Please help me feel normal, a little. WARNING, may be Triggers - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 50 Old 12-08-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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OMG I am pretty much the same way!! Ever since becoming a mother, I can't stand to hear or read about any type of child/domestic violence.  It tears me up.  I don't read the paper or watch the news because of this.  I read The Road without knowing what it was about - I'll never get over it. Seriously - I know just how you feel.  I'm not so sensitive about other things, but child abuse makes me come undone. 

 

Hugs - it's good to know I'm not alone!


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#32 of 50 Old 12-08-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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Funny, before my dd was born I loved crime thrillers, CSI and the like.  I liked "solving" the puzzle.  Now I don't watch it.  I have the DVD set and I've thought about watching it but I can't.  I agree with the previous posters about it being mostly normal for moms.  But I did want to add that some people are predisposed to anxiety.  Anxiety runs in my family.  When dd was born, I had postpartum anxiety really bad, but the sad thing is, I didn't know it at the time.  I was in a hyperalert state and would have serious anxious trains of thought about what would I do if such and such happened.  You have to be aware of your own thoughts and seek help if you notice your thoughts swerving towards the unhealthy anxiety side.  Questions to ask yourself:

 

Does it keep you up at night?

Do you have dreams/nightmares about it?

Does it cause you significant stress?

Does it cause to do things/behaviors to alleviate the bad thoughts? (like checking the locks many more times than normal)

Are your thoughts intrusive? Do you have control over your thoughts or are they like a runaway train once under way?

Are you drinking/eating/shopping (etc.) to distract yourself from these thoughts?


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#33 of 50 Old 12-08-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

#1 Thank you all for validating my feelings.  I tried to talk to a (childless) friend about this 2.75 years ago, and she basically told me I should seek help and possible meds.  I was a bit irked.gif at the time, but what did I expect, right?  Its just that I was so blindsides by the anxiety, I wasnt even sure what it was.  we have since talked about it again, and for reals, it really does come and go.  And i have tried the praying suggestion, and it helped a bit. 

 

#2 Sorry I didnt offer a warning in the thread title.  I have since put one there.  I apologize to anyone who was effected by my OP.  shy.gif

 

#3 I think the weather has ALOT to do with my moods and anxiety.  It just occurred to me that we havent really done anything or gone anywhere (except the grocery store and the rents) in a few weeks now.  Plus its been very cold, grey, and rainy (now snowy) for the last few days.  It sounds silly to be so effected by the weather, but I trully always have been. 


Hugs, mama. Have you considered getting a full-spectrum light box to stand in for the sun during these long and bleak winter months? I have one, and it does wonders for my mood during the winter. It helps lessen my anxiety. Other than that, do your best to stay away from news stories such as the ones mentioned upthread. It's difficult, but you need to avoid your triggers so you can concentrate on giving your boys your best mothering.

 

Honestly, your reaction to such occurences is HEALTHY, though I'd say your sympathy is clouded by severe anxiety. As a matter of fact, I avoid such stories because I'm afraid the constant onslaught of stories about child abuse/rape/murder will desensitize me to the horror of these occurences, when in fact I should be shocked, horrified and outraged when people harm children. I don't know if that makes sense; I guess I feel we lose a bit of our humanity when we stop feeling revolted by instances of children being harmed.
 


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#34 of 50 Old 12-11-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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The birth of my second child made me feel the same way . I couldn't watch CSI, the news, or read the paper anymore. The anxiety became extreme for me though, affected my functioning. I had panic attacks getting in the car, scared we would wreck. Basically, if i was in an environment that i felt i couldn't 100% protect my kids, i would panic. I had to take sleeping pills to sleep at night, because the worries wouldn't go away. Everything was a trigger. It was terrible. I ended up on medication for nine months, and now i feel i'm at the same place you are. I chose to not expose myself to things that are disturbing anymore.

I think what you are experiencing is normal, motherly instinct. I think if it gets worse or interferes with your life then therapy would be smart.


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#35 of 50 Old 12-14-2010, 04:32 PM
 
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I think your reaction to these things is normal, but the over thinking could be a sorts of OCD.  Good luck.

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#36 of 50 Old 12-14-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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OP, I completely understand.  I do the same thing.  It really sucks.

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#37 of 50 Old 12-14-2010, 11:04 PM
 
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Hi Charlie's Angel:

 

I've always tried to avoid putting scary junk into my head.  I've always hated horror films or anything with violence.  As you know, my son and I experienced a break-in attempt a year ago, and after that I have been absolutely unable to read/watch/listen to anything crime related.  Of course this is a little different because it's a PTSD related problem, but the end result is the same (anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc). 

