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#1 of 19 Old 02-08-2011, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 19 Old 02-08-2011, 05:58 PM
 
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Is there anyway that you can either put a small trailer or RV on the property for baby's daddy or that you could move into a house that has a suite where you and your son live in the house and which ever father works best lives with you and the other in the suite? Or could you move in a duplex and do something similar?

 

What does your son's father feel about all of this? If things do work out with your baby's father then you will probably need to look at alternative living options anyways.

 

I really think a house with a seperate yet connected suite could/work well for your situation. Space yet still togetherness you know?


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#3 of 19 Old 02-08-2011, 06:04 PM
 
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May I gently suggest upsetting a current living situation that is working for everyone probably isn't a great idea, especially if the new baby's father is noncommital  (that is the impression I get from your post).  If you feel you need space from from the new baby's father, having him move into a small space may not be a great idea.  How does your son's father feel about the suggestion?  Would he even be willing to move?

My feeling is if the new baby's father really wants to be a part of both of your lives, he needs to find a way to make it work, not you.  He needs to find himself a place to live.  Even if the area is expensive, that's part of being a grown up and a parent.

 

From the point of view of someone who struggled through a pregnancy with ex partner who couldn't decide what he wanted, the best thing I did was take a few years for myself and my daughter.  It was a huge struggle financially (I was homeless most the pregnancy).  But, I learned a lot about myself and what I really wanted.  It turns out ex partner was not part of the life I wanted.  Being with my daughter, finishing school, and being able to take care of us was what I really wanted.  Good luck!


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#4 of 19 Old 02-08-2011, 09:39 PM
 
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I agree with PP, a house with a seperate living suite or split level with seperate bathrooms is going to be really important. How does your ex feel about this new guy moving in? Do you own or rent the house? If you have your doubts about weather the new guy is actually going to stay, I wouldnt move.

 

Ideally, this new guy would get an apartment down the street for the first couple of months, but if that isnt going to work and if you cant move ( I see you are due in like, 2 weeks!) I say you really need to draw up some guidelines/boundries. I understand this baby is coming super soon , so I imagine the guy is too. Could your ex stay with someone else for just 2-3 days to give you, DS, new guy, and new babe some time to get to know each other? If no, and if everyone is going to be there all at once, I would highly suggest setting your bedroom up like a studio apartment to avoid having to be in the main quarters of the house as much as you can (at least at first). Lots of people moving around a small space is a recipe for tense conversations and little irritating things that roomates realize they dont like about each other. You dont want your first week with the new babe/new guy to be all about who left the lid unscrewed on the pickle jar :)


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#5 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 04:12 PM
 
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Hmm....if you need more space in your current home, I would highly recommend finding a reputable pawn shop and purging your home of any unnecessary items you may own. Or perhaps if you have any items in your possession that aren't legally yours, you could return them to their respective owners
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#6 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 04:34 PM
 
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Especially considering that your new baby daddy has flipped his script once already in such a brief period of time, he would REALLY need to prove a serious level of comittment before I would even remotely consider disrupting my son's life in such a major way. If he's truly earnest in his desire to be with you and be a parent to his child, he'll figure it out. If he doesn't, he's really telling you who he is and I would listen, if I was you.
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#7 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 04:35 PM
 
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If he can afford to move to live with you and pay rent at your place, he can afford to move to a nearby place and rent a room from someone else. I don't think you should disrupt your son's existing happy homelife for a guy who has shown himself to be very flaky. In a few months when you are used to the new baby and the baby's father has shown himself to be reliable, the 3 of you can sit down and work out a parenting/living situation that works for everyone.

What if your son and his father stayed in this place, and you, the baby, and the baby's father moved to a different nearby place?
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#8 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 04:47 PM
 
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There's no way you should allow the newest baby daddy to move in.  If he's actually interested in having a role in this child's life, it shouldn't matter where he's living, as long as he's close by.  Who owns the house you currently live in now?

