My mom told me that going out to eat with my kids "mortifies" her :( - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 10:50 PM
 
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I only read the first couple responses and wanted to respond that sounds like normal 2 year old behavior to me! I'm sorry your mom wasn't more helpful.

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#32 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:07 PM
 
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I have four boys ranging in age from 10 to 2, and another boy on the way. My DH is deployed. Therefore, if we want to eat out, it is total crowd control and behavior management for me while my kids eat. I do not set foot into a restaurant, doctor's office, meeting, or other situation where kids are expected to behave well, without a stash of munchy, healthy snacks, a few small toys (i.e. cars or little people), and a couple of easy to read books. OP, as much as I sympathise with your restaurant situation, and feel that your mom's comment was out of line, I have to agree with the PP who suggested that you need to be more prepared for going out, especially when you know that your child is bound to be hungry and tired.

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#33 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:27 PM
 
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I'm the one smiling sympathetically at you from the next table. You're doing fine, and I know how hard it is not to have the support you hoped for from a grandma.

With any luck though, you've unsubscribed by now from your own thread! I would.

Mom of one child (2008), wife of one husband, tender of dogs, cats and chickens. Household interests: ocean life (kid), bitcoins (husband), simplifying (me).

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#34 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Catubodua View Post
because the other people in the restaurant have the right to eat there undisturbed as much as possible. i know we all love our kids and still love them during their not so great moments, but it's not fair to expect the entire world to be as patient with them as we are. the fact some of parents in this community believe that it's fine for toddlers to act like tyrants and everyone else in the world just has to deal doesn't mean we all feel that way.


OP - did you ask your mom to take him for a walk or did you think she should have offered on her own?
I tend to disagree with your first sentence. Children are a part of life, especially at a family restaurant. I would like to think that in this day and age we are past the stage of "children should be seen and not heard". That's a load of poo. The fact is 2 year olds don't handle hunger well. I know older people who have a problem handling it well too. It seems like everyone is willing to make excuses for grouchy old people, but everyone gets their panties in a twist over a toddler having a small fit. If the kid was screaming for an extended period of time, then yes, they should be removed from their restaurant. But one episode while waiting for crackers is not inconveniencing anyone.
OP, it's fine and well for you and your sister to take what you can get, but your mom is inappropriate to your children as well. They can't control whether they have to spend time with your mom or not, nor can they really do anything about it when she makes a verbally abusive comment to them ( "nasty") At a minimum I'd have a chat with her and tell her that if she wants to see her grandkids then she needs to learn to hold her tongue. If she'd just as soon not be around them, then what are they really losing? I understand how tough of a choice this becomes. I've had to pretty much cut off contact between my parents and my younger son, because he is autistic and simply not capable of producing behavior that is acceptable to them and they can't keep their mouths shut about it, and my dad grabbed him and shook him two years ago. So....no more visits with grandpa. It stinks, but they really haven't left me with any other choice.

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#35 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Catubodua View Post
where did i say children should be hidden? or that this is something a mom can't do?

i'm saying that not everyone thinks a cranky toddler in a restaurant is appropriate and they would consider the OP rude for not doing enough to handle the situation. how is this shocking to anyone that not everyone in the world agrees that the world revolves around their kids?
Where did the OP say the world revolves around her child?

You did fine OP and yes, your mom was rude and very unhelpful. People who don't have toddlers yet, or who have left those years long behind can be very judgmental. My son just left a trying phase behind where he would have mini-breakdowns at least hourly. I hope I remember how much a kind word of support helped when I am a grandma.
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#36 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:44 PM
 
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I would have been mortified. Flinging a drink on the floor is not okay. It's just not. If a child is that upset, you should take him/her out for a few minutes to calm down.

If your child was up at 5AM and this was breakfast at a more reasonable hour, then I don't understand why he hadn't been fed before going. I don't know your mom's experience with your kids, but I will say that I have friends who use the "he's hungry/tired/off his schedule" line every time their children do something embarrassing, and it gets old. I'm grouchy when I'm hungry, too, but I've learned not to throw things and hit people. That's something that may be age-appropriate but your child has to learn.

