Irrational thoughts, can anyone talk me down with logic? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 01-08-2014, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
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I have posted on here before about a few issues with OCD, etc that I have. However, there is some truth to the problem I'm having with this couch issue, so I'm hoping someone can take what I say, and maybe tell me why "it's okay"? Right now I can't stop thinking of the negatives, and I am dragging myself down.....over something silly? nonetheless....


So both of the couches in our house (we have a family room and a living room) are very firm and modern. I insisted on firm couches because I have a bad back, and sitting on something soft can be painful for me. Well, it back is doing a little better now. It took a LOT of trial and error in couch stores to find the firmest couches we could, and I think my hubby is scarred from doing all that couch shopping with me. Not to mention looking at some from Craigslist. We ended up with two firm ones, but it turns out firm couches tend to have low backs (think modern lines). And, they are bad for cuddling upright, relaxing, etc.


So, since having our son (first baby), I haven't really had a cozy place to cuddle with him. That is mainly not due to the firmness, back the lack of a high back, so you can't really rest your head on anything. Thus, cuddling is hard to do. My rocker I nurse him in is also firm, so we can't really sink into it. I have this thing where I have been beating myself up, when we go to others' houses, and I see how happy my hubby and baby are, on any other couches. They just smile and cuddle. Our couches are like rocks, and my hubby never really cuddles the baby on them. You can't put your head back at all, so you just sit upright, in ours. We get plenty of floor time with the baby and some bed time, but there is something about being able to sit, kinda reclined, cuddling a baby. And I feel like I have denied us of that experience with this little one.


I have wanted to sell one of them to get a softer couch with a higher back, that has recliners. There are cheap ones out there, but hubby won't look with me. I think eventually we WILL replace one of these. But I keep looking back and thinking about all the cuddling time and happy memories we have missed out on. Do you guys think that's indeed true? Or am I fluffing it up too much in my head?


Anyways, thanks for listening.

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#2 of 6 Old 01-09-2014, 09:44 PM
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I kind of know what you mean, because if you don't change your couches, then not cuddling on the couch and having to find another way to cuddle will just be the normal thing.  But then if you change it and things seem better, you'll feel like you messed up not doing it sooner.  And basically, I feel like this is how parenting goes.  You have this idea of things you will do with your kids, and then you realize your kids are already too old, and you never did those things.  I thought maybe my kids would learn to ski when I moved to this area, and that they'd learn to play an instrument or be in girl scouts, or who knows.  And now they are 10 and 14 and the longer you live, the more your choices narrow down, and I wish I could go back and do things over again.  

So maybe you are worried you wish you could have bought the right kind of couch for cuddling.  But then, really, how different would things have been.  My husband has his own chair, and he used to sit with our kids in his chair, or sometimes he would get down on the floor.  If you get a more comfy couch and keep one firm one, you can have more years of cuddling ahead.  You might have another child, and the two of them will sit snuggled together with blankets, playing and talking, the way mine are doing this moment.  I think it's better just to move ahead if you think it's an improvement.  I think the worry over what might seem like a trivial thing to most people is a reflection of the feelings around all the decisions we make which limit our future paths, and the constant wondering of how things would be different if we made different choices. 

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#3 of 6 Old 01-10-2014, 10:08 AM
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I'm not sure about the actual couch issue, but I did want to reassure you that thus type of laboring over decisions seems to be the norm once you're s parent. At least it has been for me. I turn decisions around and around, feeling like there is one exact right choice out there that I need to find. Choosing shoes for my girl is a total nightmare for me. There's a lot of pressure, both internal and external, to do the right thing by your kid. Honestly, though, some of the best things for us have been accidental, and all that laboring over decisions often backfires. Anyway, I think you should do the thing that will make you feel at ease. I think, in this case, that seems to mean swapping out the couch? Because there are still lots of potential cuddles!
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#4 of 6 Old 01-14-2014, 07:25 AM
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Could you get a batch of pillows, sheepskins, & blankets and make the sofa more cuddly?

Your child won't be little forever and you bought the furniture for a reason. I would adapt your lifestyle for the short term using the furniture you already have.

If you can't make the sofa work then get a beanbag. We had one when my daughter was a teen since she liked to lounge and didn't want to sit up next to us on the sofa all the time. When she moved out she took the bean bag with her.

You don't have to personally implement every option out there. It can be OK to have sofa-cuddle-time when you visit others. That can be part of the appeal of the visit, in fact. It may be that a softer sofa wouldn't change how your family uses your shared space anyway.
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#5 of 6 Old 01-15-2014, 01:49 PM
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If your back is killing you, you won't want to sit on the couch for snuggles anyways. What about making your bed or bedroom into a snuggle zone with some big pillows etc so you can all lounge there comfortably together?

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#6 of 6 Old 01-16-2014, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks, this makes me feel better. Just having someone to talk about it with, someone to listen, and to bounce ideas around. 


Still not sure what we will do, just putting it on the back-burner for a day or two. Thank you so very much. Will respond more when I have more ideas about what we may do. If I am stressing again, I may post again, to sort out my thoughts. :)

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