Anyone else dealing with a crazy mom? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 113 Old 11-15-2004, 07:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My parents divorced when I was on 2nd grade and I am the oldest. I practically raised my brother and sister while my mom was clinically depressed and in bed most of the time.

Now that we are all grown and in our own families, I am still playing mom to brother, sister, and my MOM! She calls me daily ranting and raving about one thing or another.

She's bipolar, so she's either up or down. She's on about 4-5 different medications, none of which she takes regularly. She is constantly threatening to do this or that. Yesterday she was going to move to the town we all live in and move into the dorms where she goes to school. Today she's dropping out. There's literally something new everyday.

It's so draining because she constantly wants my advice and to discuss her newest plan. Which is a severe waste of my time because I know full well she isn't going to do anything about anything.

She will tell me she will watch my daughter for me one day and then show up on the wrong day. Poor dh is constantly coming home to find his MIL camped out on the couch for the night because she thought she was supposed to babysit.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? Sometimes I just feel like it's too much. I have my own family to take care of. With my first baby, I need my mom more than ever and I just don't have the energy to take care of her instead of her taking care of me. But I can't just turn my back on her.

Anyone have any suggestions?

TIA
leomom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 113 Old 11-15-2004, 10:18 PM
 
jstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: portland
Posts: 2,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i have a crazy MIL. its really hard to have a crazy person in your life.

the easiest thing is to distance yourself. even though it is HARD

we don't live in the same town and her craziness is a large part of that. we moved out of state. she's still crazy long-distance but it isn't a daily drain on our resources.

try telling her you don't need a babysitter and using someone else. you might think you don't have any other babysitters but pretend she doesnt' live anywhere close and you either can't go out or find someone new

you should do what you can to distance her or control what access she has to you and your life. its self-protection. and there's no easy way to do it. my dh has a lot of problems and stress because of his mom.
jstar is offline  
#3 of 113 Old 11-15-2004, 10:19 PM
 
jstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: portland
Posts: 2,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you can also say to yourself often:

'if its not one thing, its your mother'

have as much humor as you can because the alternative is not as fun (getting down about it)
jstar is offline  
#4 of 113 Old 11-15-2004, 11:09 PM
 
MsMoMpls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 1,993
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom was like that 15 years ago- then she quit drinking. She is also bipolar/depressed and I too, have taken on the mom roll for my family. Is chemical dependency a possible issue?

No matter what, set some limits. Her crazy, isn't your crazy. Whether she has a problem with alcohol or mental health- you may have to cut off your involvement if she won't follow through with getting help- being on meds, in therapy, following suggestions of a professional. You need to get a bit tougher, even rude. Just say- this sounds like something you should run by your therapist.... over and over again.

When I do therapy with people who are bipolar, I tell them that the goal is to have nothing change between sessions. The plan shouldn't change just because their mood does. That is the goal, and a really tough one sometimes.

You might also want to get some help for yourself, just someone you can talk to. You didn't get what you needed, and still don't get the mothering you deserve. That makes it really hard to keep giving to your kids and your family without running empty.

Good luck.

Maureen
MsMoMpls is offline  
#5 of 113 Old 11-16-2004, 12:05 AM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Ick... my mom is bipolar and an alcoholic. I raised her children when I was a child myself--and left her at age 12. C'mon... I was waking up to feed/diaper a newborn at age 8.

What's worse is that she has always tried to be "friends" with my brothers and regularly dismissed me--publicly--and teased me about being a "little mom" (read: no fun and too concerned about things). Which led to my brothers blowing me off (temporarily). No matter how angry I got with her, she just dismissed me. And whenever we spoke (which used to be very often) she would either not listen to me and just sit on the phone, or she'd just tell me whatever she thought I wanted to hear. Either way--a complete waste of both of our time.

So now we're not speaking. I was pg with my son and she made all kinds of committments that she didn't keep. She wanted to sew all the nursery bedding and I found out through my SIL that my mom intended me to use bedding I already had (from SIL). She got infuriated that I wouldn't let her and my MIL plan a shower together (my mom committed to paying a portion of my wedding shower and I had to pay her part! For my OWN shower!).