When we've removed our children from restaurants because of their behavior, they've understood that they needed to leave because they were doing X, and that's not something we can do in a restaurant. If I saw you, I will admit that I would be thinking, "geez, why isn't she doing something about her child screaming and throwing a drink on the floor?"

Being well-prepared is your best defense. If you knew your child was *that* hungry, then you should've had a snack there for him.

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#37 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:48 PM
 
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I think you should hAve a talk with your mom.
Tell her how you feel.
I thought my mom was selfish, but I know she would have done something to help or atleast tried. She atleast feels thAt when she is with me and the kids that we tag team it.


It's good to always have emergency protein snacks in your purse to try to avoid hunger meltdowns.
You've probably already figured that one out.
Unless you can fix this with your mom, I wouldn't put myself through being critcized.
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#38 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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OP, I started reading this thread this afternoon and was sympathizing with you and the poor response you were getting here. And then this happened:

My dad is in town visiting and wanted to take us to a real restaurant. My oldest chose a roadhouse, so really loud and family friendly - you know, the place where you throw the peanut shells on the floor? The kids were being great! The two oldest sat quietly and chatted with each other. The almost 2 yo twin boys were very happy, laughing and chattering and squealing with delight. They got very quiet when the food arrived and ate well.

We were almost done when an old man approached the table. He proceeded to tell us how disgusting it was to eat near such horrible loud children. How I should be ashamed to bring them out of the house if I can't make them shut up.

My dad calmly told him to go away and leave us alone. The old man then told all of us, loudly to kiss his @$$. Directed at my children! The waitress grabbed him and threw him out and appologized for him being so rude. I had a hard time not crying and I lost my appetite completely.

I know my kids are loud, especially the twins. They are almost 2 yo and they feed off each other. That's why we stick to family restaurants or fast food.

Tonight, I feel deep sympathy for you! I would have been devastated if my dad had been unsupportive.

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#39 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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Wow. Hindsight is 20/20 people. I have no doubt that from here on the OP will bring toys and a snack with her to every restaurant. VM, I'd hope you know not to scream and fling a drink on their floor, though I am going on the assumption that you aren't two years old Moms aren't perfect, neither are two year olds. What should she have done? Beat him? String him up by his toenails? I'm sure she didn't praise him for tossing his drink on the floor and he quieted in a matter of a few minutes once he got crackers. We all live and learn and I'm sure she won't make the same mistake again.
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#40 of 92 Old 08-01-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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i think both sides have a point

I went to a chinese restaurant and thank goodness there was hardly anyone there b/c my perfect angel flipped out knocked everything on the floor and clearly needed a bottle and a nap. I don't recall eating and it was a very not fun experience and I was embarrassed. I'm not the type to think get over it the world revolves around me and am very acutely aware of how I am treating people around me. The co-owner was very sweet and she told me mothers are not allowed to eat hot dinners until 2 years of age lol. Well, at least yours was two mine was just 1. I haven't gone out to eat since. I do feel very bummed about it and want to but honestly I would rather hire a babysitter so I could enjoy myself selfishly.

I also (pre babies) hated screaming annoying babies. Sorry! Going out to eat and spending 10 times what it would cost at home i DO want it to be all about me :P I want to be waited on and asked how my meal was and I want my food hot and be able to talk to my companion in a positive way. I remember in a dimly lit mexican restaurant which was "family friendly" though I don't know how since the plates were scalding hot and the ambience was more on the romantic side with margaritas making the rounds. I remember being banged repeated in the back.. watching a 3 year old stab my husband in the head repeatedly with a fork and the parents COMPLETELY ignoring the kids and doing nothing about it and this is with HIGH backed benches. I think some sort of decorum and a realization that you're not indeed at home and have no right to harm others or make their lives miserable just because you have kids.

What's wrong with being polite in society now a days. It's all about me me me

As for your mom yeah it was mean but she's your best friend and should be able to say mean things. It's like your best friend telling you your fat.. yes it's mean but REAL good friends are brutally honest and shouldn't have a fear of you dumping them out of your life because of it. Real friends should be able to be open like that. You were probably so busy you had no idea what things looked like. Maybe take note that maybe you're not ready for restaurant life or that with your mom you should make things easier by having breakfast at home where you can give her the attention she needs and the ability to talk to her as your children will be able to go play etc.

