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#1 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The Best Friend

Let me describe....

You know each other very well. You talk to each other 3 or more times a week. Sometimes you talk about the deepest parts of you. Other times you just laugh and chit chat about the day. You know she is there for you. If you called at 2 a.m. she'd be concerned and available. If she called you at 2 a.m. you would be concerned and available to her. You are as eager to hear about her life, her joys, and her struggles as you are to tell her about yours. When something happens to you, good or bad, you can't wait to tell her all about it.

So....anyone got one????

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#2 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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I only feel that comfortable with Dh. I do have some good friends, but we have kind of grown apart. I would love to make a friend who I feel comfortable around and parents similarly to me.

Wife to J. Mama to DD(3yo) & DS(1yo)
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#3 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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Absolutely! Met her at a LLL meeting ten years ago when my dd2 and her dd1 were babies. We talk, text and/or email daily. Definitely "there for you at 2:00 a.m." friends.
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#4 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:18 PM
 
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Yes we have been friends for 17 years. We've shared everything in our lives with one another even when I was moving all over the country. I've even been present at two of her births. We have been to hell and back and are still there for each other.

student/sahm to three awesome girls who are always on the go!
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#5 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay so here is my deal...

I have a handful of really wonderful, super close, long distance, friends. I love them and they are important to me. However, nobody is ever available to talk. I am a lonely SAHM. They all have jobs and other things going on. We talk more like a couple times a month than a week. This is great but I want more.

AND I know it exists because I used to have it. That friend and I became disconnected after the birth of my son for reasons that she would admit are her fault. I don't want to make this post about that. We recently reconnected and she was very insistent on wanting to get back to the way it used to be. I became SO happy because I thought that I had The Best Friend again. However, it is very apparent that her life is very full and she is dutifully trying to add me in but not easily. She often says she wil call but does not. When we do get a chance to talk she is always the one who wants to go first. She is never available when I call even though she works part time. She is often having "me time" and she has a wild social schedule (single). I just don't really fit. I am mourning this friendship once again.

I love my dh and he is my best friend. He is one person and a man and I know I need my friends as well. I am very blessed to have the amazing friends I have. I just wished I could have at least one person who WOULD ANSWER THE PHONE!

Thanks for listening

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#6 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kirsten and Hey Mama,

I am SOOOOOOOOO jealous!

But I am so happy to know that it exists and I am happy for the women who have it.

I was thinking people were going to say I was nuts for longing for some utopian ideal.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#7 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:26 PM
 
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yes!

i'd be tempted to say i have two friends like that, but with one, we don't talk as often as we used to. i know we can still count on each other for those 2am calls, though!



christina

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#8 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 09:56 PM
 
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Do sisters count? I have three sisters and we have this kind of relationship. I talk to all three of them almost daily (yes, I'm on the phone a lot) sometimes just chatting, sometimes talking about problems and issues, sometimes just calling to tell a funny story, etc. I've never had a non-sister best friend, but then again, I've always had my sisters so I've never felt much of a need.

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#9 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by berry987 View Post
Do sisters count? I have three sisters and we have this kind of relationship. I talk to all three of them almost daily (yes, I'm on the phone a lot) sometimes just chatting, sometimes talking about problems and issues, sometimes just calling to tell a funny story, etc. I've never had a non-sister best friend, but then again, I've always had my sisters so I've never felt much of a need.


I think sisters count more! How amazing to have three best friends that are also your sisters! That's really special!

It's complicated.
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#10 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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COunt me in for yes, I do! Of course, dh is my best friend, but I have a sister, who is like that for me, my cousin and I are best friends too. I also have a friend like that too. So 3 people at least. I am blessed.

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#11 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 10:43 PM
 
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I feel very lucky because I have several, including my mom! I am so blessed to be a part of a community of women who are stay at home moms and have similar parenting strategies and their kids are friends of my kids. We def. talk several times a week, with some multiple times a day, and not only on the phone, but in person too (one is my neighbour).
However, I wouldn't call or expect any calls at 2 am unless it was an emergency

SAHM to one moody son J hat.gif(06-27-03), one super-girly daughter M hearts.gif (02-23-06) and welcome Sophie! energy.gif(05-23-10) expecting fourth in July baby.gif

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#12 of 60 Old 10-17-2010, 11:08 PM
 