When I tried to gently discuss with her that I would rather her not commit to something than agree to it just because she thought I wanted it or that it was something she "should" do. Well... you don't get mad at my mom because she'll turn around and get mad at you--then you have to beg her forgiveness and your original issue is null and void. When I stuck to my guns, she engaged in a full-blown pissing match and decided she wouldn't come see my baby. She thought for sure that I'd break down and beg her to come... and I haven't.

I have absolutely no time or patience in my life for this nonsense any more. She won't take her meds because then she can't drink. Well, that's her life. I don't have to be involved in it. I have only so much energy in me and life is too short to deal with this woman's crap that she has handed out for over 30 years with no change. I don't miss her, either. And I don't care if my son never knows her. I never knew some of my grandparents (they died before/soon after I was born) and I don't believe I missed out in a major way in my life. Better that I can retell the few good things about my mother than have my son know the nightmare that she is.

Sorry... rambling. This just hit close to home.

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#6 of 113 Old 11-16-2004, 12:28 AM
 
3_opihi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: home
Posts: 3,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Um...me...I currently live with my mom who is an ex achoholic and *thinks* she is bipolar. Although my psychiatrist has assured me she's not. She probably has a personality disorder and anxiety and depression.

Anyways, I'm the oldest, and I've been the one who has taken most of the brunt of her bad decisions, been told everything that's happened to anyone in our family is my fault (oh no, never hers, she's always the victim, you know ).

I'm going to counseling right now to try to get some self esteem back, and learn how to deal with her, and my husband who is just like her. My other sisters don't talk to her anymore, but I just kind of look at it like, she's crazy, and try not to take it personally.
3_opihi is offline  
#7 of 113 Old 11-16-2004, 12:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow. It helps to know I'm not the only one. I used to go to counseling, but it's so expensive. I think you're right MsMoMpls, though, I should start again because I don't want her crazy to affect dd.

Heather, you can't get mad at my mom either. She doesn't get mad, though, she just apologizes over and over and says she hates herself, etc. but nothing ever changes.

My mom doesn't really drink, but she is a pill popper. I'm not kidding when I say she has a carry on size bag full of her prescription meds. She pops different combos left and right but wouldn't ever consider herself a drug addict b/c they've all been prescribed by a doctor. Never mind that she has about 10 doctors who are unaware of the other drugs she takes.

I agree I need to be more rude to stop this madness. I love the idea of her goal to be that the plan not change. I can't imagine any plan of my mom's..even what she's going to eat...to not change.

I have plenty of other babysitters. I was letting her sit with Kate because she really is good with her, ironically. But, for my own sanity, I need to stop trying to depend on her. I just need to get it through my head that she is never going to take care of me or follow through. It sucks not to be able to count on your mom, but the sooner I quit wanting to, the happier I'll be.

I have another for you, jstar:

I saw my mother today...

Thank God she didn't see me!
leomom is offline  
#8 of 113 Old 11-16-2004, 11:44 PM
 
whimsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: MO
Posts: 879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Add me to the list. I don't have the energy to describe her, but she sounds just like ya'll's moms.

*sigh*

At least we're not alone.
whimsy is offline  
#9 of 113 Old 11-17-2004, 05:33 PM
 
shantimama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 10,905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
Me too. I am too tired today to go into the whole story but you aren't the only one! Seeing a therapist really helps me, even though it is expensive. I even sought out (and found!) the therapist I saw as a child and that was so helpful. She remembered me and helped me believe that my mom was the crazy one, not me. Every little bit that helps you put limits around the relationship and builds your sense of self is a good thing. It is slow going sometimes, but definitely worth it.
shantimama is online now  
#10 of 113 Old 11-17-2004, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My sister gave me a book titled Mothering without a Map while I was pregnant. It's about overcoming your own history with a "bad" mom. I only about 20 pages in, but it is fascinating! When I finish, I'll mail it to one of you if you'd like to read it.
leomom is offline  
#11 of 113 Old 11-17-2004, 11:47 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Okay... I'm off to buy THAT book!

Yeah...my mom's "get mad at you to distract you from being mad at me" routine SO backfired on her. She's a stubborn thing and I honestly believe I won't see her again until her mother dies (who, btw, I ALSO take care of!)