If my best friend told me it was hell being in public with my kids I would reevaluate my public parenting skills and not do public things with her if I am unwilling to change. It's just polite.
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#41 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:01 AM
 
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Moms aren't perfect, neither are two year olds.
Grandmas aren't perfect either.
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#42 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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You're right, they aren't. But the 2 yo was not launching a personal attack on g-ma. He was acting like a 2 yo. Telling a 2 yo that they are nasty is really not ok, for any reason. In my mind there is a big difference between forgetting to bring crackers and verbally abusing a toddler.

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#43 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:06 AM
 
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Also, from my experience, family restaurants at breakfast are not the quietest places to eat. Heck, we ate at one of the fancier restaurants in town and had trouble hearing each other at times due to the "girls-night out" in a nearby lounge area. Now if we want a quiet place to eat we frequent a different restaurant.

Family restaurants are all about hungry kids and parents holding on to their last threads of sanity. Probably not the best pick for someone craving a quiet, peaceful environment
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#44 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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OP - your mom was definitely rude and unhelpful. I'm really sorry about that.

However, I think the situation might have been handled better.

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Originally Posted by Kathymomof5 View Post
Kids will never understand how to behave in public if you don't give them the opportunity to learn.
They won't learn if you don't teach them, either. A two year old who is screaming and throwing his drink on the floor needs to be removed from the situation. Not just for the peace of the other diners, but also so he can begin to learn what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Take him outside, help him calm down, bring him back in when food is ready.

Of course parents don't need to "hide their kids away," but they should teach/help their children behave appropriately. Also, as a PP noted, they should set them up for success. I have made the mistake of going out to eat with a tired, grumpy child and that is exactly what it was - a mistake. We all make them.
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#45 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:16 AM
 
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I recently had a very rough visit with my parents, where they obviously do not remember what life with a 3 year old is like. They said some very hurtful things and had some very unrealistic expectations about my daughter's behavior. So I sympathize with you.

However, you lost my sympathy at this: you didn't feed your 2 year old between him waking up at 5am, and you going out to breakfast? Which, I assume was at some point after 5:15am? I'm sorry, but I really hope that I'm reading that wrong. How could have possibly not foreseen poor behavior from a starving 2 year old, and fixed things before they happened by giving him a small breakfast sometime between when he woke up and when you left? I just don't understand why you allowed him to get so hungry. That's just asking for toddler trouble.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#46 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
Telling a 2 yo that they are nasty is really not ok, for any reason. In my mind there is a big difference between forgetting to bring crackers and verbally abusing a toddler.
I really agree with this. One is downright malicious, and one is simply, well, part of being a parent. Like I said in my previous post, we all make mistakes.

ETA: I've been thinking about this more, and really, the OP came here asking for support b/c someone she loves was unsupportive, mean, and unhelpful to her. (And your mom was all those things, OP! I totally understand why it hurt you.) Maybe she made a small parenting mistake in taking a tired toddler out to eat or not bringing crackers, but isn't that when you need the people who love and support you, to, well, love and support you? To help you, instead of criticize and hurt you?
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#47 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:21 AM
 
