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beansmama's Avatar beansmama 04:34 PM 06-01-2010

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~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 04:41 PM 06-01-2010
I only got half way through your post and just HAD to ask,


What about any of this makes you think you are NOT an alchoholic?

I think you need to seek help, NOW, before it gets much, MUCH worse. Your local AA should be a good place to start.



I would start out this journey buy excepting that you ARE an alchoholic. Remmeber, getting through the denial is the FIRST STEP.

More
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 04:48 PM 06-01-2010

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beansmama's Avatar beansmama 05:07 PM 06-01-2010
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~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 05:08 PM 06-01-2010
I don't think getting the shakes is the only symptom of being an alchoholic, but then again, im not an expert on the disease.

Your post does concern me though. You say you have a hard time NOT thinking about drinking if you arent drinking, and have to FIGHT the urge not to drink. And then you cant have JUST ONE.

Ever heard of a DRY DRUNK? People who arent even drinking can still be considered alchoholics. Its not as black and white as it used to be considered.

I do think its worth finding someone to talk to about this. If you want, give yourself limits, and see if you can stick to them. Start with a day, then two. If you cant stick to it, then you cant do it on your own. You need outside help.

I know its easier said then done, but its nothing to be ashamed of by needing outside help. Infact, you would be commended for admitting it on your own.
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 05:10 PM 06-01-2010
I think your OBGYN is a great place to start. This could very well be an unconscious way of you self medicating for PPD. (I see your little guy isnt quite a year and you mentioned motherhood being too overwhelming.)

Even if thats not the case, your OB office should have lots of resources for counseling and addiction therepy. So they would be able to point you in the direction of whats going to be right for YOU.
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 05:10 PM 06-01-2010

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beansmama's Avatar beansmama 05:13 PM 06-01-2010
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~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 05:17 PM 06-01-2010
You go for yearly's dont you? Even if you dont, yes, your OB will should still you, ESPECIALLY if your being treated for PPD.

And call me crazy, but isnt drinking while taking an Anti-depressant a BAD IDEA?
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 05:27 PM 06-01-2010
OK, I just googled drinking and Zoloft, and pretty much everything I saw advises NOT to do it.
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 05:34 PM 06-01-2010

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Drummer's Wife's Avatar Drummer's Wife 05:41 PM 06-01-2010
Honestly, you do sound very much like an alcoholic to me. Even though you don't drink everyday, all day, you are still addicted to alcohol. I don't have any advice as to how to seek help, though - except that I'd probably consider in-patient rehab if I couldn't get it under control myself (and by under control, I think at this point it really does mean not drinking at all).


~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar ~Charlie's~Angel~ 05:45 PM 06-01-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by beansmama View Post
Yeah...most medications don't advise drinking...do you really think that everyone who takes anti-depressants should *never* drink.

I realize that personally, I drink too much and it's probably counteracting a lot of what the zoloft is supposed to do (drinking is a depressant) - but in general, a LOT of people are on anti-depressants, and I'm fairly certain some of them drink every so often...

But yes, it is right on the bottle "avoid alcoholic beverages..."
Honey, you are rationalizing, another classic sign of alchoholism.

If I were taking zoloft, the Three-beer-a-week average that I drink would not make a difference.

But the amount in which YOU drink cannot be condusive to your meds.
Kivgaen's Avatar Kivgaen 05:58 PM 06-01-2010
After reading your post, I concurr with what Barbie said -- I too believe that you ARE an acoholic... but it doesn't matter what we believe, it's what you believe that counts. You can't get help if you don't first admit that you DO have a problem.

AA may not have worked for you in the past, but just because you are an athiest (I am as well, by the way), it doesn't mean that the crap that they are spewing can't possibly be helpful or meaningful to YOU...

Being an athiest, you must believe in something, don't you? I believe that there isn't a powerful being or external force acting upon me... but I DO believe that there is a lot of energy in the universe... or even just within myself... that I can tap into and draw upon when I am feeling low, down, or upset.

You can't change what they say in AA, but you can adjust it mentally to suit you and make it fit for you. Instead of praying to "God" or asking HIM for help, you could meditate to give yourself the will power to continue. It IS inside you -- IF you BELIEVE! Don't believe in God, but believe in yourself. Believe that YOU have the power, and YOU have the capability of changing.

AA can be exactly what the doctor ordered -- if you wade through all of the God-speak, and translate it in your head to something that is meaningful to YOU, it can still work!