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#12 of 113 Old 11-18-2004, 12:20 AM
 
mountain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: closer to fine
Posts: 1,844
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sign me on. A few minutes ago, I actually wept, I read an article by a woman whose mother was helping her with the baby, keeping her freezer full of food.

I am so pissed that I do not have a mother. My 'mother' is bitter, nasty, screams, yells and randomly takes people to court. She is still living in 1989, thinks everyone is after her. While I try to have sympathy for mental illness, it makes me so sad that I will never have anyone that loves me like that.
mountain is offline  
#13 of 113 Old 11-18-2004, 10:22 PM
 
RBinTEX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Here and Now
Posts: 374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom has never been diagnosed, but she does things like threaten suicide if I am angry about something, or threaten to move away so I never have to see her again, or beg me to tell her she's not a bad mommy . Once she told my then 4 year old to "tell Grandma goodbye because you'll probably never see her again" because we had had an argument. Look passive/aggressive up in the dictionary and you'll find her picture. This woman makes me tired. She rings my phone 4 or 5 times a day. Thank God for caller ID.
RBinTEX is offline  
#14 of 113 Old 11-18-2004, 11:27 PM
 
~OceanPotion~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 178
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom is bipolar as well. Im so exhausted and feel completely drained by her. Ive wanted to post many times but I didn't know what to say. I would like to find a good book about dealing with family members and bipolar disorder. It is a small comfort to know you all are dealing with this as well.
~OceanPotion~ is offline  
#15 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 01:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
RB, Your description of your mom made me think we must be sisters..my mom calls me so many times a day! And if I don't call her back soon enough she leaves messages about how she's dying and I must hate her!

Ocean Potion, My therapist I used to see suggested a boo about bipolar disorder that is supposed to be really good. I'll see if I can find where I wrote down the name of it.
leomom is offline  
#16 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 09:12 AM
 
MamaOui's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a crazy mom and dad, who are still married to each other. Some issues are: chronic dpression, OCD's, one recovering alcoholic with LOTS of unaddressed issues, low-self esteem, pill popping, power struggles,...My mom was doing better when she was in therapy, which hasn't been going to in about six months. My dad is in complete denial that we have any issues. When I read the book Toxic Parents, I thought it was a book about them (specifically) LOL. After the birth of my dd#3, I started taking regular help from my dad and then I realized how bad things were and how nothing has changed...guilt trips, emotional blackmail, help with strings attached (like they think they are entitled to try to parent my children or if they buy something for my children they think they have a say in how, when, and where it is used). My dh and I sat down a couple of months ago with them and tried to talk with them and tell them that we neede to back off from them and set some major boundries. We suggested that we meet once a month for dinner and once another time for the kids to play and it wasn't enough for my dad; he became combative and it ended with him exploding on us.

So now, we are done with them. Sad, sucky, but a huge relief and very liberating.

Gotta go shower.
MamaOui is offline  
#17 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 10:59 AM
 
2tadpoles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,026
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mother isn't crazy but we aren't close and I find her very annoying.

I have a 12yo child who is bipolar. I didn't realize that made him "crazy."
He's certainly no peach to live with, but I would never describe him as "my crazy son."
2tadpoles is offline  
#18 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 11:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
2Tadpoles,

I didn't mean to imply that anyone with a mental illness is crazy.
What makes my mom crazy is the fact that she doesn't accept the help that would control her bipolar personality. She mixes pills, refuses to take them on a regular basis, and refuses to take responsibilty for her actions. That's what I meant. Maybe I should have titled it, Anyone else's mom driving you crazy??
leomom is offline  
#19 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 12:40 PM
 
MamaOui's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I, too, do not equate "crazy" with mental illness. To me the word means chaotic and all over the place, turbulent...
MamaOui is offline  
#20 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 01:53 PM
 
Joyce in the mts.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Adirondack Mts. of NY
Posts: 2,966
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry that this is how is with your moms and you. I wish I could you all, or help you out and be there for you all. Hey...I might even be old enough to BE your mom; well some of you anyhow.

I see that there's alot of strength in this thread....you're all good moms yourselves, and you model good mothering for others.

