Does any body out there actually have this???? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 11:11 PM
 
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Is it totally horrifying to everyone that I absolutely do NOT want this sort of friendship?

I hate talking on the phone and would be annoyed by anyone except my mom (LOVE my mom, of course!) who called me multiple times over the course of the week to chat about nothing and everything.

I don't want anyone calling me at 2 AM, and I can't even imagine calling anyone else in the middle of the night, except in the case of a dire emergency. And then I would call my mom, of course.

I'm very independent and don't like to discuss details of my life with others, nor get opinions on things that happen to me. I enjoy time to myself and don't want to be tied down to a best friend relationship. Horrible, I know. I'm one of those awful people referred to upthread who say they are interested in friendship but then never want to talk on the phone. I'm sorry, really I am!

I do have wonderful friends--a group of nine women I met when all of our firstborn kids were babies. Six years later we still have a casual weekly playdate. I love these women and am closer to some of them than I am to others, although all of us mesh pretty well together. I look forward to playdates and love having long conversations during the playdates, but I don't feel myself craving their company throughout the week, and I would never call them if it could possibly be avoided.

Sigh. Chalk it up to one more non-girly characteristic in a whole constellation of non-girly characteristics. I'm afraid I'm one of those women who is actually from Mars, not Venus.
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#32 of 60 Old 10-19-2010, 09:34 AM
 
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Is it totally horrifying to everyone that I absolutely do NOT want this sort of friendship?

I hate talking on the phone and would be annoyed by anyone except my mom (LOVE my mom, of course!) who called me multiple times over the course of the week to chat about nothing and everything.

I don't want anyone calling me at 2 AM, and I can't even imagine calling anyone else in the middle of the night, except in the case of a dire emergency. And then I would call my mom, of course.

I'm very independent and don't like to discuss details of my life with others, nor get opinions on things that happen to me. I enjoy time to myself and don't want to be tied down to a best friend relationship. Horrible, I know. I'm one of those awful people referred to upthread who say they are interested in friendship but then never want to talk on the phone. I'm sorry, really I am!

I do have wonderful friends--a group of nine women I met when all of our firstborn kids were babies. Six years later we still have a casual weekly playdate. I love these women and am closer to some of them than I am to others, although all of us mesh pretty well together. I look forward to playdates and love having long conversations during the playdates, but I don't feel myself craving their company throughout the week, and I would never call them if it could possibly be avoided.

Sigh. Chalk it up to one more non-girly characteristic in a whole constellation of non-girly characteristics. I'm afraid I'm one of those women who is actually from Mars, not Venus.
I don't think talking on the phone = best friends. Like I said, I hate the phone. One of my best friends is absolutely blown away and amazed if I actually answer. Usually his messages start with "I don't even know why you have a phone!"

And it's not like I call them at 2am for fun. It would be more the dire emergency type of thing. I've never actually had to call them at 2am, but if I *needed* to, they would be there.

That said, I think it's fine if you don't want that type of friendship. I just wanted to clarify that for me the details you mentioned aren't the important ones.

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#33 of 60 Old 10-19-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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I definitely do I have one who is exactly what you describe, she and I talk daily pretty much actually.

Only one that fits that exact mold but I'm very lucky to have her, and also a couple of other people I know I could count on through anything as well that due to distance/circumstance we don't chat as often.

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#34 of 60 Old 10-20-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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Just dh.

When women get too close they inevitably do something horrible to me. So I don't really bother. I do have some close friends, but not THAT close.

I'm with a pp who said they wouldn't want that kind of friendship anyway. I'm just not that kinda of person with anyone other than dh. I totally agree with the Mars comment!
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#35 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 10:05 AM
 
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I am so so fortunate to have this. A resounding YES! And I know that it's a super special thing that I do have it. I have known her for 22+ years. We have been BFF's for the better part of it, but always, always friends. She is my soul sister. My life would not be complete without her in it. In fact, her and her daughter (whom I consider my niece) are coming to visit in a week!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#36 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 11:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa View Post
Is it totally horrifying to everyone that I absolutely do NOT want this sort of friendship?

I hate talking on the phone and would be annoyed by anyone except my mom (LOVE my mom, of course!) who called me multiple times over the course of the week to chat about nothing and everything.

