Parenting and Rage - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-17-2006, 10:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by APMom98
We've identified my guilt feeling as my triggers. When I start feeling less than, with my kids, that's when it's guilt and anger and sometimes rage.
Wow! apmom98 this was really enlightening to me. thanks for sharing. I definitely have a weird kind of internal rage when my kids aren't all happy and content. I think you've explained it for me. thank you
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Old 02-17-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by annakiss
TThe thing is for me that I can watch this happening. I can hear the words coming out of my mouth as I am screaming

me too! and sometimes i its things that i just canNOT believe i am actually saying. yuck.


eta: as i continued reading this thread i was nodding my head and laughing and crying... I can relate to so many (all?) of you!

I was rofl about "you don't appreciate nice mommy, well now you get angry monster mommy!" I have been there so many times!
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Old 02-18-2006, 12:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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no anger - there is only hurt, scared, frustration or a combination of these things. We can not heal from the anger or rage until we start to talk about the real underlying issues.

Hurt that are children won't accept our best and cooperate when we need them to.

Scared that we aren't doing our best for our children

Frustrated when we are tired and have gave our all and yet our children need more

HMMMM??http://www.mothering.com/discussions...e=1&p=4636240#
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Old 02-18-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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I have the hardest time coping when I am tired. And I am tired all the time because DS does not sleep well and often keeps me up for 1-2 hours in the night, and lately he has been cutting back on his naps. I try to nap with him when I can but it is just not enough. I feel like such total crap from being so sleep deprived for so long that it feels like I will never feel good or rested ever again. My son is so delightful and I get so upset with myself when I get mad at him... although it is not his fault because he isn't doing it on purpose, he is the reason why I am not sleeping enough... I just try to rest as much as possible and on the days it's really bad, I try to just lower my expectations... I'll keep an eye on this thread though for sure, thanks to everyone who has talked about such difficult things... it's not easy that's for sure.
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Old 02-18-2006, 03:52 AM
 
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Thank you all so much!! I just happened to stumble onto this thread and I swear, it's been a total comfort to know I'm not alone.

I too do not admit my rage easily--I try to hide it from everyone, even dh. I love my boys, I truly do but I behave so badly with them. I yell, I scream, I say things I wish I never had--I've spanked. That's the worst I think, for me. I swore I'd never spank my kids--thankfully I've never 'beat' them, but believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. I hate myself for letting my anger get the best of me and I feel such guilt about it. There have been times that I just cry and rock my boys after I yell...sigh.

I went on anti-depressants after my 2nd was born (yet another momma who's rage 'started' after the birth of another child), until that point my first born never saw 'psycho mom', he only saw patient, calm mom. The drugs worked for a while, but when my 2nd son was a yr old we moved out of state, away from family and friends. We moved to Louisiana and while I loved the people and the way of life--there were things I could not get over. Being alone was one, dh being gone for work all the time and let's see...the weather. We got hit a tornado 6 mos after we moved into our house--major repairs. We then went through threatened evacuations and eventually Katrina--more damage yet again but we didn't lose a thing (unlike so many others ). I mention this because I keep thinking that maybe my rage has something to do with all of that--being so unsettled and alone for so long. I did make friends, but they weren't AP and it was hard not to be influenced to some degree, which is my fault entirely for not being stronger. But now, those friends I've made are gone, we moved back home and we're unsettled once again...sigh.

And...we just found out we're expecting twins!! And dh is working more than ever. How on earth can I handle 4--2 of them newborns--when I have all this crazy rage inside? I cannot sleep, I can't stop thinking about all that's going on and what will be going on. I want to stop all of the yelling and I want to stop it now.

I do not want to do this to my kids. I want to be a better mom. I want to live my life and not regret how I treated my children. I want my children to grow up happy and not be adults who say, "I had a crappy childhood, my mom yelled and screamed all the time...".

Sorry to go on and on...but it does feel good to actually get it all out. Thank you all so much for being so open and honest, it's brought smiles and tears to my eyes and I'm truly thankful I found this thread.

