Separation woes - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-04-2014, 10:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is the first time I'm posting in the mothering community. All you lovely mothers out there would know what's best. Well, a year ago I gave birth to my son and honestly I have been the best mother to him. Even at 18 months, I'm still happily breastfeeding him. Sadly, my husband and I recently separated about two months ago. I did every needy and desperate thing imaginable to have him change his mind. I really do love him and I can't imagine not being a family anymore. He recently lost his job and I was complaining about my mother-in-law a bit too much. He left. I really believe everything happened due to stress.

I want to "talk" to him and solve the problem, but everyone tells me I should just let it go. However, if I do then I feel like I'm giving up. I don't know what to do. What is the best solution? I am an amazing mother, but I haven't been the best wife. I forgot his needs. crap.gif 


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#2 of 6 Old 02-07-2014, 09:53 PM
 
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Anyone have any advice?
Bump
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#3 of 6 Old 02-08-2014, 12:54 AM
 
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When was the last time you spoke to him? Maybe you could give him a week or two to calm down where you only talk about arrangements for him seeing your son, don't mention your relationship at all. Then perhaps send him an email saying something similar to what you said above - you forgot about his needs in your focus on motherhood but you still love him - and ask him if he is willing to attend counselling with you.

All the best. It sounds like you are going through a very hard time.

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#4 of 6 Old 02-10-2014, 05:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the reply! Would writing an email be better than talking to him in person? I have wrote emails before and tried to speak to him in person, but I'm willing to try again. :sip 


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#5 of 6 Old 02-10-2014, 06:17 PM
 
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i guess it depends on what the circumstances are in which you see him in person. If it's just drop-offs and pick-ups with your son it's probably not a great opportunity to talk. Also, an email gives him a chance to read it and think about it without feeling pressured.

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#6 of 6 Old 02-11-2014, 11:22 AM
 
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I feel badly for you. Although he doesn't seem willing to do anything at this point to reconcile, you know there are things you can work on from your end. Can you get some marriage counseling, or some resources on healing marriages, communication, etc? A great book is "Love and Respect" if you're looking. You may have felt your husband was getting everything he needed from your relationship when he was not, and the stress that came in may have just been the final straw for him. If he sees that you're serious and working towards improving your role as a wife, he may be willing to come back and work on his own shortcomings with you. If you're not divorced yet, you know there's always hope! Hugs and blessings to you!


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