Pretty sure I just ended things with the inlaws - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 2 Old 06-27-2013, 04:50 AM - Thread Starter
sarafi's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DH and his parents have a pretty cold relationship. They chat when I call and put DH on the phone, they send gifts for us and the kids, they visit, but it all feels very superficial.


SIL really seemed to try to have a relationship with DH, and later with us, while she was married and her children were small. After the divorce, she has been distant and cold. We have family visits once a year or so, and she avoids us for hours and then bails after an hour or so. MIL and FIL have this weird coddling dynamic with SIL where they get to be the "parents" of her kids, so they are no help really.


After years of "gas-lighting" from FIL, back-stabbing from MIL and just plain rude from SIL I finally put my foot down and told MIL that I would not do the "family" visit this year if it included SIL. I told her that it will be the first time I'll be back in the states in two years, and I would like to spend it with people who want to spend time with me and my kids. Life is short, I am done with the drama and the pretense that SIL wants to spend time with us and then makes us wait for hours or even days, says "hello" and then leaves is one I am completely over.


I did offer that they could drop SIL's kids off for a few days and re-iterated how much we love the kids, and SIL.  Because of the fact that  SIL has been demonstrably rude in the past few years, and has stated verbally that she doesn't want to spend time together as a family, I am done trying to fake it. We accept reality, but don't want to be part of the fake "happy family" charade any longer.


My DH is wimping out, and scheduled his visit for only three days (the rest of us will be there for a month) to avoid his family all together. I wish it were different, because he is missing out on his children in order to avoid his parents. He has forbade me to visit his family (but won't tell them that himself, so I'll make my own choices). I get that it is hard to go against your parents, and the fact that he is finally trying to avoid them is huge so I won't push him. He'll get where I am eventually. Or maybe the will finally wake up to the fact that SIL is acting horribly and we don't have to put up with it?

sarafi is offline  
#2 of 2 Old 06-27-2013, 01:51 PM
jtapc90's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 207
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Wow. So sorry you have to go through that. I have no adivce but am bumping this up to try and get it some attention. Good luck!

bfinfant.gifbreastfeedingfemalesling.GIF baby-wearing familybed1.gif bed-sharing greenthumb.gif herb growing/using nocirc.gif no circ'ing  lady.gif Mama 

bikenew.gif6-25-2006goodvibes.gif11.29.2008dust.gif7-6-2010babyf.gif10-3-2012 belly.gifcraving #5 ALREADY 

jtapc90 is offline  

Personal Growth

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off