Sandye sahm to Devin 5yrs, Ryan 2.5yrs and twin peanuts : edd 09/15/06
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Old 02-18-2006, 10:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by luvmy2boyz
There have been times that I just cry and rock my boys after I yell...sigh.

i think i wrote your post... thank you for saying all that.
my circumstances are exactly like yours (well, except twins, i have to say, i feel for you.).
for me things got easier having a new baby on top of the two boys. it gave me something to take care of that didn't yell at me, have unfullfillable needs, that was basically just cute...
hope the same for you.

Jennie Young

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Old 02-18-2006, 11:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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that is heavy luvmy2boys. I agree, it is good to get it out. You have to name it to change it. I guess it really depends on finacial situations. I mean ideally you could have a mother's helper . . . but who can afford that! My family is also very isolated from family and my friends have their own little ones to deal with. There are solutions. I am sure you will find one that works for your family.

Thinking of you sisters.
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Old 02-18-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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Oh, mamas...I wish I could hug you all...
I could have written most of the posts here. I can't tell you how glad I am not to be so alone. I feel like such a failure as a mom sometimes for being 'mean'. How can I treat these blessings in such a harsh way? Mothering is one of the hardest jobs there is...

"There have been times that I just cry and rock my boys after I yell...sigh." ~yeah, luvmy2boys, me too....
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Old 02-18-2006, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ok . . . Dh is away. Spent last night (night 5 with 3 yo vomitting) and the 9 month old is stuffed up so badly he can't nurse and will only sleep with me sitting in a chair barely. But I am managing . . . everything in fine. The babe is up at 6:00 - 9:00 roles around and he needs his nap and has been cranky for at least 21/2 hours. So I get the 3yo all set up. Books, games, snacks, and I tell him quiet, if you really really need something creep up stairs really quietly and get mommy. baby is sleeping for 20 minutes and what do I hear MOmmy Mommy mommy . . . on and on for 5 minutes. But I can't move or respond lest I wake baby. Then all the crying wakes him and I go down stairs and freak and of course ds had had a huge loose stool in a tupperware container which in my fury I kicked and sent poop EVERYWHERE> god help me . Well o.k. now I need to patch things up with DS. Am I expecting to much of him? Should he be able to stay quietly playing while I help baby nap for 40 minutes?
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Old 02-18-2006, 01:59 PM
 
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I need to get offline right now, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been brave enough to share their experiences. Even knowing others struggle with the same thing is helpful to me.
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Old 02-18-2006, 02:56 PM
 
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I am here....haven't had a chance to read all the post...but I am feeling that I have found a home here....
Subbing for now...when I had a moment today I will thru and post more....THANK YOU for starting this thread!!!!!! all around
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Old 02-19-2006, 01:55 AM
 
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I haven't read every post here, but. The rage to me feels like a totally natural reaction to being left alone to care for small children, something I truly believe is not 'natural' for our species. (Can you imagine some cavewoman trying to hunt and gather, make shelter etc while also looking after a bunch of small kids alone?? Didn't happen, was groups of people doing it together) Yet our culture gives us the powerful message that mothers ARE supposed to do it all alone. Even MDC has a bit of this myth about it, the perfect selfless AP earth mother in harmony with her babies and the universe (and the many less-than-pleasant comments about women who use even part-time day care, even send their kids to preschool).

I am a single mom whose ex takes care of our son (age 3) probably as much as I do (even more, sometimes); we also do a babysitting trade with another family and he goes to preschool 3 mornings a week. Though I do miss him when he's with his dad, and sometimes feel he's away from me too much, I KNOW that part of the reason he has so far (knock on wood ) turned out to be a pretty easygoing kid is because he rarely has to deal with exhausted, isolated parents. (Well, I didn't have the greatest time last week, but...) My ex and I have something closer to an equal parenting relationship than anyone I know, and because of it neither one of us is frequently sent to the end of our ropes. Most of the time, our son gets warm, loving care by a small group of people who don't usually have him long enough at one time to become overwhelmed and enraged, if I can be so blunt.