Don't be so quick to dismiss the power of prayer, meditation, or whatever you want to call it -- the power is within YOU, if YOU have faith and you believe. The mind is a powerful organ and it has the power to make or break you. Meditation (or prayer) could be the key that can help you to turn it around.
New_Natural_Mom's Avatar New_Natural_Mom 06:00 PM 06-01-2010
Sorry, but you sound like an alcoholic in denial. And there are VERY SPECIFIC reasons why you shouldn't drink with anti-depressants...and it IS why it is on the bottle. and YES, if you are on that medication you should never drink. I am non-christian, so I understand why you would avoid anything with overt or subtle religious undertones, BUT, you sound like your kids are in jeopardy. You and your DH drink at the same time around your kids? What if there was an emergency - no one could drive!

I think the only positive thing I can say is that you recognize you have a problem, even if you are downplaying the severity IMO. I hope other people can point you to resources that you could use to help yourself.

Good luck!
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:05 PM 06-01-2010
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beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:06 PM 06-01-2010
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beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:12 PM 06-01-2010
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KatWrangler's Avatar KatWrangler 06:13 PM 06-01-2010

KatWrangler's Avatar KatWrangler 06:15 PM 06-01-2010
Does your local hospital or mental health department have any meetings that are non-religous?

You need to talk with your Doctor.
Kivgaen's Avatar Kivgaen 06:17 PM 06-01-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by beansmama View Post
The majority of the steps are about admitting things to God. Whether or not it's "God as you understand him" makes no difference to me. God, as I understand him doesn't exist in any way shape or form, and I'm not about wasting my time pretending to believe things I don't.

The whole greater power is about submitting yourself to something else for help - and since that something doesn't exist (in my POV - no offense to believers, I'm just trying to be clear) then the "help" doesn't exist and then clearly, AA becomes null and void. Pointless, helpless, useless.

Now, if I believed in anything then I'd probably find it helpful to give myself up to something...but...yeah...
I didn't say anything about pretending to believe in something that you don't believe. God, as I understand him, doesn't exist to me either...

BUT - but you can ignore the whole "submit to the greater power" part. Submit to your INNER power. What's within yourself. It's there -- whether you choose to believe it or not, YOU have the power.

Right now, You are choosing not to have that power. It doesn't really matter where you go for help or who you ask. If YOU don't believe it's possible, then you will sabotage your own efforts to get well.

It's a choice that you have to make. No-one else can make it for you -- YOU have to choose.

Are you ready to get well? Or not?

It's a simple question...
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:24 PM 06-01-2010

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Kivgaen's Avatar Kivgaen 06:28 PM 06-01-2010
It's a good starting point, and a solid goal to shoot for.

Don't stop there! Answer these questions as well:

1) What are you going to do instead of drinking when you have the urge to drink? (Pick a new, healthy habbit, that you CAN manage

2) What are you going to do when you slip up and don't meet your goal on that day, whatever happens?

3) What are you going to do to evaluate your efforts of how you did that day with your goals? (Write in a journal at the end of the day, perhaps? record your challenges, record your successes, record your misses, record how you felt that day, etc.)

4) What are you going to do to reward yourself at the end of the day for your EFFORTS (not results)?
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:32 PM 06-01-2010
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momtoS's Avatar momtoS 06:32 PM 06-01-2010
Why do you believe you are an alchol abuser and not an alcholic?

I thought that the constant craving for alchol was one of the major symptoms of being an alcholic?

I really hope you find the help you need.....and the help you DESERVE!
annettemarie's Avatar annettemarie 06:36 PM 06-01-2010
Rational Recovery appears to be a non-spiritual addiction program. I know nothing about its success rate and to be honest, the homepage kind of turns me off, but it might be what you're looking for.

Desiree, I think facing up to this is an incredible thing. You don't sound like you're quite ready to put a label on it yet, and that's fine. But recognizing there's a problem, admitting it publicly, seeking support-- these are all the first steps to making healthy, lasting changes both for you and for your family.

ETA: Here's a whole page of "rational and secular" recovery programs:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.or...l_secular.html
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 06:45 PM 06-01-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
Rational Recovery appears to be a non-spiritual addiction program. I know nothing about its success rate and to be honest, the homepage kind of turns me off, but it might be what you're looking for.

Desiree, I think facing up to this is an incredible thing. You don't sound like you're quite ready to put a label on it yet, and that's fine. But recognizing there's a problem, admitting it publicly, seeking support-- these are all the first steps to making healthy, lasting changes both for you and for your family.

