I'm a slob. Is it OK? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-21-2004, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Both my DH and I don't care about how messy our house is, we have no sense of style or anything like that. We could ignore houseworks or yardworks forever and just have fun together. However it seems we have been nagging each other more and more to get things done. He keeps saying I should get up earlier (I'm a night owl.) And I keep telling him to fix things around the house (He's not a handy guy.). We end up talking about all those and feel rather uncertain. Should we change ourselves and be more hardworking? Or is it OK to stay a pair of slobs?

We didn't really start naggin each other until my grandma moved in with us. Although she's 85 she kept herself busy. She'd clean all sorts of things for us and even drag out garbage cans if we didn't do them in time. We feel incredibly guilty about that. It's like we're using her or something. Sometimes she'd get grumpy about how lazy we are and whine about it. I told her if she'd just leave things out there I'll eventually do them but she just can't stand mess. Sometimes she whines about my parents never let me do houseworks and spoiled me (that's true). So? I like that and think my home is just fine.

What should I do?

Mom to 2 beautiful autistic boys (12 & 11)  
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#2 of 9 Old 05-22-2004, 02:34 AM
 
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Just reading this makes me feel better. Thank you!
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#3 of 9 Old 05-22-2004, 07:06 PM
 
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I could have written this. We moved in with my mom for a while and she is in her 70s and was always doing. It would ake me feel sooo guilty. I would usually just join in and help her.
I dont really have an answer. I have found I do feel better if the house is somewhat organized, so I am trying. I just dont want to end up like one of those people that has a hallway through the clutter and that is it!!
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#4 of 9 Old 05-22-2004, 09:02 PM
 
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I think my mum cut short a visit here Friday because the mess drove her out LOL. Hmm, is that a good or bad thing?? j/k

I have cycles of being on top of it (tho not to my parents standards) and letting it go to the dogs. Being on top of it feels better, in general. But I don't think it is something that should be highly valued, so if DD is grumpy or I am buggered, I sit down and ignore it. It helps that my SO couldn't really care less, but OTOH he has some terrible habits with mess I wish would disappear!
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#5 of 9 Old 05-22-2004, 10:01 PM
 
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Depends on how you describe slob, I think...

do you have a place to eat? to sleep? Nothing rotting in your house, other than in the sink or garbage or litter box? Whatever works for you then.

What's the thing about alcoholism, that you're an alcoholic when bad things happen in your life due to alcohol and you still don't stop drinking?
I think that should apply to slobbiness, too. What consequences are happening and can you live with that?

Ap - very messy house, almost totally sanitary (gotta clean the kitchen floor)

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#6 of 9 Old 05-23-2004, 12:46 AM
 
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my mom was a slob.. i hated it.. i was embarrased for people to come over.. I started cleaning sometime around 10 years old.. i mean I did toilets.. emptied out refridgerators.. did laundry.. well everything.. not just "chores" ..i was the housekeeper

I moved in with grandma at age 15 because my mom moved houses at least once a year.. maybe this was her version of cleaning??
i was really realived to be able to invite friends over & not worry about weither the place stank.. or my moms dirty undies were on the bathrrom floor

as an adult my home is not always mess free..i dont worry about toys being out or anything.. but its CLEAN..
if someone called & said they'd be here in 15 minutes I can have it looking spotless

anyways.. i see a difference between messy & dirty..
dirty = smelly toilets, tubs that need to be cleaned before bathing, sticky floors, disgusting fridges, stoves,.. etc, dishes from previous days.. dirty carpet

messy = needing to sweep, clothes needing to be put away.. a few dishes from that day... toys out


as long as its just messy & nothing your baby cant choke on laying out. .. or nothing broken so thats its unsafe.. well then ok

but if its dirty then clean up
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#7 of 9 Old 05-23-2004, 01:15 AM
 
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We're slobs too! However, it's messy not dirty, and it's 99% caused by our living in a house that is WAAAAAY too small for us. DH makes his money selling books, videos, dvds and records on eBay and we don't have a separate room for that. All the stuff is in the closet and in the living room, which is then often cluttered with boxes, letters, packing materials, tape, etc.

I'm a student but I don't have my own space either, just a tiny desk in the kitchen without any drawers or filing cabinets. So I end up with piles of papers on the desk.

We have no kids yet so that's not an issue. By the time we do, we'll be in a larger place so the mess won't be an issue either.

Don't worry about it too much, although if Granny is going to do it, then I'd get to it first.

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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#8 of 9 Old 05-23-2004, 01:35 AM
 
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I think the question would be "Is it okay for YOUR family?" I notice that my children react very strongly to clutter and chaos. Having come from orphanages, where they had nothing around them, they do not thrive in clutter and chaos and will even shut down, unable to choose how to play etc. I also notice that dd becomes quite angry and aggressive in cluttered situations. We have actually stopped going to some friends' homes because the clutter was too difficult for dd. SO -- I would ask how your children are reacting to the clutter? If you find that they seem more peaceful in more peaceful environments, I would consider changing your environment. If you find that they thrive on the messiness, than no harm done.

Peace,
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#9 of 9 Old 05-24-2004, 11:30 AM
 
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I'm not trying to sound unsupportive, but the problem here is that your grandma is not happy in your house. If some sort of compromise isn't reached, pretty soon you will all be miserable. It is your house, of course, and you should be able to keep it as you see fit, but surely you want your grandma to feel comfortable. Could you agree to do just a couple of very basic chores each morning--make your bed, do a quick sweep of house and put all used dishes in the sink and all dirty clothes into hamper? Those three things alone take about a minute and a half, but make a house seem much more orderly. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a slob, just that in order to have a harmonious relationship with your guest, you may need to temporarily change your ways.

You could also consider hiring someone to come and clean for you.
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