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#421 of 1766 Old 07-27-2006, 09:11 AM
 
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wow....I have just sat here and read almost this entire thread!! I am really STruggling WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. We just moved from the US to the Middle East. The move, leaving my girlfriends, my sons fabulous Montessori school...all this is weighing in. The first few months ( we arrived May 10)we felt like we are in paradise. We live LARGE here and I have plenty of household help, but we are in a small country without much to do and right now its like 115 outside. The days of homeschooling/learning about asia with the flags, animals, plants etc has worn off and I'm now going a bit bananas!! I have no friends here yet. DS and Dd dont really like to go out-DS is very into sewing right now and DD plays very well independently with her dollhouse. When they start in on each other or ignore me I am feeling the rage. I have firmly grabbed arms, threatened, yelled, and given some really nasty looks. This is very unlike me. DH is working like a mad man and travelling a lot ( gone 2-3 nights a week and comes home like a big tired baby--it very annoying to me when he comes in and wants a big "daddys home" scene when I'm exhausted and ready for MY break) All of this along with the recent escalating events in the Middle East accompanied by the frequent warnings from the embassy saying " DONT GO here or there ....they are having demonstrations! Just the general concern for our safety even though we are in a very safe country--there are still plenty of anti-american demonstrations these days. Its stressful. I have felt that for the past 2 days that I am having some concerns about my mental health--mostly manifesting itself thru the lack of patience and outburst I am having with my children. My mom is mentally ill and an alcoholic ( we have a very distant realtionship) and I dont want to continue my 5 o'clock cocktail-even though I always just have one. Right now I am just trying to figure out how I will get thru the next 4 hours inside with the kids. I have someone coming at 4 to sit with them so I can go out for an hour. I do have a shirodara appt and a massage scheduled for tommorow hoping this will relieve some of my anxiety. The thing is I dont enjoy time away from my children. We are very close. When the helper comes to sit with them my DD really gives her a time ( DD is 3) and I spend a lot of time worrying about getting home. Not really sure what I need right now but just saying all this helps.
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#422 of 1766 Old 07-27-2006, 09:32 AM
 
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Deirdre,

I have 4 kids ages 9-20 months and I have experienced parenting rage. So I've been lurking on this thread for awhile- I rarely post to boards, prefer email list formats. Anyway, I've spent over 3.5 years of an over 10 year marriage separated from my dh. Our last separation was in August of 2003, and we reconciled at the end of March of this year, and moved back in together the middle of June (a little over a month ago.) I'll tell you a little about my experience, which you may or may not identify with. Take what you like and leave the rest.

None of our separations were that helpful except this last one. We separated for a few weeks at the end of 2000 (after which he agreed to do marriage counseling, which didn't help) and then again from September of 2002 through January of 2003. Yes, we were not fighting and getting on each others nerves all the time. I no longer had resentments about him sitting around doing nothing and expecting us to live our lives around him. I no longer spent large portions of my time biting my tongue (stuffing it) and then exploding at the nearest target when I reached critical mass. Unfortunately the nearest target was almost always my oldest, although dh took some shots as well. So separation helped with that dynamic, but what helped the most was 1) regular time away from my kids 2) more dependable income and 3)Al-Anon.

Dh took them two nights a week plus the older 2 kids overnight one night every other weekend. Sometime after our youngest was born (during this last separation) he started taking the oldest 3 kids overnight. My parents also took the older kids one night a week to dinner at their church, and kept them until bedtime, and took the older two every other weekend overnight for one night. So I basically had no older kids from 6pm-9pm or 10 pm, Tues, Wed, Thur, plus Friday nights just me and the baby(s). A few weeks on this routine amazed me with how much patience and love I had to spend on my kids. Getting REGULAR BREAKS made a huge difference in my parenting, even more so than the reduced stress levels. Had dh not made the effort to take the kids consistently, I know from prior experience (two previous separations) that things would not have gone as smoothly as they did.

Income- dh kept his decent job for 16 months. He paid required child support regularly for those 16 months. Having stable income I could count on helped reduce stress by an enormous amount. When he was home, he brought his whole check home, but I never knew how it would get spent. When dh quit his job and failed to find a new one within a few months, my stress levels went up and my safety valves (ability to buy food when out or unprepared) dissipated. After I went back on food stamps and got a roommate to help with bills my stress levels went back down and things were better again.

