I'm glad to have found this thread.
I am just finding out now that my father is probably an alcoholic. He has been violent and unpredictable my whole life but we all just thought "dad's moody" and "you know how dad is...". It suddenly clicked two weekends ago when we were at my parent's house getting a birthday present for ds. Now I have seen in the past few years how dad always has to have wine with dinner...always or he gets really angry and moody. He gets moody around 4:30 and everyone around him has to stop what they are doing and we all go out to eat somewhere where alcohol is served. Okay...so we were over there at 2:30. My dad ends work at 2, goes home and drinks some wine. We come back to their house from visiting my grandmother for an hour and he is asleep. My mom wakes him up to see ds open his birthday gift. He comes out and violently kicks his dog twice across the deck, and I tell him to stop in front of my kids. He sits near me and I smell wine really strong. Suddenly he starts talking really really loud to ds saying the same question over and over. Then he jumps on me about my business website and all that I should be doing and that he will do for me if I just give him my passwords, etc. We all go over to their water slide/kiddie pool. Suddenly he picks up the dog, throws it at the slide and knocks my dd off of the back of the slide!!! Then he goes down the slide head first and breaks his glasses. Then he repeats the behavior with the dog. He's violent, goofy, smells like wine. We decide to leave b/c I am really really uncomfortable and angry that my was launched off the slide. I get an email a few days later about how my dd seemed upset when we left b/c she would have liked to go to dinner with her grandparents like they usually do from my mother. I tell her that dad's behavior with the dog and with my dd falling was unacceptable and that I think he was drinking too much and that we will leave every time that happens. She sends a very cold email back to me about how I expect too much from this family and that I expect perfection from people. Dad is "very hurt" by what I said and that he certainly wasn't drunk and that there is nothing wrong with a bit of wine. And that my dd wasn't upset about falling off (uh, wrong)
: . Then she says that he was just excited to have the kids over and that when he is excited he becomes a kid again and that is just dad, so deal with it.
: I am so mad!!! She completely covered up what was obviously alcohol impaired behavior!! Is this normal enabler/co-dependent behavior? How can she NOT see the obvious right in front of her?
Suddenly it hit me while driving home in shock that this is exactly how he acted when I was a child. He was erratic, violent, etc., and suddenly I thought, "OHMIGOSH, he has been drinking all of these years???" I sent an email to my brother which confirms that my dad has been drinking a long time and that he thinks that my dad is an alcoholic, too, but my parents can't see it. They think that he can control the drinking and he only drinks wine and doesn't walk around drunk all the time so he can't possibly be an alcoholic. It's a little shocking to know why I lived in such a violent home! It is freeing at the same time to know WHY and to know why I won't ever repeat what they did.