I don't want anyone calling me at 2 AM, and I can't even imagine calling anyone else in the middle of the night, except in the case of a dire emergency. And then I would call my mom, of course.

I'm very independent and don't like to discuss details of my life with others, nor get opinions on things that happen to me. I enjoy time to myself and don't want to be tied down to a best friend relationship. Horrible, I know. I'm one of those awful people referred to upthread who say they are interested in friendship but then never want to talk on the phone. I'm sorry, really I am!

I do have wonderful friends--a group of nine women I met when all of our firstborn kids were babies. Six years later we still have a casual weekly playdate. I love these women and am closer to some of them than I am to others, although all of us mesh pretty well together. I look forward to playdates and love having long conversations during the playdates, but I don't feel myself craving their company throughout the week, and I would never call them if it could possibly be avoided.

Sigh. Chalk it up to one more non-girly characteristic in a whole constellation of non-girly characteristics. I'm afraid I'm one of those women who is actually from Mars, not Venus.
No, I am right there with you. I have a few friends I get together with occasionally for specific purposes (we have a similar hobby), but I have no need or desire for long conversations or close emotional contact what so ever. I do enjoy discussing topics in person when we are together, or the occasional shared dinner + spouses.

I hate chatting on the phone. It just seems like a waste of time to me!

It probably helps that I consider DH my best friend though, maybe that is why I have no desire for other close emotional/friendship outlets.

Although, if one of them was having an emergency and called me at 2 am, of course I would help, and I expect them to help me with things I need if they have the ability and it wouldn't be much of a burden. For instance, one of them travels a lot and I watch her dogs, and we borrow their truck for projects. But I also don't share any intimate personal stuff with her, I just don't see any reason too unless the topic is something she would have particular expertise on.
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#37 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 07:52 PM
 
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I have one! I love her!

We rescued each other from miserable childhoods when we were nine, were inseparable all through high school, moved in together when we were nineteen, bungled and mangled our twenties together, and now live three doors apart.
She is auntie to my DD, was my unofficial 'doula' while my DP clutched my hand and worried, and is always over here for dinner and vice versa.
I can talk to her about a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g and trust that she will call me on my crap, should it be necessary.

I always wish this kind of best friend for other people, and am sad for people who don't have a very dear, true best friend.

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#38 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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I used to. And I miss her.


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#39 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 08:11 PM
 
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Yes! We haven't missed day on the ohone or in person (excepting vacations before cell phones) in 28 years.

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#40 of 60 Old 10-21-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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Yup. My baby sister. We are 11 years apart and very close. There were times when I didn't think I could make it through a tough situation, but she was there. It's not that I can't share these same things with my dh, we do, but there is something different in sharing some things with someone who will completely understand every little nuance.
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#41 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 02:32 AM
 
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I don't think I have that kind of relationship you describe. I do have several very close friends but they all live far away. My BFF lives on the other coast and we talk on the phone every few weeks.

But, locally, my friendships are more functional. The moms I've met whom I've become close to do not share the kind of history I have with my "old" best friends (like the ones I have from college). The "glue" to our relationship is the kids, and while I probably wouldn't invite one of my mom friends on a road trip across country or anything, I know I could count on them to pick up my kids in an emergency or ask them to pick me up from the doctor's or something like that. I would do the same for them.

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#42 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 02:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have one! I love her!

We rescued each other from miserable childhoods when we were nine, were inseparable all through high school, moved in together when we were nineteen, bungled and mangled our twenties together, and now live three doors apart.
She is auntie to my DD, was my unofficial 'doula' while my DP clutched my hand and worried, and is always over here for dinner and vice versa.
I can talk to her about a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g and trust that she will call me on my crap, should it be necessary.

I always wish this kind of best friend for other people, and am sad for people who don't have a very dear, true best friend.
Wow this s quite a story. I'd love to read the book

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#43 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 02:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I used to. And I miss her.