I understand also that the word "crazy" can offend. I think it is less a label for a person as a way to describe the path of destruction that their unbalanced actions cause in their wake. I see the word "crazy" is being used here, to express anger toward the derelict mothers and the negative effects of that dereliction: the chaos and robbing of a carefree childhood supported and cared for by a responsible and present mother. A derelict mom and her actions no matter the cause, such as described in this thread, have long-term effects on a young and growing person on whom it falls to take on adult responsiblity. There is anger about the loss of childhood.

On the other hand, I am sure we all agree that a person, of any age who is doing what is necessary, with support from family, to rebalance the biology of their brain chemicals in order to regain control over behavior in order to have some sort of normalcy in life, is not crazy. That they are carrying such a burden through no choice or fault of their own- that is, the imbalance that causes the problems- also does not make them crazy. It is a challenge.

I think we all use words to express ourselves in certain contexts more freely, knowing that while it may not seem appropriate to another, that we are just letting go for a moment of self-expression. I think there should be a safe space for that, but that is just my opinion for what little that is worth.

I think that anyone dealing with such challenge firsthand, is very courageous.

But there is also free will and pride that can create self-protective and destructive habits for an adult- in this case, adults who are mothers but cannot function as such appropriately- that are destructive to their children and other loved ones too. This thread demonstrates the sad effects when that kind of choice is made by a parent; a mother.

Again...my heart goes out to you all and my support too!

Sincerely...
Joyce in the mts.

CD Labor/Postpartum (MSTM), Doula trainer (BAI), Midwifery Student/Apprentice, CPS Tech
Joyce in the mts. is offline  
#21 of 113 Old 11-19-2004, 10:54 PM
 
~OceanPotion~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 178
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Leomom If you can find the name of that book it would be great. My mother also calls 4+ times a day-I just let most calls go through the answering machine now. This has been a bad week Ive had a migraine and my mothers drama is full steam ahead. I am tired of the drinking, lying, emotional abuse, physical threats, money hounding, and strings attached to everything....but she reminds me daily how ungrateful I am and that I don't know anything about her illness (Im trying to understand). Im glad this thread is here because I have no one to talk to about this irl. Thanks mamas
~OceanPotion~ is offline  
#22 of 113 Old 11-20-2004, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ocean Potion,
I can't find the name of that book, but I'll call the counselor who recommended it to me and ask her on Monday.

Also, she recommended the book The Dance of Anger by by Harriet Lerner. It is really a great book and helped me to break some of the unhealthy patterns in my family. I wasn't able to change the dance between my mom and me (still working on that) but it helped to keep from continuing the pattern in other relationships. I highly recommend it!

I'll post next week with the name of the other book.

Have a great weekend, Mamas!
leomom is offline  
#23 of 113 Old 11-23-2004, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
leomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: North Texas
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ocean Potion, The book I was telling you about is An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. I haven't read it, but it's supposed to give a real insight into manic depression. HTH.
leomom is offline  
#24 of 113 Old 11-23-2004, 02:51 PM
 
tinybutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 9,821
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
tinybutterfly is offline  
#25 of 113 Old 11-23-2004, 11:36 PM
 
mamasoulsista's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: DeKalb county- GA
Posts: 535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamaya
Um...me...I currently live with my mom who is an ex achoholic and *thinks* she is bipolar. Although my psychiatrist has assured me she's not. She probably has a personality disorder and anxiety and depression.

Anyways, I'm the oldest, and I've been the one who has taken most of the brunt of her bad decisions, been told everything that's happened to anyone in our family is my fault (oh no, never hers, she's always the victim, you know ).

I'm going to counseling right now to try to get some self esteem back, and learn how to deal with her, and my husband who is just like her. My other sisters don't talk to her anymore, but I just kind of look at it like, she's crazy, and try not to take it personally.
I've been looking for you (or any other woman who has this type of mother). I'm 35 and have been in therapy since I left home at 18 to try to figure out why my mother hates me and loves my brother. I'm older by 5 years, and basically acted like his mother because our family life made me the one in charge and then I'd get screamed at for acting like his mother. CRAZY!!

Anyway, my current therapist identified that my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder. She gave me a book to read that explained the dx and there are 4 prototypes ( I think) and she is defnitely the "queen."

Does your mom have this too?