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As for your mom yeah it was mean but she's your best friend and should be able to say mean things. It's like your best friend telling you your fat.. yes it's mean but REAL good friends are brutally honest and shouldn't have a fear of you dumping them out of your life because of it. Real friends should be able to be open like that. .
Yikes. The people I call friends wouldn't make an embarrassing situation worse by pointing out how awful it is making THEM feel. That is just so the last thing you want to hear when you have a cranky toddler on your hands that you are attempting to keep calm. To top it off by calling the child "nasty" for doing something so trivial as pulling a straw out of her hand? Not ok. Meanness (aka. brutal honesty) has no place in a caring,loving relationship. There are just so many other, grace-full ways of discussing something.
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#48 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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Wow. Hindsight is 20/20 people. I have no doubt that from here on the OP will bring toys and a snack with her to every restaurant. VM, I'd hope you know not to scream and fling a drink on their floor, though I am going on the assumption that you aren't two years old Moms aren't perfect, neither are two year olds. What should she have done? Beat him? String him up by his toenails? I'm sure she didn't praise him for tossing his drink on the floor and he quieted in a matter of a few minutes once he got crackers. We all live and learn and I'm sure she won't make the same mistake again.
But what makes me scratch my head is that bringing toys and snacks when you go out with a very hungry 2 year old who hasn't eaten anything since dinner the night before seems like foresight to me. I always have a few quick snacks in my diaper bag for when I see a meltdown coming. I'm a little annoyed at friends who stick a snack in front of their children during any quiet moment... but 2 year olds have small tummies and quick metabolisms and sometimes they get hungry when you least expect it. It's always a good idea to carry a granola bar (or whatever: I always keep a few of those applesauce pouches that seem to be getting trendy... no prep, long shelf life, no mess, my kids love them) and a few toys. I never go to a restaurant without at least 3 small, quiet, toys for each kid.

I clicked on this thread expecting to be VERY sympathetic to OP, since I was just in a similar situation with my parents, but now I'm just confused as to how she could have thought this meal would go well. The first rule of toddlers is that a fed and rested toddler is a happy toddler, and that an unhappy toddler probably needs either a snack or a nap. This child was both tired and hungry, and I don't really understand how OP didn't plan better for that. But I may just be reading it wrong: she doesn't specifically say that the child hadn't eaten anything. That was just how I read it.

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#49 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 12:57 AM
 
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As for your mom yeah it was mean but she's your best friend and should be able to say mean things. It's like your best friend telling you your fat.. yes it's mean but REAL good friends are brutally honest and shouldn't have a fear of you dumping them out of your life because of it. Real friends should be able to be open like that.
Your friends are rough.

Before I had kids, I went out to eat with my friends with children and understood that a large part of our experience was going to involve both of us trying to keep the kid happy.

When my own was born, we didn't eat out till she was old enough to mostly sit still and control her volume. She was probably 3.5 when we started eating out regularly as a family. She did fine (and still does, although we go to family friendly places ONLY because we're not pushing our luck). Before that, if we had to eat out (for a big family thing, usually), I was lucky enough to have friends and family who would pitch in with a cracker or produce a pen and notebook to entertain her or generally just help out. My mom would not watch me struggle with my child (especially in HELLO Cracker Barrel! Your mom could've offered to order for you while you went outside to play with checkers or something) and then gripe at me when I was in over my head.

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But what makes me scratch my head is that bringing toys and snacks when you go out with a very hungry 2 year old who hasn't eaten anything since dinner the night before seems like foresight to me. I always have a few quick snacks in my diaper bag for when I see a meltdown coming. I'm a little annoyed at friends who stick a snack in front of their children during any quiet moment... but 2 year olds have small tummies and quick metabolisms and sometimes they get hungry when you least expect it. It's always a good idea to carry a granola bar (or whatever: I always keep a few of those applesauce pouches that seem to be getting trendy... no prep, long shelf life, no mess, my kids love them) and a few toys. I never go to a restaurant without at least 3 small, quiet, toys for each kid.
It's Cracker Barrel. The food is kinda a blech (the breakfast isn't bad) but it's a great place for kids. They give you crayons when you sit and bring biscuits to your table so I would not go there packed to the teeth with snacks and toys.

I've also gotten out of the house without everything I intended to take. It happens. Or you're trying to ride that line between screaming starving hungry and already ate so can't be interested in their food long enough for you to eat. It's not easy planning to eat out with a toddler but picking a family friendly place with crayons, food on the table when you sit down, an outside area to walk of steam, and a grandmother seems like it should cover all your bases.
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#50 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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As for your mom yeah it was mean but she's your best friend and should be able to say mean things. It's like your best friend telling you your fat.. yes it's mean but REAL good friends are brutally honest and shouldn't have a fear of you dumping them out of your life because of it. Real friends should be able to be open like that.
I don't think real friendship has anything to do with being brutal and mean. In fact, I think that love and friendship are about not saying something when all it will do is hurt someone you supposedly care about. David Sedaris has a great line in his story "The End of the Affair" where he writes, "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings."

