Allowing others to tell me how I feel - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 06-16-2010, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I've recently discovered that this is what my problem is IRT my life as it is right now (being in a really rocky relationship for the past 10 flippin years). I try to follow my gut feelings, but get denied constantly a way out of the relationship. He thinks we are good together, and all this blahdeblah.. I'm just so tired of having no self-confidence and balls to follow my heart.

I know I have a lot of work ahead of me to go by my feelings, and stop allowing others to tell me how I feel or should feel. Has anyone else gone through this? Anyone have any advice?
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#2 of 4 Old 06-16-2010, 10:24 PM
 
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Do you ever have any quiet time to yourself? You can hear your inner voice quite clearly when you are on your own, BUt often we haven't had that time in so long that we have tons of thoughts/words whizzing by.

here's what i suggest. Before sitting still with yourself, do a 'brain dump'... literally get out some paper and write down every single thing on your mind, whether it's to pick up that sock in the hallway, the grocery items you need to pick up, that you depressed/sick and tired, you love your toenails, any and EVERYTHING goes on that paper, until you can't think anymore. That way you don't have to let the thoughts swim around and your subconcious mind can relax because it knows that the thoughts are on paper and you will get to it eventually.

Then, sit alone where you won't be distracted and ask yourself these questions (out loud). then just listen. Your inner voice will come back to you with answers. Also, consider changing the questions you normally ask yourself. So, if you normally say 'Why is this happening to me?', ask yourself "How is this better for me?" etc. that way you'll break out of the normal pattern of thinking.

Also, if you normally are sitting when you are having this thoughts, stand up, move around, take deep breaths, just get your body moving in a way that's different from your normal way of moving.

Lastly, if you are having trouble hearing the voice, get out a piece of paper, fold it in half and write down "I have to get out of this relationship" ..this is YOUR voice..on the other side is the "other voices/opinions/pressure from others in your life"..so it might say in response to the first statement "but you're lucky you have someone!" then on YOUR side again you give a reply, until you have gone down the list of excuses/opinions and feel confident in your own voice again..


hth!

Feel free to ask questions, I hope it made sense, I was typing quick.

Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com

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#3 of 4 Old 07-06-2010, 11:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks so much for replying It really means a lot to me. I am going to think about what you said, and try it.
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#4 of 4 Old 07-07-2010, 12:23 AM
 
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Moonstarhome, you are off to a good start. It takes practice to catch your self. You will get in the habit of noticing when your opinion is being ignored. Then you'll notice something else, which will lead to another discovery, and on and on.

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Lastly, if you are having trouble hearing the voice, get out a piece of paper, fold it in half and write down "I have to get out of this relationship" ..this is YOUR voice..on the other side is the "other voices/opinions/pressure from others in your life"..so it might say in response to the first statement "but you're lucky you have someone!" then on YOUR side again you give a reply, until you have gone down the list of excuses/opinions and feel confident in your own voice again..
I like that.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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