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I have two friends, one lifelong, one of 20 years, who fit most of that. With kids & marriage(me) and very demanding careers and absorbing relationships (them), plus an hour + physical distance, we don't usually talk multiple times a week- we might facebook, text, email that much but there are times a couple weeks go by without a peep. But I could definitely call at 2 am if there were good reason and have fielded lots of those from one of them (the other isn't apt to be awake at that time let alone having drama).

but yeah. they're my bffs.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#13 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 01:29 AM
 
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nope.. as a matter of fact I'm turning my cell phone to by the minute because literally no one calls me unless it's a dr. appt reminder.

utterly sick of people saying you are just like my sister or daughter and then NEVER call so i doubt that constitutes since I know they spend tons of time with their real sisters. Or I hate it when my aunt says you HAVE family! Uh I guess if you mean family being someone you see once in 10 years and have never called you in your life.. sure I have EXTENDED family but no one I really consider "family".
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#14 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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I have this, but mine is a he. But we do go through periods where we don't always have the time to talk a lot or can't seem to catch one another on the phone (email and FB help though). We live far apart right now, and we're both busy with career, family, school, relationships, etc. In a couple of years, DH and I are hoping to move where my best friend lives though, and I can't wait!
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#15 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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yes, for the last 30 years although we don't necessarily talk 3+ times a week because well we are both pretty boring and we no longer live in the same state.
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#16 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 01:56 AM
 
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I have 3 older sisters with whom I could have this relationship with- but never had a girlfriend in my life that I could be like that.

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#17 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 02:18 AM
 
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my sister (though we don't talk more than once a week or a little less, but we're working on it). but being there for each other when we need it absolutely.
DP of course.

I'd love to have a few of best friends like that, I hope I will someday. I'm just starting to make friends again.

Caroline, partner to J, post partum doula, kitchen manager, aspiring midwife, soon to be nursing student, mama to my furbaby, someday a mama to not so furry munchkins, G-d willing
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#18 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 02:50 AM
 
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I do, except we don't talk that often any more. We both have busy lives. But when we do manage to connect on the phone, the chat easily lasts an hour, if the baby allows. But we used to be roommates, and would sit on eachother's beds gabbing into the wee hours instead of sleeping.

But she's absolutely there for the 2 am phone calls. This is the woman who during my loss, went to work for her 8 hours, drove the hour to the hospital, picked us up dinner, spent the entire evening with us, left somewhere around 2 am, drove the hour home so she could be at work at 8. She did that 3 days in a row while I was in the hospital. She drove down here once a week after work to do my grocery shopping and cook us dinner for 6 months after that.

And when DS was born, she gave up her days off to come down and help us out during my really long labor, just so DH could take a nap. She snuck out when I hit transition and missed the birth by 90 minutes.

I'd walk through fire for her, she's definitely done it for me.

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#19 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 09:18 AM
 
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i had this at different times of my life. for lots of reasons, i don't have it now. i miss it a lot.
it is hard to find that person, but definatly worth it.
i still have a friend who i see once every few years, and talk to once a year. we actually have kids the smae age, but she is the breadwinner in her family and has a large and varied social life, so, we rarely see each other. just different stuff going on in our lives. but i know i can depend on her for anything.
i think it is really hard to maintain a friendship with someone who is in a totally different path as you.
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#20 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 09:29 AM
 
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I would say I have two friends like this. We grew up as little kids together. Friend A moved away 22 years ago, but we stay in touch and chat regularly, and she comes to visit family here. Friend B moved away 15 years ago but we still stay in touch and visit etc. I have know Friend A for 32 years and Friend B for 31 years.

We know pretty much everything about each other.
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#21 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 09:31 AM
 
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I do have one!

We text a lot more than we chat on the phone, but we do call each other and talk for an hour or so at least once a week. We are there for each other. She listens to me vent, laugh, or cry, and I do the same for her.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#22 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Harmony08 View Post
The Best Friend

Let me describe....

You know each other very well. You talk to each other 3 or more times a week. Sometimes you talk about the deepest parts of you. Other times you just laugh and chit chat about the day. You know she is there for you. If you called at 2 a.m. she'd be concerned and available. If she called you at 2 a.m. you would be concerned and available to her. You are as eager to hear about her life, her joys, and her struggles as you are to tell her about yours. When something happens to you, good or bad, you can't wait to tell her all about it.

