quitting heroin, have a 3 year old, totally overwhelmed by life - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 40 Old 01-22-2012, 06:40 PM
 
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hi klenora, so happy to see you back on here!

 

i really hear you about having to let it sink in that 'i could actually do this for *me*!' and not just for your child. it's easy to think of your child as deserving...young, innocent, never hurt anyone, etc. but of course inside you & me there's the same innocent child from way back when who deserved things to be better than they were.

 

and miracle of miracles, we made it through, and we really do still deserve happiness. even if we have made mistakes along the way.

 

how has your fourth month been going? hope you know it's okay to write in even if what you have to report is unhappy. but i'm cheering for you all the way.

 

 

journeymom and IwannaBanRN like this.

34 yo mom of boy #1 (Spring 2009), baby #2 is here! (Jan 2014)

 

2nd generation co-sleeper and extended breastfeeder, grateful to my mom for

letting me witness homebirth as a little girl and giving me confidence in my ability to birth normally.

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#32 of 40 Old 01-23-2012, 06:23 AM
 
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How are you doing>???


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#33 of 40 Old 01-23-2012, 01:21 PM
 
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Are you still there?

New on this thread, but anything about recovering people stops me in my tracks smile.gif You doing alright?

 

Qualifier: I am a sober alkie, 17 years this past August 23rd. I have done drugs aplenty, but not heroin. And I am a single mom. My boy is turning eleven next week, but believe me, he has been three! lol.gif

If there is ANYthing I can help you with, even just to vent at, please do. I do not mind at all. I would be happy to help hug2.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by klenora View Posti will be 30 in a couple months and my life is not the way i planned it, or want it, and i am worn out and overwhelmed and i know i am taking the right first few steps,but dang you guys...... waking up every morning and just facing reality is SO HARD. so hard. 

 

why can't i just be a real, normal grown up who can provide for her family and deal with life???

 

thanks for listening to me. any words of wisdom, similar experience, etc very very welcome. xo K

 

I think all parents feel this way, not just addicted ones, but yeah...try not to knock yourself for your addictions. The reason you can't be a "real, normal grownup" is because you're an addict. I probably don't have to remind you that there is no "normal", but for us? We drink and drug because we're addicted. That's all. Not because we suck, or we're immature, or we aren't good enough.  My first sponsor told me "We're not bad people trying tIo get good. We're sick people trying to get well".

Quote:

Originally Posted by klenora View Postwell, my circumstances are the same-- same kid, same family, same dirt road i gotta drive up to get home, lol. but i guess my attitude is getting better. 

 

let me just say, i wouldn't wish this journey on anyone. it is really painful and exhausting. i am getting better everyday, but i wish i didn't have to spend so much time healing, that i hadn't set my life up so i would have to heal, you know what i mean? but it is what it is. 

 

before this i had NO connection to other moms, so i didn't know that this feeling of overwhelm and tiredness is not just me... it is every (or many) first time mom or mom of a toddler. so that is helping. to hear you guys and the women i am meeting say, this is actually totally common, what you are feeling. isn't that a relief?


Boy howdy, yes. It's painful and exhausting enough just being a parent, let alone a newly clean/sober one. I'm so glad you're feeling better! Well...at least, at that posting. I hope you're doing alright now!

 

As for the overwhelm with a 3yo-- OMG, when mine was three I thought I was going to die. I thought I was raising a sociopath. I spent more time crying and banging my head on the headboard.

Then someone handed me this miracle book. The author is Louise Bates Ames. She writes tiny little tomes entitled "Your One Year Old", "Your Two Year Old", and so on. "Your Three Year Old" saved my life, and my sanity, I swear it! These books you could read in an hour, if you had a whole hour. They're that small. She's not about discipline so much, more about developmentally appropriate behavior. She tells what most Threes are like, what to expect from them in every aspect of behavior, from pottying to talking to eating to sleeping to whatever, on and on. The half-birthdays are different than the birthday, for behavior. I am still reading those books!

I was so relieved after reading "Your Three Year Old" that I wept with relief. I thought, "My child is not only normal, he's SO normal that they wrote his very behaviors in a book!"

 

I highly recommend.

