Creating a tangible goal to work on yelling less - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 12-31-2010, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
Flower of Bliss's Avatar
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One of the things I really want to make headway on this year is yelling less, and generally being less critical.  My DH is the one who is on the receiving end the most, but I feel like my yelling is affecting my DDs as well as my DH.  He's an amazing man, a very committed and involved father, and really a very good husband.  I'm generally happy in my marriage.  We have issues, of course.  DH tends to be passive aggressive, and I tend to explode and yell.  I can be controlling, and he'd rather leave all household management and decisions to me (for example, he'll do housework, but wants me to tell him what needs to get done and when).  The issues feed on each other. 


I don't think we need counselling.  We're honestly in a pretty good place right now.  Those issues have ebbed and flowed for the 16 years we've been together.  They aren't at a crisis point at all.  In fact, I think they're likely less of an issue than they often have been.  I'm just seeing them more clearly right now.  I imagine the underlying personality issues will always be there.  We've done counselling before, and I'd be open to doing it again if I felt we needed it.  I also did counselling myself in early 2010, and would do it again if I felt I needed it.  I made MAJOR headway in many areas in 2010.  I'm trying to keep up the momentum.


I've worked hard on pulling myself out of PPD.  I hadn't realized how deep I was or how long I'd been there.  I've seriously cut back my screen time, including going TV free.  I've started taking time away from the kids on my own.  I've started exercising.  I fired my housekeepers, and started doing the large bulk of housework myself.  I know that getting myself in a better place helps minimize my losing it.


So, I'm looking for a tangible, achievable goal about not yelling.  A baby step.  Any suggestions?

SAHM to flower.gif DD1 8/06 , loveeyes.gif DD2 8/09 , and bfinfant.gifDD3 9/12  married to geek.gif 6/99.  We homeschool.gif, cd.gif, homebirth.jpg, familybed2.gif, and lots of wash.gif and dishes.gif.

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#2 of 2 Old 12-31-2010, 08:27 PM
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Rather than focusing on what you don't want, you might find it more effective to focus on what you do want. What are the main times you yell? How could you handle those specific things differently? When you feel like yelling, what could you do instead?

Do you feel like yelling is more like a bad habit you'd like to break, or more like you have a lot of anger inside and sometimes it boils over? Because either ways there are thiings you could do to help, but they might be different things.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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