ETA: Here's a whole page of "rational and secular" recovery programs:
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.or...l_secular.html
Thank you for the resources!
Kivgaen's Avatar Kivgaen 06:52 PM 06-01-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by beansmama View Post
Take a look at them...how many are useful and how many are spiritual http://www.12step.org/
Okay, you are right... I am speaking of something that I know nothing about. I will dutifully do my research and examine the 12 steps in detail to see if what I am "preaching" is possible...

Quote:
* Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
This step appears to have no relationship whatsoever to God -- it's just about your body's reaction to alcohol.

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* Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
You come to believe that a power within YOURSELF can restore you to sanity (if you tap into it).

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* Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Yeah, that one sucks... so change it:

Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to your inner self. Your inner self is crying out in rebellion because you are not being true to yourself (Depression is a clear marker of this to me!). So change this step to: know thyself and live in accordance with the wishes of your true self. Know that when you are not drugged or inebrieated, that your true self will appear if you allow it the freedom to come out. Have faith in yourself that you can recognize your inner voice when it cries out, and listen to what it is trying to tell you. Submit yourself to your "true" self so that you can live harmoniously to recognize your true power, love, and way of life. May you always live in congruency with your true self.

Quote:
* Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Basically the same step as Step 3, now that we've changed it.

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* Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Skip "God", and the rest of this step applies.

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* Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
"God" isn't removing the defects of character... but your inner self knows the defects and it will tell you, if you are willing to listen.

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* Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
You don't need God to remove them... You can do it yourself -- find your inner power.

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* Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
This step has nothing to do with God.

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* Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Again -- nothing to do with God...

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* Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
God has left the building...

Quote:
* Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Change it: Meditate to your inner self... Find your power -- you have it. It's there. Do you believe yet?

Quote:
* Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
Help others -- you can even reach out to those athiests to say Yes! It CAN work, even if you don't believe in God. Look at me -- I did it!


AA isn't the whole solution... It's all about YOU. You CAN do it yourself -- but why should you have to, when there are support groups that you can go to and reach out to for assistance when you need it?

This is the start of a journey for you that may take a long time. Are you sure that you have the comittment to go it all alone? Why would you want to, when there are people out there who have been where you are, have done it before, know the pitfalls, know the same feelings that you have. Why wouldn't you take advantage of that resource if it were just an AA meeting away?
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 07:02 PM 06-01-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivgaen View Post
Okay, you are right... I am speaking of something that I know nothing about. I will dutifully do my research and examine the 12 steps in detail to see if what I am "preaching" is possible...



This step appears to have no relationship whatsoever to God -- it's just about your body's reaction to alcohol.



You come to believe that a power within YOURSELF can restore you to sanity (if you tap into it).



Yeah, that one sucks... so change it:

Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to your inner self. Your inner self is crying out in rebellion because you are not being true to yourself (Depression is a clear marker of this to me!). So change this step to: know thyself and live in accordance with the wishes of your true self. Know that when you are not drugged or inebrieated, that your true self will appear if you allow it the freedom to come out. Have faith in yourself that you can recognize your inner voice when it cries out, and listen to what it is trying to tell you. Submit yourself to your "true" self so that you can live harmoniously to recognize your true power, love, and way of life. May you always live in congruency with your true self.



Basically the same step as Step 3, now that we've changed it.



Skip "God", and the rest of this step applies.



"God" isn't removing the defects of character... but your inner self knows the defects and it will tell you, if you are willing to listen.



You don't need God to remove them... You can do it yourself -- find your inner power.



This step has nothing to do with God.



Again -- nothing to do with God...



God has left the building...



Change it: Meditate to your inner self... Find your power -- you have it. It's there. Do you believe yet?



Help others -- you can even reach out to those athiests to say Yes! It CAN work, even if you don't believe in God. Look at me -- I did it!


AA isn't the whole solution... It's all about YOU. You CAN do it yourself -- but why should you have to, when there are support groups that you can go to and reach out to for assistance when you need it?

This is the start of a journey for you that may take a long time. Are you sure that you have the comittment to go it all alone? Why would you want to, when there are people out there who have been where you are, have done it before, know the pitfalls, know the same feelings that you have. Why wouldn't you take advantage of that resource if it were just an AA meeting away?
I'm sorry, I DO appreciate your desire to motivate me to do what is right...but you seem terribly fixates on AA.

You also seemed to completely skip the part about the success rate, which let's face it...IS important. If I need help, I want to get it from an effective place, which statistically, AA has proven to NOT be that.

And as someone who's attended numerous meetings in the past...AA is also a great place to hook up with people and party...which is what the majority of people in there are still doing. That's a fact.
beansmama's Avatar beansmama 07:22 PM 06-01-2010

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