A lot, I think.
Two things triggered me today.
I was talking on the phone to my mother about my sister, and what she was like when we were young, and long story short, said straight up that my sister is a disappointment to her, and that she has not reached anywhere near her potential. I told her not to say that to me, and that it saddens me, and she said it was the truth. I got pretty depressed by that conversation.
To her credit, she did call back and very briefly apologized.
The second incidence was a friend of mine's mother coming over. She came over and told me how lovely my garden was, complimented my flowers, and the "naturalness" of the way things were set up. I had told her earlier that it was a mess, hadn't weeded enough, etc. I felt so much lighter... even when I protested about not having done enough weeding, etc. she said, oh, I don't look at that, it's just lovely!
And looking at it from her eyes, it is quite nice! I think I just hear my mother's judgmental voice telling me how messy I am, how I don't care about my environment, etc. I need to stop it, for myself and for my kids. It's enough that she put that on me, I don't need to keep putting it on myself!!!!!
Anyone else internalized a judgmental voice? Any suggestions on how to replace it with a positive voice?