This is my first post here...not really sure if this is the right forum...Lately I am just feeling like I am running through life...
Not really sure what I am trying to say...this is mostly a vent I guess... I am in my mid thirties, a momma to two beautiful young children, work full time, and married. Lately I am feeling like I want to spread my wings in terms of life but don't even know where to start. I need to start taking care of my health more... I am not overweight but I could definitely use the exercise. I don't know how to cook but would love to learn. I want to make myself pretty, look nice for my dh. I want to feel calm and not so edgy all the time. I am so utterly exhausted ALL of the time. I don't have time for anything it seems. I have spent alot of more time thinking about me and what I can do to make things better. I want to have more time with my kids and be able to cook for them. I want to not feel so anxious and edgy all of the time.
My dh is currently not employed and a student. This alone probably gives me the most anxiety. Mostly because I worry about our finances...paying the mortgage, my vehicle, bills, daycare, etc. I have headaches all of the time. i don't get enough sleep. I work about 45 minutes away which requires us to get up really early to get everyone to where they are supposed to be on time. My day starts at 5am and does not end till usually 11pm or after. By the time I get everything done and ready for the next day...This does not leave hardly anytime to my dh...which has kind of caused a little rift it seems. I just want to pass out by the time it gets to where I can just slow and breathe.
I don't even know where to start. How can I motivate myself to do more in terms of "doing more for myself and my family"? I think of all these things I want to do but no energy to do it. My family doctor asked if I wanted a low dose antidepressant but i refused. I am so scared to take those...not really sure why. Instead he gave me a prescription for xanax which I have not taken.
Not really sure where I am going with this...just rambling. I just wish that I wouldn't feel like I have no energy or motivation to do anything.
Sorry for rambling...
Welcome to MDC and I think your post is fine in this forum. One thing I find helpful is picking one manageable thing to start with. When there's so much that you want to do, it can be very hard to start, but if you pick one specific thing and do that and then build from there. For example, with exercising more, if it would me, I'd start with something like "I'm going to go for a 10-minute walk 3 days this week."
PS If you are struggling or think you might be struggling with anxiety and/or depression, you might find MDC's Mental Health forum helpful as well.
How old are your children? Is your dh the full time parent when you are at work, or are the children in day care while he's in class? Is he a full time partner? When is he finished with school?
You are on the right track, taking stock of your life. This point in a mom's life -small children, adjusting to new relationship with dad, huge responsibilities, etc- is really tough! One of the toughest stages, I think. When the kids start to school the pressure lets up a bit.
A big part of being a mom is the Balancing Act. Expectations, of your self primarily, and of your dh. It's good to know your limits and honor them! Keep an eye on diminishing returns.
Do you and your dh have a map for the next 6 months, the next year and the next few years? It helps me to know that There is an end in sight, I'm not going it alone for the foreseeable future. I can put up with a couple weeks sleep deprivation if I know dh is going to pitch in significantly and give me a break at the end of two weeks. I can put up with a crappy commute for a while knowing that the plan is to move closer or change jobs in the next year. I can tolerate being the bread winner if I know that dh is committed to finishing school and getting a job.
I'd view the antidepressant and the Xanax as legitimate and useful help to get you through a very demanding but temporary stage in your life. Talk to your doctor about your fears and perhaps he can explain and reassure you.