Al-Anon. My father's father was a rageaholic and my mother's mother was the oldest girl in an alcoholic home that never went into recovery. I never thought to blame this for my problems though. I also have rage issues from childhood, although neither of my parents are alcoholics. As a new mother, I had no idea I was going to have problems at all, because my mom was a LLL leader and we were homeschooled, so why would I have any problems? Of course I wasn't ever going to spank any of my kids, or yell at them, but if you saw my grandmother you'd know my mom made a lot of progress in the right direction. Hm. Well fast forward to when my oldest is 19 months and has dumped the cat food on the floor and I suddenly lose it and start screaming at him to clean it up. That was the beginning of me being forced to acknowledge that SOMETHING is wrong. The beginning of experiencing and confronting "the dark side" of my parentage and parenting. But Al-Anon? Dh wasn't an alcoholic and neither were my parents. Sure he had a lot of more or less socially acceptable addictive behaviors. But if only dh would stop doing blah blah blah and sitting on his ass things would be better. That was my attitude. Al-Anon didn't apply to me, did it?

It took 3 different people recommending to me that I try Al-Anon before I finally went. OMG. What a perfect place for me! Someone who had tried to build her life completely around someone else. I wasn't crazy, but I'd been living my life as if I was. And not only that, there was a way OUT of the craziness. I attribute my progress back to sanity during this period not only to regular time away from my kids to rest and recharge, but to spending large portions of that time at Al-Anon, reading 12 step books, and journaling.

What I found through Al-Anon was that no matter what an asshole dh was (and he wasn't that bad! He was never violent or verbally abusive- just neglectful/withdrawing-) it was still my responsibility to love myself, to accept the love God had for me, and to be loving in my relations to others- including him. Being loving didn't mean an absence of boundaries not did it mean reactively drawing boundaries (reactivity triggered our last separation.) Being loving meant and means, caring about the other person and wanting what is best for them, but acknowledging your lack of power to help and truly giving the situation up to a higher power (God) who can do something to help. When I stopped trying to be his conscience and started living my own life I grew. I stopped allowing what he was doing or not doing to hold my happiness hostage. I came out of the dark hole I'd been living in and started to grow again. I remembered what it was like to be really happy- not just coping day to day, not just surviving life with the kids, but actually enjoying it! And I had to take responsibility for my own issues, and acknowledge where they came from (not all dh's fault) before I could work on healing those issues..

I'm still working on healing those issues. It's an ongoing process. But I've learned a lot. I don't explode or stuff nearly as often. Thankfully my dh's attitude has changed, as well as mine. He's not perfect. But my attitude has changed and I'm no longer a reactive bitch about those things. And his attitude toward me and the kids is amazing. He is no longer as lethargic- he is involved with them emotionally. He does things with them. He interacts with them. He provides back up discipline. And his attitude towards me has changed. I am loved and I <b>feel</b> loved. All my rage and bitterness couldn't make him love me. I couldn't make him stop withdrawing. I couldn't make him care about our kids, our house, our family, or me. But when I stopped trying to <b>make</b> him love, and focused on loving myself and then on making amends to him for my part in things (the rages that contributed to his withdrawing in the first place) things fell into place for us.

It hasn't been easy the last 5 years or so and things could be very different right now. I could be happily on my way to a divorce instead of happily reconciled. But it's been worth it. If I was in the midst of a divorce now I know I could still be happy through the grief. I definitely recommend Al-Anon to anyone who has had substance abuse and addictions in their past or present relationships.

So while separation contributed to more peace in the home, since I was already basically single parenting, I feel that separation with 1) dependable childcare 2) dependable income and 3)Al-Anon helped me much much more.

If Al-Anon doesn't apply- FlyLady. Much the same message of loving yourself, and being who you want to be regardless of the people around you, how you were raised, etc.

-Alison

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oregonicmama
i am so glad to have found this thread. I hae some rage issues myslef and i live in an ultra crunchy town where ap and gd are the norm and i feel like a total failure sometimes. why cant i just be nice to my kids? What good are cosleeping babywearing extended breastfeeding etc when it all has me so stressed out i have more tantrums than the kids?

I know it all stems from my childhood. My parents divorced when i was 4 and my mother became an alcoholic and they were both abusive everyway but sexually. I know most of the raging behaviour i learned from my mother- the yelling, grabbing, pulling, etc. it is really all i can do sometimes to not do any namecalling or spanking.

My house is a mess and i have pretty much given up on it being neat and tidy. its not completely horrible, can be made presentable quickly enough, but i clean eachroom once a week and thats enough for me. i would rather not hound the girls about picking up all the time b/c dd1 just doesn't seem to do it unless i scream and yell and i'd rather just do it myself.

What really sets me off is their dad. We have been together for 6 yrs and i have come to the conclusion that we just need to seperate. Whenever we are away from him i can handle anything the kids throw at me (or at least it is easier for me to not get hit in the head), but when i am around him i am just freaking out on the kids all the time. he is self employed and home all day and he just sucks up my energy and attention. I feel like all my resentment of him and our various relationship problems ends up coming out on the kids b/c i am afraid to say it to him (mostly b/c when i do i get told if you don't like it leave, but thats another thread!). And rather than deal with him freakig out on me, i end up taking my stress from him out on the kids. and i have come to the conclusion that things would be that much better if i just didn't live with him anymore. But at the sametime, i am afraid it will just make things worse as my mother started drinking and abusing after my parents split up. But i try to tell myself that i don't even drink socially so i will be ok. i am not my mother. i am not my mother. i am not my mother. i am not my mother.

any of you single mamas have this experience with rage toward your DH getting channeled to the kids and experience improvement after you seperated?

<snip>

Deirdre
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#423 of 1766 Old 07-27-2006, 05:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniey
So, here I am: BFing, Cosleeping, vegetarian, no tv-ing, natural childbirthing. But also, yelling, losing it, over reacting, semi-neglecting....I stopped focusing on hating being a mama (ie: lack of sleep, lack of adequate nourishment, lack of personal space and time - lack of support & friends...), and I started just BEING A MAMA.
I feel the same way. The main contributors to my raging are:

1) I am a single mother, and as such, I feel like I have to do everything 110%. Things that kids from two-parent families "get away with" (Not wearing a coat in cold weather, for instance, even though you own a perfectly good, warm down jacket! : ) cause comments, judgement, et cetera when done by a kid from a "broken home".

2) I am a Latter-day Saint (Mormon) woman. In my church, certain things are expected of women in general, and mothers in particular. (And, believe me, the eyebrows raise if those expectations are not met!) No one seems to understand that it's hard enough to get 4 kids (and myself) dressed, groomed and in the car for church every Sunday morning...I really don't care if my daughter chooses to wear her tap shoes instead of her church shoes. (I'm just glad she's consented to wear shoes...and I think her individuality is awesome. )

There's also the constant (only sometimes unspoken), question of "Why aren't you married? Are you looking for a husband? (As if there's a "Husband" department at Macy's, or something! ) I truly feel that, right now, being a single mumma is my calling. I feel that I am learning invaluable lessons that I can someday use to help others in future. (If I can live through it, that is! )

3) $$MONEY$$ (Do I need to say any more? The long and the short of it is that I need to work 40+ hours a week to provided for my kids, and while their needs are usually met somehow, there's never enough for anything "extra".)

4) I am a perfectionist by nature. So, I'm either yelling at the kids because their "housework" doesn't measure up to my impossible standards, or I'm overwhelmed trying to do it all myself, or I just get depressed and give up trying...which continues the vicious cycle.


I am going to take your advice and just start BEING A MUMMA. I truly believe that my children and I chose each other before this existance, and I want to honour that, not just tolerate it or survive it.

Thanks for sharing all your stories. Thanks for making me feel normal, and that there is someone, somewhere who shares my struggle. Hugs, peace and blessings to you all.

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#424 of 1766 Old 07-27-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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I just wanted to subscribe to this thread. Ever since DS was born I feel like I've been ok on the anger front, although all my life my mom has suggested that I need to go to anger management. I have always had rage issues, I'll be great for awhile and then something will trigger me and my blood will start to boil and I cannot control myself. My biggest release is throwing things or screaming. My son (13 months) has recently been screaming and crying a lot. He is so clingy, I can't even go to the bathroom without him freaking out. I'm ok in the mornings, but towards the afternoon I just lose it, usually when my DP is home. DP only sees this and thinks I'm awful, which hurts. I wish he could be more understanding. Like this evening, I just needed to call my bank but DP put DS down and he started screaming. DP then left the room to get the sling, I'm on the phone, DS is screaming and I'm screaming at DP to take DS so I can hear the phone. Stupid, I know, but why couldn't DP take DS with him out of the room? ARghh! I'm so frustrated. I thought maybe exercise will help, but it is way too much to join a gym. Since reading some of you ladies stories, maybe I will seek counseling. I am also a full time student, but taking the summer off. I thought taking the summer off would help me chill out a little, but I'm just as irritable and frustrated. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I feel like when I can't be the perfect AP parent I'm a failure. And when DS screams constantly, I don't know what to do. Is there something wrong with him? Wrong with me? It is so overwhelming I don't even know where to begin. Anyway, just wanted to say that I too, am a rager and I don't like it but don't know how to deal. Thanks.

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#425 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 02:03 PM
 
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I've been reading... As bad as it sounds, I'm glad my DH isn't the only lazy bum out there. I love him dearly, but jeez, would it KILL him to help out with the household??? :
We have a son together, and three foster daughters. We are compensated by the state to provide foster care. I do most (99.9%) of the work with them. Two of them have severe medical issues, so it is very time-consuming and important work. DH only helps me with them when he I am at my breaking point. I can completely support myself monetarily without him so I am often threatening him to start helping, or leave. Of course he doesn't want to leave because I imagine it's quite nice to have everything taken care of for you... But I am not his mother and I refuse to work by butt off 24/7 so he can sit on his butt and play video games and yell at the kids when they step in front of the TV!!!
So, yes, it helps to vent here, and to know that I'm not the only one busting my butt to run a household, raise children, cook, clean, pay bills, plan outings, etc., etc... I need to work harder at closing myself off from others stealing my energy. I don't have enough time to "recharge my batteries", so to speak, so the energy I do have is precious, and when I am tapped out I get irritable and not very fun to be around.

Thanks so much for being here, mamas...

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#426 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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I've always thought that people who said they could never possibly understand why someone would abuse a child (i.e. shaken baby, etc) had either never been around a child for extended periods of time or was lying.

Maybe I'm wrong. But kids are all sometimes pretty, well, enraging. And life just adds to it. Not that it's an excuse or okay at all. Just saying, i understand. I'm not even an angry person. But there are moments....
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#427 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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Thank you SO MUCH for this thread. I don't know how I missed it. I still haven't read all the replies but I will. I am so happy to know that I am not the only one. I have days of RAGE too, and feel so horrible afterwards. I was raised by a mom who didn't care much and often screamed at me and put me down. I try so hard to break the cycle, and while I never put my DS down, I still have days when I scream as loud as I can at him. I've hit him in the past and feel so guilty about it. It is a constant struggle for me to keep from hitting him again. I vowed not to and I intend to keep that promise to myself.

I am so happy that I am not the only one. I know I need to do more to take care of myself but it is just so hard sometimes. I feel so burnt out.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#428 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 06:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terabith
I've always thought that people who said they could never possibly understand why someone would abuse a child (i.e. shaken baby, etc) had either never been around a child for extended periods of time or was lying.

Maybe I'm wrong. But kids are all sometimes pretty, well, enraging. And life just adds to it. Not that it's an excuse or okay at all. Just saying, i understand. I'm not even an angry person. But there are moments....
I don't want to kill my kids, or even hurt them... But I DO want to run from the house screaming at times! A nice relaxing vacation on a beach in Mexico with NO kids would sure be nice. I understand where you are coming from, Terabith. But I just have to say (to myself mostly) that I don't want to hurt my kids, I just want more time away from them!!! I always feel so much better and more willing to put up with their antics after I've had some refreshing alone time... (Even though it hardly ever happens anymore...)

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#429 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 07:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bethwl
We have bathtime battles every friggin' night--no, I don't want you to wash my hair--even when I try everything to make it fun and promise to be extra careful about getting water in her eyes. I try to problem-solve and I let the bath go a few nights, but when she is so defiant, I half want to take the bath cup and literally throw water in her face, as if to say, "See, if you fight me like this about everything, it does hurt, it is worse." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy; she thinks that washing her hair is going to hurt because she's going to get soap in her eyes and then in the struggle that ensues, she of course does get soap in her eyes....

I used to have this battle with my son (and his siblings). I finally took him to the department store and let him pick out any pair of swimming goggles he liked, (I got 3 pairs, just in case) and he wore them every time I washed his hair. It kept the water/soap out of his eyes, and he actually looked forward to bathtime so that he could wear his goggles. I used the same trick for all of his siblings, and we haven't had any bathtime struggles since.

I know this suggestion won't solve all your stress, but it did make bathtime much easier for us!

Visit www.evolutiontosimplicity.blogspot.com to follow my epic saga of single mummahood....

 

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#430 of 1766 Old 07-28-2006, 09:39 PM
 
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i just wanted to say "hi" to all the new "faces" in here. glad you've found our wacky tribe and i hope you get a little peace from reading and sharing our experiences.
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#431 of 1766 Old 07-30-2006, 02:45 AM
 
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hi mamas,

well, rather than completely highjack this thread with my realtionship problems i decided to start my own thread about that. Its really long and dramatic, but if anyone has time to read it and reply it would really help me out.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...99#post5640299

things are going pretty good with the kids. I am trying to nightwean the baby (20 month old) she is taking to it pretty well. This makes things easier as i am sleeping better and feel less resentful toward her for wanting so much booby. I am actually considering completely weaning her as now that she isn't getting it at night, she seems to want it even more during the day (or maybe it just seems that way b/c we're in the ultra conservative south where bfing is "weird" or something and not in our super crunchy hometown). My parents have finally taken the older one a couple times and even though i am still with the baby it has been quite a relief. today they took dd1 swimming while dd2 napped and i actually had about 1 hour to myself (and it wasn't 11 o'clock at night!).

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#432 of 1766 Old 07-30-2006, 10:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Oregonicmama
hi mamas,

well, rather than completely highjack this thread with my realtionship problems i decided to start my own thread about that. Its really long and dramatic, but if anyone has time to read it and reply it would really help me out.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...99#post5640299


Pat

I have a blog.
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#433 of 1766 Old 07-30-2006, 10:41 AM
 
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i certainly hope you used your hour wisely and basked in the sunshine for a while, instead of doing something productive like icky, icky dishes or laundry! those can always wait until later.
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#434 of 1766 Old 07-31-2006, 03:35 PM
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This thread is amazing.

I identify with the negative childhood experiences, low self esteem, extremely high parenting standards for myself, exhaustion from trying to uphold them sometimes, ensuing rage, overwhelming guilt. I also have difficulty knowing how much anger is appropriate ot express. i know you need to do it sometimes, as my therapist says, she has a lot of clients whose mothers never got angry.

i think it is hard to raise children, harder to raise them conscientiously, hardest to raise them conscientiously when you don;t have your own solid foundation. It's sort of like we're trying to save for our children's college funds while still paying our own loans off (which I am doing also!). We don;t have the self confidence, role models, support in this difficult time.

Great thread.
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#435 of 1766 Old 08-05-2006, 11:58 AM
 
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A thread for 7 months! Wow. And y'all can count me in!

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#436 of 1766 Old 08-05-2006, 01:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MBA
This thread is amazing.

I identify with the negative childhood experiences, low self esteem, extremely high parenting standards for myself, exhaustion from trying to uphold them sometimes, ensuing rage, overwhelming guilt. I also have difficulty knowing how much anger is appropriate ot express. i know you need to do it sometimes, as my therapist says, she has a lot of clients whose mothers never got angry.

i think it is hard to raise children, harder to raise them conscientiously, hardest to raise them conscientiously when you don;t have your own solid foundation. It's sort of like we're trying to save for our children's college funds while still paying our own loans off (which I am doing also!). We don;t have the self confidence, role models, support in this difficult time.

Great thread.
still mostly a lurker here,,,wanting to second what MBA posted, I feel and agree with this completely.

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#437 of 1766 Old 08-07-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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I was doing really well at controlling myself, living in the moment, remembering that my children are not adults, and not beating myself up when I (or they) don't live up to my standards....

And then on Sunday we were running (just a little) late for church. They had been grumbly all morning. ("I don't want to get up just now. I don't want that for breakfast; I'm not hungry. I don't want to go to church.") It was tough, but I was managing to not do my nut.

Then, as we were (finally) ready to leave, I couldn't find my car keys. They have a specific spot to live, and they were not there. Well, that was it. I lost it. I yelled, screamed, ("Why does our house always have to be such a mess? Why can't you ever leave things where I put them?") stomped, threw things (although, I did not throw them at my children, nor did I have any desire to hit them, so that's something, I suppose), and made my daughter cry.

The keys were in the pocket of the sweater I wore the last time I had my keys. (IOW, the children had not touched the stupid keys.)

I feel like the world's worst mumma. : It's not their fault that our house is such a mess; it's not their fault that I forgot to put my keys in their basket. I think I'm just overwhelmed by the task of being a single mum. (Which also is not their fault!!) If anyone has any ideas on how to make this situation simpler, feel free to spam me. I need all the help I can get. This is not the way I want to raise my children. I don't know what to do, but this cannot continue. I shudder to think how much damage I have already done...

Visit www.evolutiontosimplicity.blogspot.com to follow my epic saga of single mummahood....

 

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#438 of 1766 Old 08-07-2006, 09:58 PM
 
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#439 of 1766 Old 08-09-2006, 03:04 AM
 
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well i wnted to post this before i read the last one about the keys, now it seems a change of topic, but..... i had a pretty incredible experience with my dd, i was frantically trying to finish up some paintings for a show, and my dd was playing with my cousin's keys, which had a mini sharpie marker attached. she got the marker off and came up and started to draw on my painting in my lap before i noticed/could stop her. i started sobbing, what am i going to do omg, and i looked at her and she started crying and saying "bup"(pick me "up") and i realized nothing is more important right now than comforting this little baby. i picked her up and she was fine, and really shortly after i realized that i could draw over it and that the part i blended it with needed to be bigger/more extravagant anyway. i bowed in gratitude, it was super cool for me. i've dealt with rage regarding feeling trapped or like all of my stuff comes way second, so it was very healing for me. just an idea, maybe getting out more or more alone time would help, if you can swing it.
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#440 of 1766 Old 08-09-2006, 10:03 AM
 
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oh the missing keys/messy house situation.
this seems to be a daily occurance at my house. i wonder at peoples houses when i go there and there is never a thing out of place and they always know where stuff is. there are no laundry piles left so long that they are covered in cat hair and need to be rewashed, no papers by the computer, and low and behold the keys are where they belong not floating on the floor or somewhere. very often i wish i lived like that. my worst rages are when i cannot find stuff.
i have no solutions for you. i try to clean up a little everyday and to throw stuff away every garbage day... you know something besides the regular kitchen garbage, but it never seems to be enough.
just wanted to empathize with you and let you know you are not the only one!!!
peace
michele
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#441 of 1766 Old 08-09-2006, 10:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hmsmomma4
no laundry piles left so long that they are covered in cat hair and need to be rewashed

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our cats have been gone since about april. i had completely forgotten about that laundry phenomenon. i used to stand there cursing them as i loaded the machine (for the 4000000th time that week), but secretly hating myself for not being "with it" enough to just fold the damn stuff as soon as it got out of the dryer.

even so, i have to remind myself that clean laundry piles are still a major improvement from 3-4 years ago, when it was always dirty piles overtaking the bedroom. it feels like teeny, tiny baby steps, and i often get the idea that i've really just plateaued and stopped making any progress. i have to sit down a take a look back every now and then to see just how far we've actually come.
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#442 of 1766 Old 08-11-2006, 09:29 AM
 
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i feel the same... years ago i couldn't even get the laundry DONE, never mind folded and put away.
it was the same with the dishes. one day when i had a huge sink load of dishes, i decided to time myself to see how long it would take. well this huge sink load took no more then like 15 or 20 minutes to do, so a regular load wasn't going tobe that much. that was when i started doing the dinner dishes after dinner, instead of waiting until the morning.
now i have done the same with folding a load of laundry. it really doesn't take that much time at all. and if i get the kids to put their stuff away, then i won't have to rewash it.
sigh.... as for the keys... luckily for me, very often my husband will hang them up where they belong for me. except for that one day when he locked them in the car and the next day when he had no patience for me not knowing where the keys were, freaked out when i told him he had locked them in the car. it was my fault b/c we had no spare key. i am not sure how that worked out like that but....
anyway....
just adding my 2 cents.
peace
michele
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#443 of 1766 Old 08-11-2006, 11:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LukesMum
wow....I have just sat here and read almost this entire thread!! I am really STruggling WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. We just moved from the US to the Middle East.
Where are you living? Is it the UAE, by any chance?