 

I tried reading The Road too because I LOVE post apocalyptic fiction, but I absolutely COULD NOT HANDLE the single dad and his son being in constant danger.  I felt like I was going to hyperventilate just reading it!  I was soooooooo triggering for me because I was a single mom with my son and I in danger.  I would think it would probably be scary and stressful for you too.

 

Not sure if you were looking for suggestions, but here are some suggestions anyway.  Feel free to disregard them as needed!  biggrinbounce.gif
 

As far as things to help, the number one thing that has helped IMMENSELY reduce my anxiety is acupuncture.  I never believed in it prior to trying it, but I got so desperate that I was willing to try anything, and I was scared about going on the addictive meds they prescribed.  I looked it up and found it was scientifically proven to help anxiety and depression.  It worked great to the point that it completely eliminated my anxiety with no side effects!  I am lucky that we have a school here and I can get acupuncture for $22 for an hour and 15 minute session.  Have you ever tried this?  Do you have an acupuncture school where you are?

 

I am also affected by the weather.  I live in the Pacific NW where it gets dark and rainy for sometimes entire months at a time.  I have never tried light therapy, but I think that might be good.  I've heard you should use a full spectrum light bulb.  I also take 2,000 units of Vitamin D per day, and this really seems to help.  It's not silly that you would be affected by weather.  It's biological!!!!

 

Another thing that has helped me cognitively with those obsessive/anxious thoughts is just saying, "This is NOT happening to my son or I now.  We are safe.  Everything is ok right now."  And then if you get into a "But what if a, b, and c happened?" you just talk to your self mentally and say, "But that is not happening right now.  Everything is fine right now." 

 

One technique my therapist taught me when I'd be in PTSD mode at night and thinking about the break in was to start listing something, like kinds of fruit, names of movies, or whatever.  What this does is engage another part of your brain so it doesn't allow you to think those scary, anxiety causing thoughts.  Mine was always listing dog breeds in alphabetical order: Afghan Hound, Basset Hound, Corgi, Dalmatian, English Bulldog, French Bulldog, Greyhound.  lol.gif

 

It may sound weird, but it works like a charm!  If you start doing that stressed out thinking, try to find a way to stop that thought process.  Another thing that can work is grounding yourself by noticing things in the room, like identifying sensory details.  "I can hear the clock ticking.  I can hear the rain outside.  I can smell the lasagna cooking in the oven.  I can feel my soft sweater on my arms."  All of those things take you out of that crappy anxious mental place.  Some of these work better for some people than others.  I always found the listing technique more helpful than the sensory observation technique, but I tend to be analytical.

You can always PM me if you want to talk more about this.  I think many of these feelings are normal for lots of different kinds of people, but especially mothers.

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#38 of 50 Old 12-14-2010, 11:11 PM
 
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I know what commercial you're talking about and I HATE that commercial!  They actually staged this so the child REALLY thought he had lost his mom, so his reaction was real, but they said it was ok because everyone was actors around him and everyone was screened (no criminal history) and they were watching him, and that he only thought he was lost for a few minutes.  Oh, ok.  It's ok to completely traumatize a child for a commercial and make him think he's alone in a huge airport, without his mom, because it was only for a few minutes???  irked.gif

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

There is a stupid commercial about quitting smoking with a little boy, about 2 years old, lost in an airport, just crying and crying.  UGH, I have to change the freaking channel when it comes on. 

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#39 of 50 Old 12-15-2010, 01:20 AM
 
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OP-- Thank you for posting, and PPs for the responses... It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.  grouphug.gif

 

I, too used to watch alot of CSI-type programs, and as a teen I would love to watch horror movies.  But since becoming a mom, I enjoy those things less & less.  In fact, I can't watch a horror film at all. I avoid the news, too. I can't stand to hear about moms who do terrible things to their children. And I get really unnerved hearing about tragedies involving children at all. I fight to get rid of those mental images because they're so disturbing.  horrors.gif

 

I am particularly interested in the PP's suggestions about listing things and the sensory observation technique.  I think I'll try that. 

 

Thanks for posting. I'll subscribe to keep up with more posts.


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#40 of 50 Old 12-15-2010, 12:20 PM
 
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I just wanted to add to the chorus that thinks this is fairly normal. I think its natural that these stories affect you more once you have kids. Suddenly you can place yourself in the story in a way that you never could before, and that can be terrifying. Another example - my DH was in the military before we had a child, and he deployed to Iraq at the start of the war. Anything on the news about servicemen would reduce me to a babbling mess. It was just too real.

If you really feel it's debilitating, though, then it might be time to look at addressing it.

