Let me give a bit of background on how things were first. I'm bipolar and up until this June, I was not medicated for it and hadn't been properly medicated since I was 17. Even then, my meds weren't taken right. Anyway....needless to say, things in the home were soo so toxic. I wasn't healthy and made alot of poor choices. Communication was poor between DH and I. And it always had been. Last Thanksgiving was kind of our breaking point. I was trying to better myself by getting into shape, so had entered into a Turkey Day race. I worked so hard and it felt like a part of me. My first race and I was sure to make a good time on the run. Because things were so toxic between DH and I, we were in a passive aggressive back and forth battle. So, he made me late for my race, making me unable to even start it. Crushed. I wanted to hate him, and I told him I did hate him that day. It drove a large wedge between us. Then in January, things were just cold and barren and I had started talking to an old flame and "the grass was greener" on the other side and I left DH for the old flame. Well, old flame turned out to be a controlling, emotionally abusive jerk. But now, I was pregnant with his baby. Good thing I had sought out mental help, because really, the guy I was with was driving me nuts. I started my bipolar medication in June and by mid-July, things started to become more clear that I needed out and away from this guy. I opted to sleep on DH's couch until I could get to my mom's. Over the next week, DH and I talked and cried and listened and hugged. One night, I asked for a kiss. It was over from then. We've been together again since and in spite of me carrying another man's baby, we're better than we've ever been. What change did I make?
Well yes, I'm medicated now, but it goes beyond that. BEING medicated and able to think clearly made me realize I loved DH, but I wasn't CARING for him. Through this whole ordeal, we've learned to care for each other and grew to love each other even more. Before I left, we lived in squalor. Seriously. Dirty dishes for 2 weeks, dirty laundry all over, garbage over flowing the trashbin. It was my responsibility for the most part since I was the stay at home. And that's cool, but DH was subject to his dad's ridicule when he came over and the place was a disaster. :( That didn't make for a nice day over for FIL. Now, I cook and clean and talk to DH about things. It took all that we went through to wake us both up. Caring for DH and his needs help him care for me more and love me more. I got the gratification the other night of hearing DH say "I love the new you" with a big hug from behind. It made me feel so proud of how far not only *I* have come, but how far we had come as a married couple. How insensitive and rude we were. How distant. Seriously, I used to get upset about the stupidest things and hang up on him. Juvenile? Completely! Caring for DH is why I do the things I do today. The kids see it and are happier, we compliment each other and are happier for it. I don't think I could ever say I loved DH as much as I do now and it grows more each day because of the change we made together.
that's a very inspiring story. I'm so impressed with how far you've come, and I respect your determination and heart that got you there.
I notice your wise and supportive posts on mothering often. I've been wanting to tell you how alike our stories are (it's eerie), and I know what it's like to come from hard times, trying to change your life. I know what it's like to take a few wrong turns in life thinking it was the best and only thing to do at the time, and wind up in a worse position than before. And I know what it's like to turn away from the man you were supposed to be with, but didn't realize it at the time, and then end up with him again, with new baby in tow. I know how hard it is to have that baby, too.
All I can say is I wish you the very best and I am so happy for you and your renewed relationship and family, and your own rebirth.
It's nice to hear a positive story like this. :) thank you for sharing.
Thank you. I almost didn't post this, but I figured if someone were going through something similar or was looking for guidance within a marriage where they felt numb they might find this useful. I love sharing on here. I've learned alot in the last year, about myself, the world, DH, and how to be a better parent.
Thank you! Something to add to this and our progress. When I had my UC a few days ago, DH was apprehensive and not believing I could do it. When he was talking to my mom about it, he was singing my praises up and down how proud he was of me for following through with something I believed so strongly in, despite what other people thought. It meant the world to me. I had never heard from DH before I left that he was proud of me.