I really wanted to give an update because the responses here have been so positive and helpful! Thank you.
Since my first post, I've read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward and it really helped put the entire situation with my mother in perspective. I also read a great book called Mean Mother. Over the holidays my mother called me and while it's become my practice to not answer her calls, I wasn't able to see the caller id and picked up. I am glad I did because any doubts I had about removing her from my life were washed away. I won't even go into details because it's not worth it but the call left me so upset. I refuse to go through that kind of pain. If I thought she would receive it, I'd love to tell her, "I get it. You don't give a sh** about me. You don't love me or even like me.I get it but you don't have to remind me of it every chance you get."
When I look at my DD, I want the best for her. I can't fathom treating her the way my mother has treated me all of my life. It still hurts very deeply that the person who shared her body with me for nearly a year could be so cruel and unloving towards me but I finally realize, she's the one with the problem. I'm only the one with the problem if I continue to be part of her dysfunction. It's a liberating realization.
I'm sorry you're going through this but so excited for you too, because now you can really start healing.
Keep posting about this as much as you need to! I know that when I was making decisions about how to handle my own toxic family, writing about it and getting feedback helped immensely.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw