Situation listed advice wanted or opinions please - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 7 Old 12-18-2011, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need adivce. Here's the situation. I accidentally backed my car onto a stump. My boyfriend comes out yelling at me and talking about how dumb I am. The. He realized his family saw him act like that a d blamed me for him screaming earlier that day is mom told him to backlit for me because they have a tricky drive way. I apologized to him multiple times and he td me to shut up. I told him he had the right to bed mad at him but I said can we please nit out each other Down. All be could say was I had the right to put you down and I could tell you to learn now to drive. I said well maybe WE can make a goal to not put each other down. I said were supposed to build each other up and be said that's bs.
I said it camly and i don't know what else to do we usually don't fight so I need advice should I give uP or what should I do because I'm nit sure if he was just mad or he really thinks he can cuss me and put me down. His mom got mad when she heard it and said I deserve better. I don't know.
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#2 of 7 Old 12-24-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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I agree with his mom.  You deserve better. 


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#3 of 7 Old 12-24-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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Drop him, find someone else. This kind of abuse doesn't magically disappear with marriage.
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#4 of 7 Old 12-26-2011, 07:17 AM
 
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Dude, if his mom thinks you deserve better than her own son, it's time to bail.

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#5 of 7 Old 12-26-2011, 08:12 AM
 
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Uh... yeah if his mama says you deserve better... she knows something.

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#6 of 7 Old 12-31-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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Read the parts I bolded. Over and over again. Realize this: this is abuse, verbal abuse, plain and simple -- no excuses, no justification, no "but I was mad". People get upset, yes. Once in a while they may say something they don't mean. However, mature people accept apologies. Emotionally healthy people don't call people they love names, tell them to shut up, scream at them, say they have a "right" to put someone down and say that treating their partner with respect is "BS". Picture someone treating your daughter, mother, sister, best friend like this. What advice would you give them?

 

His own mother is communicating that you deserve better than her son. Believe her.

 

Also, he is showing you what kind of partner and husband he will be. Believe him too.

 

Yes, he really thinks he can "cuss and put you down". He already has.

 

Run as fast as you can in the other direction.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Immy546 View Post

I need adivce. Here's the situation. I accidentally backed my car onto a stump. My boyfriend comes out yelling at me and talking about how dumb I am. The. He realized his family saw him act like that a d blamed me for him screaming earlier that day is mom told him to backlit for me because they have a tricky drive way. I apologized to him multiple times and he td me to shut up. I told him he had the right to bed mad at him but I said can we please nit out each other Down. All be could say was I had the right to put you down and I could tell you to learn now to drive. I said well maybe WE can make a goal to not put each other down. I said were supposed to build each other up and be said that's bs.
I said it camly and i don't know what else to do we usually don't fight so I need advice should I give uP or what should I do because I'm nit sure if he was just mad or he really thinks he can cuss me and put me down. His mom got mad when she heard it and said I deserve better. I don't know.


 


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#7 of 7 Old 12-31-2011, 11:23 AM
 
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Welcome to Mothering, Immy546!

 

That is a very unpleasant situation.  But it does speak volumes.  You may or may not know this---but no one "makes" anyone do or not do anything.  They CHOOSE to do it.   For example there are probably a thousand guys who would have seen you bump the car and not said anything mean to you.   In fact the response would probably been the exact opposite, "Are you okay?  Thank god you weren't hurt."   That is how they would have chosen to respond.   But your boyfriend chose to respond the way he did and frankly, it tells you a lot about his character.

 

I would take yourself out of this situation as fast as you can.   I'm not sure how you found mothering and if you have a child with this guy...but even so... I would start your exit plan.

 

Oh, and when you find the time get some therapy.   The fact that you said, "I don't know"  about deserving better...well that is a red flag that you need some healing. probably leftover stuff from childhood.

 

Make 2012 a better life for you.

 

 

 

 

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