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You were probably so busy you had no idea what things looked like. Maybe take note that maybe you're not ready for restaurant life or that with your mom you should make things easier by having breakfast at home where you can give her the attention she needs and the ability to talk to her as your children will be able to go play etc.
(Bolding mine.) I really don't know that giving her "the attention she needs" would be the top of my priority list when she clearly makes no effort to give her daughter or grandchildren the attention and love they need.
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#51 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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What should she have done? Beat him? String him up by his toenails? I'm sure she didn't praise him for tossing his drink on the floor and he quieted in a matter of a few minutes once he got crackers. We all live and learn and I'm sure she won't make the same mistake again.
Honestly, once he threw the drink and started screaming if food wasn't to arrive within seconds I would have scooped him up and would have headed outside until the food was on the table.
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#52 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 01:30 AM
 
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Wow. All of this Monday-morning-quarterbacking and 20/20-hindsight is making me .

I mean, really. Some of you ALWAYS leave the house perfectly prepared? You never forget ANYTHING? God bless ya. Because I sure don't. Just last week I went to the mall and was trying on clothes when DS made a massive poop. And guess what I didn't have! Diapers! Oooops.

Or a few months ago when we met my cousin and her toddler at an indoor playplace, and I couldn't figure out my DS suddenly was so crabby! Oh! He hadn't eaten for a few hours and was HUNGRY! DUH! I was so preoccupied with finding the new place and meeting the new people that I didn't even look at the clock.

OP, you did FINE. You have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about. We've all been there.

As for your mom- well, her comments were just uncalled for and hurtful. Remember that when she wants you to take her for an extra spin around th enursing home someday.

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#53 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 01:56 AM
 
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We go out to eat a ton. Way too much, I will admit. We do not let our 2YO disturb other patrons.

I took DD out late the other night for a mommy-daughter chicken noodle soup thing. It was about 7:30 at panera bread on a thursday and surprisingly pretty crowded. DD did very well until she took a dive head-first from the booth to the floor.

I did not even wait for her to start but pretty much scooped her up and left our soups and diaper bag and ran her to the bathroom. She cried for 5 minutes, and when she was showing no signs of good recovery, I carried her back to the table to dump our soups, and we left.

It was late and not fair to her our the other diners to make her stay.

I was not just thinking about the other people, I was thinking about her.

I won't say that the OP should have done something with her son, I am saying that the OP should have sone something for her son.

But, really? It is a crackerbarrel for crying out loud. They made me wait 35 minutes for my meal the other day. Darn rising star...
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#54 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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Wow, I am stunned with the direction this thread took. This is the Personal Growth forum, the OP was asking for help with her relationship to her mom. She was not asking how to handle her toddler! This is supposed to be a supportive forum. Wow. Regardless of whether the OP handled things perfectly (I think she did the right things in the moment) the point here is that her
mom was nasty and abusive to her! Are the pps here really suggesting that she or her child deserve abuse because they had a tough time at a restaurant?!

If it was me, I would be having a chat with mom about how she can either learn to be supportive or she can stop hanging out with me and my kids.
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#55 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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Wow... I am really surprised to find so many outdated and oppressive comments along the lines of 'children being seen and not heard'. Yucko. This is the stuff many of us grew up with, and a reason why I hope many of us are trying to improve upon the way we were parented.

I understand the everyone would like children to behave nicely when going out. It's a great thing to work toward. But get real... Little kids are little kids. And a two year old? A BABY? Come on! Do any of the snarky, self righteous posters on here remember anything from their own childhoods? I sure do... I can remember plenty of occasions where I felt hurt or frightened because my parents or someone else felt compelled to 'make me behave myself'. How many times have any of you, as adults, tried to express your needs or feelings and been made to feel crappy for doing so? Or did your parents just do a really great job "teaching" you not to do that?