I am so sorry.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#44 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 03:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just love this thread! Thanks for all the replies. It makes me feel really happy to be a woman and I feel really appreciative of my friends. I know that I really do have what I describe with just the small exception that people aren't always available just because of life. I do think that if any of them were SAHM we would probably talk non stop.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#45 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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I share something like this with my mother and my aunt. They really are the only people I can count on. Though they live far away, so that is hard. I would love to actually know someone I'm not related to, that lived close by like what you describe.
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#46 of 60 Old 10-22-2010, 07:24 PM
 
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Yes I do! I met her at our pregnancy outreach program when she was pregnant with #3 and I was pregnant with #1. We have been friends for 6 years. I attended her last 3 births and she was at my last one. I tell her everything and know everything about her. I see her at least twice a week and talk to her nearly everyday

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#47 of 60 Old 10-23-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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I do! We have been friends since high school. We get together at least once a week to walk and talk and we text and talk on facebook almost daily. It is great having a friend that I know is always there for me and knows everything about me.

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#48 of 60 Old 10-23-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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The Best Friend

Let me describe....

You know each other very well. You talk to each other 3 or more times a week. Sometimes you talk about the deepest parts of you. Other times you just laugh and chit chat about the day. You know she is there for you. If you called at 2 a.m. she'd be concerned and available. If she called you at 2 a.m. you would be concerned and available to her. You are as eager to hear about her life, her joys, and her struggles as you are to tell her about yours. When something happens to you, good or bad, you can't wait to tell her all about it.

So....anyone got one????
got more than one-- we are very very blessed
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#49 of 60 Old 10-24-2010, 02:37 AM
 
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Absolutely! We have been best friends for 19 years We have the nursing home we are going to live in together picked out and everything

I have a couple others too...but they are the ones I don't talk to all the time, but we pick up exactly where we left off every time. I really do have the most wonderful friends ever.
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#50 of 60 Old 10-24-2010, 02:40 AM
 
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I've got a couple of them. Most are family members too. DH, my parents, my brother... And a couple that are people I met at some point in my life.

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#51 of 60 Old 10-24-2010, 03:04 AM
 
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Yes, she's my mama. She's been my very best friend since forever.
I moved far away for work when I was 18 and after almost 20 years my family recently moved walking distance from her after living 12 hours away. It is heavenly. Even though we live down the street, we still talk at least twice a day if not see each other every day. We grocery shop together, go the movies, run errands. We talk about everything.

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#52 of 60 Old 10-24-2010, 04:15 AM
 
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I can finally join this club! I am 38 and I've realised in the last few months that I have a friend as described in the OP. We've been friends over the past 2yrs and it's gotten stronger and is now at the point that we talk most days - sometimes an hour, sometimes 10mins. There are no hangups on me wondering "is it silly to phone and tell L that?". We both just call and say whatever. Loving it. I also have another friend in almost the same category - probably only speak once a week, but otherwise, a very close friendship that has developed over the past 3yrs. Then there is my mum and that too has really only become strong over the past 7yrs since I had kids.

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#53 of 60 Old 10-25-2010, 11:15 AM
 
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This thread makes me realise both what I have and what I don't have...I would love friends who are more reliable on the phone...I have 8 (yes, I'm very lucky) female friends that i'd count as true, 'there for you' friends, but most of them I never speak to on the phone, only email and text message and see about once a week or less, and two of them I COULD call at 3 am (and vice versa) but we just aren't regularly part of each other's lives.

One of them is a SAHM too and her kids are both in school now, so it has often felt hurtful to me that she can't make time for me (weeks will often pass without us seeing each other despite living a half hour walk apart), but she's always great and very supportive when it comes to the crunch, and we have a lot of love for each other. I've come to accept it (more or less), as well as another close friend who never, I mean NEVER answers the phone when I call (but i've heard she never answers the phone for other friends too, so I don't take it personally) and doesn't reply to texts for weeks at a time....but when we get together or DO finally talk, it's amazing and very real and honest. I think friendships come in different forms but I think, reading this thread, that the lack of this ideal best friend is definitely part of what makes up my need for a partner - just having someone who is really there for you. My ex, despite all his faults, would 9 times out of 10 pick up the phone and be there for me with whatever was going on.
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#54 of 60 Old 10-30-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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Interesting question. I just heard a show on the radio talking about just this. The person being interviewed was talking about how TV shows like Friends have set up unrealistic expectations of what role friends can and should play. I have two fantastic friends who would definitely be there for the 2 am call. However, due to moves over the years, I don't live in the same town as either of them anymore, so although I *could* call them in an emergency, I'm not sure how helpful either of them could be. Also, we don't have in depth discussions on a regular basis. We mostly keep in sporadic touch through Facebook, which isn't exactly conducive to deep thoughts. Once in a while, once or twice a year, I will actually see these women, at which point we will have a great time. However, other than my husband, I don't have anyone in my daily life that I could describe as The Best Friend. I'd love to though.
This made me feel better!