 

Now, it turns out that my son is very severely ADHD, possibly bipolar and maybe aspergers as well. Sigh. Just what a single mom needs on top of the single mom plate. But ya gotta deal with what life gives you. He is a gift in so many ways. I don't know who decided I needed more patience; I thought I was doing rather well before I had him, but...sigh. Life on life's terms, indeed, huh?
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View PostAn addict conquering addiction is a feat alot of people can't accomplish

 

And a feat a lot of people can't even begin to comprehend, unless they've been through it. You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I think there are two different kinds of people in this world, and they aren't genders. They're addicts and non-addicts. Those who aren't addicted just will never understand, though some do try hard.

 


Anyway. My offer stands. PM me if you need to.

 


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#34 of 40 Old 01-26-2012, 05:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lilyka View Post

 Hi.  How are you today.

 

I don't know anything about addiction.  So I can't help with that.  I do know about chaos with crazy kids. (its ok if it is chaotic. )  and I know about feeling like I am faking and wishing I could be like other grown ups.  Feeling like a failure.  Living situation that isolates me.  and things not going as planned (good heavens this is NOT what I planned.  This is, in fact, exactly what I worked so hard to avoid thinking I need only to make good choices in life.  Yet here I am.) And I know about facing the bad choices I made that landed me here.  and it sucks.  Every single day it sucks a little more.  And there is nothing I can do to change it.  I don't have any answers but what you are feeling is normal.  It is hard.  but it is doable.  .  



It's always kind of surprising and comforting to find another person who's feeling (or felt) the same way.
Here's one more!

 

 


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#35 of 40 Old 01-28-2012, 03:19 PM
 
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Congratulations to you for your sobriety! Being a parent is HARD! For everyone, really. Find something, anything, that you love to do and hang on to that. Do it whenever you can. Reading self help books, knitting, drawing, painting - whatever! JUst find something that you like to keep yourself busy through the rough times. It will get easier, every day that passes. Although some will still suck. ;) It's like that for all of us though.

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#36 of 40 Old 02-01-2012, 03:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maiasaura View Post


 

And a feat a lot of people can't even begin to comprehend, unless they've been through it. You know that book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? I think there are two different kinds of people in this world, and they aren't genders. They're addicts and non-addicts. Those who aren't addicted just will never understand, though some do try hard.

 


Anyway. My offer stands. PM me if you need to.

 


Finding recovering addicts stops me in my tracks as well. :) And I agree. There was a wall between me and my family and how misunderstood I felt for a long time, when dealing with them. When I was first in recovery, they were "proud" but they never understood that I still had the cravings to use and didn't understand why I'd want to satiate those cravings after I'd quit *smh* It's just not that easy.
 

 

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#37 of 40 Old 02-02-2012, 10:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post


Finding recovering addicts stops me in my tracks as well. :) And I agree. There was a wall between me and my family and how misunderstood I felt for a long time, when dealing with them. When I was first in recovery, they were "proud" but they never understood that I still had the cravings to use and didn't understand why I'd want to satiate those cravings after I'd quit *smh* It's just not that easy.
 

 


Me, too...which is why I find meetings (or the people in them) so comical-- they understand me in a way nobody else ever could orngbiggrin.gif

 

What is smh?

 


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#38 of 40 Old 02-05-2012, 08:04 AM
 
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Maiasaura smh means "shaking my head".

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#39 of 40 Old 02-05-2012, 11:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

Maiasaura smh means "shaking my head".



Well, your post makes a whole lot more sense now! lol.gif Thanks for clearing that up!

 

I wonder how the original poster is doing now?


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#40 of 40 Old 02-06-2012, 11:02 PM
 
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Congrats on your sobriety.  I get it....  I so get it.  And if you need anyone to talk to.... because god knows I need that a lot.... please pm me.  I know what it's like to go through opiate withdraws.  I've been clean from opiates for about 18 months now, but I still have cravings.  As far as alcohol is concerned, it's been 4 days.  And a grueling 4 days it's been!  I can't fathom doing this without my aa meetings.  I know 4 days doesn't seem like much to most, but I'm sure you can understand, as an addict, that every sober day counts. 

 

Being a parent is HARD, but it's much easier and less chaotic when you're sober.... even though that means actually FEELING your emotions.  Geez, imagine that!  Actually feeling emotions.  **Sigh**  It's rough....  we have to deal with things we haven't wanted to deal with, feel things that are uncomfortable, cry (and actually remember it).  BUT, when we feel good, we can actually feel that too.  The withdraws go away and then energy and life is restored to our bodies.  It's a great feeling.  My favorite thing to say is "It felt good waking up sober today, I think I'll stay sober the rest of the day."

 

Hugs.

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