I'm sorry your mother let you down when you needed her, OP. My mom(also my step-dad) do a really crappy job of understanding that little kids need to be little kids and not everything goes as planned. My mom had seven kids. She uses that totally ineffective and unbelievable cop out... "I had seven kids and I'm tired of the whole mess." No excuse to not remember what small children are like.

I'd like to thank all the mamas who have posted supportive and understanding comments. I've clapped my hands a few times. We all play a part in creating the future, especially in the way we raise our children. Do we want to create a world of polished, push button mannequins that know how to run and hide when their programming fails? Or do we want a world of fearless, compassionate people that know when and how to stand their ground, and when and how to help others? When my son and daughter are adults, and eating out someplace and see some grouchy kid throw their cup on the floor, I hope they'll be the kind of people who run over and pick up the cup and offer the kid a piece of bread out of their own basket.
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#56 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 02:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by StrongBeliever View Post
Wow... I am really surprised to find so many outdated and oppressive comments along the lines of 'children being seen and not heard'. Yucko. This is the stuff many of us grew up with, and a reason why I hope many of us are trying to improve upon the way we were parented.

I understand the everyone would like children to behave nicely when going out. It's a great thing to work toward. But get real... Little kids are little kids. And a two year old? A BABY? Come on! Do any of the snarky, self righteous posters on here remember anything from their own childhoods? I sure do... I can remember plenty of occasions where I felt hurt or frightened because my parents or someone else felt compelled to 'make me behave myself'. How many times have any of you, as adults, tried to express your needs or feelings and been made to feel crappy for doing so? Or did your parents just do a really great job "teaching" you not to do that?

I'm sorry your mother let you down when you needed her, OP. My mom(also my step-dad) do a really crappy job of understanding that little kids need to be little kids and not everything goes as planned. My mom had seven kids. She uses that totally ineffective and unbelievable cop out... "I had seven kids and I'm tired of the whole mess." No excuse to not remember what small children are like.

I'd like to thank all the mamas who have posted supportive and understanding comments. I've clapped my hands a few times. We all play a part in creating the future, especially in the way we raise our children. Do we want to create a world of polished, push button mannequins that know how to run and hide when their programming fails? Or do we want a world of fearless, compassionate people that know when and how to stand their ground, and when and how to help others? When my son and daughter are adults, and eating out someplace and see some grouchy kid throw their cup on the floor, I hope they'll be the kind of people who run over and pick up the cup and offer the kid a piece of bread out of their own basket.
Beautifully said!
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#57 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 02:31 AM
 
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Wow. All of this Monday-morning-quarterbacking and 20/20-hindsight is making me .

I mean, really. Some of you ALWAYS leave the house perfectly prepared? You never forget ANYTHING? God bless ya. Because I sure don't. Just last week I went to the mall and was trying on clothes when DS made a massive poop. And guess what I didn't have! Diapers! Oooops.

Or a few months ago when we met my cousin and her toddler at an indoor playplace, and I couldn't figure out my DS suddenly was so crabby! Oh! He hadn't eaten for a few hours and was HUNGRY! DUH! I was so preoccupied with finding the new place and meeting the new people that I didn't even look at the clock.

OP, you did FINE. You have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about. We've all been there.

As for your mom- well, her comments were just uncalled for and hurtful. Remember that when she wants you to take her for an extra spin around th enursing home someday.
No kidding.

I'm a mom, and a former restaurant server in everything from greasy breakfast place to fine-dining for high rollers.

Good god people, lighten up. OP is here for dealing with her mother's uncalled for comments and distance in their relationship, not a critique on all the things she did wrong in the heat of a really crappy handful of moments.

Oh if only we could ALL be so, so perfect.

OP, if I had been waiting on you, I would have given you the best look of serious empathy I could muster, a huge stack of napkins, and massive basket of bread and butter to bandaid the situation. Sometimes, s&^^ happens. Things don't always go as planned, and hindsight presents the painful, glaringly obvious.

Good luck with your mom. I'd have a really hard time not giving a really snarky, "'What's the matter Mom, are you too old to remember what it's like having little kids?" That would give her something to be mortified about.
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#58 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 02:53 AM
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I'm sorry your mother isn't the mom you need her to be.