And, for the record, I grew up in upstate NY and went to RIT. Those winter blues are NO JOKE. Definitely look at supplements, ways to get outside, diet, whatever in order to make it through to the spring (which comes in June, right?) redface.gif
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#41 of 50 Old 12-15-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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I'm a lot like you.  I have learned to coach my thinking when I get upset about these things.  I tell myself repeat until I feel better (I'm doing the best I can to keep my own children safe.) and (It would be horrible enough if it happened to me, I can't live as if it did happen to me.) 

 

It may seem cold to live out other people's horrors in your own head.  It's like if you take your own lack of horror for granted, it'll surely happen to you.  Whatever happened to those children was surely horrible.  They're not feeling any pain now.  LIght a candle for them, send prayers or energy to their loved ones and live your own life. 

 

Also, I don't watch the news. There's so much love and light in the world, but the news is all dark and scary.  It's not reality, it's distorted to play on our fears.  I don't watch horror films anymore either.

 

People (and animals for that matter) in the world all over have lots of battles to face.  We also have a lot of love and blessings. 

 

((hugs))


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#42 of 50 Old 12-16-2010, 09:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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HOLY MOLY, I work down the road from RIT.  And JUNE?  Try July.....maybe!  lol

 

And thank you.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Addie View Post

I just wanted to add to the chorus that thinks this is fairly normal. I think its natural that these stories affect you more once you have kids. Suddenly you can place yourself in the story in a way that you never could before, and that can be terrifying. Another example - my DH was in the military before we had a child, and he deployed to Iraq at the start of the war. Anything on the news about servicemen would reduce me to a babbling mess. It was just too real.

If you really feel it's debilitating, though, then it might be time to look at addressing it.

And, for the record, I grew up in upstate NY and went to RIT. Those winter blues are NO JOKE. Definitely look at supplements, ways to get outside, diet, whatever in order to make it through to the spring (which comes in June, right?) redface.gif


 Thank you to all who have given me hope, commiseration, empathy, and showed me ways to enduce peace.  I am NOT at the dibilitating stage, nor have I ever been.  And I dont question my FORMER interest in crime stories since I cannot even think about the details of the stories anymore.  I would rather try to move forward and look ahead.

 

Chaoticzen, THANK YOU.  That was beautiful and just what I needed. 

 

Bisou, you know.  You.just.KNOW.  lol  THank you!

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#43 of 50 Old 12-16-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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My oldest was about a year old when Laci Peterson disappeared. The thought of her being pregnant and wanting her baby so badly just tore me up. I followed the case at the old CTV boards. I definately DON"T think you are crazy or weird for following true crime. I follow it also.

 

My nervous mom thing is heights. I hate heights. I hate the thought of being in an airplane. I am fairly sure someone is going to fall out of the roller coaster car and die every time I see it. My dh, otoh, doesn't have these fears, and took oldest dd on this HUGE roller coaster last summer. I almost had a heart attack while at the same time I wanted to strangle him! I know it's MY fear and that I shouldn't transfer that to my kids if they don't have the same fear, but it is so hard to reign in the part of you that is screaming, "NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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#44 of 50 Old 12-16-2010, 06:48 PM
 
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Oh man, I experience this too, big time. There was a story here in Houston (Galveston to be exact) about a baby a few years ago that made me so physically ill that I actually puked. It's so hard when you're a mother to watch the news. I find that avoiding hearing about it helps immensely (I know that's so so bad though!) and hugging my babies a little tighter everyday. It's such a crazy world we live in. :(


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#45 of 50 Old 12-18-2010, 07:09 PM
 
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Hope you're doing well Ms Angel.  Thinking of you tonight!  joy.gif

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#46 of 50 Old 12-22-2010, 04:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quite coincidental you were thinking of me on THIS night.  lol  It was my birthday, and NO, i had an AWFUL day, AWFUL weekend actually that started Friday morning and didnt really end until Sunday afternoon, maybe even Monday morning.  Every year it seems my birthday just SUCKS.  No matter how good my intentions of having a good day, it would seem that is when the universe decides to rain a sh*t storm on my HEAD.  I would like to skip that week for the rest of my life if I could.  greensad.gif I know thats terrrible of me to say.  I could have it so much worse then I do.  But honestly, it seems like thats the one DAY I should be able to just relax a little.  NOPE.  Not this year..........AGAIN.  SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Im a bit better now, although this morning wasnt all that great.  I will be off for the next four days though, and hope and pray that things go relativly smoothly.  I should probably be posting this somewhere else, but can I really be yelled at for going off topic in my own thread?  lol  probably, it would fall in line with the way things have been going lately. 

