Feeling torn apart - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 08-16-2010, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel so torn apart, I usually avoid thinking about it, but now, I feel like crying.
I live in a very small town (less than 1,000), and there is very little employment. It's incredibly hard to find a job, and right now there's nothing. I use to be employed, but lost that job (bad economy) last summer, and since then I've had a few jobs here and there but nothing substantial.
My ex wants to move to L.A. (Venice/Santa Monica), and last summer I was ready to go. I wanted to move by the Holidays, but he didn't feel ready. He wanted to finish getting certified to teach yoga, do bodywork, gain experience, before moving. In the meantime, I fell in love. I've never been so happy in a relationship before. My sweetie is amazing, he's my best friend, best lover ever, etc. But the thing is that he won't move from here. He has shared custody of his daughter, and wants to stay close to her. And there is no way the girl's mom would move to Southern California. So, he's staying here.
I am so in love, and just the idea of having to leave him breaks my heart, but I can't seem to find work here. I have no degree, so finding online work seems impossible. I don't know what to do. I also have a business idea that might be possible to put into action in Southern California, but not here.
What would you do?

"That boy, Frank, he lives inside his own heart. That's a real big place to live." ~ Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in Sling Blade
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#2 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 02:02 AM
 
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I can't give too much advice. But one thing that did stick out to me was that if you're even debating leaving your boyfriend to move to LA with your ex...then the relationship probably isn't doing all that well anyways. If he was the "one" then I doubt that you would be considering this. Unless you have a history of making impulsive decisions or something.

I live in LA (and teach yoga for that matter) and the economy is bad here too. Most yoga studios require a lot of expensive training before they'll consider hiring you (there's always jobs at places like 24 hour fitness, but that is not full time work). Plus the cost of living is just crazy. Not trying to be a downer, just making sure that you know.

I hope you can figure something out that you're comfortable with.

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#3 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 02:36 AM
 
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I think I need more information to be able to say what I might do.

Why move with your ex?

Do you have children together? If so, do children live with you? Were you once married to ex?
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#4 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady View Post
I can't give too much advice. But one thing that did stick out to me was that if you're even debating leaving your boyfriend to move to LA with your ex...then the relationship probably isn't doing all that well anyways. If he was the "one" then I doubt that you would be considering this. Unless you have a history of making impulsive decisions or something.

I live in LA (and teach yoga for that matter) and the economy is bad here too. Most yoga studios require a lot of expensive training before they'll consider hiring you (there's always jobs at places like 24 hour fitness, but that is not full time work). Plus the cost of living is just crazy. Not trying to be a downer, just making sure that you know.

I hope you can figure something out that you're comfortable with.
My ex is remarried, but were committed to stay close together for our son's sake. Feelings for him have nothing to do with me thinking about moving. In fact, he's a total ass.
I'm considering moving because there is no work where I currently live. My relationship with my boyfriend is going amazingly well. Even when we disagree about something, we are able to just laugh about it.
My ex has trained to teach yoga, is really good at it, and him and his wife have been offering teaching jobs in LA already.

"That boy, Frank, he lives inside his own heart. That's a real big place to live." ~ Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in Sling Blade
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#5 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I need more information to be able to say what I might do.

Why move with your ex?

Do you have children together? If so, do children live with you? Were you once married to ex?
We have one son that's 5, and were married for a while. He was abusive when we were married though.

"That boy, Frank, he lives inside his own heart. That's a real big place to live." ~ Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in Sling Blade
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#6 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 12:39 PM
 
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If you are considering moving for work, and you are not in the entertainment industry (or even maybe if you are), don't move to LA. The California economy is not good. Very high unemployment and very, very high cost of living.
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#7 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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My ex is remarried, but were committed to stay close together for our son's sake. Feelings for him have nothing to do with me thinking about moving. In fact, he's a total ass.
I'm considering moving because there is no work where I currently live. My relationship with my boyfriend is going amazingly well. Even when we disagree about something, we are able to just laugh about it.
My ex has trained to teach yoga, is really good at it, and him and his wife have been offering teaching jobs in LA already.
Ok I had no idea about sharing a child with your ex. You or your signature didn't mention it. It still sounds to me like you're pretty set on the idea of trying out LA. The economy, job market, school system, and cost of living prices do suck...but for some sick reason I love it here so maybe you guys will too.

Good luck deciding.

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#8 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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Who does your child live with? If your ex goes to LA and you don't,where would your son live? Are you feeling torn between your boyfriend and your child? Or between your boyfriend and a job? Or between your boyfriend and your ex?
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#9 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 07:47 PM
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I'd look for jobs in L.A. (or near L.A.) and continue to think about it. I wouldn't move any where without a job lined up at that place, first.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#10 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Who does your child live with? If your ex goes to LA and you don't,where would your son live? Are you feeling torn between your boyfriend and your child? Or between your boyfriend and a job? Or between your boyfriend and your ex?
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We have shared custody, but our son is with me most of the time. I don't think his father would move to LA unless I go to, we both feel our son needs both of us.
I am definitely not feeling torn between my boyfriend and my ex, my ex and I can't stand each other, and I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. It's really between my boyfriend (who is one of the most amazing person I've ever met) and a job and potentially successful business. My business idea i don't think would ever work where I currently live, but might have a good chance in southern California.

"That boy, Frank, he lives inside his own heart. That's a real big place to live." ~ Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in Sling Blade
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#11 of 13 Old 08-17-2010, 11:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd look for jobs in L.A. (or near L.A.) and continue to think about it. I wouldn't move any where without a job lined up at that place, first.
Yeah, I definitely agree. I'd easily find a job there I think, we know a lot of people there, and people who own businesses.

"That boy, Frank, he lives inside his own heart. That's a real big place to live." ~ Karl Childers (Billy Bob Thornton) in Sling Blade
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#12 of 13 Old 08-23-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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Okay, well, you have to follow your heart and do what you feel is best. My response is just that, my own response. It is not a 'should' for you or anyone else.

If my ex went, I would go. Esp. if my ex had gone in abusive directions with me in the past. I would want to be close to my child(ren) and be closely available to them.
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#13 of 13 Old 08-23-2010, 10:54 PM
 
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We have one son that's 5, and were married for a while. He was abusive when we were married though.
I don't think I would move for an abusive ex. His choice to move, you don't have to. If you had a job offer there too, I might move for me, but LA is pricey and you could end up stuck there with no love, no money, no support (ex ain't support). I say don't go.
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