issue with family - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 09-05-2011, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
natty529's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am not sure this is the right place to post... but i think it may be. i will try to be concise about this.

 

My father and i have always had issues, first stemming from the fact that i have cerebral palsy and was not able to meet his expectations as a daughter. and then my brother died of cancer when i was 10- and since then it seems like practically everything i do or don't to is either wrong or disappointing. I moved away for college, I lived with my boyfriend, I married that boyfriend (he doesn't like my husband much), I voted for Obama... 

 

Now we have a son, he is three. he is highly spirited and very sensitive. the last visit my dad and his wife had here did not go too well. DS was very overwhelmed by my dad and  behaved in a way that my dad didn't like or understand. so much so that they excluded us from one of the days of their 2 day trip. It seemed like they just couldn't be bothered. they were sour and short tempered the entire time. to be honest, this behavior hurt my feelings! they didn't have one kind thing to say about ds! shortly after they returned home, my dad was telling me about his friends little boy and how amazing and special this little boy was and how the two of them were such good friends etc  I just couldn't take it. i was so hurt by these comments!  It was the last straw! I decided not to call my dad for a while because i was just too upset and hurt and he never understands things like this, he would just ell me i am silly and to brush it off. but, it has been a lifetime of not measuring up in one way or another and i am very tired of it. I am an adult now and my priority is my own family. I hate the idea of my dad making ds feel how he makes me feel!!

 

but, I miss my dad too, I got an email from his wife today asking what they had done, why i don't like them and don't want them etc. it irked me, but i called her- she is going to call me back in a while. these rifts have happened many times before and i am always the one to mend them. they never seem to learn anything. I want it to be different this time. I am aching for them to understand me and my family and for them to spare me at least some of their judgement. I have never been able to accomplish anything like this, try as i might. i guess i am wondering how to approach this differently this time so they they are able to be more understanding. 

 

any help?

 

thanks


.
natty529 is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 09-06-2011, 06:31 PM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,856
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

You need to set your own boundaries.  I'd let your father know why you're hurt; if he can't understand, then maybe he can't fully be in your life.


"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
#3 of 3 Old 09-06-2011, 06:37 PM
 
kitchensqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Elk Grove Village, IL
Posts: 3,348
Mentioned: 17 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 57 Post(s)

I agree with A&A. Be clear with your father as to why his behavior is hurtful to you and your family. Maybe he will be able to see your position and modify his behavior going forward, and you can have a positive relationship. But you have to be prepared for the fact that he may not (especially since you have had these issues before). If he can't have a positive relationship with you, minimize or eliminate contact with him. Your son and your husband are your priority now, and it's just not fair to either of them to be treated poorly by someone because that person has issues. 

Linda on the move likes this.

Apartment Farm - the chronicles of my cooking, gardening, crafting and other such things. 

 

kitchensqueen is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off