So I think one of the mysterious external places this rage comes from is the cultural expectation that we are supposed to do it all alone. Then we get beat up both by ourselves and by society if we don't love this. Even our response to it is so often a problem with OURSELVES that we are supposed to fix by ourselves. (like trying to fix global warming by buying yourself a Prius.) Look where this thread is--in Personal Growth. But in some ways I think that is exactly the wrong approach. It's the way our culture structures our families and our everyday lives, making everything about individuality. If it was normal for us to raise our children with the everyday help of family and friends, I bet there wouldn't be as much rage. I wonder if it's not so much about personal failings but rather the failure of society to take child-raising seriously as everyone's responsibility.
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Old 02-19-2006, 02:47 AM
 
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Wow, fuller2
I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying. Those feelings of isolation, and the 'I shoudl be able to do this by myself' tape that runs through my mind...despite the fact thtat its NOT natural...Thank you for posting that.
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Old 02-19-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgraine
ok . . . Dh is away. Spent last night (night 5 with 3 yo vomitting) and the 9 month old is stuffed up so badly he can't nurse and will only sleep with me sitting in a chair barely. But I am managing . . . everything in fine. The babe is up at 6:00 - 9:00 roles around and he needs his nap and has been cranky for at least 21/2 hours. So I get the 3yo all set up. Books, games, snacks, and I tell him quiet, if you really really need something creep up stairs really quietly and get mommy. baby is sleeping for 20 minutes and what do I hear MOmmy Mommy mommy . . . on and on for 5 minutes. But I can't move or respond lest I wake baby. Then all the crying wakes him and I go down stairs and freak and of course ds had had a huge loose stool in a tupperware container which in my fury I kicked and sent poop EVERYWHERE> god help me . Well o.k. now I need to patch things up with DS.
Am I expecting too much of him? Should he be able to stay quietly playing while I help baby nap for 40 minutes?
First of all, I admire your honesty so much.

You have the two kids right? One is 9 months, the other is 3?

I've got to tell you, if there were ever a time i truly doubted myself as a mother, as a caring and compassionate, loving humane woman, it was when I had the two boys at about the same age difference as you. I could tell you things, I could tell you stories, I could write you books, on how horrible I was at mothering. Reading your posts, I don't think I have to. You know what it is like.

I really want to reply to your questions but I have to think about it for a little bit. I want to remember what it was like at that point and decide if there were anything I think I could have done differently. I am still living with this rage, but it was stronger with 2 children than it is with 3.

I have to say, I think this is important. I think, having 1, I was like, "oh, cute. look at me. i am a mama. aren't i sweet. isn't my little boy sweet. aren't we just the sweetest little family.".... pregnancy strikes....
not so sweet.
having 2 was hard. went from fun with a touch of crazy to crazy with a touch of fun. with 2 i started to think i actually never existed the way i remembered in my mind. i thought, maybe i had made up that other person who was going to be a folk mama.
ahhhh. 3. at this point. when i found at i was pregnant even, and believed it, being a mama became a job. i don't really mean this in a bad way. but 3 children wiped out all possibility of ever returning to the life i once knew. it was a good thing, for me.

having 3, i was like, "hey look at me, i can do this. i have 3 boys. no god would give me 3 boys if i couldn't handle it." (...i consider myself to be of no religion but believe strongly in something bigger than us...) i felt proud and strong and wise.

i still have bad hours, days, weeks... but i can pull out of it better... and i don't freak on the boys the way i did (maybe still once a month i come close or do a little). imho, i believe this is b'c i stopped focussing on hating being a mama (ie: lack of sleep, lack of adequate nourishment, lack of personal space and time - lack of support&friends i still hate), and i started just BEING A MAMA. i started taking homeschooling a lot more seriously (actually explained to the oldest what this would mean and we currently home-pre-school, not because i think it is important to start early, but because i thought it was important to set him apart from his littler brothers and give him something to do when i had to be occupied with humbler undertakings.)

i still haven't answered your questions, which i bolded, because i am not ready to yet. i asked myself those same questions at one point and nothing i did to change seemed to help. if i wasn't angry at him for being too little, i was angry at myself for having no life/sleep, or angry at the baby for being a baby. but i will think on it.

Jennie Young

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Old 02-19-2006, 04:47 PM
 
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After i got away for a month with the two boys to visit folks my head was really clear and i felt okay about things. i didn't really lose it for like 3 or 4 months after these visits, our home was so peaceful and i actually forgot what it sounded like to yell. when i got home i talked to dh and we came up with some sort of game plan for dealing with my attitude.

basically, it was simply to pretend to be what i wished i was.

here it is:

1. i will not yell at the boys just because i want to prove (to whoever is listening or not) how hard my hour, day, life is. or how bad they or one of them has just been.

[I]the thing with this was i really found that i was feeding my anger (turning it into rage) by verbally expressing what had just happened. everybody involved knew darn well whatever had just happened and i was standing there in the midst of it yelling, "you just poured all of the dirt onto the floor. you have dirt all over you. do you know how long it is going to take me to clean this mess up? i can't believe you just did this. go to your room, no, go to a time out! how could you?...." i was turning a little thing into a huge thing by reminding myself of what had just happened.
2. if i feel the urge to be rough with one of them i will fight it back. i will hug and love them, my hands will be gentle and loving.


3. when dh comes home i will tell him all the good things about the day first.

4. when i tuck the oldest into bed i will have him tell me his best part of the day, and his worst. we will talk about it.

5. everynight i will confess to myself and dh anything i did or said that i shouldn't have and i will forgive myself.
journalling comes in here

6. i will understand that i am an adult and can at least pretend to change over night. my boys are just little guys and they need my example to follow. i cannot follow their example.
what this meant for me was, i can't act like a monster because they are, and i can't expect them to be patient just because i am.

i have no idea if this will help anyone. it did help me but i wonder if it wasn't the conviction to do it more than anything.

Jennie Young

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Old 02-19-2006, 09:05 PM
 
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thanks mams for being here.....
lots of good ideas0- my aunt and uncle were here this weekend.... ds did NOT want them to leave..... i knoe it was because he did not want mean crazy sometimes happy- sometimes not- mommy back.....
i need to get help and make a change.
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Old 02-20-2006, 02:28 PM
 
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Oh Morgraine... You are in such a rough patch right now. I don't know if you're expecting too much. I mean, my ds still can't play alone for 40 minutes...and he's seven. It's all personality.

I've been doing somewhat better. Red recommended that I try some rescue remedy and the stuff works magic.

We had a very stressful week last week and over the top stressful weekend. I lost ds in Target last Saturday night. We found him....15 minutes later. Then the girls decided to cut their own hair, and I did not react well at all. And then my cleaning lady cancelled on Wed, rescheduled for Friday--I had a dinner party planned for Sunday. She cancelled on Friday as well. DD1 was sick on Friday, terrible croup on Friday night, Satuday we had a birthday party that we had to go to, and ds has hockey and his end of season pizza party. Dd1 was soooo sick, but being that dh is still deployed, I had to do it all myself, so I dosed her up with meds. and out we went. There's more to this part of the story, but I'm not posting it here.

So, I'm spending all day Friday cleaning house, I had to hire my sitter to come over and stay with the girls so that I could get my groceries for the party on Sunday (another almost $20 out of the budget). Saturday, comes and goes. Sunday comes and the house is still a mess. Dd2 is now sick. I have a sore throat and a cough. Cleaning frantically.

Guests arrive to a clean house(well the areas they could see anyway! ) and a nicely cooked meal. Children are at least dressed and if you knew my girls, that's an accomplishments in itself!

