When your family is letting you down/not including you and your lo's....i NEED support. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 12-18-2010, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Without going into to many details, my friends list is pretty much nil, my extended family is constantly snubbing my family, my il's are overseas. My support system is very small and I am always feeling left out, and I am getting tired of it. I don't know who to turn to. Or what to do, is it my fault? Have i isolated myself, possibly, I've never really grooved with my family and now it is just getting worse. Should i just lose my expectations, unfriend them on facebook? I don't know I am just needing someone to talk to and I don't have anyone irl to turn to. My sister straight up lies to me about events and I am tired of feeling this way. I have christmas coming up, which yes i am invited to, but i just want to cut the cord and just go under the radar after next saturday for awhile. I hate having to explain things like this to my 4 year old, but he walked in on me looking at pics on facebook of a holiday cookie party that he was not invited to and i had to just change the subject, but then i went and cried afterwards because I felt so bad for him. It's not his fault or the other kids, he always asks to play with the kids in the family and then i see they have parties and he was not invited, how should i deal with this, I almost wrote an ugly comment on facebook to one of the hostesses, but refrained, instead i wrote 'i am annoyed ' as my status and walked away, but i am boiling inside right now. My ds is not a bad kid he would have loved to decorate cookies with the other kids (he helps me bake a lot), he is just 4 and not in school yet, so i am sad and just wish we lived further from my family because they feel 1000 miles away anyway.


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#2 of 6 Old 12-18-2010, 09:36 PM
 
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Aw that seriously sucks!!  Why do you think your family leaves you out of things?  Do you care, or are you ready to just walk?  I totally understand the latter, having walked away from half of my extended family because I always felt misunderstood, picked on and worse.  But that was before I had kids...I cannot imagine the rage I would feel if my child was being hurt by them.

 

What do you think is going on?  I think that you are going to have to ID the issue even if you walk away just for processing reasons. 

 

Man, these types of things are so much worse during the holidays (and since the advent of facebook!).

 

I'm sorry.

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#3 of 6 Old 12-18-2010, 09:50 PM
 
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Hello!

When I feel trapped in a "suffering" way of being, I use Byron Katie's Work to get be uncaught from that negative stuff. She has helped em transform my relationships tremendously. Her tools can be used instantly to transform.   My promise- a shift in YOU will create a shift in your world.

 

You can watch some videos here and on youtube there is lots of free stuff

http://www.thework.com/watch.php?cat=RnF

 

Here are some free worksheets to do the work...

http://www.thework.com/thework.php

 

Also, Michael Brown helps a lot with family. This is you tube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f_AoaV8ehc

 

And also his website has lots of free stuff.    http://www.thepresenceportal.com/

 

Good luck!  ((hugs)) on your journey!

Barbara


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#4 of 6 Old 12-18-2010, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well the thing is it was suppose to be 'girls' only (family), but friends and even my aunts husbands daughters girls were there (they are estranged from aunt/husband), and one of them is my ds's age. The sister thing is what got me, i happened to talk to her after i saw one pic on  facebook, but didn't see any others yet, and she said yeah, i brought my dd (she is 1), and her ds wasn't invited etc etc, trying to make me feel better, but then when ds went to bed i was back on facebook and saw pics of my sisters ds decorating cookies, so yeah, that makes me mad! My sister didn't know about the pictures. There is something so weirdly wrong with my family and the 'girls' only thing though, they had a women's only day and no kids were allowed, but i had to bring my ds because my dh works weekends. When ds was not but a couple months old everyone was asking when are you going to have a dd, etc and etc. Now i am pregnant with a dd and I am not going to let her go to these weird sexist parties. There are literally 2 boys under 10 in my family, my ds and my sisters ds and that is it, so when i feel like yeah my 4 year old was the only younger kid not invited it is upsetting.

 

the thing is my family is so big and there are so many cliques, i get along well with a couple of the older aunts, but it is just a few that are seeming to exclude some people (like my ds i guess) I am just tired of it. My il's live overseas and would be tickled pink if we were nearby and instead i get to be near my extended family that thinks of me and mine rarely.


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#5 of 6 Old 12-18-2010, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yaboobarb View Post

Hello!

When I feel trapped in a "suffering" way of being, I use Byron Katie's Work to get be uncaught from that negative stuff. She has helped em transform my relationships tremendously. Her tools can be used instantly to transform.   My promise- a shift in YOU will create a shift in your world.

 

You can watch some videos here and on youtube there is lots of free stuff

http://www.thework.com/watch.php?cat=RnF

 

Here are some free worksheets to do the work...

http://www.thework.com/thework.php

 

Also, Michael Brown helps a lot with family. This is you tube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f_AoaV8ehc

 

And also his website has lots of free stuff.    http://www.thepresenceportal.com/

 

Good luck!  ((hugs)) on your journey!

Barbara


thanks i checked out a couple sites, after venting here and watching a couple of those i am definitely feeling better about the situation, and i am glad i didnt post anything rude on facebook. I am going to check out "a course in miracles" i have been meaning to read it, and saw it referenced in one of those segments.

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#6 of 6 Old 12-19-2010, 10:27 AM
 
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I am so glad. Lots of our suffering comes from our thoughts about thing. I love Byron Katie.

Posting rude comments never works to get us what we really want.

 

Why not host a cookie bake at your house? Invite them all.  :)


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