So....anyone got one????
I kind of do... I am a pretty reserved person so I am not one to talk on the phone a lot (or call in the middle of the night) but I do have a friend who I KNOW would be there for me no matter what, and I would do the same for her.

Rachel, mom to Eliana (age 3)
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#23 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 11:00 AM
 
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Interesting question. I just heard a show on the radio talking about just this. The person being interviewed was talking about how TV shows like Friends have set up unrealistic expectations of what role friends can and should play. I have two fantastic friends who would definitely be there for the 2 am call. However, due to moves over the years, I don't live in the same town as either of them anymore, so although I *could* call them in an emergency, I'm not sure how helpful either of them could be. Also, we don't have in depth discussions on a regular basis. We mostly keep in sporadic touch through Facebook, which isn't exactly conducive to deep thoughts. Once in a while, once or twice a year, I will actually see these women, at which point we will have a great time. However, other than my husband, I don't have anyone in my daily life that I could describe as The Best Friend. I'd love to though.
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#24 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 11:34 AM
 
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I have at least two.

One is a mama of a son just about a year older than my DD. She is the one who turned me on to MDC. She lives nearby so we see each other regularly. I'm not a phone type, so we don't do a lot of phone chatting, but we do email back and forth. She's been completely priceless since my DD was born. She's a SAHM and has been known to run errands for me that I don't have time to run.

One is my super gay friend who lives about 4 hours away now, but I used to live with him back in the day. The first friend I mentioned is probably even closer to him in some ways, and she usually gets the highly coveted title of "fag hag" but I do talk to this friend frequently via email and chat (again, I'm not a phone person), and get together with him whenever we're in the same city. I absolutely know he'd be there for me. And I did once drive like 4 hours at 9pm to take him his spare key when he locked himself out of his car at the beach. And I rode with him late and night and into the morning on 9/11 (coincidence, but makes the date easy to remember) to get a spare key when he locked his keys in his car another time. And I know he'd do the same for me.

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
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#25 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 07:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by cristeen View Post
I do, except we don't talk that often any more. We both have busy lives. But when we do manage to connect on the phone, the chat easily lasts an hour, if the baby allows. But we used to be roommates, and would sit on eachother's beds gabbing into the wee hours instead of sleeping.

But she's absolutely there for the 2 am phone calls. This is the woman who during my loss, went to work for her 8 hours, drove the hour to the hospital, picked us up dinner, spent the entire evening with us, left somewhere around 2 am, drove the hour home so she could be at work at 8. She did that 3 days in a row while I was in the hospital. She drove down here once a week after work to do my grocery shopping and cook us dinner for 6 months after that.

And when DS was born, she gave up her days off to come down and help us out during my really long labor, just so DH could take a nap. She snuck out when I hit transition and missed the birth by 90 minutes.

I'd walk through fire for her, she's definitely done it for me.
This is beautiful

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#26 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 07:42 PM
 
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my sister would be like that.

I used to have a bf like that, but we've slowly grown apart. We used to joke that nothing in our life had really happened until we'd discussed it with one another. We were also roommates. After college I got married, got a job and am on baby #2. She went to school and traveled the world, but is now living just a 6-7 hour drive away. I'm going to call her on the way home!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#27 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is all very interesting. I am now wondering if maybe I don't get a chance to talk to my friends much not because they don't love me but because they are in different life places. It seems like the people who have frequent phone contact with their BFs are people whose BFs are also SAHMs. Do you think??? It is just hard to understand some body else's life.

Thanks for all the replies, mamas! Very helpful.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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#28 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 08:49 PM
 
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Yes yes I do!! Although I've only had this friendship for a few years, its become a staple in my life! We talk at least every other day, if not daily. We have amazing and intense conversations, and some days we just chat to chat. It all depends On our household and noise level for the day! I know we are there for each other when its really needed and sometimes just for a pity party!

Me and DH, our crazy brood DS (11), DS (6) DD (2) DD (9 mos) and an intense dog. . Tea sipping, full time working, home-birthing, vegetarian mama!
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#29 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 09:38 PM
 
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absolutely! i have a few, but unfortunately they are all in different states

i have one best friend that has been my best friend for 25 years! we may not always like each other, but we are ALWAYS there for each other.

i think friendships like this take time. one of my best friends and i took at least a year or so of knowing each other to get this close.

give it time.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#30 of 60 Old 10-18-2010, 09:39 PM
 
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no wish i did though!!

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