actually got to read it before it was deleted but at the time I did not have time to respond. OP- I don't think what you did was that bad. I mean, you didn't totally diss her parenting or anything. I don't think I would worry too much about it, if I were you

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
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