Not once did I give into the rage. Not once did I feel out of control. I got angry. I expressed that anger (I even raised my voice a few times) but I did NOT yell, scream, kick or hit anything. I did not punish them.

Why? Because I forcibly removed myself from situations. I decided that I will be the mother of that toddler...if they cannot handle something, they need to be removed from the situation. I spent some time in my bathroom But I was able to hold off the rage.

Maybe in posting here and reading your stories, adn the things that have worked for all of you, and knowing that I Am Not Alone. helped me so very much.
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Old 02-20-2006, 02:39 PM
 
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I also find 'spending time in the bathroom' has helped me to keep myself from completely exploding. I will sometimes say to the kids that 'mommy needs a time-out for a couple minutes'. What I really need is 3 hours, but that couple minutes will do in that moment.
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Old 02-20-2006, 03:09 PM
 
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I am so loving this thread! I FEEL the rage often, it started after ds 2 was born and I suffered ppd terribly. I thought the rage was ppd related, and I am sure it was as it is not as bad now(2 years on) than it was then. But I HATE the rage. My dh says I have a monster face on and he makes me feel so bad for the rage but literally I am with ds 2 ALL day and have been for his whole 2 years of life. I have never left him with anyone or had a little break or anything so yeah, the rage is inevitable in my opinion! DH doesnt have to put up with ds in the kitchen underfoot as I am tryhing to cook/clean, etc(gates dont fit the doorway and dh is too lazy to build something)Luckily I am blessed with the BEST 2yo in the world who can play alone for over an hour, takes 2 hour naps a day and sleeps 12 hours at night most of the time. BUT I still feel the rage.!! I am going to start doing the bathroom thing. I think my rage stems from guilt of ppd and I feel so angry for suffering and not bonding with ds2 as I would have loved to even though I wore him for 6 months , etc..I couldnt breastfeed due to medications and I just HATE myself when I look at my beautiful son and think I didnt give him all he needed in his first year and I feel like a horrible mom 99% of the time because of my ppd when I yelled at him when he was a baby and told him to SHUT THE F**K up(yes i did ) when he was screaming nonstop. I know it wasnt me, but I have these feelings of guilt like you wouldnt believe and dh just doesnt understand. Thankfully I am better now 100% from ppd but how do I deal with the guilt? Thanks for the long vent here.

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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Old 02-21-2006, 01:57 PM
 
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reading...trying to catch up with all of you.
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:26 PM
 
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I'm subbing to this thread so that I can find it to come back to later. Lots of great insights so far, mamas. Thank you for sharing!
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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Morgaine...

I posted earlier but it got lost in the shuffle...but I had some thoughts that might help.

First, ! Having two sick kids to deal with on your own is totally overwhelming, add to that sleep deprivation and it's a very, very difficult situation (single mom of two, btdt). You're doing great, even if it feels overwhelming...you're trying to meet everyone's needs. It may be that for the time, that's actually impossible, so it's a balancing act.

As for your 3yo, I know that mine could spend that long...but probably not w/o TV (which I use when desperate...movies 1-2x a week, for mamas sanity. Then we "re-enact" them to make it, well, more interactive). But I guess even a good kid, if faced with diarrhea (which I'm guess loose stool from a very sick kiddo would be), can't really help that. Ok, maybe thinking the tupperware bowl was a good depository is a total lapse of judgment, but for a 3yo, perhaps he thought that would be best So I guess, I'd say expect what your particular kid can handle, don't feel bad about relying on crutches when you're limping, and be understanding about things that can't be helped.

Oh, and one other idea that might help others...my aunt told me as soon as dd1 was born to, "Don't get mad get a camera," when there was some major obvious overwhelming mess. Though I didn't realize it at the time, she was probably referring to her way of getting past the rage, and it's helped me some...like the time that dd1 and dd2 got makeup all over their bodies from dd1's princess makeup kit...I took a few good pictures, and stayed calm. (Okay, full disclosure...once I realized that dd1 had actually put makeup inside her 1yo sister's EARS, the beast came out, but at first I handled it well). Used sparingly, I think this is a good tension breaker...so we do keep our camera handy.