Marie
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#444 of 1766 Old 08-11-2006, 11:16 AM
 
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yeah, i am very scatterbrained and disorganized by nature. i have to put a lot of systems in place so everything doesn't collapse into complete chaos. carribeaner (sp?) clips are the bomb. i always hook my keys onto my purse or work bag, which never leaves my side until i get home and immediately hang it on the back of the door.

i used to look around me and wonder if people who did stuff like that just had it more "together" from the get go. now i think that, like me, they must have trained themselves to do so. it's really hard and i still slip in so many areas (usually around cleaning), but it's all baby steps.
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#445 of 1766 Old 08-11-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by marieandchris
Where are you living? Is it the UAE, by any chance?

Marie
We are actually living in Bahrain ( close). I started taking Evening Primrose OIl and it has helped soooo much! I'm 40 and already having a lot of weird periods, hot flahses etc. My cousin had very early paramenopause so I'm thinkin hormones are my deal. Also I just stopped nursing after almost 6 years of nursing 2 babies. I'm feeling fabulous, loving our new country and enjoying our time together.

Are you in the UAE?
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#446 of 1766 Old 08-12-2006, 11:14 PM
 
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ive been having a hard time with rage lately also, i have a 9 month old and a 2 year old, and have been losing it a bit, be and my dp have been having problems lately and he has been leaving me over nite to go out and drink and that's when i start to feel the rage and anger and sometimes i cant stop myself from yelling at my 2 year old i feel TERRIBLE, last nite dp was gone and i was trying to get my 9 month old to bed and every time i went to put her in bed my 2 year old would start crying loud and hard waking up dd and i yelled at her and my 9 month old wasnt going to bed smoothly and i said in a loud whiney voice "would you just go to bed". I'm not dealing with my 2 year old great at bedtime, because i have to lay with her for sometimes up to 2 hours and it's so frustrating and i will tell her loudly to go to sleep and when she tries to crawl out of the bed i will keep grabbing her and making her lie down : i feel so ashamed, i spend most of the day feeling so guilty and hating myself after these incidences.. when they start to cry for no reason sometimes this rage rushes into me and i just want to explode. Sorry for blabbering i just needed to get that off of my chest..
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#447 of 1766 Old 08-13-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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: I've been away from this thread b/c I'd been doing better, but DD is in another "phase" (seriously, is it the moon?) and I'm backsliding.

I can handle anything when DH is home. If I can just walk away for TWO MINUTES I can deal. But when it's just me and DD and I can't get away I feel like a rat in a trap, or something.

This is why we weren't meant to parent alone. I need my tribe. I need that helpful someone who will take her, just for a moment, so we can have a break from each other.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#448 of 1766 Old 08-17-2006, 12:17 AM
 
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ds, 7, hit me in the face with a baseball, from about 3 feet away... pretty hard, after i repeatedly told him to just toss it, b/c we are standing so close. when i tell you i lost it... i dont' think i can convey the magnitude of the amount of....lost-it-ness. i just wanted to have a little fun, play a little catch... or miss as we call it.
i was doing pretty well before this, despite an incredible stressful time. sigh....
michele
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#449 of 1766 Old 08-17-2006, 12:35 AM
 
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pretty much all my life i've been taught to defend myself and strike back if provoked. maybe i wasn't directly, verbally "taught" this - after all, my family was catholic and, in theory, prescribed to the notion of turning the other cheek - but it's what i saw/experienced. if i smacked my little brother, i'd get a smack as punishment.

so this is still a really huge trigger for me. if ds cracks me upside the face (he's only 3, but i don't have to tell y'all that he can still lay a smack like nobody's business), it takes literally every single drop of strength in my soul not to swat him back... all the while screaming "see?? that's what it feels like!!!" ...for good measure.


f*cking heredity.
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#450 of 1766 Old 08-17-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LukesMum
Are you in the UAE?
No. I'm an archaeologist and I have friends working in the UAE right now. I wish I could come visit you though. I must be very isolating. I hope you find like minded mamas there.

BTW...I'm nearing 40, and have found that EP oil helps with the mood swings as well. Damn hormones.

Marie
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