Getting back to where I was after a huge fall from grace - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-21-2010, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
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2 years ago I felt like Superwoman. I had finally achieved my goal to be a foster parent, and I was working 50+ hours a week bringing in pretty good money. I had my own money and my own car. My kids were hyper, but pretty well adjusted, and we spent lots of time doing fun things like fishing and camping. I was very GD, co slept with my boys, and was still nursing my 4 year old.

However, my marriage was rapidly deteriorating. After several years, I was pretty much done trying. I was convinced that most of the stress in my marriage was related to my job, and I let my XDH convince me to quit. I was suposed to start my own photography business, and everything was going to be allright again.

Well, it wasn't. After I gave up my job (and my independence), I realized that my job was never to blame, and after giving it another go for a year, I was just done, and got a divorce.

I have never found another good job that pays my bills. This past year has been wonderful in a few ways (I met my current DP who has just been a lifesaver, in more ways than one), but also devestating. I had a year of anxiety with my X threatening to take my kids away from me, applying and never getting jobs, finally getting a job but getting fired because someone was stealing and I was the last one hired (they eventually fired the real perp, but I was never offered my job back), and 2 weeks before Christmas my children and I were evicted from our home because we got behind in rent. Just recently my car was repossessed because I couldnt make the payments.

I got hired on to set up a retail store, and was praised on how hard I was working the whole way through, but didnt get picked to stay on at the store. Instead, a little 16 year old who screwed up a lot of things during set up was chosen. That was a real kick in the teeth for me, I NEEDED that job, I deserved that job, I worked harder than anyone.

I feel so defeated. I don't have any energy anymore to try. I have lined up therapy for my kids starting next month, but I cannot go because I have no insurance.

My DP has been killing himself working overtime to support me and my kids. I love him for it, and hate myself for being so weak and unable to support my own family, as I once did. The money I earned from my job went straight into a car that I bought, but I cannot drive it because it needs to be fixed. That car was supposed to be my saving grace, so I could start my business and earn money too. Using one car is not a possibility, because my DP drives 50 miles one way to work, and the gas alone is killing us.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so weak, I just want to crawl into bed and not wake up again. I have lost all my strength, and I dont have any friends left, so there is no support system. How can I get back to the strong, positive woman that I was 2 years ago?
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#2 of 5 Old 07-21-2010, 01:47 PM
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You need a plan. Sit down and analyze your income and expenditures. Get a realistic picture of where you stand. What can you cut out? Cable? Cell phone plan? Eating out? Make sure you know where the money goes. If you are not working can you get food stamps or other welfare assistance? It should definitely help with counseling.

As for work, try temping. Call temp agencies and get signed up to be on their call list. Take temp jobs as they come up. That's how I got hired in my first job. I temped for a few weeks and then they hired me on permanently.

Update your resume.

As for the car (believe me - my DH's truck is getting a new engine as we speak - car repair sucks!) see if you can find a mechanic that will barter with you. Can you take photos or clean house or something to get the car fixed?

I think once you have a plan and start achieving little goals on the plan it will give you the confidence boost to tackle the bigger things.

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#3 of 5 Old 07-21-2010, 11:30 PM
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, mama. I don't have any different advice that than pp - I just wanted to say that you certainly are not weak because a weak woman wouldn't have been able to survive this difficult time and you are surviving it! It seems to me that you are a very strong woman who has been having a rough time for awhile. Wishing you lots of success and overwhelming joy!

Momma to my beautiful blessing pinktongue.gif (Nov '08) and two Spirit babies angel3.gif (Dec '09) and angel2.gif (July '10)
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#4 of 5 Old 07-22-2010, 02:49 AM
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You are not weak just because you are having a hard time landing a job at the moment. You keep trying, and that is really strong!

I agree with the pp about seeing if you can get work through a temp agency. It's sucky, but would at least give you a bit of money to get your car fixed/help pay bills until you can find a more permanent job or get your business started.

I hope things start to turn around for you soon mama!
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#5 of 5 Old 07-27-2010, 01:05 AM
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I was thinking about your post and was wondering how you were feeling today mama.
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