HTHs, , take care!
Jennifer
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Old 02-24-2006, 03:56 AM
 
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Hi mamas,

I've been living without a computer for about a week now! It feels really good to be back!

Wow, we've had some amazing posts since I've been gone I'm susrprised the thread has slowed down..........

luvmy2boyz- congratulations on the twins!!!!!! How exciting and equally scary! I know that these children will only enrich your lives and help you to become the best mama you can be. They chose you because you are the perfect mama for them. I'm so excited for you, and you have to have faith that it will all work out. I think you HAVE to find a community where you feel supported. Is there an LLL chapter where you live? That would be a good place to start. I'll try to think of more resources for you. What state are you in now? HTH We are here for you mama

fulller2 - I thought your post was amazing. I really identified with feeling like I'm in it alone. I totally agree that society is extremely unsupportive to women esp. new mothers and birthing women (this includes children as well). I am doing what I can in my community to support mothers and help to create the 'tribe' that is so despretely needed. We need to talk about this topic more, so that we can learn how to make the change happen. No one is going to do it for us.

jenniey - Again, another amazing post. You totally inspired me to take action. I think what you posted is an important step for all of us to take. Make a game plan, set some goals, create a new path to follow. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us, thank you for taking that leap.

Morgaine - dear, sweet mama, I feel your pain. My two little ones are 15 months apart (27m & 12m ). The hardest part of my day is getting the baby to sleep. I swear it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's gotten alot better though. I usually let dd watch tv while i nurse the baby down. I try to wait as long as i can before putting her down so in case dd comes in the room or make noise, I know baby will be too tired to care. It sounds like you stay in the room while baby naps (???) or does it take 40mins to get baby down? In any case it can be the most frustrating thing in the world. I think it is alot to ask of a toddler but what choice to we have? You are doing a wonderful job, and it will only get easier. Let us know if you need more brainstorming. mama.

So the last thing I wanted to talk about was this show (well fundraiser thingy) on PBS with a woman named Christine Northrup. She has written a book called "Mother, Daughter Wisdom". She also has adapted the material in the book into a seminar. That is what I saw. And what I saw just about ;blew my mind. I think it is completely relivant to what we are all going through. I believe that this woman will make a huge difference in our soicety with the information she has researched. It is amazing, life-changing, evolutionary and also very spiritual.

SO HERE IS YOUR HOMEWORK: Check out Christine Northrup's at http://drnorthrup.com and tell us what you think.

Oh by the way, I'm doing really, really well. I haven't yelled for two days. I've been super mellow and choosen to let things slide a little more. I've also tried to be more loving and compassionate when I was feeling stress or hostility come on. It has worked so far. I'm keeping you all in my heart everyday. Thank you for your support.

namaste
cecily
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Old 02-24-2006, 05:59 AM
 
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Oh my god, I just watched that PBS show just last night! A friend let me borrow it--It was definitely eye-opening for me. I have been blaming my mom for lots of things but it is in OUR hands to take charge of our own "legacy". I wish I could have watched it with my mom but that is not going to happen...

PS I've been reading this whole thread and it has been very helpful. I lose my temper at night when dd won't go to sleep and all the advice has been wonderful. I feel like I am healing myself from the inside.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella'smamma
:

Hi mamas,

I've been living without a computer for about a week now! It feels really good to be back!

