I'm a single mom, divorced from my kids' father for a couple of years. I've been dating a guy for 7 months or so now. We were childhood friends, lost contact and then after both going through divorces, made contact again and fell in love. Although we don't live close, we are able to fly and see each other every other weekend.
Over the last few months, I have more and more been realizing that it is not working out for so many reasons. He has completely changed himself in order to please me. I see few remnants of his old self, because any time I express an opinion, he takes on that same opinion because he forsees differences as a threat. I am realizing that he and I are really just too different (when he is himself) and that he is not what I am looking for. I sense that he is lonely and desperate after the fall-out from his divorce, but that he thinks that he is completely and madly in love with me. We text throughout the day and skype every night. He tells me all the time how he misses me and can't wait until we can be married (we are not engaged). I'm not sure how we would ever even live in the same city, although we have spent a lot of time in the past talking about how to make it happen.
Over the last week, I have concluded more definitely that this relationship should come to an end (or at least the dating aspect of it). He is coming to visit in a week. I'm wondering if I should break it off before then so that he doesn't have to go on an airplane ride after a break-up and so that he can express his emotions without me around? Or is it better to wait for his next visit and do it in person?
He is also wanting to purchase plane tickets for future visits and I am struggling in finding ways to put that off.
One last factor is that next week is his birthday (before his visit). I hate to ruin his birthday with this, too.
Really, really looking for advice. TIA!
Hi Vagabonder, it certainly seems that your heart is not in this relationship and you are ready to break it off. In my opinion there never really is a GOOD time to break it off, except for maybe as soon as you are certain it's not working out any more. Holding it off for a birthday is never a good choice (IN MY OPINION)...when you eventually break up he'll know that you were just waiting for his birthday to be over...and that's even sadder! As for plane tickets - do it NOW before he spends any money on those - then he'll really be upset! Have faith in his ability to be strong enough to deal with a break up.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I vote before the trip, before his birthday.
If you are 100% sure, then the next time you talk to him is right time.
but everything has pros and cons
If you stay together for his birthday then you will want to stay together for the holidays and then for this or that. Lets face it, there is never a good time to break up. I have been broken up with on my birthday thrice now. actually, every relationship I have ever been in has ended on my birthday. My husband told me he wanted a divorce on my birthday and then it was finalized on my birthday. I wouldn't break it to him on his birthday but that leaves 364 days to choose from. Be strong (says the girl in long distance relationship that is going nowhere...)
And definitely before the trip. he may be able to trade those tickets in for somewhere else. And you would either break his heart once he got there and it would be an awkward week until his plane leaves or you will have to lie the whole week. yuck for both of you.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.