Join Date: Sep 2007
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I'm sure this has been posted a thousand times before, but can someone fill me in on HOW to get a break from relatives. I had a breakthrough last week where it dawned on me that these people (parents, aunts, sibs) have for years been taking advantage of me and I am so tired of the guilt tripping and the false promises and the CREEPINESS and I just need to NOT be around them for a while, just so I can focus on me and my family (which includes me, my wonderful DH, and our 3yo DS with autism. The autism is starting to kick me in the pants, and it's a fact that I still have yet to share with relatives, though they have asked "what the doctor has said about him." ARRG!)
Just as I decided I needed an honest2goodness break I received 2 emails from 2 of the biggest culprits, the two who refuse to acknowledge my comfort level or boundaries, the two who make me most neurotic---the emails just contained more of their games---and then last night I received a drunken phone call from one of them at 9:41 pm---NOT COOL with a LO, I'm sorry. I was blunt and told her that I had to go, that after 7 rings of the phone my DS was now up (not true, but goddammit, don't call after 8! And don't call creepy DRUNK!) Problem is, I was so blunt that it was pretty rude, and I'm half feeling guilty about it, half not caring. But why should I be feeling guilty for HER complete disregard for my feelings and my home.
It's that sort of thing that forces me into absolutely needing a break from these people. I don't want it to be permanent and I don't want them dead or anything. Facebook and email and phones and skype don't make it easy, but being somewhat of a recluse I'm naturally able to cut down contact fairly well, but I usually end up feeling guilty about it. WHICH MAKES ME SO ANGRY because I feel like they control me with emotional blackmail--except of course theeeey don't see it that way and "oh, they're so sorry!!!" Mostly I feel conflicted just not knowing whether I'm justified in this need, or not. Do I have a right to take a break from family. FWIW, I also feel sexually and emotionally violated by these people, the way their eyes roll over me make me feel like a piece of meat.
ETA...these are also 2 of the oldest people in my family, I can't help but think WHAT IF I break off more contact, and they die. OR, what if I just continue to play along with their games just to cause no riffs and keep them happy, would that provide me relief in the end. Would I feel better about myself as a person if I just continue to play along. I can tell you what, I DON"T WANT TO. These people have broken me down so many times, I've lashed out at them telling them I needed my space that they were driving me crazy, it always ends in me feeling horrible and apologizing.
Book-lovin', relaxed homeschoolin', dog snugglin' mom of the best kid EVER! AND...waiting for baby #2, due 5/9/14!