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#55 of 60 Old 11-02-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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I actually have at least three of these now that aren't family members! I'm so excited as that hasn't always been the case.

I have my bestest, bestest buddy. We've been friends since we were 10 and are more like sisters, in the best sense of the word. She lives an hour away now and I really wish we lived in the same city.

I have two others that are newer friends from my playgroup. We've only been close for a little over a year but I feel like it has been longer.

I've also recently made several other friends that I believe are moving towards that level of closeness. We'll see how it goes...
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#56 of 60 Old 11-02-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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The Best Friend

Let me describe....

You know each other very well. You talk to each other 3 or more times a week. Sometimes you talk about the deepest parts of you. Other times you just laugh and chit chat about the day. You know she is there for you. If you called at 2 a.m. she'd be concerned and available. If she called you at 2 a.m. you would be concerned and available to her. You are as eager to hear about her life, her joys, and her struggles as you are to tell her about yours. When something happens to you, good or bad, you can't wait to tell her all about it.

So....anyone got one????
I've had two. One was when I was 21-28, she lived in the same apartment building as I did. We both moved during that time, but always stayed in touch. We were as different religiously and politically as two people could be, but the love and care and respect we had for each other was limitless. She died October of 2002, otherwise we'd still be best friends.

My second best friend was 20 years my senior. I met her through my job. I wasn't her best friend, but she was mine. We shared everything with each other, she talked to me about things in her life, and I talked to her about mine. We gave each other advice, gave each other someone to share our deepest feelings and concerns with, and we supported each other to be the best we each could be. We not only worked together, but hung out together outside of work. We'd sometimes go out together, but for the most part she invited me to her home. I moved across the country in 2004, we stay in touch, but it's not at all the same as it was for that year and a half.


Both of them are/were amazing women, as far as I'm concerned.

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#57 of 60 Old 11-02-2010, 06:21 PM
 
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The Best Friend

Let me describe....

You know each other very well. You talk to each other 3 or more times a week. Sometimes you talk about the deepest parts of you. Other times you just laugh and chit chat about the day. You know she is there for you. If you called at 2 a.m. she'd be concerned and available. If she called you at 2 a.m. you would be concerned and available to her. You are as eager to hear about her life, her joys, and her struggles as you are to tell her about yours. When something happens to you, good or bad, you can't wait to tell her all about it.

So....anyone got one????
I have that but she's also my sister.

It's not like that with any of my other friends.

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#58 of 60 Old 11-11-2010, 08:44 PM
 
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I have one! She is all I need.  No matter what we are there for each other.  Losing a DH through divorces (her x2) and death (mine). Eight kids between us. I talk to every day, at LEAST once a day. I see her about 5 times a week.  I met her in eighth grade, our friendship gets stronger with every year that goes by. She is my soul sister and I would be completely lost without her.


Solo Mum to 4 and loving every minute of it!!!!
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#59 of 60 Old 11-16-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Boudicca~ View Post

Absolutely!  We have the nursing home we are going to live in together picked out and everything
 

Aw, my bff and I have ours picked out too!  My MIL lives there right now and it is like Club Med for grammas!

 

And I disagree that shows like Friends give people unrealistic expectations for friendship.  I actually really like how different the characters are, and although some things annoy the others, they are there anyway.  I think you have to "click" with a person, but I don't think you have to have the same background/views/etc.

 

I have long been sad when people on MDC would say they don't have a friend to vent to or hit a movie with or watch their child long enough to go to the dentist, for example.  And what is the difference between those who have a bff and those who don't?  What could change to allow that to happen for those who want it but don't have it?



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#60 of 60 Old 11-21-2010, 11:16 PM
 
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No, I do not.  I blame in the fact that we keep on moving roughly every 18 months due to DH's job.  Drastic, big, cross country type moves.  I've made some really good friends in the places I have lived but then I up and move a thousand miles away.  I'm finally in the city I grew up in (permanent?)  but have long lost track of anyone who was a friend here and I don't do social media and really actually don't care not to find them.  I've been here 4 months am just settling in.  My experience is it takes a while after moving to make friends and it doesn't happen immediately so I'm not fretting. 


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