His dad molested his sister so there is a supercharged atmosphere surrounding this subject. We all live together. He says he doesn't want to see the 4yo without clothes on and I told him to basically GROW UP! BE AN ADULT! YOU CAN HANDLE IT!
I know this probably doesn't make any sense, but I just had to get this off my chest. Also I probably posted this in the wrong folder? Parenting? not sure...
told my dad off today. :)
Is he afraid that someone else is going to molest your 4yo, or afraid that he will?
I would be very concerned if a family member with a history of being a sexual abuser specifically said that he didn't want to see a child without clothes on.
It sounds like the OP's dad's dad was the abuser, or maybe the OP's son's dad. Not the OP's dad, who is the one complaining about the nudity.
I don't see what the big deal would be to have your son wear some underwear if it's making your dad that uncomfortable. People have different comfort levels, and you are living all together and all need to compromise. Maybe underwear instead of fully clothed could be the compromise.
thank you moms!
yes, it was my dad's *dad* who did it to my dad's sister and my dad was smart enough not to do shit like that to me or anyone else. he had some weak boundary issues, but that was it.
the weird thing is that when i was a kid he and my mom were pretty lax about nudity--no big deal. but i knew he had issues as i got older i could see it. he is seriously uncomfortable around naked children--just physically uncomfortable.
simonmom, you are right. co-habiting is all about compromise! in the moment my 4yo was adamant to *not* wear clothes and the point was that my dad wanted me to force my son to put clothes on and i wouldn't force him. and then the 4yo *did* put clothes on (that was the time that I was yelling at my dad *sheepish*), so he *does* respect other peoples' wishes, but sometimes not fast enough for people to appreciate.
part of me feels bad that the 4yo can't be completely himself *in his own home* with *his own family* but, like you said, compromise is the name of the game it seems.
How did your dad react? I could see it going either way -- either he can and will learn to live with it and that would probably be good for him and make him for more comfortable generally. Or, I could imagine a person who just can not deal with it and having the naked child around could just make their skin crawl out of worry or memories that it triggers or whatever.
My dh doesn't like to have our boys running around the house naked but it's because he's afraid that someone will see them through the window. I am perfectly happy to let dh put up more concealing curtains (the reason ours aren't very concealing is that he wants to only block out the most minimal sunlight possible) but I am not willing to make my children wear clothing at all times. To imagine that our neighbors across the street are looking through our windows with a telescope or something is just too freaking paranoid for me to consider it.
Jayne, sewing up a storm mama to ds1 9/03, ds2 2/09, and 2 sweet furbabies.