Issues with lecturer - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 06:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Today my lecturer made a very cutting and hurtful comment to me in class. This isn't the first time I felt he didn't like me, but I brushed it off as being in my head last time. 

Now it doesn't feel like it anymore.

 

At the beginning of the lecture he turned to me and said

'I'm getting a weird vibe from you. Like you don't want to be here or something ... like I'm getting an attitude.'

and all I pathetically said was 'No'.

It was in a very singled out way he said. It was embarrassing and it was the first thing he said to me. No hello or anything and I have a class with 4 people. So all 4 heads were tuned in.

 

For the next 3 hours however I was in a bad mood and very upset. I had actually been really looking forward to that class. I wanted to cry but I I didn't and it was a struggle to stay composed and more so because he kept asking me for the answer to questions which all I said was I don't know because I couldn't concentrate and I felt like I'd lost my voice from fear. The whole time felt like torture. I couldn't talk to anyone and kept my mouth shut the entire lecture. At the end of the lecture my friend talked to him a little bit while I stood there waiting for him to finish. After a couple of minutes I excused myself and said I would wait in the halls. I didn't say goodbye to the lecturer. As I left I heard him say to my friend 'in a rush today?'

 

Anyway. The lecturer clearly has a bad impression of me, and a part of me hates him, but another part of me, blames myself and thinks I'm making a huge deal out of it and if I were a guy I would just brush it off and not care, but I can't stop thinking about it. What did i do wrong to make him hate me? As soon as I got in the car I was crying my eyes out. All my other lecturers love me apart from this one guy and its driving me insane. What to I do? I don't want to be a weepy mess next time I see him but he made me feel so incensed that I can't help but grind my teeth whenever I think about him. which is all the time. 

One idea I came up with was to get him a coffee (since he likes those) during consultation time (before the lecture) and mention (ironically) that I got a bad vibe from him last lecture it made me feel uncomfortable is there something that I did
? or something bothering him about my behavior in class...

but my friend who takes the same class and is a guy thinks that's a bad idea and says I should just get over it and its not a big deal.

 

Any advice...?

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#2 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 08:16 AM
 
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Personally, I would get the coffee, but say something more like:  "Here's to a fresh start." and leave it there.  If he's still a jerk to you, put tacks on his chair.

 

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#3 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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Make a formal complaint to the college.  They want to know about unprofessional conduct.  I almost made a complaint about one of my professors a couple years ago.  She was being a _____ in class, so I got up and walked out.  At least one other student left right after I did, so I know it wasn't just me.  I decided if she was a _____ again the next day, I would make a complaint, but if she was nice again I figure everyone has a bad day once in a while.  She was fine the next day, so I let it slide, but at the end of semester I gave her a scathing review. 


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#4 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 01:57 PM
 
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Don't engage.  I don't know this lecturer but I wonder if he's the type to pick targets, in which case you should just ignore him.  Treat him with civility - as you would any stranger - but don't put any more energy into it than that.  If you are concerned about retaliation make a note of any interactions you have -a written record - just in case.

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#5 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 02:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post

Make a formal complaint to the college.  They want to know about unprofessional conduct.  I almost made a complaint about one of my professors a couple years ago.  She was being a _____ in class, so I got up and walked out.  At least one other student left right after I did, so I know it wasn't just me.  I decided if she was a _____ again the next day, I would make a complaint, but if she was nice again I figure everyone has a bad day once in a while.  She was fine the next day, so I let it slide, but at the end of semester I gave her a scathing review. 


I have made similar complaints.


OP, never underestimate the power of a written letter to a higher up. Sometimes it works wonders.
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#6 of 8 Old 07-24-2012, 02:51 PM
 
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Is this a college class? Did you pay for it? If you paid, then keep firmly in mind that he is working for you. You are the employer. Get your money's worth!! Forget the coffee and tell him directly that you expect respect. Snide remarks about bad vibes will not be tolerated. If he doesn't change his tune, drop the class and take it from someone else, or report him. But always keep in mind that anyone you pay is obligated to treat you with the respect a customer deserves.
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#7 of 8 Old 07-26-2012, 04:06 PM
 
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Skip the coffee.  I would start by asking him why he is getting that vibe.  Perhaps you are doing something even if it is unintentional.  Also inform him that next time he would like to speak to you about your attitude you would expect it to be done privately.  If this chat does not change his attitude towards you and /or provide you with some real feedback about why he does not like you, then I would write a formal complaint.


The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#8 of 8 Old 08-01-2012, 06:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ok sorry for not replying been a very busy week and I didn't even get a chance to get him a coffee! We get on well during class now.  I think he thought I hadn't done the homework for the class or something? Maybe misheard me. Now I'm getting where he is coming from though I find it hard to appreciate...Unfortunately he takes the problems of the class very personally and seems frustrated with them (our class has grown to 8). Many of the students are indifferent but not outwardly rude. They don't have the required text, actively try not to participate in discussions or tut time. They are evasive. He has been having heated discussions with other students about the level of responsibility they display for their education. 

 

I am a full fee paying student at a private institution and this is his first semester at our institution if I made a complaint it would be taken very seriously but the problem is I would be alienating my lecturer and he could be useful down the line. Many of the lecturers at the uni lecture elsewhere and are very involved in their industry. They could be useful contacts. Thanks for the advice though I appreciate hte different perspectives

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