 

Quote:
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Hope you're doing well Ms Angel.  Thinking of you tonight!  joy.gif



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#47 of 50 Old 12-22-2010, 06:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ive decided I cant even just watch TV.  CANT DO IT.  I was down in the break room getting a slice of breakfast pizza (we have a 42 inch flat screen on the walls for the guys when they go on break, it is constantly on one of the local stations) there was a salvation army commercial on that brought me to tears.  UGH!  Also didnt help that before I could get out of there, the local news came on with yet ANOTHER story that turns my stomach.  I CANT ESCAPE THE MADNESS no matter how much I try to censor myself.  INSANE!

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#48 of 50 Old 12-23-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Hi Charlie's Angel:

 

How odd.  My birthday is a December birthday too, and I always really dislike my birthday too!  I used to wait around for someone to plan something for my birthday, but then decided (when that didn't usually happen) that there was no shame in inviting people to celebrate my birthday with me.  One year I planned a birthday party at my place, cooked a bunch of food, had at least 10 RSVPs, and only one person showed up.  Talk about depressing!  Actually the last few years my birthdays have been pretty good, and this year was one of the more fun birthdays I've had in a while.

 

Sorry yours was so crappy.  hug2.gif

 

Things have been really crappy with my little one for the past week, and I am just so bummed as it's Christmas the day after tomorrow and I just don't want things to be this way.  But that is getting us even MORE off topic, so I will save that for a PM.

 

I hope you and your family have a WONDERFUL holiday.  Hang in there!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Quite coincidental you were thinking of me on THIS night.  lol  It was my birthday, and NO, i had an AWFUL day, AWFUL weekend actually that started Friday morning and didnt really end until Sunday afternoon, maybe even Monday morning.  Every year it seems my birthday just SUCKS.  No matter how good my intentions of having a good day, it would seem that is when the universe decides to rain a sh*t storm on my HEAD.  I would like to skip that week for the rest of my life if I could.  greensad.gif I know thats terrrible of me to say.  I could have it so much worse then I do.  But honestly, it seems like thats the one DAY I should be able to just relax a little.  NOPE.  Not this year..........AGAIN.  SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Im a bit better now, although this morning wasnt all that great.  I will be off for the next four days though, and hope and pray that things go relativly smoothly.  I should probably be posting this somewhere else, but can I really be yelled at for going off topic in my own thread?  lol  probably, it would fall in line with the way things have been going lately. 

 

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Hope you're doing well Ms Angel.  Thinking of you tonight!  joy.gif


 


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#49 of 50 Old 12-24-2010, 03:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Bisou, grouphug.gif

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#50 of 50 Old 12-24-2010, 09:35 AM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post

I'm a lot like you.  I have learned to coach my thinking when I get upset about these things.  I tell myself repeat until I feel better (I'm doing the best I can to keep my own children safe.) and (It would be horrible enough if it happened to me, I can't live as if it did happen to me.) 

 

It may seem cold to live out other people's horrors in your own head.  It's like if you take your own lack of horror for granted, it'll surely happen to you.  Whatever happened to those children was surely horrible.  They're not feeling any pain now.  LIght a candle for them, send prayers or energy to their loved ones and live your own life. 

 

Also, I don't watch the news. There's so much love and light in the world, but the news is all dark and scary.  It's not reality, it's distorted to play on our fears.  I don't watch horror films anymore either.

 

People (and animals for that matter) in the world all over have lots of battles to face.  We also have a lot of love and blessings. 

 

((hugs))

 

I definitely have had a problem with imagining, in great detail, horrific crimes against people (adults, children, whatever).  I think for me it's trying to understand HOW COULD SOMEONE DO THAT?  I won't go into detail about the kinds of things I think or wonder because I don't want to freak people out, but that's what the nature of my thought process focuses on.  I just can't wrap my mind around doing something like that, and then I wonder what causes it.  Mental illness?  Evil?  Is there such a thing? 

 

My son and I were victims of an attempted home invasion (where the person, a stranger but someone who lived across the street, had an intention to harm me and possibly my son) about a year and a half ago, and that definitely increased my fear (understandably), but I had these thoughts and fears before this ever happened.  I was raised by parents who constantly scared my brother and I with horrific stories of abducted and murdered kids to make sure we knew what could happen if we weren't careful.  My mom also witnessed a child be kidnapped my strangers when she was a child on Halloween in the 1950s, so I am sure that really affected her view of the world. 

 

Like you said, I've decided that no amount of WORRY can prevent such things from happening to me or others.  I can use a reasonable amount of caution (locked doors and windows, a security system, lights around outside of house, etc), but I can't let that paralyze me.  I am sure 90-95% of people who worry about such things will never have something like this happen to them.  I know it can be hard though!!!!

 

Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate Christmas.

 

Hugs to Charlie's Angel and her family!!!!
 

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