Wow, we've had some amazing posts since I've been gone I'm susrprised the thread has slowed down..........

luvmy2boyz- congratulations on the twins!!!!!! How exciting and equally scary! I know that these children will only enrich your lives and help you to become the best mama you can be. They chose you because you are the perfect mama for them. I'm so excited for you, and you have to have faith that it will all work out. I think you HAVE to find a community where you feel supported. Is there an LLL chapter where you live? That would be a good place to start. I'll try to think of more resources for you. What state are you in now? HTH We are here for you mama

fulller2 - I thought your post was amazing. I really identified with feeling like I'm in it alone. I totally agree that society is extremely unsupportive to women esp. new mothers and birthing women (this includes children as well). I am doing what I can in my community to support mothers and help to create the 'tribe' that is so despretely needed. We need to talk about this topic more, so that we can learn how to make the change happen. No one is going to do it for us.

jenniey - Again, another amazing post. You totally inspired me to take action. I think what you posted is an important step for all of us to take. Make a game plan, set some goals, create a new path to follow. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us, thank you for taking that leap.

Morgaine - dear, sweet mama, I feel your pain. My two little ones are 15 months apart (27m & 12m ). The hardest part of my day is getting the baby to sleep. I swear it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's gotten alot better though. I usually let dd watch tv while i nurse the baby down. I try to wait as long as i can before putting her down so in case dd comes in the room or make noise, I know baby will be too tired to care. It sounds like you stay in the room while baby naps (???) or does it take 40mins to get baby down? In any case it can be the most frustrating thing in the world. I think it is alot to ask of a toddler but what choice to we have? You are doing a wonderful job, and it will only get easier. Let us know if you need more brainstorming. mama.

So the last thing I wanted to talk about was this show (well fundraiser thingy) on PBS with a woman named Christine Northrup. She has written a book called "Mother, Daughter Wisdom". She also has adapted the material in the book into a seminar. That is what I saw. And what I saw just about ;blew my mind. I think it is completely relivant to what we are all going through. I believe that this woman will make a huge difference in our soicety with the information she has researched. It is amazing, life-changing, evolutionary and also very spiritual.

SO HERE IS YOUR HOMEWORK: Check out Christine Northrup's at http://drnorthrup.com and tell us what you think.

Oh by the way, I'm doing really, really well. I haven't yelled for two days. I've been super mellow and choosen to let things slide a little more. I've also tried to be more loving and compassionate when I was feeling stress or hostility come on. It has worked so far. I'm keeping you all in my heart everyday. Thank you for your support.

namaste
cecily
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pbandj
Oh my god, I just watched that PBS show just last night! A friend let me borrow it--It was definitely eye-opening for me.

I love Christine Northrup! I would love to see that PBS show. I have her MOther-Daughter book, but loaned it to sil about 6 mos ago and haven't gotten it back yet . I refer to her book Womens Bodies Womens Wisdom quite often.
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Old 02-24-2006, 01:17 PM
 
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I ordered some and god-willing it gets here SOON! I unfortunately have even been smoking occasionally to relieve stress...a crutch I told myself I would never go back to but...
I feel so exhausted most of the time and I finally had read where someone had tried rescue remedy and it worked wonderfully?! I hope so. I hate the smell of cigs but have found no other outlet as of yet. I know it doesn't help that we are in Germany..away from anyone and letsjust say most mommies and I don't see eye to eye. I feel overwhelmed sometimes and for some reason my DH just doesn't get it. He sympathizes that I am tired especially with DS being up a lot at night lately, but he doesn't understand why staying at home is so stressful sometimes. It's not that I don't like it, I wouldn't want it any other way honestly. It's hard to find time to even shower and I only have one child, I can't even imagine being some of your shoes having 2 or 3 or 4 even! I do want more as I said before, I just don't know if it will get easier or harder I just try so hard to have dinner done, laundry done, diapers washed, beds made, floors swept and mopped, dishes done, playing with DS and trying to make sure I am bonding enough, BF, bathing DS and hopefully somewhere in there finding time to bathe myself...which seems like a chore most times. I always feel like I am complaining too much..on here..to DH etc. But what other vents do we have? Like some of you have said earlier, we are social..and yet how do you transition from being social to being in the house all day every day? How do you find a balance where you don't feel like you want to scream? How do you manage to keep yourself sane enough to feel like you are being a good mom? It is all a lot harder than I had anticipated, but as with anything else. .. One day at a time! like our very own 12 step program I know that with you mamas, it helps to kinda know I am not alone in this. That I am not a bad person because of what I feel and think. And like everyone else I am just struggling to find peace with myself.
Thank you ladies!

