It's STILL going on after 3 1/2 years!?! VENT - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-11-2010, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I parted ways from a friend of mine over 3 1/2 years ago. No contact has been made, I haven't seen her since then, we just took different routes in parenting styles, and just grew apart very quickly after having kids. It really should've happen much sooner, but it is what it is. It was mutual and just a long time coming.

Anyhow, now 3 1/2 years after the fact, DH is getting the 'shut out' effects from this group that she's friends with. She no longer lives where we live, but is still in contact with this group.
DH is also friends with most of the husbands in this group and I'm friends with a couple of wives/gf's, but recently, we were not invited to a pool party where a wife of a friend of DH's was present. I'm no longer friends with this woman as she took sides with the ex-friend, called me a bunch of names, and accused me of things that never happened. It's complicated and very lengthy.

So why do folks still feel like they have to tip toe around me and my DH? Making us fully aware of when the ex-friend may or may not be present and this other woman that I'm no longer in contact with are going to make an appearance?!

It's so childish is just completely unnecessary. DH found out about it on FB. I think his feelings were hurt, too. He's going through a lot of red tape to get this guy some really, really nice seats to a concert in a couple of months that he's all going to with more guys from this group and he feels like he sort of got slapped in the face.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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#2 of 3 Old 08-11-2010, 06:29 PM
 
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Perhaps it might be helpful to bring up the situation with the group of friends who you feel are giving you and dh the cold shoulder. Just an open, honest discussion about it. You could say the friendship didn't end well with _____, but that you'd like to remain friends with them. Because you never know what your ex-friend told them about your part in the fight with her. You could have been painted to be a crazy woman. And sometimes people make stuff up to try to get people on their sides. She could have told them you said something about them when you two were still friends, so that they would be offended and take her side. People are weird.

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#3 of 3 Old 08-12-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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Unfortunately sometimes parting with friends is like going through a divorce and people you were once close to chose sides. If these people are so small as to shun you and your husband over a mutual friend then you're probably better off without them.

Try not to take it too personally as this would probably have happened sooner or later. It sounds like these other families are incapable of thinking for themselves. It always burns me up when this happens. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't made more of an investment in their friendships. The really sad thing is when the children have bonded and you have to explain to them why they can't see their friends.

Cheer up you sound like the better person anyway!
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