When I was going through crap similar to what you're describing, I wore a necklace my aunt had given to me. I wore it constantly as a reminder that someone valued and loved me. Somewhere there is someone who knows you personally and loves you. In the meantime, for what it's worth, I care about you and what happens to you.
Have you or could you contact a womens shelter? It sounds like there is some emotional/mental abuse going on and I think that would br your best bet for getting out immediately.
. It's good that you're reading up on emotional abuse. It's sometimes hard to admit to yourself exactly what's going on in abuse situations, but you will be better for it. Sending you positive vibes for getting out of your situation. Hopefully your dad can help.
Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)
this all started because i was making a sandwich at 1pm i hadn't eaten since 5pm the night before so i was hungry i had a good amount of meat on it hen he started saying stuff like "hey kids did you know there is a bread shortage in the world so you have to put as much meat as possible on your sandwich" that hurts. he says he didn't mean it to be mean but i feel like he did. i told him i felt like he was calling me a fat ass and he got mad and started yelling so i told him he was a fat ass and didn't need another sandwich. wrong i know i shouldn't have said it. he won't take his wedding ring back won't talk to me
Do you have kids with him? Kids that hear the emotional abuse you are going through?
You need to get out of this relationship. I hope your Dad can help ((hugs))
Vegetarian mother to (3/09) (11/10) and (4/13)
Emotional abuse of their mother will have a lasting effect on them. One day, they will start repeating what your partner is saying to you. I hope he does not emotional or verbally abuse your children. There are many places you can go for help if you want it. Please do not stick around "for the children". They will be better off NOT seeing their mother treated this way.
Vegetarian mother to (3/09) (11/10) and (4/13)
big hugs to you!
you do not deserve to be treated that way. please know that. Goodluck with trying to get connected to a local women's group to help you. Are you considering leaving or just wanting support to deal with whats happening? sending you strength.
This sounds like the typical cycle of good times until the next bad time... He sounds emotionally abusive. I'd encourage you to read about emotional abuse and maybe sit down with someone in your own local dv womens center for more information..hugs.
oh my dear pretty princess ( i like that user name) you are so abused and the most common result of any abuse is to turn on ones self. it's always your fault, right? you made him act out, right? you attacked him and took things wrong, am i hitting home?
my husband was at one time emotionally abusive. he had a truly horrific childhood and had never admitted his pain much less got help. when we had a baby i said my child will not live with a crazy person! no child deserves that, no one ever does.
when i got ready to leave he got help. with intensive therapy and much self motivation he did a 180 BUT that is by far the exception not the rule.
i don't know you and you dont know me and we will probably never meet but from the bottom of my heart GET THE KIDS AND RUN, PLEASE this IS abuse
I am an optimistic person, extremely so. But I am here to tell you that the cycle of abuse will continue, until you leave. If you posted this on the "Single Parents" and/or "Parents as Partners" forum, I guarantee there are people (including me) who've been there, done that with spouses whose behavior is exactly as you describe. The cycle of abuse you're describing is very, very common, unfortunately. It's textbook and it does not get better. Because those aren't "just" marriage problems, there's a deep lack of respect going on that no apologies will help. I can also just about guarantee he's a narcissist; their narcissism allows them to act this way and that's why their behavior is so textbook the same. And narcissists never change.
He doesn't care about you, what he cares about is control. So naturally the moment you assert your own indepenence he's either threatened - or threatening. He'll "hunt you down"? That phrase alone would be enough for me to leave him forever. Besides, unless he's a psycho killer (in which case of course you should definitely leave!) that's not how "leaving" works. Any adult is allowed to decide if a situation is working for her or not. Living with abuse is a situation that's not working. And if your kids grow up thinking that's the norm, they're much more likely to end up in such relationships.
So you are entitled, like any other adult, to seek legal advice, a lawyer to protect you from the sort of person who would "hunt you down". If he really does physically threaten you, you go to the police and ask how to get a restraining order. These are things you can do because your husband has no more right to treat you like this than he does any other woman out there.
I'm guessing he controls the money so it seems impossible to do anything. Well, when he isn't around, call an attorney who does family law. They have consultations, a half hour or hour. Some charge for them and some don't, just ask. Even meet with more than one (like, say, a doctor - some are better than others). I guarantee they've heard stories like yours many times and are familiar with the dynamic you're describing. You probably know this but if you get divorced, you're entitled to part of the assets and a percentage of his monthly income. And it's possible he'd also be ordered to pay for some of your legal bills. So don't let the lack of money stop you, nor his threats. Very many of us have gotten out of situations like you describe.
And try not to even engage in his idiotic conversations - it doesn't matter if you have a sandwich stacked to the ceiling, or if you want to sleep late, or whatever. When they want to pick a fight, they will, and it doesn't matter what you say or do. So don't bother. He doesn't deserve any more of your emotional energy.
I fled an abusive man some years ago and found a warm, loving man to build a life with.
Should you find yourself at a place of hopelessness (with him) and need to relocate, we have room here!
We live in a quiet, small, town with a protective 20 hour drive (or so) from your state (not the location on profile ;) the entire second floor of our 2600 sq ft house is unoccupied.
Know that there are always options and his threats can only hold you in fear for so long.
I was in such denial, that when things finally reached a breaking point (after 7 years of cycles) I failed to gather important irreplaceable things (photographs, documents, ect). He prevented me from leaving the house to celebrate my birthday. We had a standoff in the driveway and he nearly ran me and the baby over with his car when I insisted he allow me to use it.
Good to have a legal plan too so he can't pull that custodial interference BS and bind you to him (criminally) through the courts. Document abuse, collect statements, video & audio may help your case as well. Set up a confidential residence while you file protection orders & parenting plans. Our system gives him parental rights regardless of his actions towards you and the children. Do your research for your state, COVER your tracks and don't look back!
Read through this book http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656 To gain some objective perspective.
Any man who is threatening to hunt you down (while demeaning, subjugating, and hurting you) is not EVER going to change no matter how devoted you are.
I know how trapped and alone you must feel.