It's so hard to have a women who is highly functional, very intelligent and everyone loves her on the outside, and they think I"m selfish, and awful for not talking to my mother for periods of time. She's so manipulative, cruel, entitled, and ALWAYS the victim of problems in every relationship.

I apologize if this isn't the correct place to post this. I just saw this post and stopped reading because I was about to start a new thread seeing if anyone else has a mother with the same dx.

Joey
mamasoulsista is offline  
#26 of 113 Old 11-24-2004, 12:15 AM
 
Jane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kenmore, Washington
Posts: 6,956
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasoulsista
I'm 35 and have been in therapy since I left home at 18 to try to figure out why my mother hates me and loves my brother.
goldenchild syndrom AKA goldenboy syndrome
I don't know why, but it sure is common. I'm sorry. It sucks.

Homebirth Midwife biggrinbounce.gif

After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

Jane is offline  
#27 of 113 Old 11-26-2004, 12:15 AM
 
Pynki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Inside the café au lait
Posts: 7,265
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Me.. My mother is bipolar and schizopherenic.. Funny how often those things go together huh..

My mother blames me for every wrong that has happened in her life.. It's one thing to believe she blames you for her miscarraige when you were 17, and another to hear the words from her mouth..

Again this summer she said I ruin everything because I wouldn't give into her.. So.. I too am not talking to my mother.. My sister thinks I am being cruel because she is ill, but she refuses to get help.. She is ever the victim, and can take no responsibility for her life.. I refuse to mother my mother any long..

Warm Squishy Understanding feelings..

Dyan

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
Pynki is offline  
#28 of 113 Old 11-26-2004, 05:10 AM
 
3_opihi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: home
Posts: 3,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Anyway, my current therapist identified that my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder. She gave me a book to read that explained the dx and there are 4 prototypes ( I think) and she is defnitely the "queen."
My mom is the "victim". Instead of ever taking responsibility for any of the crap she pulls - she blames it on someone else, or makes it seem like she *had* to do it to get by, or she's the "victim" of someone elses controlling behavior. Whatever. She started in with me the other day -"you're accusing me, belittling me, blah blee blah blah blah..." And I just plain said to her, "you know, there's more than one way to be controlling. why don't you think about that?"



The only reason I keep bringing up controlling so much is because that's what she says people are trying to do to her whenever they call her on her sh**. Its freaking exhausting. Counseling has been such a godsend. For so long I thought that *I* was the crazy one. I totally thought I was an irrational control freak. Now I know that its completely not the case. Sheesh. Don't you love what our parents do to us?
3_opihi is offline  
#29 of 113 Old 11-26-2004, 07:59 AM
 
whatever's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 162
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my mom is dreadful. I can hardly bring myself to speak to her, and usually hang up when she calls.

I saw her for a couple of hours the other day when Iwas viviting my hometown, and it made me feel so BAD. I just want to run away from her.

I don't know what is wrong with her really. She had some psychotic delusional episodes last winter and finally got some help, but the trouble started long ago.

She is so narcissistic - EVERY little thing has to be about her.

Bleh. Hugs to you mamas - it is sooooo hard.
whatever is offline  
#30 of 113 Old 11-26-2004, 11:24 AM
 
mamasoulsista's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: DeKalb county- GA
Posts: 535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamaya
My mom is the "victim". Instead of ever taking responsibility for any of the crap she pulls - she blames it on someone else, or makes it seem like she *had* to do it to get by, or she's the "victim" of someone elses controlling behavior. Whatever. She started in with me the other day -"you're accusing me, belittling me, blah blee blah blah blah..." And I just plain said to her, "you know, there's more than one way to be controlling. why don't you think about that?"

Are you married? I've found the defense skills I developed as a kid to deal with her, have seeped over into my relationship with DH. I actually went to Alanon (for adult children) for years to try to help me develop some better skills at having relationships. I have to say, I'm lucky that DH can tolerate my mother when she is in my life and support my unhappiness during that time. But now that I have a child, I find that I"m less tolerant of her control and ever changing behavior. My wish behind world peace, is that she would see a therapist, and get self diagnosed and get soem help. Yeah right..

Anyone else find that dealing with mother (independent of dx) had effected their marriages?? What about allowing unsupervised time between your moms and your kids. HELL NO for me....
mamasoulsista is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off