~About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. ~
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:13 PM
 
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Old 02-24-2006, 02:33 PM
 
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Hi mamas..Ive had the rage again today. DS is not sleeping well now and I am so tired, and also on top of that,he wont eat. I pulled my mean mommy monster face at him at lunch when he wouldnt touch his spagetti and then I thought about the mamas and things and the look on his face and I stopped. I calmly got up, put the spagetti(bowl too sorry lol) in the trash and said.Oh well, you wont eat. That was it. Later...he will eat the darn spagetti! He ended up eating some cheese and bread, hey, better than nothing. I am so worried. and when I worry, the rage is terrible. What is ds is anaemic? He sure hasnt been eating well at all, and veggies are off limits now for him. I am going to have to find a way to feed him! Dh is being a pain in the butt this week too. I am having a hard time dealing with him with smiles. Thank god he hasnt wanted *lovin* this week lol. I would have probably pulled a bobbit on him lol.: Oh well, at least the weekend is coming. Not that it makes a difference! But at least I know I dont have to cook tomorrow(we usually eat an indian dinner then)

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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Old 02-24-2006, 03:27 PM
 
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hi mamas. Just checking in...,... I feel I am doing a bit better- dh is still not convinced- but we are honestly talking about it which helps.
I found that my major trigger is when ds wants to nurse- so I am more actively trying to wean him. Weaning him has GOT to be better- than treating him the way I do when he wants to nurse. It is killing me- but i can not nurse him anymore- he is 2 years and 8 months old. And when he wants to nurse I want to hit him. So- enough of that. Luckily I do not feel the same way about the baby! It is just that ds wants to nurse ALL DAY long... which I think results in my bad attitude towards him.... so it is a vicsous circle,
I have also found that when he does not do what I say- I either shut down- or freak out. Like- why is he drawing on my walls AGAIN!!!!!!
Anyhow- I am glad I ran across this thread- it helps to know I am not alone...
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Old 02-24-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Emilie~ I find that the rage comes when nursing, too... we're in a different situation, as you know... but when she goes to nurse & isn't gentle ( sometimes she uses her teeth every time we nurse for days on end: ) it takes so much effort not to scream or even hit her. I can't imagine how bad it would be if I had a little nursling in addition to that. I continue to nurse her out of "duty" but don't feel like it's good for either of us to have so much tension & resentment. I'm setting more & more nursing limits just for my sanity.

FEDUP~ I find myself getting upset when dd won't eat, also- coupled w/the infrequency of our nursing at times, .. because I am worried she's not getting enough. It stirikes a raw nerve & I find myself jumping thru hoops and feeling guilty if I don't give her food every time she asks. And sometimes it's a day-long battle of "mama, I'm HUNGRY", I get her something that she asks for " I don't WANT that" and throws it... this was the scenario the last time I became enraged. It was Tuesday, and after I had opened/cut 3 different pieces of fruit, served them on plate or at her chair or whatever & she threw the apples at me... I roared at her, removed her from her chair & put her in the crib (glad it's good for something ) w/some color-safe markers/book & turned the music up until lunch was ready & dh was home(about 20 min later). I felt like such a monster, and a little later she said "mama, remember when you were acting ugly?" ... and I said I did, and I was very sorry... that mommy really needed a time-out for that one... and then she said "and remember, I was acting ugly, too?". Aw, it made me cry a little, and we had a great afternoon.. we seemed to have more compassion, understanding for eachother.


I'm running out of time, I wish I could respond to everyone here!! I'm always so comforted to read of other's experience w/this..like everyone has said... it just helps so much to feel like I'm not alone. THis is something that happens to us given this situation... same thing that happened to our moms & their moms, too... now that we know, it's our job to break the cycle, we need eachother for support & guidance.

Blessings, Kelly
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