Mil move in? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 12-20-2011, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
Jrobinson2274's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Our mother in law has been planting seeds and whatnot about moving in with us. We have been married 4 years with a 14 month old. We are in the process of getting a larger home and while we are wanting to enjoy it, the comments are getting worse. We both have decided that neither parents would move in unless its dire. Mother in law is broke, no job, possibly bi polar, severe bouts with depression off and on. We don't want that in our house and know it would severely strain us. Is it wrong to be willing to pay rent for them in a cheap apartment? I'm sure they will be ungrateful and pissed we don't let then in too!

Jrobinson2274 is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 12-20-2011, 01:10 PM
 
4midablemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm not sure I would even be willing to pay the rent. Seems to me that your MIL is a grown woman, and as long as her mental issues aren't causing her to be a danger to herself or anyone else, she should be responsible for her own upkeep. Just my 2 cents.


Eva, Tired Single Mama of Hurricane Bella~3/06 and Boy Bug Silas~7/08 fencing.gif

delayedvax.gifintactlact.gifcd.gif

4midablemama is offline  
#3 of 3 Old 12-20-2011, 05:34 PM
 
cristeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,791
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How long are you willing to pay that rent?  And what if she needs you to pay the electricity too?  And the water?  Cable?  Groceries?  etc...?

 

And if something were to happen (need a new roof?  car breaks down?  job loss?) and you didn't have that extra money one month, then what? 

 

What happens when she's no longer able to live on her own (due to mental or physical issues)?

 

This is not something I would take on, myself.  But if you really want to, I would sit down (with your partner) and think about all the worst case scenarios and come up with solutions, ground rules and limitations.  Write all these things down then think about it a few more days and revisit the conversation.  Do this several times - I'd bet you come up with more things to discuss each time.  If after all that you are still interested, then you need to work out a working long-term budget and go from there. 

 

We've discussed these things in relation to my aging grandmother.  She would never be welcome to live with us in our current house.  Aside from the physical logistics of the matter, she also has no support system here whereas she does in her town.  But the time is approaching when she's no longer going to be able to live on her own (or drive herself around).  I had to sit down and have a very awkward conversation with her about what her plans were, where she was going to go, how it would be paid for, etc.  It was very difficult for me, but ultimately it pushed her to do some research into the local senior living situations, cost, and all that jazz.  So now she has a plan, and it doesn't involve us.  Obviously in that instance she was willing to do the leg work, but it may be something you have to do yourself.  Look into senior living situations.  Look into any social services she may qualify for (either due to age or mental health).  Contact your local counsel on aging and request resources for your area, etc.  Find out what the options are other than 1- living with you or 2- you paying for her living expenses until she dies. 


Cristeen ~ Always remembering our stillheart.gif  warrior ~ Our rainbow1284.gif  is 3, how'd that happen?!?! 

We welcomed another rainbow1284.gifstillheart.gif  warrior in May 2012!! 

2012 Decluttering challenge - 575/2012

cristeen is offline  
Reply

Tags
Personal Growth

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off