help point me in the right direction of finding my self worth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-01-2010, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been having a hard time in my marriage, I really need some help in suggesting a book or something to help me rediscover my worth and help me see things more objectively. I used to journal passionately up until marriage which seemed to help, so i think i will start there. I have very little emotional support, no real friend network, I am only close to my sister, and I am not comfortable adding this burden to our relationship as I have probably told her more than I should that has happened in my marriage in the past. I need to start somewhere, and I believe that is with myself, so I can try to work through this situation and try to find the best solution for my family. Thanks

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#2 of 8 Old 11-01-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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My very favorite self-help book is:

You can heal your life by Louise Hay.

This is truly an amazing book. Read it through once, and then go back slowly doing ALL the exercises. It really can change your life.

It's possible that as you heal your life, your marriage will improve. It might not happen, but it might. As we change, the people around us sometimes do, too. It's also possible that you might feel more clear about marriage and come to a peaceful place about letting it go.

I wish you well.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 8 Old 11-01-2010, 09:27 PM
 
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I second You Can Heal Your Life - very powerful. I used it during cancer treatment and divorce after five years of my stbx making me feel worthless. She has another one called 'Empowering Women' that is good as well. Good luck to you!
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#4 of 8 Old 11-01-2010, 09:43 PM
 
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i dont have a book suggestion, but i just wanted to chime in as i've been having similar feelings the past year, and i kind of had an epiphany the other day while at a yoga workshop. the theme for the workshop was about courage and confidence basically. and what he said was that most of us feel that we need confidence first to do something courageous, which is how i've always felt. and because of my low self esteem this past year, i feel like i cant accomplish anything etc. but his point of view was this:

courage is doing something we are fearful of, and by taking that step to do that courageous act, we gain confidence by accomplishing or at least attempting the thing that once feared us.

so i dont know if this has any relevance to you, but for me, it could be as simple as getting out of the house that will feel courageous for me, or going to a class for myself, or making a lunch date with someone. but i have realized that others cant give me what i need, i feel very lonely and wish i had more support, but nobody can really give me what i need emotionally until i help myself.

i hope this helps a bit.
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#5 of 8 Old 11-02-2010, 10:28 AM
 
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As a mother, I find that I am tempted to put everyone's needs before my own, and to be far more critical of myself than I am of others (including other mothers).

One thing that helps me is looking at my life, and my choices, from the view of a compassionate outsider. I am lucky to have family that loves me--what would my mother want me to do in this situation? Would she want for me? What do my sisters believe I deserve?

Also, imagine your own child in a similar situation. How would you advise your child to act? This can be the "kick in the pants" self-help....realizing that my child learns what I live. If I live martyrdom and abuse, my child learns martyrdom and abuse. Whether you feel worthy are not, this can be motivation to act worthy--and often the feelings come along with the actions (fake it til you make it).

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Originally Posted by nycmom18 View Post
icourage is doing something we are fearful of, and by taking that step to do that courageous act, we gain confidence by accomplishing or at least attempting the thing that once feared us.
So true! Courage is not the absence of fear. It is taking action in spite of fear, and gaining confidence in the process. Baby steps, overcoming one small fear at a time. No success is too small to acknowlege and celebrate!
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#6 of 8 Old 11-02-2010, 10:56 AM
 
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One of Louise Hay's exercises is to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I love you, I really love you." And then to do this several times every day.

It's tough, but I thought you might like something to do today while you track down the book!

Another simple (and yet powerful) tool is to work with affirmations. I like to write them on little cards and hang them where I will see them often, such as my refrigrator. One I like is "I am open and receptive to all the good in the universe. I am filled with positive energy."

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#7 of 8 Old 11-08-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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I am in a similar situation. I am not sure this is just what you are looking for, but one book I read recently which I found uplifting was Things Will Get As Good As You Can Stand by Laura Doyle. It is a book about being a good receiver, not rejecting the things people do for you to give you a little boost and allow you to connect with them. It is simple but has many good lessons about self respect, acknowledging your positive traits, and feeling deserving. It made me feel more optimistic.
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#8 of 8 Old 11-11-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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You Can Heal Your Life is also in video and I love it! love.gif

 


"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

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