I wonder how we can best support each other in our daily meditation. Lately I have been trying to "drive mindfully" meaning that I try to stay in the right now and focus on my breath (and on traffic) It is really nice actually.
I saw in another post in this forum something about a book called "the power of now" Anyone interested?
Also, I had a nice moment the other day. Naomi and I were walking to the playground and she was stopping at every rock and leaf. Finally we get to the playground and she is amusing herself, and pretty soon I got bored with hangin around waiting for her to climb and go on the slide, so I tried to get her to leave. Suddenly I realised that if we go home, then I have to entertain her at home and she is happy here right now. So we stayed and stayed and suddenly, she was ready to go and walked home. This was a day that she napped forever. I realised, that I often have an idea of what we have to do next and I am already in the next moment, but there is really only right now. Five minutes from now doesn't matter. OK, I realise that we have been descussing this at great length, but I really realized it in myself suddenly. So I have been letting her stay in the bath as long as she wants. I let her take her time brushing her teeth. I start the bedtime routine earlier, but it really is more relaxed because I am just letting her move through the routine at her pace. She does know what the routine is, and I think she's been in a good mood because she feels that she has control over her life.
All that said, last night I didn't manage it very well. I was tired, hungry and I had to pee. I got stuck in traffic on the way home from work and was late picking her up (well, later than I intended). She had received a balloon at a birthday party and first she was holding two balloons, but she had to give one back. I never want to rip things out of her hands, and we managed to trick her into holdiong just one balloon because the other one was someone elses and they were crying for it. Then she has to let go of the balloon to get buckled into her carseat, but she won't and I am hungry and tired and I have to pee even more. I should have gone and the DCP's house, but I wasn't thinking. Well, I finally get her in, we get home and then she won't let go of it to get out of the car. Luckily the neighbours were just getting home, so I asked them to keep an eye on her while I go pee. Then I finally cajole her out of the car. At some point she really wanted to get out of the seat, and was crying for me to get her out, but would not let go of the balloon. So here is my lowest moment (up to mow the balloon exchanges happened without crying). I just ripped the balloon out of her hand. I felt myself getting really angry and I knew she was getting hungry because it was dinnertime and I just ripped the balloon out of her hand. She was pretty upset, but of course as soon as she is out of the carseat she can have it back, but she stayed upset for a while.
I had been reading articles from the "Natural Child Project" recently and I felt sooooooooooo awful because it was the absolute opposite of what they advocate. Not that I buy into what they say totally either, but it ties into the need for validation. I often get caught up in the perfectness of what I read KWIM? I read the perfect way to handle things and I try and then I have a total meltdown. One thing that is very validating about EB is that they accept that we are human and that we will have moments like this where we are truly ugly. But since we are moving through life with positive intent always, most of the time we are "doing the right thing" and the times that we don't get it right are just small times. They really admit that parenting IS difficult and that we are not perfect and are not expected to be perfect and how we really can make the best of it.
Finally (and then I will stop, I swear), I am trying to send out good vibes all over the place and it is making me feel good (except last night). I saw a woman riding her bike without a helmet this morning and usually this upsets me, particularly because it was a busy street. Rather that gesturing to her for the helmet, or saying something, I just sent her a good vibe hoping she wouldbe safe and would learn the importance of helmets. I did the same for a guy who cut me off, I sent him a good, be onl time vibe, and hoped for his life to feel less stressful and for him to have more joy, and not to get into an accident. ANd I was no longer upset about being cut off, about the dangerous situation he caused in a high traffic timea nd place. So here are good mindful vibes to you all. I really love being able to come here and chat with you and your support means a lot to me. I want you all to know that I support you in your good times and your ugly times.