Situation listed advice wanted or opinions please - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 12-18-2011, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
Immy546's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need adivce. Here's the situation. I accidentally backed my car onto a stump. My boyfriend comes out yelling at me and talking about how dumb I am. The. He realized his family saw him act like that a d blamed me for him screaming earlier that day is mom told him to backlit for me because they have a tricky drive way. I apologized to him multiple times and he td me to shut up. I told him he had the right to bed mad at him but I said can we please nit out each other Down. All be could say was I had the right to put you down and I could tell you to learn now to drive. I said well maybe WE can make a goal to not put each other down. I said were supposed to build each other up and be said that's bs.
I said it camly and i don't know what else to do we usually don't fight so I need advice should I give uP or what should I do because I'm nit sure if he was just mad or he really thinks he can cuss me and put me down. His mom got mad when she heard it and said I deserve better. I don't know.
Immy546 is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 12-24-2011, 11:24 AM
 
Ann-Marita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 4,580
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I agree with his mom.  You deserve better. 


Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

Ann-Marita is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 12-24-2011, 11:45 AM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Drop him, find someone else. This kind of abuse doesn't magically disappear with marriage.
philomom is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 12-26-2011, 07:17 AM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Dude, if his mom thinks you deserve better than her own son, it's time to bail.

mamalisa is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 12-26-2011, 08:12 AM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,066
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)

Uh... yeah if his mama says you deserve better... she knows something.

Imakcerka is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 12-31-2011, 10:32 AM
 
Tumble Bumbles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Read the parts I bolded. Over and over again. Realize this: this is abuse, verbal abuse, plain and simple -- no excuses, no justification, no "but I was mad". People get upset, yes. Once in a while they may say something they don't mean. However, mature people accept apologies. Emotionally healthy people don't call people they love names, tell them to shut up, scream at them, say they have a "right" to put someone down and say that treating their partner with respect is "BS". Picture someone treating your daughter, mother, sister, best friend like this. What advice would you give them?

 

His own mother is communicating that you deserve better than her son. Believe her.

 

Also, he is showing you what kind of partner and husband he will be. Believe him too.

 

Yes, he really thinks he can "cuss and put you down". He already has.

 

Run as fast as you can in the other direction.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Immy546 View Post

I need adivce. Here's the situation. I accidentally backed my car onto a stump. My boyfriend comes out yelling at me and talking about how dumb I am. The. He realized his family saw him act like that a d blamed me for him screaming earlier that day is mom told him to backlit for me because they have a tricky drive way. I apologized to him multiple times and he td me to shut up. I told him he had the right to bed mad at him but I said can we please nit out each other Down. All be could say was I had the right to put you down and I could tell you to learn now to drive. I said well maybe WE can make a goal to not put each other down. I said were supposed to build each other up and be said that's bs.
I said it camly and i don't know what else to do we usually don't fight so I need advice should I give uP or what should I do because I'm nit sure if he was just mad or he really thinks he can cuss me and put me down. His mom got mad when she heard it and said I deserve better. I don't know.


 


Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
Tumble Bumbles is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 12-31-2011, 11:23 AM
 
Tracy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: "It's Chinatown, Jake"
Posts: 12,452
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Welcome to Mothering, Immy546!

 

That is a very unpleasant situation.  But it does speak volumes.  You may or may not know this---but no one "makes" anyone do or not do anything.  They CHOOSE to do it.   For example there are probably a thousand guys who would have seen you bump the car and not said anything mean to you.   In fact the response would probably been the exact opposite, "Are you okay?  Thank god you weren't hurt."   That is how they would have chosen to respond.   But your boyfriend chose to respond the way he did and frankly, it tells you a lot about his character.

 

I would take yourself out of this situation as fast as you can.   I'm not sure how you found mothering and if you have a child with this guy...but even so... I would start your exit plan.

 

Oh, and when you find the time get some therapy.   The fact that you said, "I don't know"  about deserving better...well that is a red flag that you need some healing. probably leftover stuff from childhood.

 

Make 2012 a better life for you.

 

 

 

 

DoubleDouble likes this.

Check out New Moon on my Astrology Site

http://tracyastrosalon.blogspot.com/

 

Tracy is offline  
Reply

Tags
Personal Growth

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off