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-   -   New Confidence, New Intimacy, But Lacking Empathic/Analytic Skills (http://www.mothering.com/forum/12-personal-growth/1361807-new-confidence-new-intimacy-but-lacking-empathic-analytic-skills.html)

DadMan 08-28-2012 06:13 PM

My wife and I have had a period of really intense growth in our relationship, in large part due to my recent acceptance of myself as a person. I've given up on worrying about rejection (mostly) and can be her equal for the first time in our 11 years of marriage. We've had sex 12 times in the past four days (due mainly to her intense sex drive, which was until now repressed by anti-depressants). We've stayed up very late talking, and reconnecting after a while of being more distant.

She came home today and was visibly upset, shaken. She was feeling panicky, worried that, even though we'd been communicating more, I didn't have the skills she feels she really needs. She wants someone that can dig deep into emotions and thoughts. Someone that asks "what do you think is behind that?" and "why do you feel this way?" and other such things. She says that in order to get me to offer her anything behind my surface feelings, she has to pull it out of me, and it's exhausting.

So, I guess I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. I love my wife, and want to do all that I can for her conversation/emotional needs. I'm no longer afraid of her rejecting me, and that's allowed me to get away from defensiveness, or at least not be so stuck there. I want to help her feel like she can get what she wants from me without feeling exhausted.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Questions?

Linda on the move 08-28-2012 11:23 PM

You might read up on "nonviolent communication."  Here is a link to a good book on the subject

http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-A-Language-Life/dp/1892005034/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346221278&sr=8-1&keywords=nonviolent+communication

 

It's a quick easy read, but can really change how you talk and listen to others.  It offers real tools for how to respond to the things people say so that they feel hear and understood, and feel like they can keep talking until the get to the end of what ever it is.



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