As for your ds crying in the restaurant, I think what you did was just fine. You knew that when the food came he would be fine.

-Melanie

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#59 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 04:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by StrongBeliever View Post
Wow... I am really surprised to find so many outdated and oppressive comments along the lines of 'children being seen and not heard'. Yucko. This is the stuff many of us grew up with, and a reason why I hope many of us are trying to improve upon the way we were parented.

I understand the everyone would like children to behave nicely when going out. It's a great thing to work toward. But get real... Little kids are little kids. And a two year old? A BABY? Come on! Do any of the snarky, self righteous posters on here remember anything from their own childhoods? I sure do... I can remember plenty of occasions where I felt hurt or frightened because my parents or someone else felt compelled to 'make me behave myself'. How many times have any of you, as adults, tried to express your needs or feelings and been made to feel crappy for doing so? Or did your parents just do a really great job "teaching" you not to do that?

I'm sorry your mother let you down when you needed her, OP. My mom(also my step-dad) do a really crappy job of understanding that little kids need to be little kids and not everything goes as planned. My mom had seven kids. She uses that totally ineffective and unbelievable cop out... "I had seven kids and I'm tired of the whole mess." No excuse to not remember what small children are like.

I'd like to thank all the mamas who have posted supportive and understanding comments. I've clapped my hands a few times. We all play a part in creating the future, especially in the way we raise our children. Do we want to create a world of polished, push button mannequins that know how to run and hide when their programming fails? Or do we want a world of fearless, compassionate people that know when and how to stand their ground, and when and how to help others? When my son and daughter are adults, and eating out someplace and see some grouchy kid throw their cup on the floor, I hope they'll be the kind of people who run over and pick up the cup and offer the kid a piece of bread out of their own basket.
I think many of us sit on both sides we she that Grandma was wrong but also mom. We can sympathize with Grandma and mom. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Hind site is wonderful! You can learn from them.

Her screaming child was not just embarrassing mother but disturbing other people. How respectful was mom being to her upset toddler by strapping him in the high chair and allowing him to scream instead of cuddling or engaging him? How respectful was mom to the child when she put her desire to eat out over her child's need to eat sooner? You can do both! A small container of cereal, piece of cheese, or fruit could have prevented the whole mess. How respectful was the mom to the waitress with her child throwing the drink down? The last time I went out to eat it took 30 minutes to get food, that is a long time for a toddler and not respectful to him. OP actually ignored her child's needs, in this situation.

Sometimes we need good friends to politely say "Sweety, your mom is a nut but I would have been embarrassed to. I manage to handle these situations by ---."

Yes, I can see that her mom was over harsh and wrong but I can also see (and feel) OP didn't have the best parenting moment either. ***we all have them

Nobody has said children should not be heard, we said screaming obviously upset hungry children need to be taken care of, not ignored, and sometimes that means leaving.

OP, I do hope you understand we all have moments. I have left restaurant with my kids. I have not gone out. I know you want us to support you. I understand your mom said something hurtful and I want to hug that hurt away. Yet, at the same time I want to support you to seeing that you options and the situation wasn't completely about you and your mom but you and every one else.
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#60 of 92 Old 08-02-2010, 06:20 AM
 
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I bet both are having 20/20 hindsight and the horrible remark is eating away at grandma even if she doesn't say so. Nasty WAS way over the line.

Yes, If I look like a rainbow colored hairball a clown just coughed up I expect my FRIENDS to tell me so, so I don't make a bigger *** of myself than I already do. :P No hippy, let's all hold hands and sing perfect poetry to each other and dance around the truth for me

I have no idea was a cracker barrel is btw. From reading I guess it's a kid's place so maybe they are use to kids yelling Idk.

And don't ever offer my kid food from your table and certainly not gluten without asking. That would irk me something beyond reason.

When I was little I never yelled or threw a tantrum in a store or restaurant (since someone asked). We also didn't eat out as much as people do now. I also don't think it was due to good training from my mom. It was just MY personal personality of being shy and quiet. Some kids have different personalities is all.
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