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#9 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 05:05 PM
 
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I think bringing the new baby into the 650 sq. ft apt will be about all your 4yr old DS will be able to tolerate this year.  If new dad wants  new relationship - he can get a new job and a new apt  (425 sq. ft maybe?)  and be NEAR you and the baby.  You mentioned how well things are going right now and your due date is so soon.  I would not bring anymore disruptions right now.   I agree with lakeeffectsnow "My feeling is if the new baby's father really wants to be a part of both of your lives, he needs to find a way to make it work, not you.  He needs to find himself a place to live.  Even if the area is expensive, that's part of being a grown up and a parent."


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#10 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 05:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmalizz View Post

Hmm....if you need more space in your current home, I would highly recommend finding a reputable pawn shop and purging your home of any unnecessary items you may own. Or perhaps if you have any items in your possession that aren't legally yours, you could return them to their respective owners


 I agree, but also..even stuff that is't yours, if the "owner" doesn't appear to care for it,fair game!

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#11 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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I agree with everyone else. Having the new baby's father move in sounds like a very bad idea. If he wants to be around and be a parent, he needs to find somewhere to live and prove that he's ready to be an adult and a parent.


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#12 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#13 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#14 of 19 Old 02-09-2011, 10:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_mandala View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by emmalizz View Post

Hmm....if you need more space in your current home, I would highly recommend finding a reputable pawn shop and purging your home of any unnecessary items you may own. Or perhaps if you have any items in your possession that aren't legally yours, you could return them to their respective owners

 

This post is odd to me...I mentioned that our house is only 650 sq. ft. so we don't have really any unnecessary items.  If we did, we wouldn't be able to fit too well.  Why do you assume I have anything that's not legally mine?
 

Well I'm not emmalizz, but she probably didn't know if you'd ever returned the singing bowl to its rightful owner than you posted about previously. I'm glad to see that it sounds like you did. :)

 

As to this situation it sounds like it's basically working itself out. Good. If this baby's father is really interested in pursuing a relationship with his child then he can certainly find a way to make it work. Renting a room from a private individual is usually a good option and not terribly expensive. But he does sound flaky. Probably best he stays away until he can work through his flakiness.
 

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#15 of 19 Old 02-10-2011, 06:05 AM
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I was gonna say, there is no way you should be allowing him to move in. It would be so utterly disruptive to your daughter and your ex, especially if the baby's father is unreliable and flaky. He needs to stand on his own two feet for a while, otherwise you'll be setting a precedent of carrying him that will not end anytime soon.

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#16 of 19 Old 02-10-2011, 07:13 AM
 
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I don't know what fixed income he is on but you might want to follow up with that. Some children of parents on fixed incomes, like social security and disability, also qualify for a monthly check. That might help ease the high cost of living expense.

 

 

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#17 of 19 Old 02-10-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_mandala View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by emmalizz View Post

Hmm....if you need more space in your current home, I would highly recommend finding a reputable pawn shop and purging your home of any unnecessary items you may own. Or perhaps if you have any items in your possession that aren't legally yours, you could return them to their respective owners

 

This post is odd to me...I mentioned that our house is only 650 sq. ft. so we don't have really any unnecessary items.  If we did, we wouldn't be able to fit too well.  Why do you assume I have anything that's not legally mine?
 

Well I'm not emmalizz, but she probably didn't know if you'd ever returned the singing bowl to its rightful owner than you posted about previously. I'm glad to see that it sounds like you did. :)

 

As to this situation it sounds like it's basically working itself out. Good. If this baby's father is really interested in pursuing a relationship with his child then he can certainly find a way to make it work. Renting a room from a private individual is usually a good option and not terribly expensive. But he does sound flaky. Probably best he stays away until he can work through his flakiness.
 



OK, wait...I was joking about pawning stuff that didn't belong to her...ya mean she stole a singing bowl? And admitted  it here? (and, what's a singing bowl?)

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#18 of 19 Old 02-10-2011, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#19 of 19 Old 02-10-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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I think you dodged a bullet. It sounds like the baby's father was only interesting in moving if he was getting a rent-free ride and an effortless move. With another kid on the way, the last thing you need is to find yourself supporting a freeloader financially.

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