Have to talk to MIL about holiday plans - need advice quickly please :) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 02:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My MIL called today and left a message saying that we are invited to her house tomorrow night to exchange gifts. Which is fine, we want to see MIL and FIL, but we do not want our kids around BIL and SIL.  So I need to ask her if they'll be there, and then if they are going to be there, I need to be able to tell her that we will not be. I foresee this setting her off, as getting together tomorrow night was my idea.

 

If they are not planning on coming, she'll still say something to me such as 'I don't know why you can't see them just once during the holidays!' So I need some good responses to that. BIL and SIL usually drink/smoke lots of weed during these get-togethers and then say inappropriate stuff to me/DS. They're also just rude in general. They don't like me, it's no secret. My MIL just wants everyone to get along, unfortuantely, since I'm not the type to confront (I'm working on my boundaries!) I usually get all the grief.

 

Basically, I need the words to say, and replies to her objections. And support!!

 

Thanks in advance for replying quickly :)


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#2 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 02:45 PM
 
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Does your DH feel the same way as you? If so, HE should be the one dealing with the problem since it is his mom. He could say something like this...

"Mom, I wanted to get back to you about Christmas eve. Are Alex and Sara going to be attending? Because if so I need to cancel. I'm sorry, I hate to make a fuss, but I just do not feel comfortable with them around my children when they've been drinking and smoking pot."
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#3 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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I agree with the PP, have you DH call HIS MOM back and take yourself out of the equation.  The other option is to use your house as the hosting place and then you have control over who is invited.


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#4 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, DH and I are on the same page - I'm wondering why I'm the one dealing with this, too!


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#5 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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Because you are,  Don't.  That's the beauty of caller.  Call you DH and say "your Mom left a message wanting to know if we're coming tomorrow.  She wants you to call and confirm".  Then do nothing.  Let the phone ring.

 

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#6 of 6 Old 12-21-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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your BIL and SIL smoke pot in front of your child and your mil doesn't understand what the problem is? 

 

wow. I don't even know the rest of the back story, but that part alone is really out there for me.

 

Would it work when you want to see MIL to ask her to your house so that you control who is invited?


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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