Join Date: May 2007
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|I would also like to add that I have an amazing DH, without whom I would likely not be in the treatment I now realize I so seriously need.|
trottin', pole dancing, Norway and Sweden lovin' , ,WOHM Kiddos born 12/11/06 and 08/09/08
with #3 EDD:01/2013 So in love with my sweet Swede and my bonus-son 10/25/98
|I hope you can all accept me.|
I've been hiding from pretty much everything. It been a rough and emotional week and I've been bingeing daily. I'm not too sure what my exact trigger was but to pin point the day(s) would be last Sunday. Meaning that I made it through some issues with my husband on Friday night and had a relatively peaceful Saturday and then I caved in.
I had a friend over while our husbands went to a game and she was in a mood to eat. I shamefully followed her lead and ate so much that I became ill. I felt pretty nasty for the rest of the day. By Monday morning I had kind of given up using my old excuse..."I should eat something before I get a headache".
The weird thing is that I'm NOT proud of my behavior but I'm also not carrying that disgusted feeling either. I'm so unhappy with what I see in the mirror and can't imaging spending another day this way but yet I continue on. I've been spending a great deal of time crying so I must be in pain but I can't quite put my finger on what's bothering me.
I also worry about what you ( the Tribe ) thinks of me. Believe it or not I don't care what the average person thinks of me but here it's a concern. I feel the need to say that I'm not a whale but I am over weight. I also try my best to hide it by wearing larger clothes.
Everything I'm doing to justify my addiction with food is really becoming too much for me to manage on my own. The daily readings from OA help me to reflect on my myself for the moment but not the whole picture of my world. But I guess that's the idea is to take one day at a time. But I feel like it's making things worse.
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