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#31 of 46 Old 01-16-2013, 05:13 PM
 
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i really want/need to talk to my dad but i can't husband took the cell phone upstairs with him and hid it. i feel awful

 

Why would you want to talk to your Dad after all he has said/done to you?

 

Both of these men are abusive. Your husband may hold you while you cry (according to your other thread) but he also cusses at you and throws his ring away... (mine ripped up our wedding pic, since he never did get a real ring ~ his job doesn't allow it).

 

You should try therapy so you can sort through all these things that have been done too you <3

 

Oh, and after re-reading this thread, I would also get the hell out. Something one of the people on the abuse hot line told me (stbx hurt me exactly twice ~ once he pushed me when I didn't want him to drive away because he was upset, and once he grabbed my arm and left bruises when I wanted him to look at me) was that I had gotten good at knowing when to back off and play nice so that stbx wouldn't hurt me again.... get that? I was SMART ~ I had LEARNED TO CHANGE MY BEHAVIORS to not get him to hurt me again... that doesn't mean he's not an abuser.

 

Emotional and mental abuse is still abuse.... keep in mind, your DH is acting the way your Dad did at first, which got worse and worse... get out now, while it'll be easier.


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#32 of 46 Old 01-17-2013, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why would you want to talk to your Dad after all he has said/done to you?

 

Both of these men are abusive. Your husband may hold you while you cry (according to your other thread) but he also cusses at you and throws his ring away... (mine ripped up our wedding pic, since he never did get a real ring ~ his job doesn't allow it).

 

You should try therapy so you can sort through all these things that have been done too you <3

 

Oh, and after re-reading this thread, I would also get the hell out. Something one of the people on the abuse hot line told me (stbx hurt me exactly twice ~ once he pushed me when I didn't want him to drive away because he was upset, and once he grabbed my arm and left bruises when I wanted him to look at me) was that I had gotten good at knowing when to back off and play nice so that stbx wouldn't hurt me again.... get that? I was SMART ~ I had LEARNED TO CHANGE MY BEHAVIORS to not get him to hurt me again... that doesn't mean he's not an abuser.

 

Emotional and mental abuse is still abuse.... keep in mind, your DH is acting the way your Dad did at first, which got worse and worse... get out now, while it'll be easier.

Because he knows what it's like to be on the opposite end, of what the issue was. The issues I described above, are not what our relationship is like today, and hasn't been since a couple weeks after I posted this. Things have been improving everyday. I am very happy with where our relationship is now.

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#33 of 46 Old 01-17-2013, 05:52 PM
 
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Because he knows what it's like to be on the opposite end, of what the issue was. The issues I described above, are not what our relationship is like today, and hasn't been since a couple weeks after I posted this. Things have been improving everyday. I am very happy with where our relationship is now.

 

Are you talking about your Dad, or husband?


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#34 of 46 Old 01-17-2013, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are you talking about your Dad, or husband?

My husband I have very limited contact with my father.

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#35 of 46 Old 01-17-2013, 07:32 PM
 
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My husband I have very limited contact with my father.

 

That's good, considering how abusive he was. Didn't you say he had changed in recent years, though? Kinda like what you are saying about your hubby now...? It may be that your husband is just a little immature, and having three kids that are such young ages is stressful. Just make sure that you are feeling like you get what you need from this relationship too <3


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#36 of 46 Old 01-17-2013, 08:58 PM
 
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Things were bad, for a while. I'm curious, has the ring been replaced?
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#37 of 46 Old 01-18-2013, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, we replaced it the next day. I am the only one that doesn't wear one. But I took mine off for different reasons. I have really dry skin, and I can't seem to find anything that is helping, so with my ring set on it is making my skin peel off my finger,

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#38 of 46 Old 01-18-2013, 01:55 PM
 
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I know you have dry skin, but maybe you also have a zinc allergy. My son has one, and can't wear a watch without painting the back with clear nail polish.

I hope you will continue to write to us, and keep us updated on how things are going! I'm going through a rough patch in my marriage, so I'd like to know what you did to smooth things out in your marriage. Do you mind sharing?
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#39 of 46 Old 01-19-2013, 11:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know you have dry skin, but maybe you also have a zinc allergy. My son has one, and can't wear a watch without painting the back with clear nail polish.

I hope you will continue to write to us, and keep us updated on how things are going! I'm going through a rough patch in my marriage, so I'd like to know what you did to smooth things out in your marriage. Do you mind sharing?

I did alot of talking, I statements work best. For example, "I feel like I don't matter to you when I'm talking and your staring at the tv screen and don't hear anything I say. It really hurts my feelings." I think all men have that problem though LOL. I explained to him how I didn't want to just argue all the time and that I just wanted to go back to enjoying being around him not being miserable and wanting to smack him upside the head to knock some sense into him. I have trouble being open and being vulnerable, so I think showing him that I could be really helped.

 


Zinc allergy is possible, the ring set I have is sterling sliver.. Time for an upgrade :)

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#40 of 46 Old 01-19-2013, 11:51 AM
 
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Zinc is added to silver, gold and platinum, to make it hard enough to handle everyday wear and tear. All precious metals are too soft to not get dents and dings. Twenty four carat gold is the most gold there can be for jewelry, but it's not pure. 100% gold is so soft that it has been pounded as thin as tin foil by hand.

I'm glad things are so good that you feel your husband would agree to a new ring set, even though it wouldn't solve your skin problem. I also get dry hands in winter. Is that your problem, too, or is it year round? Have you tried Shea butter for your hands? That's what I plan to try next.
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#41 of 46 Old 01-19-2013, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Zinc is added to silver, gold and platinum, to make it hard enough to handle everyday wear and tear. All precious metals are too soft to not get dents and dings. Twenty four carat gold is the most gold there can be for jewelry, but it's not pure. 100% gold is so soft that it has been pounded as thin as tin foil by hand.

I'm glad things are so good that you feel your husband would agree to a new ring set, even though it wouldn't solve your skin problem. I also get dry hands in winter. Is that your problem, too, or is it year round? Have you tried Shea butter for your hands? That's what I plan to try next.

We haven't agreed to what set yet, the one I really like is a bit pricey for our budget, it's a little over 500. But we are trying to compromise lol. It's all year long, I have Dyshidrotic Dermatitis. I'll have to try shea butter, Thanks for the idea :)

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#42 of 46 Old 01-19-2013, 12:23 PM
 
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Are you still going to replace the ring set, even though it may not solve the problem?

I can't see my husband buying a new ring, unless (maybe) the old one is gone -- like in a landfill somewhere.
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#43 of 46 Old 01-19-2013, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah he's ok with buying a new one, for me, how are things going for you. are they getting any better yet?

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#44 of 46 Old 01-20-2013, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He got me a new lotion yesterday, it's Lubriderm (Spelling) Intensive Healing.. Guess we will see how this one works :)

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#45 of 46 Old 01-20-2013, 11:02 AM
 
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I read your post yesterday, then got interrupted as I tried to answer, and never got back to it.

I just read online last night that niacin (b-3) deficiency adds to dry skin. I plan to try to add sources of b-3 to my diet.

Some virus is making the rounds in our family, so I haven't tried the I statements, yet. Just trying to get through each day for now.
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#46 of 46 Old 01-20-2013, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I read your post yesterday, then got interrupted as I tried to answer, and never got back to it.

I just read online last night that niacin (b-3) deficiency adds to dry skin. I plan to try to add sources of b-3 to my diet.

Some virus is making the rounds in our family, so I haven't tried the I statements, yet. Just trying to get through each day for now.

Oh no i'm sorry to hear that, I hope everyone gets feeling better soon.

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