Is it weird that I cry every time I look at college course catalogs online? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 09-08-2014, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
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Is it weird that I cry every time I look at college course catalogs online?

I never went to college because I had a baby in HS and devoted my whole life to him, and my other child that came later on.

I tell people that I prefer to "unjob". Translation: I've spent the last 20 years cleaning toilets and changing diapers for minimum wage. Yes, I worked odd jobs to keep my kids out of daycare, but I also did it because I had no other skills.

Was I wrong to give up so much for my kids that now there is nothing left for me...or of me?

I have great kids. They are really, really good kids and make me proud every single day...but would they be any less great now if I had put them in a program part-time and gotten some letters after my name?

When ds1 was 2yo, I passed up a part-time opportunity to be a para-professional LC. I would have been able to get enough contact hours to challenge the IBCLC test. But because he was older than 12 months, WIC wouldn't let me bring him to the office and I just couldn't handle the thought of him being in daycare 20-25 hours each week.

I don't even know what my passions are anymore. Now that my kids are grown, I don't know that human lactation is still my passion. LOL

I can't work in medical. I have too many issues with the system. I won't administer a vaccine to a child, period. I don't know if I could hand out prescriptions left and right...alternative modalities of healing appeal to me but not enough to study them in earnest.

When I was a kid, everyone told me I would make a good lawyer because I loved to argue so much. I'm not going to go to law school at almost 40yo, but I don't know if becoming a paralegal appeals to me...all that boring paperwork and no litigation, blech! LOL

So it all comes to down to technology...I'm fascinated with tech but every time I load the course catalog I damn near have a panic attack. I'm terrified that I would suck at college. I'm terrified that I can't hang at that level and that I would be wasting my time and the governments money and I would fail and never get my degree and then everyone in my life who hated on me for being content to be a nothing and nobody would have even more reason to hate.

And now I'm crying again. Ugh.

Bring back the old MDC
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#2 of 3 Old 09-08-2014, 10:38 PM
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I'm 9 years older than you and back in school. I did go to college and have a career before having kids, but after 14 years of being a Mommy, I tried to go back to my old career a couple of years ago and just couldn't get myself to give a crap. Being a mother had changed me.

So I changed directions and I'm getting certified to speech special ed. I still have a bunch of the same feelings as you -- I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll screw up and everyone will know - my kids, my friends, everyone. I'm afraid actually being a special ed teacher will be overwhelming. I'm afraid that people think I'm crazy because I will be 50, yes 50, when I graduate. I'm afraid that I won't have the energy, stamina, and youth to actually do this.

I'm doing it anyway, and I have a couple of WONDERFUL friends who have permission to make me finish if I freak out want to quit.

Can you start small? Could you start with a certificate from a community college in technology, with classes that could transfer to an associates? May be baby steps would be less scary.

There is a wonderful old Mel Brookes movie called "Defending Your Life." Its about the after life, and in it, we are evaluated based on how how well we faced our fears in this life time. I think about that sometimes when I start freaking out. Facing these fears is part of my challenge this lifetime.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#3 of 3 Old 09-09-2014, 08:43 AM
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Its never too late to start. We spend our whole lives learning, and that is normal. I agree, start small. Get inspired. There is no reason you should suck at college. You go there for you, not for what people think of you, or how smart you are compared to the other students. Choose something you would find interesting, and go for it.

Its your world too!
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